Stronger By Your Side (Great Love Book 2) (17 page)

A couple of hours later, I had dropped the groceries off at my house and let Chase run around with Buck. I was now sitting at the local bar and restaurant, Ed’s Place. Travis said to meet him here at noon, and I was few minutes early. I looked up and noticed Travis walk in. I waved over to him and he strode up. He sat down quickly and then motioned to the bar.

A short, plump lady came over. “Travis, Honey, what can I get you?”

He smiled. “Hey, Wanda, I’ll have a coke.” She nodded and went back to the bar.

I took a sip of my water and Wanda reappeared with Travis’s drink. “Thank you.”

Wanda smiled wide “You’re welcome, Dear. Now, you two ready to order?”

Travis smiled. “Yeah, I’ll get your famous pulled pork sandwich with fries.”

She looked over at me and I smiled. “I’ll have the same.”

She nodded. “Okay then.”

Travis dropped his smile as he looked over at me. “I heard about this morning at Meg’s just a minute ago. She call you?”

I shrugged. “Texted me, didn’t want to call because someone was in the apartment.”

Travis wiped his hand down his face. “Shit.” I nodded.

If only he knew the extent of how traumatizing it was for Megan. She hadn’t told me, but I was sure she’d told no one about her past yet. I was sure that she tried to pretend it never happened. Maybe that was why she left, maybe I was part of the past she tried to forget.

Travis cleared his throat and then spoke slowly. “So the girls can’t stay there.”

I nodded. “They’re staying with me for a few nights.”

Travis almost choked on his soda. “I’m sorry, what?!” I just glared at him. Travis shook his head and leaned forward, a little less friendly than he had been. “Dude, you seem cool and all, so don’t take this personally, but . . . over my dead body . . . you waltz into town, start making Meg act like some other person, and then someone breaks into her apartment, and you want her to stay with you? With my niece?”

I ignored Travis’s words and took a deep breath, willing myself to be patient. “You know the story, Travis, I told Cal and you the other day. Megan is family, she always will be. There are a lot of things, important things, that you don’t know. I’m pretty sure no one but Meg and I know.” Travis sighed and took another drink. He needed to know just a little of what might be happening. I sighed and then huffed out, “Megan had a rough childhood, like a scary awful childhood . . . then right after she turned 18, she left me, out of the blue. It was strange behavior for her, Travis, and now this happens . . . ”

I paused, and Travis’s face went serious. “What are you saying?”

I shrugged. “I’m saying that I hope to God that the reason she ran away almost a decade ago and the reason someone broke in today are not related, and because I haven’t been around, I don’t know if things like this have happened before.”

Travis looked like he was thinking for a minute and shook his head. “Nah, man, I can’t think of anything.”

I nodded. “Good.”

Travis shook his head and then smiled weakly. “About tonight . . . like I said, I like you, man, but just as Cal and I told you the other night, if you hurt her, if you do anything to upset her, I will tear you apart and I will make your life hell. That goes for Cal, too.”

I laughed. “You have nothing to worry about. I was her guard dog for thirteen years. I’m not going to stop now.” He tilted his head at my words and then, after a moment, nodded.

I hoped that meant that he understood. Time would tell, I guess. Today was not the time, but I would make sure he knew my full intentions soon. I took a deep breath, not allowing my mind to go there yet. Travis and I ate our food and talked about fishing and my job and him starting the police academy. I was thankful for the light conversation. I was starting to feel like maybe we could be real friends.
 

Megan

I drove further down the country road towards Sawyer’s house amidst a mental battle with myself. I thought about Charles and a twinge of guilt shot through me. I loved Charles, I loved him with all I had, yet I had always loved Sawyer through it all. Even while loving Charles, I had loved Sawyer. It wasn’t like I didn’t try not to. Heck, I didn’t even think about him often, it was more like I
couldn’t
stop. It was like he was forever a part of me. At this current moment, my heart was still split in two. I loved Charles with all my heart, and yet, I loved Sawyer the same. Was that even possible? Could you love two people that much? I had heard of love triangles. I had been obsessed with Twilight when it came out, for goodness’ sake. But this wasn’t a love triangle, at least not a traditional one.

Now that Sawyer was back in my life and, from as much as I could tell, was sticking around, I was struggling. Although I no longer had a dirty, drunk, mom-mooching loser threatening us, there were still plenty of reasons why I couldn’t be with him. The first one was sitting in the back seat so preciously singing. Charlotte was my precious gift from God, the one thing he left of Charles for me. I wanted her to grow up knowing of her birth father and the love he had for her. The love I had for him. How would that work with Sawyer? Would anyone believe that I loved Charles as much as I did? Would she?

The second reason was the one that I had been struggling with since first grade. I was damaged. Worse than that, Sawyer knew how, he had witnessed it all. He had been the only person to witness it all.

Third, I was utterly and completely broken from Charles’s death. Sawyer deserved so much better than three very good reasons why it was selfish of me to be with him. He needed someone whole and completely available. Someone whose heart was not torn between him and their deceased husband.

I sighed as I turned down a long dirt driveway. I would be friends with Sawyer and live alone with my daughter. I would be the best Mom possible and fill my little girl’s life with loved ones and memories of her father. Sawyer could be a part of that, and I would have to become okay with him moving on. I would not make the mistake of pushing him out of my life again. I felt whole again with him around. It was a feeling I wanted to keep. I was still broken, but with him near, it felt like I was at least glued back together.

The next couple of days were going to test my willpower. I would have to work very hard to make it clear that we would only be friends, and I would have to fight myself as well. I pulled up to Sawyer’s ranch-style home and took a long, deep breath. Charlotte realized that we arrived at our destination and began clapping her hands. I laughed and hopped out of the Bronco. I noticed Sawyer standing on the deck of his house and waved. He waved back and then, followed by his dog, Chase, he began walking down to us. I unbuckled Charlotte, and the second her tiny little feet hit the ground, she was off. I looked around and noticed Sawyer had a good amount of land.

You could see other houses, but just barely. The sun was close to going down but still hovered over the hills. Sawyer walked up with his hands in his pockets as Charlotte ran up to him. Her blonde curls bounced as she ran towards him. Sawyer got on one knee and allowed her to run straight into his arms. The picture of the two of them embraced like that, with wide smiles on their faces, caused a pain that was both unfamiliar and unwelcomed. I swallowed hard and tried to calm my heart as he stood, holding my daughter, and walked towards me. Chase jumped up and down, trying to lick Charlotte, and that made her laugh. “Puppy, puppy!” She had never met Chase, yet she seemed to like him. She had only met Sawyer a couple of times, yet she already adored him. It wasn’t a surprise. Sawyer had that effect on girls, he had that effect on everyone. Heck, he had that effect on me.

Charlotte held tight around Sawyer’s neck as he approached me. Chase came up to me, so I lowered my hand and rubbed his nose. “Hi there, boy.” He rubbed up against my leg in approval and I smiled. “Hey.”

Sawyer smiled wider and said, “Hey there, I’ll get your bags.” I nodded and opened the window to my trunk. Sawyer put Charlotte down so he could grab the two duffle bags I had placed in the back. Charlotte proceeded to run around saying she was a “horsie.”

Sawyer laughed. “I have a horsie. It’s getting late, so maybe we can ride him tomorrow, but would you like to pet him?”

Charlotte followed after Sawyer, clapping her hands, her princess backpack bouncing up and down on her back. “Yay, Yay!” she said, and Chase followed her.

I snorted and shook my head. “She got to ride a pony this morning, so she is getting spoiled.”

Sawyer turned around briefly as he walked. “You can never have too many animals in your day, Megan. Let’s put these bags down, and I need to check on dinner, and then we will go say hi to Buck.” At the sound of his friend’s name, Chase barked, and with a smile, I nodded.

“Sounds like a plan.”

As Charlotte and I followed Sawyer into his home hand in hand, I noticed that it was still pretty bare. “Hey, did you just move in, SJ?”

He laughed as he placed the bags on the floor beside a couch. “Uh, no. Been here two years, just don’t have the time . . . or the care, I guess, to decorate.”

I rolled my lips in and nodded. I looked over to see Charlotte already sitting on the floor, her backpack opened wide, her princess dolls scattered. At least they added some color to the house, because Sawyer was really liking the neutral tones. Nothing wrong with that. It was all just so boring, which I had never considered Sawyer. He wasn’t wild or a rule breaker, but he had always been lighthearted and fun. The house just didn’t quite feel like him. Sawyer was always so warm and his house, although it didn’t feel cold . . . it felt very empty. Then my eyes landed on something familiar that sat on his shelf, and my heart dropped. It was a mason jar filled to the top with purple, white and gray shells. One that I had filled as a child with only my favorite shells from each trip to the beach.

As Charlotte ran around the house and I stared at the jar of shells, I felt Sawyer’s eyes on me. I turned to see him looking right into my soul, and my body stilled. He walked closer and then, when he was close enough to whisper, he grabbed the jar and handed it to me. “Thought you might want them one day, but uh . . . mostly, I liked having a piece of you everywhere I went.”

I inspected the jar and smiled sweetly. The emotions his words and his actions made me feel were beautiful and painful all at once. I swallowed hard and nodded, trying not to let any tears slip. I gently set the jar back on the shelf and then, because I couldn’t speak, I simply kissed Sawyer gently on the cheek. He smiled lightly at me then cleared his throat.

Chase followed Charlotte around while Sawyer motioned around the open living area. It had two couches, a large TV, a coffee table and a dining room area behind it. “This is pretty much it. Down the hall are the bedrooms and my office. There is a bathroom in between the two guest beds that has joining doors. I hope it will work well for y’all.”

I laughed. It was the first time I’d heard Sawyer’s southern drawl come out. He was like me and never really had a heavy accent, however there were words and phrases that we naturally used, that proclaimed us as southerners.

Sawyer furrowed his brows at me. “What, Pumpkin?”

I snorted and decided to throw a phrase that slipped out on occasion back at him. “Might-could work for us.”

After I winked at him, Sawyer chuckled and then opened the oven to check on dinner. “Ha-ha. Yeah, I can’t hide it all the time, you know, not that I try. It just comes and goes.”

I smiled as our eyes connected and his words hit me. It wasn’t that my feelings for him came and went. It was that my willpower to keep him as only a friend did. I was hot and cold every few minutes since I’d seen him in the bar. Standing here in his kitchen, with Charlotte playing with her toys on the wood floor and him cooking dinner . . . it all felt too real, too right. It felt easy, like this could be real, like we could be together and happy. I shook my head and hoped that the thought would shake out as well.

“Anyway, it will work great, thank you so much for letting us stay here for a couple of days.” SJ walked over and lightly grabbed my hand. I didn’t pull it away, but I also didn’t grab it back.

His lips turned up into a slight smile that was dangerously charming and he winked. “My pleasure. Anyway, dinner has about fifteen more minutes. Lotte, how about going to pet my horse, Buck?”

Hearing her name, she jumped up and down and then threw down her Cinderella doll, which Chase then sniffed. “Yeah!” I laughed and followed the pair to the door.

We had spent about ten minutes outside petting Buck before the sun started to recede down the hill, and we headed back inside. It was fall and so it was still slightly warm outside, but it cooled down at night. The fireplace worked really well to warm up the living space to the perfect temperature at night.

“Hey, Meg, will you grab dinner out of the oven? I’m going to start up the fire.” Megan shooed me off and smiled, and little Charlotte went immediately to her dolls and began telling them of her time with the “horsey”. After I went out to grab a couple of logs, I threw them in the fireplace and lit it up. Remembering there was now a toddler in my house, I grabbed the metal fireplace gate and put it around the outside of the opening. Fire safety first. It was an occupational habit. I walked into the kitchen and saw that Megan had pulled the pizza out of the oven. I quickly fed Chase and he licked me with gratitude. I rubbed his head. “Welcome, buddy.”

I looked around and noticed Megan had already found plates, napkins and cups for us all. I walked into the kitchen, liking the sight of her being in it way more than I wanted to. “Hey, pretty lady. I thought we would watch a movie with dinner?”

Megan’s face grew cold, but she wore a weak smile. “Like when we were kids.”

I nodded with a smile. “Exactly, but when I said pretty lady, I was talking to the little one.” She took a deep breath and then laughed. Charlotte just smiled up at me and I winked.

“Sounds good.” Megan smiled. I bit my lip and nodded, unable to speak without declaring my love for her . . . again.

“So, Lotte, I was at the store today and I came across this movie and thought you might like it. Have you heard of
Frozen
?”

She sprang up and clapped. “I love that!”

I laughed. “Alright then, Mom, you heard Little Pumpkin here, grab our pizza and let’s watch a movie.” Megan smiled over at me and nodded.

We ate our pizza and watched a delirious snowman frolic on the screen. Chase laid on his dog bed and was content to snore the evening away. The movie was actually pretty funny, and I found myself laughing along with the adorable toddler that sat next to me. After the movie and a goodnight hug from Charlotte, Megan disappeared down the hall with her. She splashed in the bath for few minutes and then was whisked off to the guest room. I took my time cleaning up from dinner and was just finishing up when Megan walked up in sweats and a tee shirt. She had her long, black hair flopped on top of her head in a large bun and her face was fresh from makeup.

I loved seeing her like this and in my house, in my kitchen. “Sorry, she likes elaborate stories before bed.” Megan huffed and I laughed at how adorable she looked.

“No worries. I hope the room will work okay?” Megan smiled with a nod and then plopped down on the stool in front of the counter. I filled up my mom’s old tea kettle with water and plopped it on the stove. Mom used to make us tea before bed, so I hoped that this gesture would spark those memories in Megan’s mind.

After a moment of silence, she raised her brow at me. “What are you up to SJ?”

I attempted to hide my smile, but I’m pretty sure that I failed. “Me? Nothing, just making us some sleepy tea.”

She laughed. “Uh huh. Completely innocent, huh?”

I nodded and smiled wide. “Yup.” She snorted and then lifted herself off the seat and walked around the counter so she was standing next to me.

My body was all too aware of her closeness. I swallowed hard and told my mind to think of her as only a friend, because that may be all I get out of this. She grabbed two tea bags out of the box and placed them in the mugs I had placed on the counter. Right on cue, the tea pot whistled. I leaned back to the counter and admired the view of Megan in my kitchen, making us tea.

She shook her head and deadpanned, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer, loser.” Then she stuck her tongue out at me.

I laughed. “Oh, are we completely reverting back to childhood, booger face?”

She shot me a glare as she poured the steaming water into both our mugs and then giggled. “I guess so, snot brain.”

I acted wounded, with my hand over my heart. “Ouch, good one.” Megan handed me the steaming cup of tea and I winked. “Thanks, Pumpkin”

She looked down and tried to hold back her smile. “Yup.”

We both walked over to the couch in front of the fire and sat down. After we both shifted until we were comfortable, Megan broke the silence. “So . . . ”

I cleared my throat and then chuckled. “Stop making this awkward. We were best friends for over a decade. Just relax.”

She huffed and lowered her shoulders, giving me a sarcastic look. “Better,” I said, deadpan.

“You have any card games?” Megan asked, and I pretended to look shocked.

“Who, me? Why, I may have a certain game.”

Megan began bouncing up and down on the couch a little and smiled. “You don’t! I haven’t played it in—”

I laughed. “Eight years?”

Megan’s smile dropped slightly and she shrugged. “Yeah.”

I stood up and placed my mug down on the coffee table. “Well, Megan Lynn Sant—Maxwell . . . ” I winced a little at the awkwardness of me messing up her name. I looked back at her to see her covering her mouth and laughing. Feeling relieved, I laughed too and continued walking over to my cupboard. “You’re in luck.” Her laugh grew louder and I walked in with Phase 10 cards. I put my finger to my mouth. “Shh, you’re going to wake Little Pumpkin.”

She put her hand back over her mouth and shook her head. “Seeing you embarrassed always was amusing.”

I pulled my head back and arched my brow. “Pshh. Me? Embarrassed?”

Megan giggled and nodded. “Uh, yeah! You always turned bright red!”

I shook my head. “And you were always dramatic.”

She pointed at me and winked. “Touché, my friend.” This was nice, us being us, like old times.

I placed the card game on the coffee table in front of her and then decided I would push my luck. “Hey, what do you say we trade out the kid drinks for some adult ones?”

Megan paused for a second. Then, with her lip out, she nodded, talking more to herself than to me. “I have to teach in the morning, but a glass or two won’t hurt. Bed by midnight. Yeah, why not?”

I could think of about ten reasons why not, but hey, they all favored me. I was counting my blessings. I tried to hold back my large grin as I asked, “Beer or wine?”

Megan thought for a second. “You pick.”

Knowing her too well, I winked. “Wine it is, Pumpkin.” She just smiled at me. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of white wine and two mason jars.

I bought the bottle today but didn’t think to buy wine glasses. I didn’t typically have wine in my house, but for Megan, I would drink anything. When I walked back into the living room with my odd pairing, Megan laughed again. “Oh, this is getting rich.”

I shrugged and placed the mason jars down next to the bottle of wine. Letting my slight Georgia accent slip, I said, “Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” Just then, I turned the bottle so she could see the label. The label had a large, orange pumpkin on it and said, “Pumpkin Girl” in big, cursive gold letters.

Megan squinted her eyes and leaned closer. Once it registered in her mind, her cheeks blushed a warm pink. She tried to hold back her grin when she grabbed the bottle for closer inspection. “Oh my God. Seriously, SJ?” Suddenly, she burst out into laughter and I couldn’t help but join her. “How did you get pumpkin wine? And does such a thing even exist? And the name? Insane.”

I rubbed my neck and shrugged. “Right? Travis’s dad’s farm makes it and the store carries it year round.”

She placed the bottle down and smiled up at me. “You’re too much, SJ.”

Our eyes locked and her smile began to fade. The air between us felt thick, and I decided to continue to walk the line. “Or am I just the right amount, Pumpkin?” Megan held my gaze for a moment, something heavy passing between us, and then suddenly looked away. After a brief second, she pretended to gag and then threw my only throw pillow at me. I put my hands up and pretended to duck, but ended up getting hit in the face. I looked up to see her cheeks blushed and she was tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, which was her nervous tell sign.

I unlocked our eyes again and looked down at the wine, realizing I forgot the corkscrew. I headed to the kitchen in search of one, unsure if I would be successful, and yelled over my shoulder, “You always were a poor sport, Megan.”

She took no time to holler back. “And you were always a bad flirt, SJ.” I walked back in and gave her a pretend glare that caused her cheeks to blush again, and this was before the wine. Oh, this was going to be a fun night. A bad flirt? The pink in her cheeks told me otherwise.
 

Megan

I woke to dole flickering in front of my eyes and something warm against my body. I shifted a little and realized that the warm something was Sawyer’s large body. I stilled as flashes of the night came pouring into my mind. After a couple of mason jars of wine and a couple of intense games of phase ten, Sawyer and I had sat in front of the fireplace, just as we used to do as kids. I had laid my head on his shoulder, and he had held me close. I sighed in my mind, realizing that we had fallen asleep like that. It was much less scandalous than it could have been, but for Sawyer and me, this was bad.
Crap, it was so bad, bad, bad
. Not to mention I had work in the morning. I opened my eyes and confirmed that we were laying on the soft rug in front of the fireplace, my head was on SJ’s chest, and his arm was wrapped around me. I shifted again, watching his expression to see if I woke him, but nothing. Once I was flat on my back I gently lifted his arm off of me.

I stared down at him sleeping so peacefully on the ground, his tall, handsome body spilling over the floor, and grabbed the blanket he had put over me. I gently covered him with it, feeling slightly guilty leaving him like this. I couldn’t risk Charlotte finding us in the morning. I sighed at all of the reasons why what I saw—the strong, handsome, thoughtful man lying in front of me—could never be mine. I picked up the wine bottles and the mason jars and took them to the kitchen. The clock said 3am. I still had four hours before Charlotte would grace the world with her presence, and I would have to get us both ready for our days. I tip-toed back to the guest bathroom and, after brushing my teeth, I slipped into the guest room. I skipped pajamas and just slipped off my bra. I slipped in bed and snuggled next to my Little Pumpkin, as Sawyer had started calling her. That was, until my stomach became her kicking bag. I shook my head and built a wall of pillows between Kicking Bird and me.

Four hours later, and right on time, I was woken by Lotte. “Mama, Get up.”

I rubbed my eyes and smiled up at her beautiful green eyes. “I’m up, baby.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the hallway and then to the kitchen. I stopped at the counter where I saw a note.

Good Morning, girls, I’m getting some sleep, but help yourself to anything for breakfast and lunch. I’m cooking dinner. Have a great day! See you when you get home. – SJ.

I smiled and shook my head. Sawyer was always so amazing. Never failed. I turned to Charlotte.
“Alright, Princess, you ready for breakfast?”

She thought for a moment and then nodded. “O tay.”

I shook my head and laughed. “Okay so . . . ” I opened the fridge and freezer to see that Sawyer had obviously gone grocery shopping for us, unless he usually ate like a toddler. “Waffles or pancakes?” He had bought the frozen toaster waffles and pancakes.

Charlotte stopped brushing her doll’s hair and looked up at me. “Both, Mama.”

I smiled and thought about arguing and then decided
eh, why bother?
Pick your battles, right? “Okay,” I simply replied. I prepared Charlotte one waffle and one pancake and poured a bowl of Raisin Bran for myself.

Raisin Bran had been my favorite since I was little, which I know sounds odd. Sawyer’s mom always had it at their house, and it became a bowl of comfort. If I was having Raisin Bran . . . then all was right in my world. I know I’m probably the only person in the world who loves Raisin Bran, but whatever. I did. Conveniently, Sawyer had an unopened box on his counter. I shook my head. He was too much, too thoughtful. I knew he was trying to get me to fall in love with him, it was obvious.

Little did Sawyer know that he was wasting his time, he didn’t have to try. I was already in love with him. Truth was, I had never stopped loving him. That didn’t change anything, and none of this, no amount of cereal or gestures could change the many reasons why it would never happen, why it should never happen. I sighed as I finished prepping our breakfast. We ate quickly then threw on the clothes I picked out last night. We hopped into the Bronco and were off for the day. On the drive into town, I took a deep breath, trying not to let Sawyer’s thoughtfulness get to me. It was going to be a long three days.