Spirited Ride (14 page)

She studied him as if he was a speck under a microscope but took the documents all the same. After attempting to smooth the papers against her leg she read over them while he sat across from her in more discomfort than he’d felt the few times he’d attended church.

Finally she looked up and said, “It appears that everything is in order. If you are both
absolutely sure
that this is what you want and that reconciliation isn’t possible, I’ll file them first thing Monday morning.”

“I’d appreciate it,” he managed to choke out. Without saying goodbye to the woman he got up off the couch and walked outside.

As he exited the house and headed toward his bike, Dickie just stared at him. He could tell the man wanted to say something and as TJ neared where he stood with Connor, Dickie shoved his hands in his pocket and waited. Dickie had miles of wisdom about motorcycles, engines and life in general and as much as TJ wanted to just ride off into the sunset and never come back he decided to hear the man out this time.

“Why don’t you go inside and see what leather remnants we have left that we could use for this and start marking the leather,” Dickie said to Connor.

Connor gazed at him and then back to Dickie before heading inside the house. Once the boy was out of earshot he said, “You kind of look like you have the weight of the world on you, man. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just that divorce, even ten years in the making, is hard… I guess I should have taken care of things a long time ago,” he replied.

“Why didn’t you?” Dickie asked.

“I was kidding myself… living in denial, I guess. I thought I’d eventually come up with
the
song, record it, make a mint from it and Sherri would be proud of me. That she’d be sorry for not having gone with me to Nashville in the first place,” he explained.

“What would becoming rich and famous and proving Sherri wrong have resolved?” Dickie questioned.

“Hell I don’t know… nothing I suppose. I just wanted to prove myself to her but she wouldn’t even go with me. In hindsight I guess it was better that way since she didn’t get to witness me failing,” he said.

“Becca never talks about her cases to me but I heard through the grapevine that Tommy made some good change on that one song that hit the charts. Doesn’t that mean you’ve made your mark? What more did you want?” Dickie inquired.

“I gave all the money from that song to Tommy and Dana to take care of his little girl’s medical bills so he could adopt the youngest one,” he responded. “So I guess it was never about being rich and famous… it was about proving that I could do something great and take care of her at the same time… my own way, with my own talents and doing what I love… even though I was so young.”

“Did she ask you to do that for her?” Dickie asked.

“No… she was fine with me just singing at the bar and helping to bring in a crowd. That was fine with me too… for a while, but then when Tommy quit the band to look after Gretchen, I felt like I was losing my chance to show the world that I could take some words and a tune… put them together and make magic,” he replied.

“Why did you give up on that dream then?” Dickie questioned.

“I haven’t really. It’s just that when I saw Sherri at Tommy and Dana’s renewal ceremony, I guess I realized that in following one dream I’d given up on another one. Somehow, as much as I love making music, not having someone to sing to… someone who wants to hear me as much as I want to perform… it’s just not as fulfilling,” he said. “The times I felt the most successful were when I was performing for her at the bar and impressing her with
my
songs.”

“It sounds to me like Sherri is your muse. Without her you can’t make the music you were meant to make. The question is how can you have both? Sherri and the music…?” Dickie responded.

“I can’t… at least not anymore,” he finished in a whisper.

“Did you ever think that in life and love it’s not about winning or losing? A long happy life and a good healthy relationship are only possible through compromise. If you learn to accept that even though you didn’t get exactly what you
wanted
in a certain situation, that through compromise and a little adjustment in how you think, you can get a little bit of what you really
need
.” Dickie said.

“So what are you saying?” he asked.

“Maybe your marriage didn’t work out for a reason. Maybe if you step back and look at the reasons why, you’ll find a compromise in there somehow. Something you can both live with that will allow you a little bit of the music you need as well as the connection to Sherri that you need. I believe the kids now days call it friends with benefits or some bullshit,” Dickie replied.

He laughed and said, “I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

“If you want something badly enough and are willing to compromise… it’s hard telling what version of it you’ll end up with but I have to think that you’ll get some portion of the original dream,” Dickie said, smacking him on the shoulder. “In the mean time I need to get in there and help that boy build you a seat for this heap.”

He thought about what Dickie said the whole ride back home… to Sherri’s house… and found the underlying message. If he wanted the dream of Sherri he would have to fight for it whether she was still his wife or not.

Perhaps by giving her the divorce she thought she wanted so badly, she’d finally relax enough to talk to him about where things had went so wrong.

Without the fear of winning or losing a divorce settlement they could finally get down to the business of working through their issues and come out in the end…
friends
. That was seriously doubtful.

God knows that since finding his way back into Sherri’s bed, he’d been writing songs like there was no tomorrow, so she must in fact be his muse.
Or maybe his punishment for some unknown sin.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure he was cut out to take the bullshit that went along with trying to be friends… or friends with benefits… with Sherri.

He did enjoy working with Tommy’s girls. It was nothing short of a riot and he loved every minute of it. It was the one bright spot in his world at this point. The only chance he had to feed the music his soul needed.

Unlike Sherri, the kids were more willing to allow him an opinion in what was going on. Maybe somewhere in the mess of losing Sherri and teaching Tommy’s kids how to play instruments, was a compromise on his dream of music at least. Pulling into the driveway he was shocked to find Gretchen waiting on the porch.

After parking the bike and heading up the steps, he said, “How’d you get here?”

“Rode my bike,” she supplied, nodding her head at the dirt bike propped up against the tree in the side yard.

“Do your parents know that you’re here?” he asked.

“They know… and they aren’t taking sides between you and Aunt Sherri so neither am I,” she replied.

“Then why are you here?” he asked.

“I wrote this poem and Melody has been walking around singing it for days. I want you to help me write the music out for it. I want to sell it for money like you and my daddy do,” she replied. “I don’t want it to sound like the way she sings it though… it won’t sell that way.”

“Sometimes it’s best to stick with your roots, Gretchen,” he warned. “When you get too far from what you know and love, you start losing what makes your sound unique.” He’d once tried to veer off what was natural for him and it had cost him dearly. Perhaps he could spare someone else that lesson.

“Is that why you and Aunt Sherri are getting divorced?” she asked. “That won’t happen to me… I just want to make my mama and daddy proud.”

The child was a protégé of his if ever there was one. So, sighing, he sat down next to her knowing that nothing he said would change her mind, including that he was positive her mama and daddy already were proud.

Instead he listened as she sang the song the way she thought it should sound. He had once wanted to make someone proud so he could understand what drove her to ride a child’s dirt bike such a long way just to get help with her music.

It had been nearly three weeks since the ugly scene had unfolded between TJ and Chris. The local police department had caught up to Chris within an hour of him leaving the house, thanks in part to Chuck.

This being the third time he’d been busted for possession of more than just weed, he was facing some time… forget moving west.
Well good riddance.

A small part of her wondered if Chris had only started dating her just to get to know the guys at the shop thinking they might be potential customers he could sell to. The idea that he had assumed they were all either dope heads or at the very least criminals of some caliber just because they rode motorcycles… quite frankly… pissed Sherri off.

Every one of the guys at the shop contributed to the community in some fashion. Some of them, like Chuck, donated more than even the high class snobs who lived in the nicer part of town. They all did fundraisers and sponsored different rides and rallies to benefit all kinds of charities.

The fact that they were all basically mechanics by trade, got a little rowdy from time to time and generally acted like they were still teenagers sometimes, didn’t make them scumbags.

It was people like Chris who gave them all a bad name and made the general public leery. Using her was bad enough and made her pretty angry.

However, having also used those people who supported her in any way that they could and treated her and Lilly like family was another matter. For that she hoped they found a dark, dingy corner of the jail, locked him away there and then forgot about him.

Lindsey had gone into hiding, unsure of how her actions that day would be interpreted. Once the air had cleared Sherri knew she needed to reassure the young woman.

Sherri was a little relieved to know that the girl had found at least one good friend in an otherwise cruel world. Dawn had refused to give up her whereabouts to anyone, especially Sherri. She’d had to call in Chuck, who she knew Dawn secretly crushed on regardless of the fact that he was married. He’d been able to get Sherri the information on Lindsey that she needed to make things right.

She’d had to track Lindsey for a couple of days in order to assure her that she wasn’t mad. The poor girl had been sure that Sherri had ended up in big trouble over the drugs Chris had stashed in her house.

Lindsey was also sure that Sherri would absolutely hate her for not having just pretended she didn’t see the drugs, packed up her things and left. Knowing that Lindsey was an employee she could trust not to allow anything illegal to go on in her presence, Sherri had assured her that not only did she still have a job but a full time one for what she’d done.

As for TJ, he had basically fallen off the map. She was trying to give him some space but it was getting harder by the day. All she wanted was to apologize to him. Even if he didn’t believe her or chose not to forgive her… she at least wanted the opportunity to try and make this right with him as well. Unfortunately, the couple of times she’d gone to the house… he’d pretended not to be home. Her knocking had gone unanswered as did the notes she left stuck to the door.

Lilly and Bobby didn’t seem to have a problem with her staying at their house. She’d even managed to send them out on a date while she’d had a fun filled evening with Little Three.

Her nephew was quiet for most of evening but after supplying him with both a soda and ice cream, he’d finally livened up a good bit. Crashing from his sugar high had been almost immediate, though, and then she’d been left alone in the quiet of their home to think about TJ some more.

By midnight she’d made a decision… she would put herself in TJ’s way every chance she could but she wouldn’t hound him. Eventually he would have to say something to her.
Wouldn’t he?
No one was that good at completely ignoring someone else.

At some point his anger, hurt and disappointment in her would boil over and he‘d just have to start talking. She was ready for that and would listen when he did. That had been nearly a week ago now and her patience with that tactic was also wearing thin.

Much like TJ, Gina was also running scared these days. Good thing too because the bitch had some major explaining to do. What kind of friend went after not only her friend’s ex-husband but her ex-boyfriend as well?

She couldn’t even fathom what she might possibly have done to make Gina think that was in any way okay. Gina was always saying chicks before dicks or some other nonsense like that. Yet… she’d done just the opposite… not once but
twice
.

If Gina thought she was helping Sherri out with her dating problems by sleeping with or trying to sleep with the other half of those relationship issues then she had seriously missed the boat.

That wasn’t exactly the kind of help that Sherri had been looking for. Sherri had seen her once up town and when the woman had nearly run for her car her actions had spoken of her guilt more than words ever could.

The fact that Gina didn’t even try to make things right with Sherri after all the years they’d been friends meant that along with being down a boyfriend and a husband, she was also now down a friend. That pissed her off and hurt all at the same time.

In talking to Lilly about Gina’s seemingly treacherous ways, she hadn’t missed the look of distaste on Bobby’s face but hadn’t asked. A part of her wasn’t sure she wanted to know his thoughts on her longtime friend.

Like Chris, had Gina also just been someone they had all tolerated because of their friendship with her? If so, then they were true friends who loved her in spite of her poor judgment in people sometimes.

At this point though, Gina was low on the long list of Sherri’s problems. However, the day of reckoning was coming for Gina… she couldn’t hide forever. The longer she did though the worse it would be when Sherri did finally get a hold of her.

Sherri drove across town for the second time in a week. She needed to get the rest of her belongings from the house and put them in storage, or something, so she at least had access to them, after TJ changed the locks on the house.

Pulling into the driveway, she once again noticed that he was at home by way of his car that she’d parked behind. Getting out, she walked up the sidewalk, onto the porch and then knocked on the door.

She was shocked when this time he actually answered. Her heart began to pound so hard that she could actually feel it and hear it. He unlatched the screen door and then just walked away.

Sherri let herself in and stood inside the door cautiously weighing her words and what she could say to open up the lines of communication between them. The sag of his shoulders told her that he wasn’t looking to fight at the moment and she sighed with relief, but at the same time hated to see him so down.

Before she could find the right words to start a conversation, he said, “I signed the divorce papers.”

“What?” she asked after a moment of disbelief in which she wondered if she’d heard him correctly.

“I told you the last time you were here… I’m done,” he replied. “I don’t want to see you, talk to you or even deal with you anymore. You can have the house, the bar… and whatever else you think you’re entitled to. I don’t even give a shit anymore. Take it all… I just want this over with.”

Maybe it was in the way he wouldn’t even look at her but somehow she just couldn’t believe that after everything he was now ready to just walk away. What had changed? Was he really so fed up with having to deal with her that he just wanted out at any and all cost?

“Are you serious?” she finally managed to ask.

“I dropped it off to Becca Long a couple of weeks ago or so. I ended up having to provide her some additional paperwork for the house and then sign over my rights to the bar. Once that was done I asked her to go ahead and file the papers with the court. Today she called me with the fee amounts. I just got home from running her over the money so she can file the documents tomorrow morning,” he replied, again being careful not to look at her.

All these weeks of fighting with him over every little detail… from the house to the bar to any money either of them might or might not have. It was finally about to happen.

So why instead of jubilation did she feel like she’d just been punched in the neck? She couldn’t seem to catch her breath. The heartbeat she’d felt and heard earlier now felt like a stone instead… weighing her down and dragging her under a strong current from which she might never recover.

Somehow it felt as though the roles had reversed between them. He was where she’d been the day she learned he was back in town. She’d been so angry, vindictive and ready to be done with the past ten years and her failed marriage.

Now she’d lost a little bit of the urge to draw blood and had even started to see that perhaps she could have done some things differently. That TJ wasn’t the only one who’d had a hand in messing up their marriage. She’d obviously missed how important it was to him for her to go with him to Nashville, not just show up once he was already situated.

Where she’d spent the last ten years basically hating the man and his dreams of stardom... for the first time she was truly sorry things hadn’t worked out for him the way he’d planned. She was even more regretful that they hadn’t been able to push past their differences of opinion on reaching those dreams.

Now it was as though a door had been closed… never to be re-opened. That meant that she would never truly know what was in the last room. She’d been given glimpses of how things could have been from the doorway just before he slammed the door shut permanently.

This was just as much her doing as his, though. Had she taken a step back from fighting him for just a moment and really focused on what the battle was truly about… perhaps things would have ended differently.

Unfortunately, from the look on his face and the finality in the tone of his voice, apologizing now was a little too late. She had truly blown any chance they had by believing Chris and Gina over him.

If a picture was worth a thousand words… then what was the feeling worth that said there was still more to the story behind the photographs that she would never know about?

He’d spent weeks apologizing for his part in the demise of their relationship. It was well past time that she did so as well, but she doubted he even wanted to hear it at this point. Could she live with herself if she didn’t though?

“For what it’s worth… I’m truly sorry for everything. I knew Chris had been in trouble once before but he told me it was in his past. Honestly, I didn’t know he had been stashing stuff here. I’m also sorry that I believed for a second what he said about you and Gina,” she started.

“I know you are, Sherri. The problem is that there will always be someone that you’re more likely to believe than me. As for me… I’ll always resent the fact that you didn’t support me by going to Nashville after I spent all that time helping you get the bar off the ground,” he sighed.

“So with those things in our way… I figure it’s best to call it quits before we end up absolutely
hating
each other. I don’t want things between us to get so bad that when we do have to be around each other we make everyone else miserable right along with us. I don’t want our friends to have to pick sides... not just because they won’t pick mine… but because that isn’t something they should have to do! Let’s just agree to disagree and call it a tie. We can do that, can’t we?” he finished.

The tears blinding her took that opportunity to spill down her cheeks. He was right… she knew that… but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. She didn’t want to hate him either. At one time she’d loved the man…
still did
… so she didn’t ever want things to get as bad as he’d described. Unable to voice her agreement with what he’d said, she simply nodded.

Knowing the unrepairable damage she’d done and unable to stand there and stare down losing someone who had set her spirit free in the best of times and crushed it in the worst of times, she started for the door.

If he’d given her any indication that she could make this right between them, she would have jumped on it. It was really over though. His words and actions regarding the divorce she’d said she wanted told her as much.

“I’m moving back to the apartment in the next couple of days. I’ll give the keys to Bobby when I’m out,” he said as she reached for the doorknob.

Then she was nearly running for the respite that her car and the open road could provide. As she drove back toward Lilly’s house she realized that she just couldn’t face friends or family right now.

She’d never done it before but it was time to break the cardinal rule and get smashed at her own place of business. Turning around again she drove back toward the bar.

Dawn and Lindsey didn’t say a word when she helped herself to half a glass of the good whiskey stashed underneath the bar. She didn’t bother to mix it with anything and headed straight back to her office.

Closing the door to the room that was really more of a closet than an office, she sat down in the uncomfortable chair behind the small desk, took a big gulp of the burning liquor and, after swallowing, allowed the tears to wipe her out at the knees.

She lost count of how many trips she made up front to the bar and the same bottle of whiskey and then back to her little office sanctuary.

It wasn’t until she noticed Dawn at the end of the bar talking to Greg Sanders that she knew her binge into the depths of the bottle was about to come to a screeching halt.

She had it coming where Greg was concerned anyway. So after refilling her glass one last time, she stumbled back to the office to await him.

When she nearly missed the chair upon trying to sit down at the desk, she knew that she’d had more than enough but finished off the remaining contents of the glass in one gulp just the same.

The door to the office opened gently. Greg stepped through the doorway and leaned against the wall. He didn’t say anything but instead just stood there watching her.