Sorrows of Adoration (17 page)

I sat proudly in the
saddle and said, “If you can’t behave, perhaps I should ride with
him.”

His face fell as he
pretended to sulk. “Very well, I’ll be good.”

“Very well then.” We
rode quietly for a few minutes, I trying my best not to smile at
him. It didn’t work. He was such a silly fool.

Eventually he leaned to
whisper in my ear again, saying, “But there was lust in your
kiss.”

I made a move as if I
intended to grab the reins and stop the horse, though of course I
would never do anything so foolishly dangerous. He put them in one
hand and held them far to the side above my legs, where I could not
reach them. He laughed and said, “Sorry, sorry, I’ll be good. I
promise.”

I tried again to give
him a reproachful look to imply that he had better behave, but his
false look of innocence made me laugh. I shook my head at him,
unable to stop smiling. He was being a beast, all the worse for
knowing I did truly enjoy his naughtiness.

I rested my head
against him again, and he put his arms back around me to take the
reins in both hands again. He kissed my forehead gently and said,
“See? I can be good. I’ll do whatever you wish, Aenna, so long as
you stay with me.”

I felt immediately
guilty for hurting him by leaving. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t
want to go.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean
that. I know you felt that you had to. I understand that, and I
don’t blame you,” he said seriously and then smiled again. “I just
meant I don’t want you to call Jarik back here.”

“Because you don’t want
me to ride with him, or because you’re afraid he’ll cause you
injury?”

He laughed loudly and
said, “Both!”

“Does he frequently
injure you?”

“No, not really. When
we were boys we wrestled all the time, all in good fun, as boys are
wont to do. Then he grew so much bigger than I. Probably because I
had to take more indoor classes, and he had to study more arts of
battle, not to mention the extra two years of age he had on his
side. Our play fighting became dangerous; he once accidentally
dislocated my shoulder. He felt guilty for a long time but seems to
be over that now,” he said sarcastically. “Now he’s such a skilled
warrior that he can knock me senseless before I can even react, and
if I try the same on him, I pay for it.”

I schooled my
expression to not reveal that I knew that well, having heard them
the night before. “And do you think he’d knock you senseless if he
knew how wretchedly naughty you were a moment ago?”

He gave me a wry look
and then said innocently, “I’m being good now, so I won’t indulge
that with a response.”

“That’s very sweet,” I
replied with a kiss on his cheek, making him smile. “You’re more
like brothers than cousins.”

Kurit nodded. “The fact
is, I like that he is too fast for any trick I try. It’s reassuring
to know that I’m less likely to be assassinated when he’s around. I
greatly admire his skill. But,” he said, waving his finger at me in
mock threat, “if you tell him I said that, I’ll deny it, and then
when we’re alone I’ll tickle you until you scream.”

“Beast,” I said and
then laughed. He pretended to glare at me, saying nothing, though I
could tell he wanted to.

“You’ll injure
yourself,” I teased, “biting your tongue so hard.”

He gave me that wry
look again and retorted, “You don’t play fairly.”

“Oh?”

“You tease me, but if I
tease you, you threaten to summon Lord Righteousness up there to
come and beat me.”

“Oh, dear,” I said,
trying to be sympathetic. “I’m sorry.” I kissed his cheek again.
“I’ll behave as well, then.”

He nuzzled against me
and growled into my ear so close that it tickled, “I’d rather you
didn’t.”

I looked at him,
wide-eyed at his blunt words of lust, and promptly gave him my
elbow in the ribs.

He recoiled and moaned,
pretending I had injured him far worse than I knew I had. “Fine
then,” he said, a silly pout on his lips. “I’ll just sit here and
let you both beat on me.”

He was so endearing,
pretending to be wounded when I knew all too well that he had meant
to illicit an outraged response. I knew by then that he took great
enjoyment in making me blush. His cute little pout was just too
much to let go, though, so I kissed him apologetically.

I had meant it to be a
quick and sweet kiss, but he held my head to his own and made it a
fiery and passionate one. The tip of his tongue brushed my lips,
and I returned the gesture, making him moan softly in delight. We
kissed for some time, and I could feel his arousal as the horse’s
movement rocked him against my hip. My desire was horribly
unladylike, and I didn’t care.

When finally he ended
the barrage of kissing, he moved the hand that had held my head to
caress my cheek tenderly. I could not tell if the love in his eyes
was from arousal or innocent adoration. Breathlessly he whispered,
so quietly that I almost could not hear him, “Do what you will to
me. I’m yours.”

Then he pulled me to
him, and I rested my head on his chest once more. I wrapped my arms
tightly around him, wondering how I possibly could have thought I
could live without this man. We managed to behave ourselves for the
rest of the ride to Endren, choosing instead to remain locked in an
embrace that would undoubtedly be the last time we could be so
close until we were wed.

NIGHT FELL, AND we were
still an hour from the city by the men’s estimates. Kurit cradled
me to him protectively, which made me wonder if they knew something
about this area that I did not. Perhaps it was known for bandits or
thieves.

“Why are you so
worried?” I asked him as the horses galloped at high speed.

He smiled at me
reassuringly and said, “Everything is fine, Aenna.”

“Don’t patronize me,” I
chastised. “I’m not afraid of the dark, nor am I afraid to be out
in it. But your obvious concern since the sun went down is making
me afraid.”

He gave me a tender
glance, keeping his eyes mostly on the road where they belonged.
“It’s just more dangerous to be out at night. It’s easier to miss a
hole in the road that can injure one’s horse; it’s easier for
thieves to hide in ambush. But we’ll be home soon. I won’t let
anything bad happen to you, Aenna. I would never let anyone hurt
you.”

He spoke the truth, for
we did reach the south gates to Endren safely. As they admitted
us—the gates being locked already for the night—he bent to kiss my
cheek and said, “See? I told you I’d keep you safe.” Then he turned
to the guard as we passed and said, “You saw only Jarik and I
arrive. There was no one with me.”

“Yes, Your Highness.
Welcome home,” the guard replied in salute.

“Why did you say that?”
I asked as we rode through the gate area.

“He doesn’t want the
Queen to suspect you’re here,” Jarik replied. He stopped his horse
and dismounted. “Kurit, I’ll take Aenna to the temple, if you’ll
guide both horses back.”

“I suppose that would
be best. The pubs will empty soon, and I shouldn’t be seen just yet
with you or rumours will fly,” Kurit said as he helped me dismount
into Jarik’s kindly waiting hands.

I felt awfully stiff,
and the leg that had been pushed up against the horn of the saddle
was numb. Jarik held my arm as I walked to stretch it.

Kurit dismounted as
well and came to me. Jarik stepped back to give us a moment in
relative privacy.

“I won’t be able to see
you for a few days,” he said to me tenderly as we embraced.

“I shall be fine.”

“I know. Jarik will be
there for you. Don’t hesitate to call on him for whatever you
need.”

“He’s a good
friend.”

“Indeed he is. He likes
you very much, Aenna. I think he fancies himself your protector
more than mine.”

I nodded. “I know a
secret,” I whispered. When Kurit looked at me inquisitively, I
continued, “He stood watch outside my door last night. I saw him,
through the keyhole.”

Kurit glanced in
Jarik’s direction and nodded. “You weren’t supposed to know that.
Don’t tell him that you saw him. He’ll be embarrassed.” He caressed
my cheek, and I could not resist the temptation to move my face
against his hand. His touch was so sweet, and I had ached for it
while I had been away from him. He kissed me tenderly, a kiss full
of worry over the imminent separation.

“I love you,” I
whispered when our lips parted. He held me tightly, only letting go
when Jarik’s polite cough prompted us to finish our temporary
good-byes.

“When you come to me
next, when I announce you are to be my bride, we shall not be
separated again. Not by anything,” he said. I could tell by the
eloquence of his words and the manner in which they were delivered
that he had rehearsed the farewell in his mind for some time,
perhaps the whole ride that day. But rehearsed or not, it was very
sweet, and I admit that I felt somewhat weak-kneed in his
embrace.

Jarik stood beside us
and offered me his arm. I laughed softly. “You both make me feel
like such a lady,” I said, putting my arm in Jarik’s while still
holding Kurit’s hand.

In perfect, absurd
unison they both replied, “You are a lady.” I burst into very
unladylike laughter as a result. They chuckled as well.

Then Kurit’s face grew
serious. “Take care of her,” he charged.

“On my honour, she
shall be well cared for until you meet again,” Jarik solemnly said.
I suppressed a shiver. Their sudden formality was strange and
somewhat eerie.

Kurit nodded at Jarik,
kissed my hand, and then left with the horses. Jarik and I stood,
arm in arm, watching him disappear around the first corner.

“The Temple is not
far,” Jarik said softly, and I let him lead me away.

“He’ll be safe going
home alone?”

“Along that road, yes.
There are dangerous parts of town, naturally, but the main road is
well guarded, and he doesn’t have far to go.”

We walked quietly for a
bit after that, but at that late hour our footsteps echoed about
the high walls of the houses. The homes were joined in rows, narrow
but tall. Light peeked out of the shutters from a few windows, but
for the most part the city slept.

“It looks so
different,” I whispered.

A perplexed look
crossed his face. “How so?”

“I’ve never seen Endren
without snow.”

“Ah,” he said.

A loud noise erupted
from a pub down the street, and two very drunk men came out,
singing rowdy songs. Their sudden appearance startled me, and Jarik
noticed my jolt.

“Fear not, Aenna. They
mean us no harm, and no one could harm you as long as I am with
you.”

“Oh, I know. It was the
sudden interruption to the stillness that startled me.”

“Of course.” He nodded
seriously. “It’s hard to remember that you’re used to drunkenness.
I confess I find the notion disturbing.”

“
Jarik,” I
started to say reassuringly, “what we spoke of last night is truly
a rare occurrence
 
…”

“No, not that. The
image of you labouring, scrubbing tables, fetching ale for
ungrateful drunkards. It bothers me.” He sighed. “I’ve only known
you a short time, but I’ve found you to be very bright and
incredibly noble. No one of such high honour should have to waste
their mind on trivial, manual tasks. It disturbs me to think that
there may be others like you, people who, by their actions, are
more deserving of the title of nobility than some of the wretches
who have been born to it.”

“There are such
people,” I said. “Surely, this cannot be a new concept to you?”

“I am ashamed to say
that it is. When one is raised in the comfort of the highest class,
it is hard to imagine that one’s servant might be one’s
intellectual superior. That is not to say that it is appropriate to
abuse or disdain those of lower class, and I swear to you, I have
made a concerted effort to not do anything of the sort. But I admit
that I never considered, as example, that the woman who sweeps the
Great Hall might secretly be a genius.”

For some time, I did
not know how to respond. I had thought this failing of class would
be obvious. It certainly was to those of us at the bottom.
Eventually I replied, “I suppose then, that’s why the Queen
dislikes me. If a peasant can be worthy of her son—”

“Then her butler may be
worthy of holding land, or her maid worthy of gracious respect.”
Jarik nodded. “You won’t change that, Aenna. Please, don’t go on a
quest to eliminate class. That’s been attempted before, through
revolts, through other marriages between classes, and though some
may rise and prove themselves worthy, they are considered rare gems
in the rough, not indications of lower class ability. Don’t run
yourself into the ground trying to change people who firmly do not
wish to be changed.”

“There is no hope,
then,” I said, for I had been thinking of precisely that.

“I wouldn’t say that.
You’ve enlightened me. You’ve got Kurit’s head spinning so fast he
can’t remember what class he’s in, let alone care what yours is.
When you prove to the naysayers that you are worthy—and you will,
Aenna, truly you will—then that shall be more powerful a message
than any grandiose speeches of equality.”

Having reached the
steps of the Temple, he stopped and took my hands in his own. “I
just don’t want to see you battle against stupidity and drive
yourself mad in the process. I could not bear to see you hurt. Know
that you are worthy, Aenna. If you doubt Kurit because he loves you
and you suspect it has made him blind to reality, I understand
that. But my head is clear, and I tell you without the slightest
doubt that you will be a better wife and a better Queen to him than
any of the so-called noblewomen living in that palace. Believe me,
Aenna—I know of what I speak.”