Starfall (28 page)

As we sit on some rocks outside Nadine's cabin, the air feels chilly, but not freezing. March can be so unpredictable, like friendships. Caleb thought he was coming home for a couple of weeks of lighthearted fun; he had no idea he was walking into an emotional minefield. Well, that may not be entirely true. As my boyfriend, he's learned to expect the unexpected. But things have been much more easygoing for him in the role of Archie's best friend. Until now.

“What did it feel like?”

Archie doesn't look up from the ground when he answers Caleb's question; he keeps staring at the snow circles he's drawing with a twig.

“Exciting,” he replies. His voice part ashamed and part relieved at the chance to explain himself. “Invigorating, completely natural.”

If he were describing his first date with Napoleon, I would be thrilled, but he's not; he's describing Winston's death. Thankfully, I filled Caleb in on what's been going on with Archie—physically and mentally—so Caleb isn't blindsided; he was prepared to hear this news. Still, I can tell, by the way his hands remain shoved in his jacket pockets and his eyes remain glued to Archie's face, that he's both mesmerized and disgusted by our friend's comments.

“Had you thought about killing Winston or anyone before he started badmouthing Napoleon?” Caleb asks.

His twig stops moving, but Archie keeps staring at his artwork. “No.”

“Then it sounds like Arla and Domgirl are right,” Caleb deduces. “When you heard Lundgarden disparaging Napoleon, it triggered something inside of you, and some other force took control of your body.”

Finally, Archie drops the twig and turns to face Caleb. “But I didn't stop it. I never even thought about reeling it in. I just wanted to kill.”

“Because it was the first time,” Caleb replies. “Just like with Domgirl. But now that you know, now that you're aware of what this energy inside of you is capable of, you can prevent it from ever taking control of you again.”

Archie is smiling and shaking his head at the same time. I'm not sure if he's amused or annoyed by Caleb's questioning. “You make it sound so simple,” he says.

“Winter, it is simple,” Caleb affirms. “If you want it to be.”

“And what's that supposed to mean?”

Caleb takes his hands out of his pockets and grabs Archie by the neck. It's an old-man gesture, and in an instant Caleb ages before my eyes. His words and his actions possess a maturity I've never seen before.

“You're the strongest guy I know, Winter,” Caleb says, his voice soft and direct. “And if you make the choice to beat this thing, to overcome it the next time it wants to control you, you'll succeed. It's your call.”

A gust of wind blows Archie's hair around to reveal that the black roots still haven't gone away. Despite Archie's protestations, Nadine's evil presence is alive and well and living inside of him. And the problem is, I don't know if Archie wants to rid himself of the intruder.

I look up and see the moon rising in the sky. For the first time in months I actually wish the moon were already full and reigning so I could escape all of this. When Nadine opens the cabin door, I hesitate before following my friends inside. A part of me just wants to run through the woods and lose myself in the forest, but Archie isn't the only one who has to make a choice. Besides, there's no way I'm leaving Caleb and my friends at the mercy of Nadine, since when it comes to mercy, the girl is bankrupt.

“We need to make this fast, Nadine,” I announce once inside her cabin. “The moon is almost full, and we all know what that means.”

“Then tell me where my daughter is,” Nadine replies.

“Don't you find it the least bit odd that your grandmother didn't tell you?” Arla asks. “Or that woman who calls herself your mother?”

“And what would you know about the relationship between a mother and a daughter?” Nadine retorts. “Chat with lesbmom lately?”

“Leave her out of this, Nadine,” I say. “This is between you and me. Vera took your daughter.”

A black silhouette appears around Nadine's body. She's angry, but in control.

“I knew it!” she shouts. “How? How did she do it?”

“With my help,” I admit.

The silhouette grows a few inches, so she looks like the depiction of a revered saint.

“Tell me what you did!”

“I worked with your grandmother,” I say. “If it weren't for Luba, I could never have done it.”

The silhouette is gone, and the midnight-black snakes are back. They're writhing and flailing about Nadine's body. It's a wonder she isn't having a seizure from all their activity.

“Explain it to me!” she screams. “How exactly did you do it?”

“You mean
we,
how exactly did
we
do it,” I say, correcting her. “I found out you were having twins, and I shared your secret with Luba. She wasn't thrilled to find out that you were lying to her, but she had suspected you were plotting something.”

“You had no right!”

“I had every right!” I roar. “Because if you had both your children now, you would be in the position of ultimate power. There would be no need for Luba, and you'd have killed her just as easily as you killed your brother! I may not be valedictorian, but I'm not stupid!”

Nadine starts to pace the room like a wild animal, black streaks and curlicues traveling behind her. “I knew my grandmother was too stupid to figure it out on her own,” Nadine rails. “She thinks she's so untouchable. She thinks that no one could be as smart or powerful or cunning as her. She's always underestimated me, but no more. Where is my daughter!?”

“I told you, she's with Vera!” I shout. “She and Orion will raise your daughter and keep her far away from you. Forever.”

“She should be with me!” Nadine screams. “I'm her mother! How dare you intervene?!”

“You should be thanking me!” I cry. “If it were up to Luba, your daughter would be dead!”

“That isn't true!”

“You don't believe me, ask her yourself!”

“Tell me the truth, Dominy,” Nadine seethes. “Or I swear on my brother's life I'll kill whatever's left of your family and all of your friends!”

“Haven't you killed enough already?!”

When Nadine hears her brother's voice, I expect her to react the way her mother did, but I couldn't be more wrong.

“Shut up, you fool!”

“What more do you have to prove?” Napoleon asks.

“I told you to shut up!” Nadine cries. “I don't want to hear another word out of you.”

No, Nap's vocal appearance isn't going to make Nadine show remorse or reflect upon her actions; it's going to make her take action. All the tendrils of black light floating around her body fuse into one long stream and shoot out from Nadine's body directly into Arla's mouth. If it weren't for Caleb's grabbing hold of Arla just as she starts to collapse, she would be on the floor.

“Napoleon!” Archie cries, rushing to Arla's side. “Please don't go.”

“Stop whimpering, you idiot,” Nadine chastises. “My brother's dead.”

He may be dead, but he isn't taking things lying down. Just as Arla wakes up, the fireplace erupts; flames burst in every direction almost as wildly as Nadine's energy. After the initial explosion, the flames begin to shrink, and puffs of black smoke appear in between the red and orange fire. Napoleon is not happy with his sister's threats.

“And when I get through with all of you,” Nadine declares, “my grandmother's going to join him for betraying me!”

Suddenly the flames lose all their color, and a huge chunk of black smoke fills the fireplace. It levitates and frees itself from the confines of the hearth to move into the center of the cabin, filling the room with the smell of rotting eggs. I can't believe Nadine's words are getting her brother so angry; he's never reacted like this before. When the black smoke disappears, my confusion is justified. The smoke wasn't housing Napoleon; it was Luba.

“It's time for you to find out
exactly
what I'm capable of!” Luba shrieks, wisps of charred smoke tumbling out of her mouth when she speaks. “And if you think you're any match for my power, child . . .
think again!
”

Clearly frightened, Nadine holds her ground and lashes back at Luba with the same rage. “You plotted against me! How dare you?!”

“How dare you think you're worthy of taking my place!” Luba wails. “You want to defy me? You want to steal my power from me? Perhaps it's time that you suffered for your hubris!”

Nadine takes a step closer to Luba, all fear gone from her eyes. “You would
never
hurt me!”

“No, child, I wouldn't,” Luba replies.

A triumphant smile spreads across Nadine's thin lips. But her victory is short-lived and over by the time Luba finishes her sentence.

“But Dominy would.”

Unwolf me!

I can feel the moon's grip latch into my bones, digging deep into my soul to claim ownership, temporarily, but completely, and as much as I want to give in and become the moon's slave yet again, as much as I want to lose myself within a cloak of glorious red fur, it's too soon. No! I can't transform now, not after an announcement like that. Luba has a plan. I don't know what it is, but it involves me. As always she wants to use me, make me her pawn, her wolf-puppet, make me do the things that she's too cowardly to do herself. She wants to recline on her black throne and do her best imitation of her own disgusting god—Orion.
Well, guess what, Luba? Game time is over. I know too much now; I have too much knowledge; I know all about how balance works in this world, and I refuse to let someone as pathetic as you use me again!

You're not the only one with a plan.

“Is that right, Luba?” I ask, fully aware that I only have control over my voice for about another minute. “You believe I'll hurt Nadine because you're afraid of her?”

Luba's body doesn't move; she appears to be frozen in a black cloud of smoke, like an immaculately preserved fossil from a lost era. But then slowly the petrified surface begins to thaw, and her thin lips elongate to form a smile that has never known a moment of pure joy.

Making the sign of Orion with her left hand—her pinky and thumb touching, while her three remaining fingers point at me—Luba acknowledges that she understands I want to play a game. She also knows my playtime is running out.

“Are you that foolish, wolf-child, to accuse me of knowing fear?” she asks.

“I've seen your eyes when you look at Vera,” I reply. “It's the same look you had in your eyes when I told you about Nadine's plot to get rid of you.”

“That's a lie!” Nadine protests. “Don't listen to her!”

“Quiet!”

The sound of Luba's voice reaches Nadine a few seconds after the blast of black smoke slams into her face.

Caleb moves in front of Arla, who is standing now, once again in control of her body, in a feeble attempt to protect her. I wish they would leave, take Archie with them, but I know they won't; they're going to see this out to the end. Maybe it's time to push things along. Luba wants to use me; well, it's time I used her.

I look outside and see that the moonglow is blinding; it's pulsing with life,
my
life! It wants me, and it doesn't want to wait any longer for its prize.

“What are you so afraid of, Luba?” I ask, trying to ignore the blood starting to boil underneath my flesh. “Why are you so afraid to be the one to show Nadine exactly how furious you are? Exactly who has more power!”

Silence is her reaction! Well, I don't have
time
for silence!!

“Are you that
stupid,
Luba?!” I shout. “Your granddaughter wanted you dead!”

“She
still
wants her dead!” Nadine screams.

Her voice sounds more ferocious and wild and primitive than any sound that has ever emerged from my wolf lips. Nadine's eyes are mad, her neck thickened and reddened by the angry, blood-soaked veins trying to escape their fleshy host, her entire body tilting forward, kept in place only by Luba's black smoke.

“You . . . stole... my . . . child!”

The heat spreading throughout my body is too much to ignore, and I gasp as I fall forward and my hands slam into the wooden floor.
Fight this, Dominy; fight it for as long as you can!

“Luba wanted to kill your daughter!” I scream, the last word sounding more like some horrific, guttural cry.

I shake my head futilely, trying to ward off the onslaught of pain and change. Even through my blurred vision I can see Caleb and my friends shudder and press their backs into the walls of the cabin, desperately trying to escape what they know they'll witness once again.

“If it weren't for me, Nadine, your daughter would be dead!”

“No!” Nadine cries.

That one sound contains such innocence and horror and shame that it's almost pitiable. Nadine is fully aware of what her grandmother is capable of; she can testify to Luba's maliciousness; she has carried out Luba's sinister plots and championed her evil—but there was always a speck in Nadine's soiled soul that was pure. It was alive with the knowledge that her grandmother was her ally.

Every familial relationship is complex; it's filled with love and hate, compassion and vengeance, pride and envy. Nadine and Luba's relationship is really no different than my relationship with Barnaby. No matter how dire the circumstances between us may seem, I would stand beside my brother and protect him with my dying breath. Nadine thought she could expect the same from Luba. She was wrong.

“You were going to kill my daughter?” she asks.

Gone is fury; in its place, meek wonder. And as a reply, brutal honesty.

“Of course I was going to kill her,” Luba replies, her voice clear and unfettered by a conscience. “Do you truly think I was going to allow you to replace me without taking action?”

The clouds surrounding the moon depart, allowing it to hang in the sky in all its silver glory. A huge burst of moonlight engulfs the room and shines on Nadine's face, making her look younger and more fragile than she's ever appeared.

“I thought . . .” she says. “I thought you would understand.”

Instantly the black smoke swirls around Nadine's body and then retreats into Luba's waiting, hungry mouth. Once Luba's swallowed, once she's consumed whatever disgust is contained within that blackness, she flies through the air, only stopping when her face is an inch from Nadine's. Completely horizontal, completely mesmerizing, Luba finally replies.

“You . . . thought . . .
wrong!
”

When my bones begin to break I know my time is up; I've stayed on this side of humanhood as long as possible. I don't know if it's because I fought the transformation this time or if it's because I'm terrified of being in this cursed state while in Luba's presence, but the pain is excruciating.

Each snap feels like it's in slow motion, the pain lingering within me, making my body shake violently. I bang my fist so hard into the ground that I break a floorboard in two. I'm gripping it so tightly with my fingers that for a second I think I'm looking at my reddened flesh and not my fur-covered paw.

In mid-change, I raise my neck and catch Arla staring at me, her eyes fascinated and frightened. She tries valiantly, but she can only hold my gaze for a few seconds before closing her eyes and moving her lips frantically in prayer. There is no way I can hold her instinct against her; she knows what I'm capable of. Caleb's quite a different story.

His eyes never wander; they never falter; they consume me just as the moon and the curse and the wolf devour my body. His eyes look the same as they did the first time he kissed me, the first time he made love to me, the way they're always going to look at me for the rest of our lives, no matter if we stay together or if we part tomorrow. They're filled with unconditional love. And I stare back at him with the same look in my eyes.

Even when the girl is buried deep within the wolf's soul, unseen by the rest of the world, I stare at him, tug on our invisible thread, and maintain my connection to the real world. Unfortunately, Luba has a way of making me question which world—the wolf's or the girl's—is the most real.

“You shouldn't have lied to me, child,” Luba tells Nadine. “You shouldn't have concealed the truth about your pregnancy.”

Lowering her chin and lengthening her back, Nadine tries to compose herself; she tries to exude her usual arrogance, but only succeeds in looking childishly defiant. “I know you would've done the same thing if you were in my place,” Nadine retorts.

“If our roles had been reversed, child,” Luba whispers, “you would already be dead.”

“Then how can you hold my actions against me?” Nadine asks. “You
do
understand. You would've done the same thing!”

“Because I am Luba! And you are nothing more than my subject!”

Her voice is so loud and thunderous, I can feel the fur all over my body sway in the breeze. I'm not sure what's more grotesque, her words or their impact. She's rationalizing her own despicable actions; she's rationalizing plotting to kill her own great-granddaughter.

“I thought I was your heir!” Nadine rails back. “I thought I was being groomed to inherit your power.”

“Again, you thought wrong!” Luba cries. “Had you not been so selfish and greedy and impatient, my power would have come to you naturally, but you have defiled Orion's spirit!”

“How?!” Nadine asks. “By wanting to be filled with more of His glory?”

“By thinking you were ready to defeat His most sacred pupil!” Luba replies. “But if it's a fight you want, perhaps we can find you a worthy opponent.”

Still floating in the air, Luba twists her neck so all her hair falls from the left side of her face like an onyx dagger. Smiling at me and then at Nadine, she roars, “My two most prized possessions! The wolf and the witch.”

I drag my nails across the floor, disgusted by the comparison.

“Shall we see which one is stronger?”

Howling furiously, I try to convey to the others that I understand Luba's plan. She wants Nadine and me to fight to the death. Either she'll be rid of her nemesis, her wayward creation, and move on to another prey, or she'll be rid of her granddaughter, her unscrupulous sycophant, and be able to reclaim the child Vera took and raise Nadine's twins as her own, once again the head of the triumvirate, administering power instead of sharing it. It's a foolproof plan; either way Luba ends up victorious.

There's only one problem. There's no way I'm going to fight; there's no way I'm going to allow Luba to curse me with causing another death. That's brave talk for a wolf, but a girl is much weaker.

In an instant Luba is standing in front of me, unfazed by my open mouth, my saliva-glistened fangs. That's because she can see beyond the exterior and peer deep within the wolf. To stare into the soul of the girl.

“Come out, Dominy,” she taunts. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

“Leave her alone!” Caleb shouts.

Luba doesn't look away; she merely raises her arm, and I don't have to turn my head to know that Caleb and Arla have been attacked, because I hear them crash into the floor. There is silence on my other side. Archie hasn't moved, not to run away, nor to try and protect me. He's merely watching.

“We're waiting!”

Glaring at me, Luba once again makes the sign of Orion and extends her arm. Is she insane? She's going to shove her hand in my mouth. Do it! Do it so I can bite it off and swallow it! I'll digest every disgusting piece of your flesh if it'll stop you! But Luba isn't that careless; she's putting on a show.

Three streams of black smoke spring out from her fingers, twist around each other like a long, ebony braid, and hover in the air for just a second before plunging straight down my throat. I bite down hard, but it's too late; my body's being invaded by this foreign force, and I'm defenseless against its attack.

“Dominy!”

Caleb's voice crashes against my ears as Luba's smoke burns into my stomach and spreads out like wind, unstoppable, deep within me.

“What are you doing to her?” Caleb cries.

“Making her reveal her true self,” Luba replies.

Something tells me to keep my mouth clenched, to not allow the smoke to free itself from this wolf prison. Whimpering sounds trickle out of me as my body bangs into the floor; my paws try to grip into the wood, but my legs can hardly remain straight. There's a war going on inside of me, and regardless of who wins, I lose.

“Open wide, Dominy,” Luba commands.

For the first time that I can remember, Luba uses her own two hands to do battle. She grabs my snout, one hand on top, the other on the bottom, and tries to open my mouth. Clenching down tight against her assault, I can hear my teeth gnash against each other; I can feel my fangs pierce the skin of my lip; I can taste my own sweet, sweet blood. It reminds me of how hungry I am, and it gives Luba that tiny piece of leverage she needs.

She yanks open my mouth with such force that I expect her to rip my jaw from my body and raise it over her head as her trophy. But Luba isn't interested in fleshly prizes. She's come for my soul.

Smoke pours out of my mouth, but it isn't black; it's red. It isn't Luba's spirit that's leaving my body; it's Dominy's.

Like an illusionist pulling a long red scarf from his mouth, Luba pulls a long stream of red smoke from mine. Inch by inch the smoke emerges, making me gag and retch and choke. Tears sputter from my eyes, moistening my fur, making my vision as blurry as it is during a transformation, which makes sense, because right now I'm going through another change. I blink my eyes because I can't believe what I'm seeing. The red smoke is taking shape, the shape of a girl, the girl who lives deep inside of me.

“Dominy!”

The people around me shout the same name practically in unison. They're as shocked as I am to see this girl emerge, to see her shape become molded by the smoke, to see her come alive bathed in the color of blood right before their eyes. But this is no frightened newborn; this girl has been waiting to be freed.

Inhaling sharply, Dominy's body floats a few feet higher off the floor. Her head tilts back so her long, incredibly long, red hair, a wild tangled mane, hangs behind her. Her lithe body is covered in a long slip, almost a membrane that barely covers her sinewy, muscled body. Every feature of her is glorious; every inch of her body is alive.

Face-to-face we stand, wolf and girl, for the first time since our cursed birth, separated, tentative, and unsure of our new surroundings, these new sensations, but desperate to experience them. We look deeply into each other's eyes, and we see ourselves, and we smile. For all the horror we have witnessed, we always know we'll have each other.