Soul Avenged (Sons of Wrath, #1) (40 page)

“I’m supposed
to allow you to waltz back into the Alexi, based on a
hunch
you have from a dream?”

“Yes. Aren’t
your visions like dreams?”

“What will
this serve? If you become one of the Alexi again, your quest for
revenge is a little low on the list of priorities, don’t you
agree?”

“The wolf that
attacked me is the wolf that attacked Kane. They’re after him, and
if they find him, I’m afraid the entire pack will take him down. I
have a feeling they don’t want him as one of their own.”

“Never by your
own volition.” He smiled, shaking his head. “What do
you
want, Ayden?”

“I don’t
know.” She rested her forehead on her palm. “Ever since becoming an
Alexi, I’ve been driven by hate. Kill. Fight. Hate some more. For
years, I tracked these bastards, severed so many heads I could
probably start a landfill. Always for an empty cause.” She lifted
her head and sniffed. “I can never bring back whatever it is I lost
the night I was attacked. And I may never know what exactly I lost.
But I can do something good, for once. I can save a man’s
life.”

“You don’t
think you’ve been saving lives by killing lycans?”

“Yes, but how
many more replace the ones we kill, Gavin? Every day they grow
bigger.”

“It’s
fruitless at times, but heroic measures often are. That’s not the
point. Is there no other way?”

“Do you think
I’d be coming to you, asking you for this, if there was?” She
turned away from him. “There will be a series of injections. I
trust that you will administer them for me.”

“You’re asking
me to save him at the expense of the woman I care about.” He gave a
sharp nod toward the door. “I don’t give a shit about that
halfling.”

“I’m too
valuable to Wade.”

“There are
many forms of death in this world. Pick your poison.”

“I will be
made an example to the others for deserting. He will attempt to
hurt me. But I’ve lived through it before. And I’ll live through it
again.”

Gavin
shrugged. “And what happens when he uses Kane against you? When
your motive becomes killing the man you risked your life to
save?”

“That’s where
you come in.” She kept her expression stoic, but, damn, if Gavin
didn’t browbeat her with his stare. “I’d like to transfer my
contract to Kane. We share the same attacker. I want him under the
protection of Wrath.”

“Are you
insane? You’re asking me to kill
you
? Absolutely not. No
negotiations on this. I refuse this case.” He pushed to his feet,
leaning forward over his desk. “And you’ve lost this round, baby.
You’ve just convinced me to go after Wade.”

“You haven’t
been summoned to kill him. He’s not your kill.”

Gavin pointed
past her. “I have a young woman in my bedroom, who has plenty of
cause for me to kill this bastard. The only reason she hasn’t yet
is she has this twisted notion to go back to them and save her
brother. Must be something in the fucking Alexi water that make you
so damn eager to commit suicide.”

Ayden shifted
in her seat. The conversation had taken the wrong turn. “Please.
Just give me … some time. Two days. That’s all I’m asking. If you
kill him, I’ll never know if the memories I see in Kane are my own
or someone else’s.”

“You can have
a life with him. Even as a lycan. You could make it all work.”

“Zayne said
I’d be the first on his kill list.” She huffed. “And the closer he
comes to being the wolf, the harder it is for
me
not to kill
him
. The memories are all that stand in the way of us
destroying one another. You said it yourself, in time those might
fade. Leaving what? Two enemies who want nothing more than to tear
each other apart.”

He took a deep
breath and stared down at her with such intensity, she was certain
she’d lost another round with him. “Two days. That’s all I’m giving
you.”

Relief spread
through her, sagging her muscles. “And you’ll give Kane the
injections?”

“Damn the
things you ask me to do for you, woman.”

“Will
you?”

He fell back
into his chair. “Of course.”

Ayden took a
deep breath and closed her eyes. “Thank you, Gavin.” She opened
them to see his eyes diverted away from her, his chair slightly
turned to the side. “So … what is going on with you and Calla, by
the way?”

That intensity
in his eyes quickly morphed into apathy in his sidelong glance,
leaving her to wonder if the thoughts running through his head were
something along the lines of
Why do you care?
“She’s an
intriguing girl. Very sweet and demure. But a killer, just like
you. And very protective. I like that in her.”

“Have the two
of you …?”

He furrowed
his brow. “No. She’s had a very traumatic past. I wouldn’t do that
to her.”

“You really
are a good guy, Gav. For a demon.” The smile on her face slowly
faded. Her words were true—perhaps the reason she could never bring
herself to love him. Gavin epitomized perfection, as if carved from
images of gods—
untouchable
, in spite of his longing for her.
The idea of her being with him somehow tarnished that perfection,
as if she’d ruin him. Maybe that was what she’d believed all along.
“Can I just impart some advice?”

“You wish to
give me advice on what exactly?”

Ayden
contemplated her words carefully, fidgeting in her seat. “If … ever
she says that she doesn’t want to be …
held
or loved, just …
go to her anyway.” The words echoed, sounding silly, in her head.
“No matter what she tells you. If she needs someone, be that
someone.”

“This is where
I failed you, isn’t it?”

Ayden shook
her head. “You never failed me. I just didn’t know what I wanted
until now.”

~

By the time
Ayden returned to the room, Kane had dressed. Her heart thrummed at
the sight of him, and she paused, her fingers going to her chest
and making small strokes where an ache had suddenly blossomed.

Her heart had
never beat so fast for anyone before.

Closing the
space between them, Kane lifted her up into his arms and smashed
his lips against hers, as if he’d somehow figured out the secret to
stopping time. A playful growl rumbled in his chest as he smiled
against her lips.

“How are you
feeling today?” she asked, a question meant to divert from the
melancholy in her kiss.

“Other than
starving, pretty good. In fact, damn good for a dead man.” He
chuckled.

Sadness
swelled inside her, and she lowered her face in an attempt to hide
it from him.

“Hey.” He
stroked her cheek. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Just a little
slay humor.”

She managed a
smile. “I won’t have to slay you after all, halfling.”

“Why is that?”
The air of suspicion in his voice put her on edge.

Convince
him.
“It turns out there’s a cure for your kind.”

“A cure?”

“Yes, it can
halt the effects.” She finally glanced up to see disbelief in his
eyes. “You’ll still carry some of the lycan genes. But you won’t
reach the full transformation of the wolf.”

Kane shook his
head. “No. Something doesn’t sound right. Why are you just now
telling me this?”

Because you’ve
given me reason.

She looked
past him to the window. The sun had faded into the usual gray, a
backdrop to the somber thoughts drifting aimless and slow through
her mind. “Because I’m worried about the side effects and what
they’ll do to you.”

“Bullshit.”

Ayden’s lids
lowered.
What the hell do I tell him?

She opened her
eyes to find his staring down into her,
through
her. “I’ll
have to negotiate with the Alexi to get it.”

“No. No, no
no.” His arms released her from their embrace. “I won’t let you do
this. I’ll fucking stab my heart out right now.” He moved past her
toward the door.

She nabbed his
wrist. “Where are you going?”

“Looking for
something sharp. Want to help me?”

“Gavin will go
with me. He’s strong enough to wipe out the entire Alexi force if
Wade tries anything tricky.” It was a lie, but better that than him
knowing the truth.

Wade would
spend hours exacting his tortuous methods on her. He’d never give
up the clues to her past if he thought she had a chance for escape.
Bringing Gavin along would ruin her opportunity. No, she’d have to
make Wade think she belonged to him once more before he’d reveal
anything.

Kane placed
his hands to his hips and cocked his head to the side. “You think
I’m stupid enough to believe that he’s just going to hand over the
cure to you? What’s the trade-off, Ayden?”

“The trade-off
is,”—she forced herself not to break as she spoke the words—“that
this will be our last day together.”

He stepped
toward her, towering above her. “Then, slay me now.”

“What?” Her
voice carried the incredulous tone of having had the ground swept
from beneath her. “Why would you want that?”

“Because I
would rather rot in hell with the sweet memories of last night than
wake up every day from here on knowing you took my place
there.”

“Don’t be
ridiculous, Kane.” She had to glance away or risk tears. “You’ll
have your life to go back to after this. Your home. Your memories.
You’ll find a good woman, get married.”

He grabbed
hold of her arms and knelt to the floor, peering up into her eyes.
“Ayden, there is nothing,
nothing
in this world I want more
than you right now. Even for one more day. But not at your
expense.”

“Don’t be so
selfish.” The hardened tone of her voice mirrored the icy sensation
rushing through her blood. “What about what
I
want? Do you
think I could bring myself to kill you now?”

He
straightened from his crouch. “I’ve already arranged for my
death.”

“What?” The
question almost came out on a laugh. “What are you talking
about?”

“I went to
Logan this morning.” His lips tightened. “He agreed to do it so you
won’t have to.”

“You went
behind my back?” She ripped her arms out of his grip. “To Logan? Do
you have any idea how much enjoyment he’ll get out of that?”

“Yeah. Asshole
had a smile on his face when I asked him to do it.” He crossed his
arms. “When did you make arrangements with Gavin?”

“That’s not
the point. And this isn’t happening. I’m going to the Alexi whether
you want me to or not. It’s my decision. Not yours.”

“Are you
kidding me? Suddenly, I’m your little pawn? You get to decide
whether I live or die, based on your mood?”

“Hasn’t it
been this way from the beginning?” She sneered. “Since the night
you were bitten?”

“I won’t take
the cure.” His arms crossed tighter. “Your efforts will be in
vain.”

“There you go
with the arm crossing again.” She shook her head at his
stubbornness. “Well, funny, I’ve arranged vaccine detail, too. I’d
like to see you refuse Gavin.”

His darkened,
as if the thought of such a thing had struck a murderous chord
inside of him. “What the fuck kind of man could allow you to turn
yourself over to them?”

His words
clenched her stomach. She’d just spent the morning trying to
convince Gavin to give her two days. “I guess that’s the beauty of
being a demon. No commitments.”

“I’ll kill
him.”

“No you
won’t.” She pressed a finger to his chest. “If you truly care about
me, you will take the cure. You will go back to your old life. And
you will die a happy old man.” Damn it, Kane wasn’t making it easy
for her.

“Tell me, has
he seen those scars on your arms? Does he know how you flinch in
your sleep?” Silver flickered in the outer rims of his eyes. “I
would take my own life rather than have you subjected to whatever
nightmares still haunt you.”

Oh,
God.
She turned away, knowing tears had risen to the precipice,
ready to spill over.
Control it.
“You’re human, you wouldn’t
understand.” Her words carried an edge of cold steel, mustered from
some small, unaffected part of her heart. Gavin had seen her scars
many times. Unlike humans, though, demons weren’t exactly repulsed
by the idea of comfort found in pain.

“You’re human,
too. Even if you’ve written yourself off.”

“My humanity
died the night I became an Alexi,” she muttered. “My heart has a
tendency to leave behind a wake of destruction. If you know what’s
good for you, you’ll forget what happened last night and move on to
the next girl.”

“Ayden,”—his
hand wrapped around hers—“what I feel for you is more than that.
When you’re away from me, I ache for you. When you’re near, I want
you.” His grip tightened. “I’ll admit, I don’t know much about
love, but if that’s—”

“Don’t Kane.
Don’t do this.” She shook her head. Her patience had been ground
into tiny granules of dust that threatened to choke her words. This
decision didn’t come with negotiation as far as she was concerned.
“You’re not in love with me. And I’m not in love with you.” The
words stung as they passed her lips, their burn resonating in her
heart. “We fucked. It happens.” A stretch for her, considering the
entire conversation was slowly killing her from the inside out.

It’s not
love.
Words she hoped would take root.

Anger
reflected back in his silvery eyes, a warning. “You’re lying.” He
crowded her back against the wall. “Tell me you don’t feel
something when I touch you.”

God, she did.
It beckoned her even then as his body stood so touchably close. “I
do. But it’s not love. And it’s not you. It’s a fantasy that I see
when I’m with you. Someone else.”

A lie.

Perhaps the
sense of familiarity she kept experiencing was fantasy, but Kane’s
touch
was real and set her skin alive. For that reason,
every word she’d spoken, she swallowed like broken glass, the
jagged edges tearing her apart on the inside.