Splintered Oak (Winsor Series Book 3) (27 page)

34. HOPE CHEST

NAOMI

I was actually getting sick of myself, I realized as I stared blankly at the white ceiling above me. I had been home now for three days and still
couldn’t find the energy to do anything.

My family had been hounding me to come join in the conversation and fun. But I
wasn’t in the mood for fun. I was in the mood to sit alone, blissfully alone, and stare at the ceiling for hours.

A two second knock sounded before Luke barged into my room. “Phone’s for you downstairs.”

I think we’re the only family on the planet who still has a landline home phone. “Tell whoever it is that I’m not here.”

Luke jus
t shrugged and shut my door. I was glad he wasn’t the type to pry. I already told my family everything that went on this summer. The “talk” went better than I expected, but my parents were still hurt and angry. I couldn’t blame them and simply listened remorsefully as they lectured me about boundaries and honesty.

I blamed that now for my solemn attitude, even when I kne
w deep down that Jake Matthews was at the core of my hurt and confusion. My mom had asked me point blank if I loved him and I told her no.

At the time it felt like the truth, but now I
was beginning to wonder. If this wasn’t love, why did it hurt so bad?

Another hour passed into oblivion when I heard a knock at my door again. This time it was my mom who quietly entered, shutting it softly behind her.

“Naomi, you need to come out of this room, honey.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I will…eventually. I just
didn’t have the will to be around all the noise and happiness yet. I feel like I’ll just bring everyone down.” I was determined to lie there until my heart stopped trembling. Until the urge to burst into tears went away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly, brushing some hair out of my face as she sat on the edge of the bed.

I hadn’t cried, had refused to just based on principle, but her sympathetic voice and caring face almost brought the waterworks. “What’s there to talk about?”

“Why don’t you talk to me about Jake? You haven’t said much since the other day, and I have a feeling there’s more than the skeleton version you gave me and your dad.”

I didn’t want to talk about it, but the words fell out anyway. “He told me he loves me. Then he said he would fight for me. And now he’s reading the Bible and sending me flowers. I don’t know what to think or to feel at this point.”

My mother nodded, taking in the fire hose of information I just shot at her. Finally, she asked the million
-dollar question, the one I hadn’t been able to answer for days. “Do you believe him?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. If history serves correct, then no, I don’t. But sometimes, I don’t know, he’s like this amazing person who listens to me and challenges me. He can make my anger snap in a second, and I don’t feel any need to hide it. He makes me feel beautiful even when I look like death. So I’m left with this split personality. One man who can love and the other who only knows how to hurt.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t judge his history, but look at who he is today.”

I bolted up in bed and turned to face her, frustrated. “Are you seriously defending Jake? Jake Matthews? Wasn’t it you who said a relationship with him was doomed from the start?”

“Well honey, that was before. I won’t lie in that I thought you’d go for a nice guy from a nice family like Jonathan, and had hoped you two would hit it off. But in all that time you were in Portugal, Jonathan never called and Jake has called every day since you’ve been here. That speaks volumes to me.”

“Jake has called here?” I knew he had been leaving voicemails on my cell phone, which I
had yet to listen to, but had no idea he had my home phone number.

“Yes, and since you keep refusing to come to the phone, we’ve had several lovely chats.”

I couldn’t believe what my mom was saying and stared at her dumbfounded. “What did he say?”

“Oh, too much to recount, sweetheart, but enough to get a sense of who he is.”

“How is he doing?” It surprised me how much I wanted to know that answer or how much I longed to stay involved in his life.

“Well, he’s been with his Aunt Diana for a few days, helping her get settled in her new apartment. He told me they talked about his mom for a long time and both did a lot of crying and reminiscing. He said it was healing for both of them.”

My heart actually began to hurt. “Good. I’m glad he did that.”

“He also said he is going to call his dad tonight. He wanted to talk to you before he does. Apologize one more time for how he acted in Atlanta.”

I turned away from her, my mind reliving the day all over again. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

She continued anyway. “Jake has been very honest with me about his past and about what he’s doing now to change and to grow in his faith. I appreciate that, respect it. But none of it matters if you don’t believe him or forgive him.”

I shook my head, one from shock and the other from anger. “I can’t believe you are saying this. Haven’t you raised me to look for Prince Charming, the perfect guy who loves the Lord? Jake doesn’t fit my ideal. He’s volatile and moody…” My voice trailed off as my mind continued. But he was also caring and funny. He made me laugh and loved my glasses. 

My mom stood and walked over to the hope chest near my dresser. Inside
were letters I’d written to the man I was going to marry since I was thirteen years old. She opened the top and turned my way. “Maybe you need to remember what you are looking for before you dismiss what you have.”

She eased over to the door and turned to look at me one more time. I could barely see her through the tears that now shielded my eyes. “Honey, Jake may not be the one. I don’t know. But don’t let his mistakes discount his faith. I’ve seen many people who became Christians after living a long, broken life. Those people often have more passion for Christ than those who have had the luxury of knowing Him their whole lives.”

“Mom,” I said, stopping her before she shut the door. “Do you believe him?”

She sent me a sympathetic smile and nodded. “Yes honey, I do.”

With those last words, she closed the door behind her, leaving me reeling from her speech. I moved to the floor and started pulling out letter after letter from the chest.

I found one I wrote my senior year in high school, right before graduation. Tears started to mar the writing, but the words brought clarity. In that moment, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

35. PROMISES

JAKE

I
couldn’t believe I was this nervous. It was just a building, for crying out loud. A building with people; lots of people who probably knew me, knew my past, and would wonder what the heck I was doing there.

I rolled my neck again and went through the relaxation techniques I was taught for when the anxiety started to spread. They worked a little, but I still practically bolted from my seat when Matt rapped on the window.

Slowly emerging from the car, I saw Matt raise his eyebrow and chuckle a little at my suit and tie.

“I feel better in my power clothes,” I explained, dismissing his humor. Matt’s idea of dressing up is wearing a shirt with a collar versus a t-shirt.

“Okay then, you ready?”

I couldn’t seem to get my legs to move and actually walk toward the intimidating building.

“Jake, there is nothing to worry about here. It’s a safe place. Trust me, if this church can accept someone who looks like me, then they are going to have no problem with you.”

I looked at Matt closely. He
did look intimidating. Tattoos ran down his arm, and even up his neck in an intricate pattern. He kept his hair short, almost bald, leaving just a dark sheen.

“Okay, that does make me feel better,” I admitted, snickering at him.

He took it in jest and started towards the building. “So, how did the call go last night to your old man?”

“Awkward. Very Awkward. There were these long pauses of silence that were almost painful. But we did agree to email a little and just see what happens. He is also sending me his letters. I don’t know. I feel like in some ways we missed our chance.”

“There’s always a chance when it comes to building relationships. You just have to decide if you are willing to put in the time to get to know him.”

I sighed as we stopped outside the heavy front doors. “I guess that’s what I’m not sure about yet. I’m not sure if it’s worth it.”

Matt reached out and opened the door for us. I immediately felt the air go thick and my heart start to race a little. Matt pushed me forward so I had to move and he somehow managed to get me into a seat. I was grateful he let us sit in the back.

The church was large, but still felt more intimate than I wanted. People were moving around talking and hugging, and seemed genuinely happy to be there.

A few came up to Matt and shook his hand. Introductions were made, but I could hardly do more than smile. I wondered what Naomi’s church was like and how I’d feel if she were with me. I immediately knew I would feel better. She always made things better. While I had managed not to obsess about her and give her the time she needed, I wasn’t giving up.

If I
had to pursue Naomi for the next ten years just to make her see how much she meant to me, then I would.

The lights dimmed a little and a band came to the stage and started playing. The music and words immediately began to chip away at my tension. Periodically, I would look around, but soon noticed that no one was watching me. They were lost in the music.

I closed my eyes and tried to find that place where I, too, could relax and worship. I must have found it because by the time the music stopped, I felt refreshed and encouraged.

Matt leaned over and whispered, “That wasn’t so bad, huh?”

I shrugged, but grinned. Okay, maybe I did make a bigger deal about coming here than I should have.

The pastor came on stage and I suddenly realized why Matt scoffed at my suit. He was in a pair of jeans, a plaid shirt, and cowboy boots. He also managed to make me laugh several times during his message, which I didn’t expect. But through the humor and his relaxed demeanor, I found myself really listening to what he had to say.

His message was about fighting for our beliefs, both in our home lives and at work. I thought of David and how he always held himself to a higher standard than most. Sure, he’d go out, engage with us on occasion, but rarely did he participate in the things he labeled as “wrong.”

I thought of all the people who had shown up in my life this year: David, Bruce, Matt, and Naomi. All of them
were people I respected and admired, and ironically, all of them were Christians.

The burden suddenly felt great because I knew one day someone would look to me and see me as a Christian, a changed man. Would I also have the courage to stand out like they
did? I hope so.

The service ended after one more song and we stood to leave. I was glad I came and experienced this place, this moment. I had expected judgment and a list of do’s and don’ts. What I felt was love and acceptance.

“So what did you think?” Matt asked when we got back to my car.

“I think I’ll be back. Probably without the suit next time.”

Matt’s smile spread and seemed proud of his church. “So you up for some ring time this afternoon? I’m free around four.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why, but I’ll be there.”

After the third time flat on my back, I wondered yet again why I kept subjecting myself to this madness. Always teaching, Matt once again detailed what I did wrong. I didn’t want to hear it.

“I’m done,” I stated as I got to my feet and headed out of the ring. I threw down my head cover in frustration and practically tossed my mouthpiece across the room.

Matt leaned over the ropes, laughing. “Come on, Jake. How are you ever going to learn if you don’t keep at it?”

I turned, ready to give him a piece of my mind, when I heard the door swing open and in step a vision. She nervously looked around and clutched something in her hand. I wasn’t sure I could move. Disoriented and bewildered, I sat back, bracing myself on the bench, only able to stare at her.

“Whoa. Who is that?” Matt asked, looking at her in a way that made my blood run cold.

“Naomi, so don’t even think about it,” I growled as I wiped at my sweat one more time. As if regaining consciousness, I stood slowly and started towards her.

I could only wonder why she was here and what it meant. I wanted to hope, but since I never knew what was going on in her head, I resigned myself to just feel happy to see her.

She watched me as I approached. “David said you would be here. Do you have a second?”

“Of course.” I glanced back at Matt who was overtly watching the show and eased her outside so we could talk in private. She looked more beautiful than my memory, enhanced by the sunlight framing her face as her golden skin glowed against the rays.

“I’m sorry to just drop in on you like this, but what I have to say can’t wait.” Her nervousness continued, and I could tell because she was biting her lower lip and fidgeting. “I was mad at you, Jake, and still am a little, for what you did in Atlanta. But, I also realize that you are different, or at least working to be different.”

I didn’t say a word but moved in closer and rubbed my thumb over her cheek, feeling a shot through my gut the minute color appeared in the same spot.

She hesitated a little, staring up into my eyes and then turned away. “So here. This is for you.” The wrinkled envelope stood like a barrier between us, and part of me didn’t want to touch it. A goodbye. I was sure of it.

“Naomi, please, let’s just talk.”

“I need you to read this.” She shook the paper again.

I obeyed like a man in a trance and felt my pulse scramble against her determined stare. Begrudgingly, I pulled out the letter, preparing myself for the loss I knew was coming.

To My Love,

I’m a horrible person. Okay, maybe not a horrible person, but I did a horrible thing today. I cheated. Yes, I did. Now I feel like a fraud and a fake. What’s worse is that I can’t tell anyone because it will get me kicked out and I’ll lose my scholarship to Winsor.

So, I’m telling you, because I want you to know what you are getting, the good, bad, and the ugly. I made a mistake that I can’t take back. I can only vow never to do it again, and I won’t.

All this has made me realize something, though. It’s made me realize that you too may not be perfect. I keep thinking you are, but that’s not really fair is it? So, let’s just make a pact, here and now, to forgive each other. I will forgive you for your mistakes and I hope you will forgive me for mine. That’s what love is, right? I sure hope so.

Always and Forever,

Naomi

The air caught in my lungs as I stared at her. She watched with glassy eyes and was still grinding those perfect lips with her teeth.

“Who did you write this to?” My voice was barely louder than a whisper.

She crossed her arms and then shifted on her feet. “I think I wrote it to you. I mean, I hope I wrote it to you, because…I love you, Jake.”

I hooked my arm around her waist, drew her in so fast her balance rocked, and brushed my lips against her temple. Burying my face in her hair, I simply took in her smell, her feel against me, and promised myself I would never let her go again.

I wanted to share everything with her, the big things, the little things, the tiny pieces that made up our lives. I wanted to know her hurts and her fears, when she was disappointed and when she was proud. I wanted all of her.

“I will probably make more mistakes,” I murmured against her neck.

“So will I.”

Pulling back just enough to look at her, I knew right then I would love her for the rest of my life. “I will promise you this, though. I will never cheat on you and I will never again walk away. I will love you more than any man could ever love a woman. That I know with complete certainty. But I need you to promise the same, because I know I will frustrate you and that, more often than not, you will want to kill me. But I need to know you will never give up on me.”

She took my face in her hands, staring into my pleading eyes. “I love you, Jake. That doesn’t come lightly. It comes with a promise. Love is patient and kind, and with Christ between us, it can be stronger than any force on earth. I am freely giving that to you, and all that comes with it.”

She pulled me down for a kiss. I met her lips with mine, feeling the promise surge
through us as we touched.

Here was everything I’d been
waiting for. I had Naomi, and she loved me. Everything else would find a way.