Strong Enough to Love (4 page)

His cock filled her so thoroughly that she was caught between utter relief at having him inside her and the amazement of being invaded so completely. Tears of joy welled in her eyes. “Brian,” she breathed, the only truth she could speak at that moment.

“Jesus, Eve. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Tell me you need this.”

“I need it,” she answered immediately. “I need it so much.”

“Yes. God, yes.” He fucked her deeper. Harder. Pushing out all the loneliness and hurt. He filled her up with what she’d always wanted. His body and need and want. “Tell me,” he urged again.

“I need you, Brian. I need you. I always have. Please. Please.”

He whispered her name again, over and over, each time he buried himself inside her. Every stroke made her want to weep. Every thrust was an answer to all her needs and sorrows. Brian was inside her. Finally.

Just as she slid her hands down to his ass to pull him even tighter to her, he paused and shook his head. “Wait. I need a second.”

Her eyes popped open. “Why?”

“Because if you keep being so hot, I’m going to come. So just...get your nails out of my ass and stop making those fucking gorgeous sounds.”

Hard to believe she could go from tears to laughter in the span of a few minutes, but she could hear herself laughing in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious.”

She let go of his ass.

“Just give me a second to...” He withdrew slightly and slipped his hand down her belly.

“Oh,” she groaned, arching into his fingers as they teased her clit. “Oh, fuck.”

“Shh. You have to be quiet, remember?” He thrust slowly inside her and she cried out. “Shh.”

But she cried out again and again, and he urged her on, telling her how beautiful she looked, telling her how she drove him crazy. “I need to feel you come for me, Eve. I need to feel that. I need to see that. Come for me.”

She couldn’t believe Brian was saying these wicked things. Couldn’t believe how rough and dark his voice was. He’d always been so careful with her. Always so circumspect. And now his voice was in her ear, telling her to come.
Come.

He drove her crazy with the same slow thrusts, but his fingers stroked her clit faster and she was screaming now. Screaming as she felt everything in her body draw tight and heavy and huge. And then she broke apart with a wild cry, her hips bucking against him, forcing him to fuck her harder, faster.

“Yes,” he growled. “Yes, Eve. Jesus...I can’t...” His words ended on a strangled growl as he shuddered and pushed himself deep inside her body.

She slipped her hands down his slick back, thrilled that she’d made him sweat for her, thrilled at the way his breath tore from his throat. And thrilled with the unbelievable pleasure that had nearly broken her in two.

It was too much with him. Everything always had been. And though she’d told herself that he’d never live up to her fantasies, that it couldn’t possibly be that good... God, it had been.

How the hell was she going to leave?

But she didn’t have to think about that now. Not for a few minutes. He was still inside her, after all, still naked and pressed against her. He put his forehead to hers and opened his eyes. “You’re beautiful when you come,” he murmured.

“So are you,” she said, meaning it despite the way he laughed and shook his head. When he rolled off her to grab a tissue, she blinked in shock. He’d left her body too quickly. Didn’t he know she’d never get to feel that again?

He lay back down with a sigh. “I didn’t think that could feel better than I’d fantasized, but Jesus...”

She smiled despite her sadness. “Yeah. I know.” When he tucked his arm behind her head, she turned toward him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to lay naked against him, her knee on his thigh, her belly against his hip. How could it feel like resuming her normal place when she’d never done this before?

“Did you fantasize about this?” she asked as she laid her cheek against his warm chest.

“Yes. A thousand times. Did you?”

“Yes.”

“I was never sure. Not until the very end.”

She brushed her hand lightly across the dark hair of his chest. “I didn’t want you to know.”

He nodded. “I know. We were friends. It felt too important to risk, especially since...” He let the words die, and Eve didn’t fill them in. “It got so bad I could barely be around you sometimes. And when I realized you felt the same, it made it better and worse all at the same time. I had to go.”

She stroked her hand down until she could skim her fingers over his stomach. His muscles drew in. She touched his hipbone, his thigh. She memorized the shape of him under her fingers. Because two years ago, he’d had to go. He’d had to leave her. And she couldn’t forgive him for that.

“How long have you planned to come back?” she asked.

“When I left, I knew I’d come back if I could. And six months ago, Julia and I decided it was over. There were loose ends that needed tying up. Details to work out. But it was over.”

“What if I’d met someone? What if I’d gotten married?” she tried to ask it lightly, but his chest rose beneath her cheek on a deep breath.

“I couldn’t ask you to wait. Everything was up in the air. I knew I was taking a big chance, but I had to go back to Raleigh one more time.”

She nodded, but she wanted to scream. She wanted to hit him and tell him he could stuff his morals where the sun didn’t shine. Because what he meant was that it had been worth the risk. Worth the risk of giving her up forever. Worth never knowing if everything he’d wanted was right there in front of him. Worth breaking her heart.

She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone. She’d had to carry on as if she were happy to have this new business, this new life.

“I had to remodel the gallery, you know.” She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. “I had to spend money I didn’t have to change everything, because I could see you there. Every day. In every corner.”

His arm squeezed her closer. “I’m sorry.”

“Everything I’d ever worked for, all those years in banking and finance, working with people who didn’t understand anything about me... All those years of saving up and dreaming, and I finally had a place. My own place in the world. And it meant nothing without you.”

“Eve—”

She pushed up and sat on the edge of the bed. She hadn’t meant to say that. She shook her head. “You gave me up, Brian. You told yourself you
had
to, so you did. But I wasn’t left here just to be scooped up when you wanted me back.” She stood and pulled on her panties. “You took the chance of walking away, the risk of losing me forever, and you lost.”

“I’m sorry. I know you’re angry.”

He sounded so calm. So steady and understanding. She wanted him angry and afraid, damn it.

“Don’t go now,” he whispered.

“I told you this was it, and I meant it.”

“You said one night, not an hour.”

She fastened her bra, and pulled on her dress before turning to smirk. “I have to go. There’s really nothing I can do.”

“Damn it, Eve. Don’t be petty.”

“Fuck you,” she growled. “I’ll be as petty as I want. What did being reasonable ever get me?” She could feel it inside her now, every time she moved. The way he’d stretched her and filled her and left his mark. Her body was sore. She’d feel him for a day, at least. Maybe more.

“All right.” He sounded so calm as she tugged up the zipper of her dress. “Go. I hate it, if that’s what you’re looking for. I want to strip that dress off you and push you back on this bed and have you again.” He stood, still naked in the face of her anger. “But go, if you need to. I can let you, because this isn’t the end of us. It can’t be. I can’t live with that.”

“I know exactly how you feel,” she snapped, grabbing her purse and trying to get her heels on at the same time. “And I was wrong when I thought it, too. Goodbye, Brian.”

She walked away from him, telling herself not to look back. Not to take him in or reach for him or change her mind. She walked out and her numb legs took her away from him for the last time.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Y
OU
LOOK
AMAZING
!”
Grace said once she’d gotten half her coffee down.

Eve ducked her head and stared harder at the proofs she was examining on her laptop. She’d expected to toss and turn all night. She’d expected to be racked with heartbreak. Instead, she’d fallen into bed and slept like a woman who... Well, a woman who’d just had the best sex of her life.

Christ, it had been so good. Everything else aside, how was she going to live without that for another fifty or sixty years? Knowing she’d had that and wouldn’t again? She scowled.

“What is going on with you? Why are you growling at the proofs?”

“I’m not growling.”

“Okay, tiger. I guess that’s a perfectly normal photography-related sound.”

“You get more annoying every day, you know that?”

“What’s that red mark on your neck?”

Eve jumped so violently that the stool shifted under her and she had to grab the counter to keep from tumbling to the floor. She raised her head slowly to find Grace standing there, arms crossed, and a huge grin spreading over her face. It was the most delighted she’d ever looked.

“I hate you,” Eve whispered.

“Spill it.”

“No.”

Grace nodded. “You took that cute guy home from the party?”

“I did not! He was still there when I left.”

“Booty call?”

“No!”

“That must be a hell of a new vibrator, then. I’ll need the make and model, please.”

An image of Brian, naked and boxed and wrapped in a bow, flashed through Eve’s brain. “It’s not... He’s not...”

Grace raised an eyebrow, and Eve slumped in defeat.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she whispered.

“Oh. Hey.” Grace’s grin disappeared and she stepped forward to put a careful hand on Eve’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I thought this was just about sex.”

“It is,” Eve insisted, but her voice was too desperate to fool even the dullest friend, and Grace was sharp as a razor.

“Eve,” she scolded, but the word was mostly worry. “Are you okay?”

She wanted to say yes. She meant to say yes. But instead she told the truth. “No, actually. No, I’m not okay.”

“All right.” Grace scooted around the long counter and locked the door. Then she turned the sign to CLOSED.

“What if we have a customer?”

“It’s March. The only customers are locals. We’ll reopen in a few minutes and they’ll come back.”

“Fine.” She followed Grace into the office and dropped resentfully into a chair.

“What’s going on with you?” Grace demanded, then seemed to realize her tough-girl attitude was the wrong call and softened her voice. “I mean... What’s wrong?”

Eve opened her mouth. And she closed it. She shouldn’t have admitted anything. She should have kept quiet. But the words pushed at her from the inside. She’d never been able to say anything to anyone. He was married. People had known his wife. Eve’s heart had been breaking, her dreams in turmoil, and all she’d ever done was keep working. Keep moving. Because if she’d ever stopped, it would have caught up with her.

But now she wanted it out.

“I fell in love with a married man,” she blurted, then pressed her fingers to her mouth to stop the sob of shock that followed her words.

“Oh, sweetie, no.” Grace wrapped a hand around Eve’s elbow.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Hey. Listen. Everybody screws up sometime, okay? It’s going to be all right. I swear.”

Tears spilled over Eve’s cheeks and she ducked her head.

“Don’t cry,” Grace urged as she scooted closer to wrap her arm around Eve’s shoulder. “Don’t cry.”

“I can’t talk to anyone,” Eve sobbed.

“You can talk to me. You know I won’t judge you. You didn’t judge me and that was one of the best gifts I ever got from anyone. You can talk to me, Eve. Please.”

She shook her head, half because she was afraid to let it out and half because her throat was so tight, she couldn’t.

“Are you still seeing him or did you break it off?”

Eve shook her head again.

“Oh, Eve, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

“God, no!” Eve yelped. “No! It’s not like that. We never... That is... We never took it that far.”

“Oh.” Grace looked slightly disgruntled when she sat back.

“Oh, my God. Are you
disappointed?
”

“Of course not!” She cleared her throat. “But you know...if you’re going to be all heartbreak and longing over the guy, you should at least get sex.”

“You’re terrible,” Eve scolded. But she also indulged in a watery laugh.

Grace smiled. “I know. But you stopped crying. Now, tell me what happened with this married man you never had sex with.”

So Eve did. Explaining how she’d left a lucrative, unsatisfying career in banking and moved to Jackson to take a year off. She’d skied and hiked and rediscovered her old love of photography. And then she’d met Brian. She’d worked for him in the gallery during the busy season. During the quiet months, he’d helped her relearn everything she’d forgotten about photography since college. Then he’d taught her more. And he’d become her best friend. Her companion. Her world.

“I never said anything. I never did anything. He was married, and I didn’t want to be a mistake. I didn’t want to hurt him or anyone he loved. But I did wonder if he felt the same. I fantasized. I hoped. He and his wife were separated. She’d gone back to their old home in Raleigh two years before. So... I hoped. And then he told me he was leaving.”

“Her?”

“No. Me. He was going back to try with her again.”

“God, Eve. I’m so sorry.” Grace squeezed her hand.

“I tried to be supportive. I said the right things. But suddenly I was choked up and I couldn’t stop the tears. I ran out. I didn’t take his calls. I couldn’t. Because I loved him and I hated that he didn’t care. It hurt so much. And it was humiliating. So when I came back a few days later, I pretended nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong. And when he offered to sell me the gallery, I bought it, as if it were nothing but another business deal. A month later, he left. It was over.”

“But that must have been years ago.”

“Yes. Two years. He came back yesterday.”

Grace leaned forward. “And?”

“He’s divorced. He wants another chance. Or a first chance, I guess.”

“
And?
” she repeated, her voice rising.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Grace demanded.

Eve pulled her numb fingers from Grace’s fist. “I can’t do that. I can’t feel that way again. It was too...”

“Too good?”

“No. Too much. Too hard. He overwhelms me, Grace. He makes me want everything. Makes me want to
give
everything. And that sounds romantic and lovely, but when he walked away, he took all of that everything with him. I can’t forgive that. And I can’t risk that again. I was so damn lost.” She didn’t cry. It wasn’t much, but at least she kept it together in that moment. And it felt good to say it out loud.

“I understand. You know I do. But this guy...he came back. And as cruel as it sounds, you can’t fault him for trying to make his marriage work.”

“As cruel as it sounds... yes. That’s the worst part. I hate him for that. And I hate myself for that ugliness. It was bad enough that I wanted someone else’s husband. Jesus. Then I resented her, too?”

“You’re human. And so is he. He probably didn’t realize what he felt for you until he was gone.”

“But that’s the thing. He did. He left me a letter. He knew what there was between us. He knew what it could be. He was honest and upfront and honorable. It was beautiful to read. And so damn horrible, because I couldn’t pretend he was just an oblivious man who didn’t get it. He understood perfectly, Grace. And it still wasn’t a good enough reason to stay.” She swallowed and said the words out loud that she’d thought to herself so many times. “I wasn’t enough reason to stay.”

Grace shook her head. “So you’re just giving up? That’s it?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Grace squeezed her fingers one last time. “Listen to me. He’s a man. And he had it in his head that he needed to try to make his marriage work, right?”

“I guess.”

“He had a plan, and he stuck to it, and he was doing what needed to be done. It had nothing to do with hurting you.”

“I know. I was collateral damage.”

Grace nodded. “Yes. Unfortunately. And now you’re pissed off, so... What? You just told him to go away?”

“Um. Kind of. I told him I couldn’t give him another chance.”

“And?”

Eve squirmed. She picked at rough edge of her thumb nail.

“Spill it.”

“I told him we could have one night. That’s it.”

Grace squealed and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my God,” she gushed past her fingers. “You dirty little slut. You
granted
him one night in your bed?”

“Not quite like that. And not in my bed. I went to his hotel.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but just one second.” Grace jumped from her chair and danced around the room with a frantic little step that didn’t seem possible in her clunky black boots. “Oh, my God, I knew it. You look transformed.” She dropped back into the chair. “Was it that good?”

“Oh, God. Grace. I don’t even...” She let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “It was so good.” She didn’t realize she’d started crying again until she reached to scratch her temple and her hand came away wet. “It was the best. Another reason to hate him.”

“For making it so good?”

“Yes. Exactly.”

Grace’s smile turned sympathetic. “Shit. I’m sorry. He’s a bastard.”

“He is,” she said, not meaning it. She could hate him, but he wasn’t mean or cruel or a liar. He’d hurt her with complete honesty.

She didn’t want to talk about this anymore, so she cleared her throat and reached out to straighten a vivid blue strand of Grace’s hair. “Will you let me take some shots of you this weekend?”

Grace groaned.

“Come on. I want to get it done before the spring colors start blooming. Your hair will be perfect in a grove of winter aspen. All that black and white and gray. And then you in the center of it.”

Grace tried to shake off her hand. “Fine. Okay. But stop trying to change the topic. Is he leaving?”

“Brian?” she asked.

“Yes,” Grace answered drily. “Unless there’s more than one guy.”

“I don’t think he’s leaving. Not yet.”

“Good. You need to think carefully about this. You can’t throw something like that away. Not even over a broken heart.”

Eve crossed her arms. “I can.”

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

All the hard humor she normally showed fell away from Grace’s face. She met Eve’s gaze and she held it. “Because he makes you want everything, and you deserve that. You’ve earned it, Eve. Everything.”

“I can’t,” she said, shaking her head, but something that had been sleeping inside her seemed to wake and raise its head. Something strong and proud. “I can’t,” she repeated, and that animal inside her growled.

Because...what if she could?