Splintered Oak (Winsor Series Book 3) (26 page)

“And now?”

Grinning like a fool, I leaned against the doorframe. “Now I use all that charm you mentioned to get her back.”

As I shut my door, I fel
t a surge of hope. A chapter had ended, taking with it all the shame and desperation. The future was new, fresh, and I couldn’t wait for the next chapter to begin.

32.
COURTING

NAOMI

Saturday had come and gone in a string of tears, tissues, romantic movies, and ice cream. When I was sure I had cried the last of my tears,
I turned to something that worked—prayer.

Sunday morning had been refreshing, inspiring, even if the pastor seemed to be talking just to me. He reminded me to focus on the Word and my relationship with God, and the big things in my life would become little things.

I hoped so, because right now Jake felt like a big thing. A big empty space that had once been my heart. In time, that space would heal and maybe even fill up again. Until then, I’d find a way to live with the pain.

Looking around my new apartment as I gathered
books for class, I realized it was the mornings I missed the most. The three of us would talk about our plans for the day or tease each other about something stupid we had done. My kitchen felt too quiet in comparison, empty.

I sighed, resigned to the fact that I need
ed to stop on the “what if’s” and start to look forward. I needed to move on. One week of class left, finals, and then I’d have a good break before fall semester began. My parents wanted me to come home, and Alex made me promise I would the minute my finals were over. He also made me promise to tell them the truth, a process I was dreading. It would hurt them, and that was my biggest regret of all.

A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts, and I was grateful. Butterflies always seemed to accompany the dread of confession. At least I had ten more days until then. Ten more days to fret, I realized.

I opened my door only the have the butterflies skyrocket to my chest. Apprehensions, duties, and schedules flew away like feathers in the wind. Jake stood there, waiting. He smiled apprehensively at me, but I could only stare. He looked good, rested. Of course compared to my last memory of him, anything would look good.

He cleared his throat. “It took me a while to find you.”

I couldn’t respond, as I was too busy trying to still my beating heart. Hadn’t we said everything that needed to be said?

Jake glanced around me to look at the apartment. “This is nice. Do you have a minute?”

“Why are you here?” I finally asked, suddenly feeling annoyed that he had thrown me so off guard. Jake was the only person I knew who could take me from depression to irritation in the snap of a finger. 

He eyed my backpack and smiled. “Are you headed to class? It’s a little early yet, isn’t it?”

“I was going to grab some coffee on the way.”

His face lit up, reminding me of the man I had fallen for, the man whose blade was still lodged in my heart.

“Perfect, I’ll go with you. I snuck out before David made any.”

At a loss for words, I stumbled back into my apartment, grabbed my bag and locked the door. I began walking, and Jake fell in step next to me. The silence was charged, awkward, as neither of us chose to speak about the glaring elephant in the room.

“So David and Ashley set a date. February tenth. Looks like I’m going to have to find a new place to live,” Jake said casually as we walked. His hands were in his pockets and mine were crossed in non-verbal defense.

“That’s great. I’m happy for them.”

The silence continued, echoed in the trees around us.

“David said he met your brother. He said his size alone was intimidating, but the murder in his eyes had him shaking.” Jake chuckled, a quick solid sound that shook my defenses. “I’m really glad I wasn’t there. I don’t think I’d have come out alive. What about you? Did it go okay?”

I stopped, tears threatening to surface again. “Why are you here?” I demanded more forcefully this time.

Jake ran a hand through his hair and then nervously looked around. We were alone. The
campus stayed pretty sleepy in the summer until noon. Finally, he turned his eyes on me, remorse so visible that I was sure the tears would come at any moment.

“I miss you. I just wanted to see you, talk to you. There’s no ulterior motive here. I just want to have coffee, talk, and walk you to class. Will you allow me to do that?”

“I’m not going to change my mind about us,” I promised, watching him. “That door is shut. It closed the minute you walked out and went looking for someone else.”

Jake simply nodded. “I understand. That man has no right to be in your heart. He never did.”

Why was he being so calm and agreeable? It rattled me, the ease of his mannerism and voice. Too steady, too controlled, I realized, for it to be Jake. He began walking again toward the student union and I followed, still trying to wrap my head around this person next to me.

“So, Alex? Was he hard on you?”

Biting my lower lip to keep from trembling, I let out a calming breath. I could do this. I could be friendly. “Yes, but I deserved it. I’m not like that. I don’t lie to my family. I just got caught up in the drama and let the situation roll out of control. Looking back, I realize how dumb it was to try and handle all of this on my own when I’m surrounded by people who love me.”

Jake nodded in agreement. “Yes, I think I’ve come to the same conclusion. Speaking of which, Issy came to see me.”

Stopping short, I jerked my head towards him. “When? How is she?”

“A few days ago. She looked pretty good,
actually. Most of the bruising was gone. She still has a cast on her wrist and I think her ribs are still in bad shape, but in all, it was a vast improvement over what we saw in the hospital.”

I felt a load spring from my shoulders. I hadn’t even realized I had been holding on to the fear. “I’m so glad. Is she coming back?”

“No. Just a quick stop in to check on me. She wrote out her story. It’s unbelievable what she went through; I had no idea.” He got serious for a minute and then pulled a grin back, knocking my shoulder a little. “I’ve been trying not to own the guilt, but it’s hard.”

“Good.” I turned to face him, trying to dissect what was going on in his head. “Is everything okay, Jake? You seem…different.”

A larger smile moved across his face as his eyes danced with a secret he seemed unwilling to share. “Everything’s perfect.” He looked up at the building entrance we were standing in front of and opened the door for me. “Ready for coffee?”

We had coffee that morning and coffee the next day as well. In fact, by the time Friday rolled around, I just assumed Jake would be at my door to walk me to class. It bothered me that I looked forward to his company, but he had been nothing short of a perfect gentleman. We talked about life, school, everything except what went on between us in Atlanta. It was as if that day had been erased.

I glanced at my watch; he was later than usual. Finally, I resolved to leave or would be late for class. Opening the door in frustration at my disappointment, I almost kicked over the to go cup of coffee waiting at my doorstep right next to a dozen yellow roses. They were beautiful, with large buds and a light coat of pink along the tips.

Leaning down to pick up the full vase and coffee, I resisted opening the card until I had both securely on my table.

Naomi,

I have my appointment with Bruce this morning, so I won’t be able to walk you to class. I hope these are a nice substitute and brighten your day as much as you brighten mine. I’ll be waiting in the quad after class if you feel like grabbing some lunch.

Always,

Jake

Tears sprung to my eyes as I fingered the delicate flowers. My father gave me flowers every year on my birthday, but these felt different, special in a way I couldn’t define.

Kind of like Jake; he wa
s also special in a way I couldn’t define. I had expected his calm to change, for some of his brooding to resurface, but he remained steady. He even seemed to be happy, or at least content.

My mind kept working, analyzing all through class, distracting me from the final review we were doing. By the time I packed up and headed to the quad to meet Jake, I had decided that I would just ask him what is going on. Ask why he is acting so different. But he isn’t totally different, just better, brighter. Ugh! I needed to get out of my own head.

Jake sat, propped up against a tree when I found him. He was engrossed in a book and didn’t notice me until I was right up on him.

“Hey,” I greeted as I took a seat next to him.

He scrambled, quickly hiding the book he was reading. That just made me more curious.

“What were you reading?” I
attempted to reach for it.

He slid the small book
under him so I couldn’t get to it and laughed. “Not yet. I’ll tell you all about it when the time is right. You’re out earlier than I expected,” he noted, glancing at his watch.

“It was just a review, so we got out early.” I sat back, watching him. He looked relaxed and still held that adorable smile. “Thanks for the flowers…and the coffee. You didn’t have to do that.”

Jake sprung to his feet, offering a hand to help me up. “I wanted to. You hungry?”

I stood, facing him, searching his eyes for some explanation. “Jake, what are you doing?”

“Taking you to lunch, I thought.”

“No, not that. This week, your joyful demeanor, the flowers, the coffee. What is all of this?” I crossed my arms, refusing to budge until I got an answer that satisfied me.

Jake let out a sigh as he watched my determined face. “It’s me doing something I should have done from the very beginning.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, letting him know clearly that answer wasn’t going to fly.

He sighed, nervously brushing his hair back. “I’m courting you, or at least I’m trying to.”

I thought back to our conversation about what I want in a relationship, and felt anger burn in my stomach. “Jake, I’ve told you, you can’t change for me. Becoming something you are not just to get me back is not going to work.” I looked down at the book still sitting face down on the ground and lunged for it. “Is that why you didn’t want me to see this? Is it some how-to on seducing a wom--”

My breath disappeared when I turned it over. It was a Bible. Shaking my head, I dropped the book in his hand and began backing away. “This is too much, even for you.”

Jake caught me before I could flee. “This is not because of you. Bruce gave it to me this morning after our session.
He told me to read about Joseph; he thought I could relate to him in some way. Yes, I love you. Yes, I want you back, but I would never manipulate you in this way. It’s real.” His eyes pierced mine, begging me to believe him.

I attempted to back away, but he just moved forward, closing the space between us. “Yes, Atlanta mattered. It woke me up, was a turning point for me, but it was Issy who finally showed me forgiveness. Who finally penetrated that thick skull of mine and got me
to see the truth.”

I shook my head, refusing to hear what he was saying. “I can’t listen to this right now. I’m sorry, Jake, I don’t believe you.”

“I know. That is why I waited to tell you. I wanted you to see the change first, to feel it. I wanted you to know it is real and not some ploy. Let me show you. I can be whatever you’re ready for. Friends is fine, but please Naomi, give me a chance.”

The tears came now. “I did,” I whispered. “We don’t work, Jake. Your past, my family. None of it works. I can’t get the image of you that night out of my head.”

“I’m not that man anymore, Naomi. He restored my soul, just like that verse in Psalms said He would. If He can restore me, why can’t He restore us? Issy walked out on Grant, but he waited, believed in her and now look at them. That can be us too.”

His words poured through me, touching my heart almost as much as his hopeful face did. “That’s their love story, not ours.” My resigned tone hung in the air.

He dropped his hold on me, but pleaded one more time. “Naomi…please.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I grabbed my backpack and turned away from him, resisting every urge to take off running.

“I’ll fight for you. I’m not giving up on us,” he called from behind me and that was the final straw. I took off in a sprint, away from the quad and away from Jake’s sad voice. But, no matter how fast or how far I ran, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach followed me, and I began to wonder if it would ever leave again. 

33.
LEARNING WHEN TO FIGHT

JAKE

I tapped Matt’s leg again, forcing him to release his hold on me. He was as calm and focused as a bobcat on the edge of an attack. I, on the other hand, was breathing like a marathon runner and felt anger rip through me each time I failed to get a grip on him.

I never should have agreed to wrestle him, but his insistence that the adrenaline would make me feel better was too much to turn down.

Naomi wa
sn’t accepting any of my calls, and while I knew I could probably stake out her apartment, I didn’t want to corner her. She had finals going on and that stress alone was enough. I would wait, as promised, and then find a way to show her I had changed.

“Focus, Jake,” Matt scolded as he snapped his fingers in front of me.

I turned my attention back to him, resenting on multiple levels the calm that always surrounded him. He stood bracing for me, but watched me like a hawk.

Filled with determination to take him down this time, I lunged head first at his torso, expecting the contact force to make him stumble. I never even felt his stomach though, only his arm around my neck as he practically lifted my bent body off the ground.

Choking, I tapped his leg again. Then I cursed.

He pushed me back and then shook his head. “That’s called a guillotine choke, and you fell right into it. Never, ever lead with your head. How can you expect to take me down when you can’t see me?”

I knew the rage the minute it hit, and I lunged again, this time watching him with my arms leading and targeting his neck. The motion happened so fast, I barely registered it. One moment I was reaching, and the next, he had his hand on my wrist and I was falling backwards onto the ground. Matt straddled me the minute I hit it. I went for his neck again, attempting to buck him off of me, but found myself in another choke hold.

I tapped his leg and then slammed my hand on the mat in frustration.

“That’s a triangle hold,” Matt explained, still straddling me.

“Fine,” I spit out. “You going to get off of me now?”

“No, you are going to stop thinking with your anger and start thinking with your head. Just because you’re down, doesn’t mean I’ve won. I’ve got your upper body pinned, so what can you do to fight me off?”

I shifted my body again, trying with pure force to get him off of me. It was not effective.

“Think, Jake. What part of your body isn’t pinned?”

I took a breath, knowing he wa
s only trying to help me and finally conceded to listen. “My legs.”

“Exactly. I want you to roll your foot over mine, and lift your hips at the same time. As you see my balance wane, use all your force to flip me over. Got it?”

I nodded and Matt got back into the position he had me in to begin with. Concentrating, I went through the motions just as he described and pushed with all my strength the minute I felt his movement. To my shock and delight, I found myself on top, straddling him exactly the same way he had just me.

Matt started laughing at the surprised look on my face.

“That’s probably a good place to stop,” Matt offered, pushing me off of him.

“Unbelievable.” I was still staring down at where I just had him pinned.

Matt slapped my back as he passed me to get out of the ring. “See Jake, when life gets you down, you can’t give up or fight like a mad man. Sometimes it takes more faith, but there is always a way to get back up…if you’re smart about it.”

I thought about it for a second. “Do you think that’s what I need to do with Naomi? Not come on so strong?”

Matt turned his head to examine me. “Hard to say without the back story. You up for some food? There’s a great place just down the street from here.”

I paused, unsure if I wanted to go, knowing it hinted to some kind of friendship growing between the two of us.

I’d never had guy friends before. Sure, I had my frat brothers, but they were just drinking buddies. I’d been surrounded by women my whole life, felt fulfilled by them, loved by them. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe, as Bruce had mentioned, I put too much need and entitlement into my relationships with women.

Naomi had four brothers, which wa
s a reality I couldn’t escape. Maybe this would be a good way to practice before I had to face them.

“I could eat,” I finally agreed, leading Matt to chuckle and shake his head.

“Don’t look so stricken, Jake. It’s not like I’m asking you out on a date.” Matt laughed some more and then grabbed his stuff. I was too taken aback to respond and just watched him stroll into the locker room.

I q
uickly realized that Matt was as good at getting people to spill the beans as Bruce. Only thirty minutes into lunch I had already told him everything that went down with Issy, Grant, Robbie, and Naomi.

His response? “That’s messed up.”

“Which part?” I asked, trying to hold in a laugh at his candid statement.

“All of it,” he clarified, shaking his head. “Man, I’m sorry about your cousin. You think they’ll ever catch that guy?”

“Not without new evidence and a new detective. What’s worse is I don’t think Robbie will stop until he kills her. That’s why she and Grant have disappeared.”

Matt sat up in his chair, his face changing to a controlled fury. “Men like that are cowards. Beating up women? They should all be strung up by their fingernails and beaten until they’re the ones begging for mercy.”

I watched his face, listened to the tone of voice, and knew he wasn’t speaking in generalities. “You sound like you’ve got some experience with this.”

Matt sat back and sighed. “Yep. I was fathered by one of them. He was a drunk, and worse, a vicious drunk. I’d hide in my room listening to him beat up on my mom until I finally got old enough to take it on myself. He’d come home and I’d know immediately when he was gunning for her, so I’d do something to turn that wrath on me so she wouldn’t get beat so bad.”

I watched him in stunned silence, and nodded for him to continue.

“By the time I was fifteen, I was bigger and stronger than he was, which made the fights much less one sided. One night, I actually knocked him out, and that was the last time he touched me.”

“What about your mom?” I asked, my own anger starting to rise. I couldn’t imagine watching someone hurt my mother; I’d die first.

“She finally left him and we moved into this crappy apartment in a pretty rough part of town, but I loved it because we were free. But after a few months, he started with the phone calls and the flowers and the promises. She went back to him.”

“What?” I practically yelled.

Matt shook his head. “It’s a cycle, Jake. A pattern that is as hard to break as a drug addiction. I tried everything to stop her, even told her I wouldn’t go too, but she left anyway. She was dead a month later.”

Matt’s words ripped me up inside, not just because of the tragedy, but because I knew what it was like to lose a mother. I knew the kind of pain it left that never truly went away.

“I’m sorry,” was
all I could manage to say.

“Thanks. My life kind of went to hell after that. I started getting into fights, doing petty theft just to pay the bills. There was this girl who lived down the hall from me; had a dad just like mine. Well, she started hiding out at my place. Before long we were sleeping together and carrying on like we were already married. I was sure I loved her, that she had been sent to me for protection because I couldn’t protect my mom.”

“Were you able to?” I asked, completely absorbed into his story.

“It’s hard to protect someone who is addicted to abuse. That’s what Bruce has helped me realize. Maggie was no different. She’d seek out conflict, and boy would we fight. I mean, screaming, passionate fights that ripped me to the core. One day she brought a guy to my place just to mess with my head. After I beat him up pretty bad and threw him out the door, she started wailing on me, punching, and kicking and I snapped.

“I slapped her, hard. She fell to the ground in tears, and I just stood there, hating myself. She got up and started apologizing to me. Telling me how it was her fault that I hit her. I kicked her out and threw up. It’s an awful feeling, Jake, recognizing when you’ve turned into something you hate.”

I stared at him, feeling disgust, compassion, and understanding all in one. “Why did you tell me all this?”

“Because it’s all about patterns. You say you love this girl, want her back, but the minute things got hard, you walked away just like your old man did. What makes you think you’re not going to do that to her again?”

The way he was turning the conversation frustrated me. “I don’t know. I’m better now. I am doing this faith thing, and I have Bruce. I don’t feel like I did.”

“All those things are good; I’m not discounting them. But you’re still young, still in the process of healing. You’ve prayed a prayer and read a little from your Bible, but what else are you doing to grow in this faith? Because I know that God can and will change people. I’ve seen it myself, but it doesn’t mean that the past isn’t still there and that patterns aren’t still there. You are going to have to do more than just hope they go away.”

“And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Well, for starters, I think you should call your dad. Offer him the same level of forgiveness you are expecting Naomi to give you.”

“I can’t do that,” I seethed through my teeth.

“Why not?”  It is like we are in the ring all over again. Matt with his infuriating calm and me ready to tear him from limb to limb.

“Because it’s betraying my mom!” I yelled, then looked around as people glanced in my direction.

“Your mom is dead.”

His statement hung in the air and immediately brought tears to my eyes. “Not to me.”

Matt waited a beat until he saw me get back under control. He voice was still calm, but more soothing, counselor like. “I’d say that’s your first step, Jake. Letting her go. Everything else is out of your control. Naomi, Issy, Robbie. It’s like you’re pinned in those areas. Use what you can control—healing from her death and forgiving your father—to get off the ground. Once you do, those other things may not seem so impossible.

I took several deep breaths, willing my heart to stop racing. Finally when I had calmed, I turned the subject back to him.

“So is that what got you sent to juvie?”

“Nah, I hit an electronics store a few months later and got caught. Best thing that ever happened to me, because I met Bruce and he took me under his wing.”

“And the girl?” I asked, just because I wanted to know.

“Maggie? I don’t know. I never spoke to her again after that day. It did teach me a lesson, though. I’m not cut out for relationships. All that drama and emotion; it messes with me. Single life suits me better. I can focus on what matters without all the distraction.”

The conversation seemed to end at that point, leaving us without much more to talk about. We paid our bills and parted ways, but the conversation stayed with me, haunted me all the way back to the condo.

Moving toward the couch, I stared at my phone and wondered.
Could I really let her go? I scrolled down my contact list until I found what I was looking for. Taking a deep breath, I dialed the number and waited. As soon as I heard her voice on the other line, my heart sped up.

“Aunt Diana? Hey, it’s Jake. I was wondering if I could come see you for a few days. I…I need to talk to you about Mom…and about my father.”