Soundtracks of a Life (23 page)

Epilogue

Nine years later…

“We are here!” Chris says after he finishes parking the car in front of the closed oak wood gate protecting the perimeter of the winery.

I step out of the car and open the back door to get our five-year-old daughter, Kristen. The smell of the morning dew on dirt and the thick grasses touches my memory. “Hand mom those flowers, will you honey?” Kristen reaches for the flowers on the seat next to her and gives them to me. Chris then takes Kristen in his lap and we walk towards the two horses that are saddled and waiting for us. I hop on the chocolate brown pure blood Arabic horse first, leaving the grayish white Appaloosa mare for Chris, the more inexperienced rider. Chris places Kristen right in front of me on the sparkling new leather saddle.

“WOW, we’re going there on a horse?” Kristen asks so excitedly it makes me smile.

“Yes we are, baby. You just hold here on the saddle and I’ll make sure you don’t fall, don’t worry.”

Then Chris grabs the reins of the other horse and struggles to get up, finally awkwardly making it.

“Quite the cowboy,” I tease
him laughing.

He gives me a look then
teases me back, “we didn’t all live in a farm.”

“Hey… it’s a vineyard…” I smile at him as
I pat both our horses and get them going slowly up the hill.

On the quiet ride up
I briefly think about Claude for a moment. It seems like such a long, long time ago. We finally had to put him to sleep a couple of years back. I had a good cry that day, for him and everything he represented. But then I said my goodbyes and I let him go.

We ride for a few minutes just listening to Kirsten chat
excitedly to the horses until we get to the top of the hill. Chris stiffly dismounts first and walks over to take Kristen down before I dismount too.

I let out a sigh as I slowly walk towards the white marble stone of my parents’ grave. Chris stays behind holding Kristen’s hand and I hear her whisper to him, “Is this the place where we visit grandma and grandpa that are in heaven?”

“Yes kitty cat,” Chris smiles at her lovingly.

I kneel down in front of the grave and let my hands run across their names carved in black over the white the stone… ‘Emily Victoria Hathaway & Daniel James Hathaway, loving parents of Kristen and Lorelai Hathaway.’

Kristen walks next to me now and looks at me worried, “Why are you crying mommy? Are you sad?” I feel her small soft hands run across my face whipping my tears.

I give her a reassuring smile, “No honey, I’m fine. You want to help me place the flowers?” She nods in agreement and runs back to Chris to get them, then runs back excitedly.

“Which ones you want to put for your Aunt Kristen? I ask her. “You’re named after her you know?” She smiles and then stares at the flowers for a while. “These ones.” She picks a bunch of yellow roses and hands them to me. “That’s a good choice. I think she would like those.”

“…and these ones for grandma and grandpa,” she says but this time she doesn’t hand them to me. She walks over and places the white roses in front of the grave herself copying what I had just done. “I’m named after grandma too right?” She asks happily.

“Yes you are,” I say. “Emily is your middle name. Kristen Emily Henderson.”

Chris comes over to me now and places his arm around me kissing my forehead reassuringly.

I smile at him appreciatively “Okay, let’s go then.” I say and Kristen runs back to the horses’ excitedly yelling, “Yeeey more horseback riding!”

We are making our way back
down the hill when Kristen asks, “Mom can I get my own horse?”

I laugh, “Well horses need space honey. We would need to live in a place like this to have a horse.” She gets quiet now, deep in thought.

“Well that does bring up a good point though,” Chris takes the opportunity to bring up something he has been trying to discuss for a while “We need to settle down somewhere, Lor. We’ve been going from place to place now for years. It’s bad enough we go out on tour but it’s even worse when we have to come back to a different place each time. It’s time we find a home and set down some roots. Kristen needs a real home.”

“I know, I know. W
e haven’t found a place we like yet. But I know… you’re right, it’s time we really look into it.”

We arrive back where we first mounted the horses for our ride. “Where do the horses live mom?”

“They live at the stables. You see that house there in the back? The stables are right next to it on the left. That house there is where I grew up when I was a kid like you.”

“Then why can’t we live here then?” Kristen asks, taking me by surprise. “Then I would be able to have my own horse!” She concludes excitedly.

I’m not sure how to answer that one but I surprise even myself by saying, “Do you want to go see it?”

Chris looks at me in a
mix of surprise and worry. “Are you sure Lor?” He asks. “We don’t have to, you know.”

“It’s okay,” I say
reassuring him. “I want to.” We walk there and I stand in front of the door of my childhood home for the first time in countless years. I look for the right keys on the key chain and open the door. It felt like I was opening the doorway to my past. Everything looked exactly the same, just as I remembered. The staff at the winery had done an excellent job maintaining the house too, everything is in perfect order, not even dirty or dust covered like I had expected. They had kept it as clean as if we still lived here.

I walk towards the living room, the baby grand piano still sitting by the window, the same piano I used to play when I was a kid. I run my hands over the top and then press a few of the keys. It sounds completely out of tune. I walk towards the fireplace, to look over the mantelpiece at the many picture frames that had been resting there waiting, for so many years. My parents wedding photo, my sister’s graduation from high school, a picture of me and a very young colt, Claude, when my dad first gave him to me. Looking at them brings a smile to my face. Chris walks to the living room with Kristen after they had explored
the house on their own some.

“This place is amazing.” He says to me. Kristen immediately starts to look at the pictures too. “Is this you mom?” She asks pointing at a picture. “Yes,” I reply. “That’s me, and this is your Aunt Kristen when she was young. That’s grandma and grandpa.” 

Standing in my childhood home, looking at pictures of my family with my own family, I realize I had finally come full circle. These memories were no longer painful to remember. Quite the opposite, they felt welcome. Looking at Chris and Kristen made me appreciate once again looking back at my own life with my family, without any regrets. The many beautiful moments I spent with them no longer felt like a life lost, but a life I would love to share with my own family.

It still hurt that mom and dad and my
beautiful sis were gone… but being here made me feel closer to them than I had ever felt before.

“I like here, can we live here mom?” Kristen asks and Chris is surprised to see I’m actually
seriously considering her question.

“It is quite perfect rea
lly,” he says, sounding careful and tentative, like he was treading dangerous water. He didn’t want to push something if it would not be comfortable to me.  But I can see he is trying to contain his excitement, “It does need some work,” he continues carefully, “some updating to make it look more like us, but it could work. It’s got lots of space. We could even build our own studio in the back like we’ve always wanted too.”

I take a moment to play the idea in my head again, Chris and Kristen looking at me eagerly.

“Yeah, I think it’s a great idea. I like it.”

“Are you sure?” Chris asks me a bit concerned still. “If it doesn’t feel right Lor, please let’s not do it. We can always find another place I’m sure.” 

“No I’m sure Chris. It feels right. It finally feels right…”

I watch as Chris and Kristen start celebrating high fiving each other before they rush at me for a family hug.

…I’m finally home.