Strong Enough to Love (5 page)

CHAPTER FIVE

B
RIAN
WALKED
ALONG
the boardwalk, watching his shadow stretch in front of him. He walked toward Eve. Toward what he wanted.

He didn’t care that she’d tried to send him away. He’d already gone once. He wasn’t going again. Especially not after last night.

Holy shit. That had been both the most natural thing he’d ever done, and the most breathtaking.

Everything. She was everything. What he wanted, what he needed, what was good for him. All of that in one woman.

He wasn’t letting her go. Yesterday, he’d been uncertain, filled with guilt about hurting her. Uncertain if she’d take him back. But today? Today he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. That he’d never touch anyone else. That this was it.

When he reached the gallery, he stopped at the front window. Though a large photo of Grand Teton was suspended in front of it, he could see past the edge of the frame to the long counter beyond. A girl with bright blue hair sat there, and beyond her stood Eve.

Yesterday, Eve’s hair had been down, a long brown curtain of silk that had slipped over his hands. But today it was pulled back in a careless ponytail, and his gut tightened at the familiar sight. How many hundreds of times had he seen her like that? Caught up in something, unaware he was watching, her head bent and brow drawn down with thought? How many times had he let his gaze drift to her neck and imagined kissing her there, at that tender spot just where her hair swept up?

He sighed as that old, dull ache beat in his chest. As much as he’d wanted to make love to her, it had been those small touches that had been the hardest to resist. His love for her had come so naturally that not acting on it had felt like blasphemy. It had killed him a little every day.

But last night had been a damned glorious resurrection.

He opened the door.

“Hi,” said the blue-haired woman, still clicking away on her laptop. “Can I help you?”

Eve turned before he could answer. He didn’t bother saying anything. She knew why he was here, and she didn’t seem happy about it.

“Oh,” the other woman said as she looked up. “Um.”

He cleared his throat and reached out a hand. “Hi. I’m Brian.”

She shook his hand. “I’m Grace. And I just realized it’s almost closing time, so...” She glanced at Eve, who nodded. Grace scooted off her stool. “Nice to meet you, Brian. I’ll see you later. Maybe. Or not. Um. Anyway, I’ll go now.”

Eve had been talking about him to this woman. He wasn’t sure whether to be worried by that, but he couldn’t deny the primal thrill he felt at the thought of Eve telling someone about him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as soon as Grace had grabbed her bag and disappeared out the door.

“I came to see you. I thought you could give me a tour. Show me what you’ve done.”

“I told you this was over.”

“And I told you it wasn’t.”

She walked past him to lock the front door. “You don’t get to dictate this, Brian. This time it isn’t up to you.”

He winced inside but kept his face blank. “I’ll just have to convince you, then.”

She shot him a cool, inscrutable look. It was meant to keep him at a distance, he supposed, but he’d already been at a distance. He’d be damned if he’d go back.

Eve retreated behind the counter and started straightening things. Brochures. Business cards. It had always struck him as funny, this nervous habit of hers, because her living space was so chaotic, the difference being that when she was comfortable and happy, she didn’t need things to be organized. He wanted her to be messy with him.

“Can I talk you into dinner?” he asked.

“Brian—”

“I’m not going away. I know you’re hurt. I’m sorry. I’ll apologize a thousand times, but I won’t leave.”

“So you’re going to stalk me,” she snapped.

“No.” God, he didn’t know how to say this without sounding psychotic. That he’d thought about her every single day. That she’d been everything to him, even when she shouldn’t have been. “After last night, Eve, I’m not giving up.”

Her jaw went tight. Her cheeks turned pink. She avoided his eyes and walked toward an office door to shut off the light.

Her phone rang and she seemed relieved to answer it. He was content with the chance to watch her move.

“Hello? Oh, hi, Mitch.” Her gaze flew to Brian, then slid quickly away. “Good. Yes, it was good to see you, too. Of course.”

He listened openly, not bothering to hide his interest.

“This Wednesday? I’m not sure I...” She looked up and flushed. “Maybe. I’ll need to check my schedule, but I have a customer here right now. Can I call you tomorrow? Good. Thanks.”

Brian raised an eyebrow as she ended the call.

Eve just glared.

“A date?”

“Yes,” she snapped. “Absolutely.”

“I hope you’ll let him down easy.”

“I won’t. I don’t have any reason to. We’ve gone out a few times and we’ll do it again.”

“Yeah? Lots of chemistry?” He felt more than a small surge of satisfaction when she got flustered at that. No. She didn’t have chemistry with that guy. At least not the kind she had with Brian. That was an impossibility, because it was too damn rare. He knew that from personal experience.

Everything about Eve made him want to sink into her. Everything had been right...except the timing.

“You’re jealous?” she finally snapped. She stalked to the far wall to turn off the exhibit lighting.

“No,” he answered honestly. “Should I be?”

“You’re kidding, right? Do you think I’ve been celibate for the past two years?”

She snapped off the last of the lights and plunged them into darkness, but the streetlamps leaked light through the window and his eyes adjusted. She grabbed her bag, and he followed her out the front door.

“You think I just gave up when you left?” she pressed as she locked the door and stomped away from him. He followed. “You think I just pined for you?”

“No.” No, he’d known she would see other men. He’d even known she might fall in love. He’d wanted that for her. Wanted her to be happy. Even if he also hoped she’d wait for him, if he were being honest. “I know you didn’t. That’s okay.”

“That’s okay,” she repeated. She stopped halfway up the stairs to her apartment and shot him an inscrutable look over her shoulder. “Of course it’s okay. It means nothing to you.” She hurried up the rest of the stairs and unlocked the door.

Brian shoved his hands into his pockets and followed her in. “What do you want me to say? That it’s not okay? That’d be a little hypocritical, wouldn’t it?”

She slammed the door. “I want you to say it matters to you! That you’re jealous. That you’re hurt by it.”

“Eve...” He dropped his head and studied his shoes, hoping that would make his mind work better. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to take her pain away or even mitigate it. “It matters to me.”

“I had sex with him,” she said coldly.

He hadn’t wanted to know that. He didn’t like it. But if he was being honest... “After last night,” he started, then paused as a memory washed over him, of Eve coming for him, her body squeezing his cock as she screamed his name. God. “If I’d known about it before, while I was away, it would have driven me crazy. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. It would’ve tortured me to know. But after last night, I don’t care what you did with that guy. Because it wasn’t anything like what we did, was it? Nothing has ever been like that.”

The anger on her face melted into a vulnerability that stripped his nerves raw. She looked...scared. Of him. “Eve.” He reached for her slowly, easing his fingers along her jaw. He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. “I don’t care what you did with him, because after last night, you’re never going to do it again.”

“You can’t—”

But he slid his hand behind her neck and eased her closer. Close enough that he could press his mouth to hers and stop her words. Her lips parted. He tasted her. His bruised heart pounded.

Her neck was warm against his fingers. That sweet, smooth skin he’d stolen so many glances of. He rubbed his thumb up to her neckline and felt her shiver. “I love you,” he whispered against her mouth.

She gasped. “Stop it. You don’t get to say that.”

“Yes, I do. I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing’s changed.”

“I’ve changed.” She pressed her hands to his chest to push him away, but when he dragged his mouth to her neck, she arched into him.

“Fine,” he said against her skin. “But I haven’t. I still love you. I still want you. My hands still shake when I think about you. Your smile. Your laugh. That look on your face when you’re working and you forget I’m there. And your skin. Jesus, Eve. Your skin. And the line of your back.” He slipped a hand down her spine, closing his eyes at the way the small of her back curved into her ass. He pulled her against his body and kissed her neck again. “The scent of you. And the taste. I want to taste you, Eve. I want to spend hours tasting you. Days.”

She wasn’t pushing away anymore. Her hands slid around to his shoulders. Her nails dug into him. She pressed herself against his erection, and he groaned at the pleasure.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I can’t. You walked away. You tossed this aside like it was nothing, and it wasn’t.”

“I know. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even though I had to do it, I regretted it. I hated it.”

“But I was the one who felt guilty. Who felt wrong. For wanting you at all, and then for not wanting you to try again with your wife.”

“Is that why you’re tossing it aside this time, Eve?”

She stiffened in his arms. “What? I’m not tossing anything aside.”

He let her go and met her narrowed gaze. “Yes, you are. You’re giving this up. Walking away. Because of pride. This time it’s you.”

“It’s not pride,” she insisted, her voice breaking a little. “You
hurt
me.”

“I know.”

“You made a decision that changed my life and you never even asked how I felt. Do you have any idea how lonely I was? And how eaten up inside?
I
knew that thing you didn’t want to know. I knew you were with someone else, sharing a life, sharing a bed. I knew that every second of every day. So I had to give up everything I felt for you, because it was
killing
me.”

Tears spilled over her eyes. She tried to wipe them away, but then her face crumpled. “It hurt so much that it scared me. I didn’t know how to make it go away.”

“Eve.” He wrapped her in his arms and she clung to him, sobbing against his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. Nothing in the world would have made me walk away from you except that one thing. My obligation to my wife, yes, but I also didn’t want it to start that way with you. My marriage felt over, but Eve, it was still there in my life. I wasn’t a clean slate for you. I didn’t want it to feel wrong, because it’s so fucking right between us. It’s so easy and comfortable but there’s need and lust, too, and... I’ve never felt that before. I didn’t want it to be something either of us would regret. I’m sorry.”

Her fists tightened in his shirt. Her back trembled under hands.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Please give me another chance. Please. I swear, I won’t hurt you again. It’s right this time, Eve. I swear it.”

She drew in a shaky breath. And then another. But she didn’t say a word.

“I know you built a life for yourself while I was gone. I just want to see if you can fit me into it. If you can’t, if you decide it’s not worth forgiving me, then...”

Then what? He had no idea. He breathed in her scent and tried to imagine what he’d do with himself if he had to let her go again. It would be so much harder this time. This time, he’d be chained by the memory of her body, of knowing how good it was between them. Knowing he’d never have that even one more time, and that he’d never find it with anyone else.

Her back rose against his hands as she took a deep breath. “I know you’ll hurt me again.”

“I won’t. I—”

“Stop. You will. Loving someone...that means feeling things that will hurt sometimes, in small ways, at least. And in big ways when things go wrong.”

“Eve...” He shook his head.

“But I learned how to be strong when you left. Stronger than I thought I was. I got through it.”

He nodded. “I know. You’re amazing. You always have been.”

“So, even though it will hurt, I think I can get through it. Even if it ends. I don’t need to be so scared.”

Brian held his breath, waiting to see what she meant.

“Yes,” she finally whispered, face still hidden against his chest.

“What?” he breathed.

“You’re worth the risk. And I’m worth taking the chance. I still love you, Brian.” The words broke, rough with tears. “I never stopped. I tried, but I couldn’t make it stop. I didn’t know how.”

He wasn’t the kind of man who cried easily. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had. At his father’s funeral, probably, five years before. But now his eyes burned, and he had to squeeze them shut to stop the tears.

“I love you,” she said again, as if she were making herself face it.

“Thank God, Eve. Thank God. I’ve missed you so much.” He tipped her chin up and kissed her. He didn’t stop kissing her for a long time, not until he’d maneuvered her into her bedroom and onto the bed. He reached past her to switch on the bedside lamp and Eve squeaked.

“Turn that off!”

“Are you kidding me? I have to make up for all these years of not seeing you naked.”

She gave a huff of incredulous laughter and strained toward the light. “No way.”

“Come on.” He eased her sweater up and pressed a kiss to her ribs. “Please. I want to see you. All of you. Naked and turned on and open to me.” He pressed a kiss to her belly, then lower, just above her navel. He unbuttoned her jeans. “Please?”

Eve groaned and dropped her head to the mattress. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? I could have hired a personal trainer.”

“You’re gorgeous,” he murmured as he tugged down her jeans. “Perfect.” She was. She always had been. Soft and natural and sweet. He reached for her panties and pulled them down before he could stop her.