S.T.I.N.K.B.O.M.B. (18 page)

The following morning breakfast was ordered to the room. As Barney devoured cereal, a full English, toast and pastries, Finn watched Sky News.

When a human-interest story about a skateboarding dog came on Finn laughed so hard that fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Fifteen minutes later, when the loop of daily news had been completed,
the item about the dog was screened again – and once again Finn was doubled up with laughter.

‘I have a feeling there might be a funny story in a minute about – oh, I don’t know – a skateboarding dog,’ Barney mused.

When the Jack Russell appeared on the screen for the third time, Finn’s mouth widened into its characteristic circle. ‘How did you know that was coming?’ he asked in
wonderment. But before Barney could answer, the dog’s antics had reduced Finn to helpless giggles once more.

Archie, who had woken first and immediately connected his phone to the hotel’s wireless broadband, checked Dr Doom’s blog for the twentieth time. Disappointment pulsed through him as
he saw that Doom still hadn’t posted anything since the art gallery clue. Just as he was closing his Internet browser his phone bleeped twice, but before he could read the incoming text there
was a knock at the door, accompanied by a female voice.

‘Housekeeping!’

Barney checked the spyhole in the door before opening it just long enough for three people to enter the room. Helen Highwater strode in first, wearing a black suit and carrying a clipboard
– looking every inch the hotel housekeeper recording which rooms had been serviced. Holden Grey entered next, wearing the drab navy overalls of a hotel maintenance man. He was followed by
Gemma, dressed in a plain grey nylon smock and white mop cap and pushing a large trolley.

Archie couldn’t help smiling at his fellow agent’s disguise.

‘Don’t say a word, Yankee,’ she warned, her eyes narrowing.

‘What?’ Archie held his hands up. ‘I think you look fantastic. I mean – you know – your
disguise
looks fantastic. I wasn’t saying . . .’
Archie’s voice tailed off and his cheeks reddened.

‘I’m happy to see you too,’ Barney offered. ‘In fact you’ve
maid
my day.’

‘Shut
up
!’ Agent X-ray grabbed a towel off her trolley and tossed it at him.

‘OK, that’s enough!’ barked Highwater.

‘IC is right, guys,’ said Grey. ‘You all need to make like cucumbers and that means, er, take a cool pill.’

Highwater turned to Archie. ‘As for you, Yankee, I’d have thought you’d be on your best behaviour after the dog’s breakfast you made of yesterday’s surveillance
mission.’ Her mouth suddenly twisted with disgust as she turned and noticed the strange bulbous-eyed character laughing hysterically at the TV. ‘Who on earth is that?’

Grey added, ‘And what in the name of Fifty Percent is the matter with his skin?’

‘That’s Finn,’ Archie explained. ‘I tried to tell you about him on the phone! Doom genetically crossed him with a fish. He was with this other guy at the gallery who was
like half insect or something – one of our friendly evil maniac’s more aggressive creations.’

‘The insect dude was super-strong too,’ Barney piped up. ‘He held me off the ground with one arm.’

Highwater eyed Barney up and down, mentally estimating his weight. ‘That is
unbelievably
strong,’ she remarked.

‘Why would Doctor Doom be genetically mixing people with other species like fish and insects?’ Gemma mused. ‘Maybe
Finn
can shed some light on matters?’

Finn flinched on hearing his name. ‘Sorry? Oh, hello.’

Archie explained that the three new arrivals were all members of a government agency tasked with capturing Dr Doom before he completed his mysterious plot.

‘Have we met before?’ asked Finn, his eyes fixed on Gemma.

She shook her head. ‘Er . . . no. We just got here.’

‘You met Barney and me yesterday,’ Archie explained, placing a reassuring hand on Finn’s shoulder.

‘IC, Agent X-ray and I arrived this morning,’ Grey explained. ‘We’re going to help track down Doctor Doom.’

‘Did you say Doom? I think I might have met him before,’ Finn offered uncertainly.

‘Can you remember where?’ Archie enquired, but Finn’s attention had already been grabbed by events on the TV screen. ‘Finn!’ Archie snapped.

Finn’s head whipped round to face him. ‘Hmm?’

Archie took a deep, calming breath. ‘Can you remember where you met Doctor Doom?’ he asked evenly.

‘Met who?’

Archie flinched slightly. ‘Never mind.’

Highwater walked to the window and stood for a moment, gazing at the cool blue lake below before speaking.

‘Agents Yankee and Zulu,’ she said sternly, ‘can I speak with you both?’

Archie felt his heart pounding as, followed by Barney, he approached his boss.

‘Yesterday’s mission . . .’ Highwater said, as if announcing the title of a poem she was about to recite. The two boys nodded contritely. ‘What a complete shambles. I
might have been willing to overlook your disobedience had you managed to secure a useful witness but instead you have enlisted the help of a smelly halfwit with a nasty dose of psoriasis.’
Archie opened his mouth to protest but Highwater was in full flow, white saliva gathering at the corners of her mouth as she ranted. ‘Thanks to your antics, today’s papers are full of
the details of the kidnapping of a promising young mountain climber from an art gallery There’s also an appeal from the Hamburg police for two witnesses, who were seen brawling with the
suspects, to come forward. What was I
thinking
sending you two on such an important mission? What made me
think
that kids could actually do the job of fully fledged agents? What on
earth were you
thinking
engaging Doom’s henchmen in broad daylight?’

It was a moment before Archie realised the last of Highwater’s questions wasn’t rhetorical. In fact, she was angrily awaiting an answer. ‘Oh . . . well, that was my fault. I
saw this guy being kidnapped and I thought . . .’

‘Yes?’

‘Well, I thought I might be able to rescue him.’

‘And what about the integrity of our mission, Agent Yankee?’

‘What was I supposed to do – just stand by and watch him being kidnapped?’ he asked plaintively.

‘Yes,’ Highwater shrieked. ‘That’s
precisely
what you should have done.’

‘What if they were going to kill him?’

‘So be it.’ Highwater’s eyes were like flint behind her glasses – cold and hard. ‘National security could potentially hang on the success of this mission. That is
more important than the fate of any individual – whether they be a record-breaking mountaineer or indeed your father. Is that clear?’

Both boys studied their trainers and nodded.

‘Once you two have been delivered, Agent X-ray will escort Finn to the airport to board an RAF Hercules bound for Northolt airbase. In the fullness of time he will be thoroughly debriefed
by a team of medical specialists.’

‘When you say we’ll be delivered . . . ?’ Barney probed.

Highwater peered over her spectacles at him. ‘In ten minutes some local police officers will respond to an anonymous tip-off from yours truly that I will make when I leave this room. They
will come and take you and Yankee down to the station and question you about yesterday’s events. My sources tell me there are already whisperings within the local Polizei that you two are
something to do with MI6. If they find out MI6 has been running covert ops – and I use the term in the loosest possible sense – in their back yard without permission we could have a
diplomatic disaster on our hands. We need to nip this in the bud. Am I making myself understood?’

‘Er . . . yes, ma’am,’ Archie and Barney chorused.

Highwater continued, jabbing her finger at each of the boys in turn. ‘You have to convince them that you are just two tourists caught up in a random street crime. If they ask you anything
about the secret service just act dumb. Which shouldn’t be too much of a stretch. If you cooperate you’ll probably be freed in about four or five hours.’

‘Won’t they be suspicious that we haven’t got any passports or ID?’ Archie asked.

Highwater shrugged. ‘Tell them the bad guys stole them or you lost them or something. Actually, tell them anything you like but don’t mention MI6 or STINKBOMB and whatever you do
don’t mention my name. When they’re done with you they’ll despatch you to the British Embassy. I’ll collect you there later when the coast is clear and I’ve finished
my business.’

‘Where are you going?’ Archie asked.

‘Me? I shall be on a conference call explaining to the DG and Huge Ego . . . I mean Hugh Figo . . . why my agents were brawling in the street when they were supposed to be engaged in
covert surveillance.’

Holden Grey nodded to Gemma. ‘We’re about to leave you in the capable hands of Agent X-ray’s, erm, hands. She will remain undercover and guard this room from the outside until
the Polizei come knocking.’

‘What about Finn?’ said Archie.

‘He’ll be undercover too.’ Gemma smirked and patted the giant laundry basket she’d wheeled in. ‘Actually he’ll be under
bed
covers – and towels
or whatever. Our priority is to get Finn back to HQ for a thorough debrief without the German authorities knowing we were ever here.’

Followed by Grey Highwater marched across the room, pausing when she got to the door. ‘And if I hear that you haven’t followed orders to the letter you’ll find yourselves on a
plane to the Falklands quicker than you can say “Livin’ la Vida Loca”.’

The two adults left the room, closing the door softly behind them. Gemma stared at Archie and Barney.

‘Wow!’ Archie sighed, forcing a nervous laugh. ‘What is
her
problem?’

‘
Her
problem,’ Gemma mimicked, ‘is you.’

‘I was only—’

‘It might surprise you to hear this,’ Gemma interrupted, ‘but I’m not interested in what you were only. This whole operation isn’t about you. And the sooner you
stop treating it like your own private adventure and realise we’re a team, the better.’

‘Look, I’m sorry, OK?’ Archie retorted, emotion strangling his voice. ‘I was just trying to help that guy.’

‘Well, you may have ruined everything in the process.’

‘Don’t you think I know that?’ Archie shouted, tears smearing his vision. ‘It’s my father that’s missing, you know. If I’ve messed up then I’m the
one with most to lose.’

Gemma crossed the room slowly and stood in front of Archie. For a moment she said nothing. Archie drew a wobbly breath and wiped away his tears with his sleeve. Hesitantly he raised his eyes and
looked into hers.

‘Grow up,’ she said coldly.

‘Wh-what?’

‘I’m sorry your dad’s been kidnapped, really I am. But STINKBOMB’s mission – your mission – isn’t about saving him – it’s about saving the
world.’ Gemma placed a firm hand on Archie’s shoulder. ‘I know it’s tough but you can’t base your decisions on rescuing individuals. You have to follow orders, simple
as.’

‘That’s easy for you to say, but–’

‘Look, I know what it’s like to lose someone, OK?’ Gemma’s voice wavered. Taking out her purse she flashed Archie a snap of a teenage boy with bleached, spiky hair and a
pierced eyebrow.

‘This is my brother Jason. He went AWOL on Christmas Eve eighteen months ago. We haven’t seen or heard from him since.’

‘That’s why you hacked into the police computer?’

‘Well, I didn’t find out anything I didn’t already know.’ Gemma shrugged. ‘All I’m saying is this isn’t all about you.’ With that she walked into
the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Archie looked at Barney and returned his reassuring smile with a single nod.

Suddenly Finn looked away from the TV and scanned the room. ‘Where did Gemma go?’ he asked.

When Gemma returned from the bathroom, Barney and Finn were perched on the bed while Archie slumped in the easy chair by the window. He was reading the report of the previous
day’s kidnapping at the foot of page twelve of
Die Zeitung
, the German national newspaper.

‘It says the victim was Karl Schumaker, aged seventeen,’ Archie translated. ‘He was an accomplished mountaineer – one of the youngest people ever to conquer Mount Everest
and K2.’

‘I wonder what Doctor Doom wants with a mountain climber?’ Barney remarked.

‘Whatever it is it’s bound to be
summit
evil,’ Archie said drily before continuing to read the paper. ‘
Police believe Mr Schumaker, who was a regular visitor at
the gallery, had arranged to meet a friend at the time he was apprehended by two suspects. Police are also appealing for two witnesses who were seen engaging the suspects in a fight outside the
gallery
.’

‘Great work, guys.’ Gemma rolled her eyes. ‘How come you speak German anyway?’

Archie shrugged. ‘My dad was stationed at RAF Laarbruch when I was younger. I went to school in Dusseldorf for a few years and just sort of picked it up.’

‘Smarty-pants,’ said Gemma.

‘Not really,’ Archie said humbly. ‘German just came naturally. I had much more trouble learning Italian when we lived in Milan.’

‘I see.’ Gemma glanced at her watch. ‘OK, Finn, I need you to jump in this laundry basket,’ she announced. ‘The police will be here any minute and we need to be at
the end of the corridor when they arrive.’