Stand by Me (41 page)
‘I don’t know why June needs to be so spiteful,’ said Greg. ‘She was always a bit catty, but she’s getting worse with every passing day.’
‘She’s just saying what everyone thinks.’
‘Do you think it?’ asked Greg. ‘Do you truly think that I care more for Domino than you?’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ said Emma bitterly. ‘But then you’d feel entitled, wouldn’t you?’
‘You don’t know me at all, Emma. You should. But you don’t.’
‘I thought we had it worked out,’ she said. ‘I thought we’d be happy.’
‘Did you?’
‘I wanted us to be.’
Greg said nothing.
Emma watched him. She had nothing left to say herself.
Colin sold Dominique’s jewellery for her. He did it quietly and discreetly and gave her a cheque afterwards that she lodged in her newly opened personal bank account. Between that and the furniture money, the financial pressure was off for the time being. The cash that Brendan had left them, less what she’d contributed to Lily and Maurice, was tucked away in the bottom drawer of her dressing table.
The previous year, Dominique and Brendan had made elaborate plans for Kelly’s twenty-first birthday. It was to have been the biggest bash that Cork had ever seen. They’d booked a marquee, caterers and entertainment and had planned to invite half the county.
Now, despite the cash Brendan had left - which wouldn’t have covered half the cost anyway - neither Kelly nor Dominique was interested in or able to throw such a party. Dominique had cancelled everything, feeling that it wasn’t just Brendan who’d let their daughter down. By not being involved enough in what was going on in his life, she had too.
Kelly said that it didn’t matter about the party. Anyway, she told Dominique, she’d had a bash for her eighteenth. How many times, she asked, did she have to be reminded that she was getting older?
Dominique smiled at that and hugged her and told her that she loved her. And that they would celebrate her birthday together.
So, for the first time since Brendan had left, Dominique and Kelly went out to dinner. They chose Kelly’s favourite place, the popular vegetarian Café Paradiso, where they had risotto and tofu and shared a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Dominique handed Kelly a present of a silver chain and locket, which Brendan had given her as a wedding present and which Kelly immediately fastened around her neck.
They had never eaten out together like this before. There had been family celebrations, of course, with Brendan and sometimes an assortment of other Delahaye relatives. But they had never gone to a restaurant together for dinner on their own. The realisation hit Dominique, as she sat across the table from her, that Kelly wasn’t a child any more. She didn’t look at all childlike now, in her figure-hugging amber dress and with her tousled hair cascading around her heart-shaped face. She looked like a grown-up. Dominique wondered how that had suddenly happened. How one day Kelly had been a tomboy running around the garden, and now she was a serene beauty attracting admiring glances from total strangers. What did seem a total lifetime away was the time when Dominique hadn’t even been able to look at her, when she hadn’t cared about her one little bit. Now, in the midst of their family crisis, it was Kelly who was the constant, most important person in her life.
‘That was the best birthday meal ever,’ said Kelly as they waited for their coffees to arrive.
‘Oh, Kelly ...’
‘I mean it,’ Kelly said firmly. ‘The party would’ve been fun, of course. But this was nice. The two of us together, ignoring the sideways glances of people who can’t believe we’ve had the nerve to have a night out! Putting on a united front. It was good for us, Mum. Really.’
Dominique sighed. ‘Just not what we originally had in mind for today.’
‘Who cares?’ asked Kelly. ‘I liked being out with you. I really did. And I love my locket.’
‘Thank you,’ said Dominique.
‘No,’ said Kelly seriously. ‘Thank you, Mum, for doing your best even though it’s been tough.’
Dominique swallowed hard. ‘It’s going to get tougher.’
‘Oh?’
‘We need to move out of Gran and Grandad’s. We can’t stay with them for ever.’
‘I know that, but I like being with them,’ Kelly said.
‘I do too. But it’s hard on them, and we’re a constant reminder that your dad messed up.’
‘It’s not something that’s easy to forget,’ said Kelly darkly.
‘I realise that. But I guess we have to . . . move on.’
‘Where do you want to go?’ asked Kelly.
‘I don’t know yet. We should both think about it.’
Kelly nodded slowly. ‘I don’t want you to feel that you have to do things for me.’
‘Like what?’
‘Anything, really. I’m not sure.’ She shrugged easily. ‘If you have plans or ideas, they don’t have to include me.’
‘Kelly! Of course they do.’
‘I’m an adult now.’ She grinned. ‘I’m twenty-one. I have to map out my own life. I don’t want you to think that you have to do it for me.’
‘Of course not,’ said Dominique. ‘I understand how you feel. But I’m here for you, Kelly, no matter what. We have to get through this together.’
‘I know. I know. And we’re doing that, aren’t we?’ Kelly smiled at her. ‘You’re the best mum in the whole world.’
Dominique swallowed the lump in her throat at her daughter’s words.
‘Were you happy?’ Kelly asked suddenly. ‘You and Dad? Did you love each other?’
‘Sorry?’ Dominique looked startled.
‘You always looked great together,’ said Kelly. ‘You looked like the perfect couple. I was so proud of you. But did you love each other?’
‘We were good together. But there were some things we kept from each other. People do. Unfortunately, his business worries were one of those things.’
‘I asked if you were happy,’ said Kelly. ‘I asked if you loved each other. Not if you were good together.’
Dominique looked up and thanked the waiter, who’d placed their coffees on the table. She stirred hers, even though, as she didn’t take sugar, there was no need to.
Had they loved each other? From the start? She’d married for love, but had he? Right now, of course, she didn’t love him, but that was because she was so angry with him. But if all the problems of the last months hadn’t happened, if they were still together, would she be answering Kelly by saying that of course she loved Brendan? Would she be confident that he loved her equally in return? Had their marriage been a happy one?
She’d been happy. As a couple, they’d overcome her depression and his infidelity. He hadn’t left her and she hadn’t left him. They’d supported each other for better or for worse, just as they’d promised in their wedding vows. So he must have loved her and she must have loved him, because otherwise they wouldn’t still be together. Not, of course, that they actually were right now.
Kelly might look like a grown-up, but she didn’t need to know Dominique’s own uncertainties.
‘I loved your dad very much. We were very happy. I still love him,’ she said firmly.
‘And if . . . when he comes home . . . will you forgive him?’
‘Uncle Gabe would be very annoyed with me if I didn’t,’ said Dominique.
‘Uncle Gabe is an idiot,’ said Kelly.
Dominique was startled.
‘Well, he came rushing home and then he went rushing away again, and he seems to be on another planet altogether half the time.’
‘He spent so much time being a priest that he struggles to be an ordinary person,’ said Dominique.
‘I s’pose.’
‘He does his best. We all do.’
‘Even Aunt June and Uncle Barry?’ Kelly looked wickedly at her.
‘Well . . .’
‘It’s screwed up our whole family, this thing with Dad, hasn’t it? It’s made us all look at each other differently.’
Dominique nodded.
‘He’ll come back,’ said Kelly.
‘I’m sure he will,’ said Dominique, although that certainty was slipping further away every single day. And, whether she loved him or not, her desire to see him back was slipping further away too.
She couldn’t stay with Evelyn and Seamus in Dublin. She’d come too far to return to her parents’ home, even if she wanted to. And, tense as it had been at Lily’s, it would be even worse at Evelyn’s, with her mother lighting candles and praying at every available opportunity. Besides, Kelly couldn’t move to Dublin. She was due to go back to college in a few weeks; her whole life was in Cork.
A couple of days later, Kelly made her own decision.
‘I spoke to Alicia today and we’ve decided to move in together,’ she told Dominique.
‘What?’ Dominique was surprised at her daughter’s statement. ‘Where?’
‘Student accommodation,’ said Kelly. ‘With two other girls in college. It won’t be that expensive, and I thought that maybe you could give me some of the money Dad left to help pay for it. I mean, I know I have some money from my job at the radio station, and a bit of savings too, but ...’
Dominique looked thoughtful.
‘Is this something you want to do? Or are you doing it because you want to be independent and not have me worrying about you?’
Kelly grinned at her. ‘Both of those things. But yes, I want to do it too. So does Alicia. Her mum is driving her nuts.’
‘Huh.’ Dominique snorted. ‘Her and everyone else.’
‘She’s not a very nice person, is she?’
‘I suppose she’s stressed.’ Dominique always did her best not to bad-mouth any of their relatives in front of her daughter, even though she thought June was a poisonous bitch.
‘And we’re not?’
Dominique smiled. ‘Somehow, we’re dealing with it better.’
‘She was banging on at Alicia about us having a hidden stash of money. I thought she meant the five grand, but she was just talking about money generally. She’s convinced that you have access to millions.’
‘Her and the rest of the county,’ said Dominique wryly.
‘And she keeps calling me the trust-fund princess, even though I told her that I don’t have one.’
‘Your dad planned to build you a house.’
‘The best-laid plans ...’ Kelly sighed. ‘He was . . . is an awful fool.’
‘But you’re not,’ said Dominique. ‘You have best-laid plans of your own.’
Kelly nodded. ‘I need to do this. I want to. So does Alicia.’
‘I certainly won’t stop you,’ said Dominique. ‘I’m glad you’re independent and I’m glad you feel this is something you can do.’
‘But I don’t want you to be on your own and unhappy,’ said Kelly.
‘I haven’t made a decision on anything yet,’ Dominique told her. ‘But you’re not to worry about me at all. Honestly.’ She hugged her daughter. ‘We’re going to be fine.’
‘I know,’ said Kelly, and Dominique hoped that they were both right.
Dominique wanted to look for him. She’d always known that she wanted to look for him, but now, with Kelly having decided to move in with her cousin and friends, she felt that she could make her own decision. She would use some of their money to find him. She would confront him. After that . . . well, she didn’t know. But she did know that the only way for her to move on was for him to come back. She was certain of that.
Chapter 22
She went to London first. Brendan had travelled there frequently and she knew that he generally stayed at a small boutique hotel in Kensington. It was discreetly expensive, but, by the standards of the capital, not outrageous, so she didn’t feel too bad about staying there. A restored Edwardian building, it had a small marble foyer, an oak-panelled reception area and rooms that were reassuringly comfortable and relaxing.
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