Stolen Girl (13 page)

The tears stung in my eyes. They dripped furiously down the side of my cheeks onto the floor. I knew then that there was no such thing as a free lunch, cigarettes, chocolate or bags of crisps. Now he was taking his payment – I was his payment.

Even though Wadi had sex with me against my will I didn’t realise it was rape. It sounds crazy but I was young and naive. I didn’t think he was breaking the law. I thought it was my fault, that I was somehow to blame for leading him on.

Afterwards I ran all the way home. Wadi’s laughter was still ringing in my ears as I sprinted along the path. By the time I reached the end of the street I began to retch. The thought of what had just happened made me feel sick. I wanted to shout out and tell someone, but I blamed myself. I’d gone there even though I knew he fancied me. Perhaps this was all my doing, perhaps I’d led him on? I decided no one could know about this; I’d rather die than let that happen.

The following day, Mum noticed a bruise on the back my left arm where Wadi had gripped and pinned me down hard against the floor.

‘I was fighting with Andrew,’ I said, as quick as a flash.

Mum tutted and pulled a face. She’d believed me. I was safe, for now.

Days later, when Vicky asked me to go to the shop I couldn’t think what to say. I didn’t want to tell her what had happened
but I knew that if I said no, she’d be suspicious. So I went. I was frightened when I saw him but Wadi was so utterly charming that I believed him and even forgave him when he started saying nice things to me again. It made me feel better about what had happened.

‘You’re so beautiful, Katie. You are my girlfriend and I love you,’ he whispered when Vicky was out of earshot.

I liked it when he said those nice things. He told me I was his girlfriend and I thought that made it alright again. He’d had sex with me because I was his girlfriend. I wandered over to Vicky, who was glancing through a pile of magazines.

‘Katie, look at the state of that,’ she said, pointing to someone on the page but my mind was still elsewhere. Suddenly my mobile phone bleeped.

I glanced down at it: ‘Let’s meet again, xx’. It was a text from Wadi.

‘Who is it?’ asked Vicky, trying to read the screen.

‘Just Lauren,’ I replied, flipping the phone shut and throwing it back inside my school bag.

Vicky sighed and looked at the row of sweets.

‘What shall we have tonight?’ she said, running her fingers along the chocolate bars. But I didn’t have an appetite. My stomach was too churned up for food.

I glanced over at Wadi. He winked and pointed down at his phone. I smiled weakly. I wasn’t sure about this, or him, but maybe he was trying to be kind. He was my boyfriend – he’d told me so and now he just wanted to look after me. I was confused but part of me craved the love and attention he gave me.

After that I returned to the shop time and time again, without Vicky. I don’t know why I went back, other than I
loved the fact that Wadi seemed to worship me. Vicky didn’t know Wadi and I were an item and I knew I wouldn’t tell her. Wadi told me he loved me and I so desperately wanted to be loved. When he said I was special I believed him because I wanted to. Even having sex in the back of his shop became kind of normal after a while.

Sometimes, we’d go into the back, leaving Tali in charge behind the counter. It made me feel important, special even. But I often wondered if Tali knew what we were doing. I desperately hoped that he didn’t think I was some cheap nasty little tart. But after a few months that’s how I started to feel – I was a dirty girl and this was all I deserved. Bit by bit, I lost any respect I once had for myself.

‘I’ll look after you,’ Wadi whispered in my ear.

His breath was hot against my neck. He was strong so I believed him when he said he’d protect me.

‘I’d like that,’ I replied numbly.

Wadi wasn’t nasty or violent and he didn’t call me names like the other boys at school. He was kind and generous as long as I kept him happy and had sex with him then everything would be alright. Only things weren’t. I didn’t realise it then but I was paying for his love and attention with my innocence.

A few weeks later I walked into the shop to find that Wadi wasn’t there. Instead Tali stood up when he saw me walk through the door. We started to chat. It was obvious I liked Tali and soon he was flirting with me.

‘Come upstairs, Katie,’ he said, taking my hand.

I pulled it away playfully and looked up at him. Tali smiled and walked over to the door. He locked it and turned the red sign to ‘closed’. I knew what was coming but I didn’t mind. I liked Tali and he fancied me.

As we climbed the stairs at the back of the shop I felt a little giddy. I knew there was a flat above the shop because they were always carrying stock up there. But the flat was empty; no one lived there so we’d be all alone. Tali held my hand in his as he led me along a corridor, past a small bathroom and into a large bedroom. The room was empty apart from a double bed in the middle. The bed was unmade with only a stained mattress on top. I knew what he wanted, but unlike my first time with Wadi, I didn’t feel frightened.

Tali kissed me, slowly at first. He told me how much he loved me – and I loved hearing him say those words. As he peeled away my clothes he kissed me and told me how special I was. His words meant more than Wadi’s, because it was Tali that I really loved.

The surroundings were grim but it didn’t matter because now I had two men who loved me and wanted to be with me. Before long I was having sex with both of them and even though they knew about one another, they didn’t seem to mind sharing. Deep down, I knew it was wrong but I craved the love they gave me and somehow when they said they loved me it made it alright again. Even so, I didn’t tell a soul. I didn’t want the other girls to call me a slag; I shuddered at what they’d say if they knew. But the others were just silly little girls – they weren’t grown-up, special and loved like me. I was loved by two men – Wadi and Tali were my boyfriends. I still saw Dean too but only very occasionally now. I preferred the others because they showered me with presents – cigarettes, alcohol, whatever I wanted. It didn’t matter if the sex was sometimes rough, because they loved me.

‘You’re so pretty, Katie,’ Tali told me time and time again. He flattered me constantly.

A few days after we’d had sex in the flat, Tali begged me to meet him again.

‘I’ll be in my car. I’ll park behind the back of the shop – six o’clock.’ He put a finger to his lips as if this was our secret. I grinned.

Later that night as I crept into the unlit alley I heard the familiar sound of a car engine. As I approached I saw the outline of a dark car – it was Tali, he was waiting just as he’d promised. My heart skipped a beat.

‘Get in the back,’ he whispered. I wasn’t sure why he was whispering; maybe he didn’t want Wadi to hear because it was obvious I loved Tali.

I fastened my seat belt and glanced sideways out of the car window. I expected Tali to drive away but instead we just sat there.

‘No,’ he hissed, with a downward wave of his hand, ‘you need to lie down so that no one can see you.’

I stared at him blankly.

‘I’m married,’ he told me. ‘I can’t be seen driving through town with a white girl in the back of my car – people know me.’

I knew both Tali and Wadi had wives but it didn’t bother me because I knew it was part of their culture to marry young. Sometimes I got a bit upset when I thought of Tali with his wife, but he assured me he’d never really loved her. He said she was ill and even though he wanted to leave, he couldn’t because the shock would kill her.

Tali was still waiting for me to lie down on the back seat so I did as he said. After a quarter of an hour, we pulled into a petrol station on the outskirts of town. I knew where we were because I could see the neon sign lit up outside.

Tali turned to me.

‘Katie, I need you to lie on the floor instead.’

I looked up at him, a bit confused.

‘We can’t risk you being seen,’ he explained.

I nodded and climbed off the seat onto the floor below. It was cramped and the carpet felt rough and cheap against my face. I tried not to look too much. It was filthy down there with crumbs and mud off people’s shoes. I heard Tali get out of the car and slam the door. Moments later he reappeared with something in his hand. He thrust a hand back down towards me on the floor and waved a packet in front of my face – it was a packet of condoms.

‘You can’t be too careful,’ he winked.

I tried to smile back but my arms and legs had gone numb and the dust on the floor was making me sneeze.

‘Shush!’ Tali hissed. ‘You’ll get us caught!’

Lying down there, I felt every bump as we continued along the rest of our journey. Every pothole juddered through me as we rattled along the road. Soon we were in the countryside. I wasn’t sure where but I knew I’d be safe with Tali. Suddenly he parked up the car and pulled on the handbrake.

‘It’s okay, you can sit up now,’ he told me.

‘Where are we?’ I asked, peering out of the window. It was late and everything was black, and even though there was moonlight it was hard to make out shapes – I saw trees but not much else.

‘We’re in the country,’ Tali grinned, ‘where no one can find us.’

He undid his belt, walked around to the back of the car and climbed onto the back seat with me. We started to kiss. I was in the middle of nowhere with a grown man but I wasn’t frightened. Tali would protect me, just as he promised.

He put his hand inside his jacket pocket and pulled out the box of condoms. The silver square wrapper glinted in the moonlight as he ripped it open. Tali pulled down my jeans and then we had sex.

‘I love you,’ he told me.

It meant everything to me to hear him say those words because I loved him too. I truly believed this was love. I wanted to stay right there in Tali’s arms forever but then I noticed him glance down at his watch.

‘I’ve got to go,’ he announced.

Sadly, I sank back down onto the car floor so that he could drive us home. Half an hour later, we parked up in the same alleyway at the back of the shop and I hoisted myself back up onto the car seat.

‘Hurry home,’ he urged, as if I was a child. ‘You don’t want to be late.’

I felt a little hurt when he shooed me out of his car but I turned to give him one last wave. He waved back, started up the engine and roared off, leaving me standing there. I ran all the way home. When I reached the front door I was still smiling. I loved Tali and he loved me; everything was perfect. Soon we’d be together, just as he promised. I told myself that I’d finish things with Dean and Wadi and then we’d buy a house together, and I wouldn’t have to live with Mum and Phil anymore; I’d be all grown up with a place of my own.

But Tali wanted me to grow up too quickly. The second time we had sex in the flat above the shop, he told me he wanted to try something different – he wanted to try anal sex, so we did. It hurt like hell and I got no enjoyment from it, but Tali said he loved me even more for letting him do it.

A few nights later, he picked me up in the usual place and
told me to lie down. But this time I refused because my back was hurting.

‘I’ll lie on the back seat but not on the floor,’ I told him.

Tali rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. He was annoyed but I didn’t want to lie on the smelly carpet anymore.

‘Can’t I sit up yet?’ I begged, but he refused.

‘We’re not there yet!’ he snapped.

I lifted my head up slightly to find out where we were but all I could see was trees. Thinking we were safe in the countryside, I sat up but when he saw me, Tali went mad.

‘What are you doing?’ he screamed. ‘Get down!’

I shrugged my shoulders. There wasn’t a soul around – he was panicking for nothing.

He was still trying to get me to lie down when we turned a corner. Suddenly we found ourselves surrounded by a group of women, all on horseback.

‘Stay down, stay down,’ Tali panicked, waving his left arm madly.

But I refused. I was sick of hiding – I loved Tali, we were going to be together soon, so what did it matter? I was proud that he was my boyfriend and I wanted everyone to see us.

After they’d passed, Tali screeched to a halt on a dirt track. He turned to face me – he was furious.

‘You’re going to get me caught!’ he shouted.

‘So what?’ I answered back. ‘Then you’ll have to leave your wife and kids, and then we’ll be together.’

But he wasn’t listening: he was furious I’d disobeyed him.

A week later, I caught him looking at his mobile phone.

‘Here, let me take a picture?’ he suggested.

I was naked, lying on top of the bed in the flat above the shop.

‘No, I’ve got no clothes on!’ I giggled, trying to cover myself up.

‘It doesn’t matter, you don’t need clothes. You’re beautiful as you are.’

I smiled and lay back down. Tali had just called me beautiful and I felt it. He took dozens of pictures of me. I giggled because I knew it was naughty.

‘This will give me something to look at when I’m not with you,’ he grinned.

I kissed him. I didn’t mind – I was glad that Tali wanted to see me naked because it made me feel sexy.

A few weeks later, he was flicking through his phone when I spotted something – the photographs he’d taken of me, only this time they made me feel uncomfortable.

‘Delete them, please!’ I begged.

Tali pulled a sad face. ‘Okay, Katie, anything for you.’

But he didn’t delete the photographs. Instead he persuaded me to let him take even more.

‘I’m not sure,’ I told him.

I don’t know what had changed but something had. Tali loved me but suddenly him taking naked photos of me on his phone made me feel dirty.

‘But I love you,’ Tali insisted. ‘I’m going to buy you a house and we’ll move in together as soon as I can.’

‘But why can’t we live together now?’ I asked.

‘It’s my wife, Katie – you know she’s sick.’

I pushed his arms away.

‘Just leave her,’ I demanded, ‘then we can be together, forever.’

Tali shook his head. ‘Not while she’s sick, it wouldn’t be right. I will leave her but I can’t yet.’