Stronger By Your Side (Great Love Book 2) (15 page)

I stared at her for a second, contemplating her statement, and then I huffed. I couldn’t and wouldn’t take advantage of her confusion. I wanted her to know what she wanted. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I would do it for her. “Fine.”

She smiled and then jumped up on the couch. “Okay then. I have a surprise for you.”

I looked over at her and wiggled my brows “Oh yeah?”

She laughed and pointed at me “SJ, I just told you, no funny business. It’s better than that, anyway.”

I laughed with a shrug. “If you say so.”

She jumped up and walked over to her movie collection and pulled out a thick, unopened, plastic-wrapped box and brought it over to me. “I saw it at the store the other day and I couldn’t help it.” I looked down at a blue-ray edition, collector’s set of all four
Tremors
movies. “Happy belated birthday times eight!”

I laughed. “Seriously, Meg? This is awesome!”

She smiled wider. “I knew you would like it. You already have them? Wait, you still like these, right?”

I shook my head and couldn’t keep my smile in. “No, I don’t have them, and yes, I like these. Thank you, this is . . . it’s amazing, Pumpkin.” She smiled and I couldn’t help it, I leaned in and hugged her tight against me. At first she hesitated, and then she melted into me. “Seriously, Meg, thank you.”

She nodded into my shoulder. “Welcome.” Then she sat back. “Shall we?”

I tucked my chin in and raised my brows. “Seriously? Am I dreaming?”

She laughed and waved her hand at me. “Oh hush, lets at least watch one.”

I smiled. “Hell, yeah.” She stood up and walked over to put the disk into the blue-ray player.

When she bent over, I couldn’t keep my eyes from appreciating her body, but I quickly looked away, reminding myself that I was just torturing myself. She grabbed the remote and then plopped next to me again. “I would watch them all with you, but I’m meeting Jules and Lotte for breakfast in the morning.”

I shook my head. “That’s alright, I feel spoiled already, and I have a three-day shift starting tomorrow night, so I have to get home at a decent time. Plus I have to let Chase, my dog, out.”

She smiled. “You got a dog?”

I laughed. “Yeah, remember the golden retriever at the firehouse?”

She smiled. “Yeah, the sweet dog the kids adored?”

I nodded. “That’s him.”

She smiled. “SJ, that’s great.”

I nodded. “He’s pretty cool. Now back to our movie. I can’t believe that after twenty-two years, I’m finally getting you to watch this with me!”

Megan looked sad and then smiled weakly. “Well, it’s the least I owe you, but”—She pointed at me—“I will make fun of the cheesiness the whole time.”

I laughed. “Of course, that’s half the fun . . . and Meg?”

She tilted her head. “Huh?”

I sighed. “You don’t owe me anything, K?”

She took a deep breath and then smiled lightly. “Yeah, okay. Now shh.”

I laughed as she played the movie and leaned back into me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. With her head on my shoulder, we watched the first movie, laughing and mocking it the entire time. It was awesome. It was everything I wanted in that moment. It felt like home. We had watched movies like this countless times since we were children, and I was happy that she easily fell back into our routines.

It had been three days since I had seen Sawyer. He had a seventy-two hour shift this week, and with my work schedule and single Mom duty, I didn’t have time to stop in and see him at the station. Plus, I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate. We had decided to be friends. Did friends do that? Just pop by each other’s work, with their child, unexpectedly? I knew girlfriends did that, wives did that, but friends of the opposite sex? I just didn’t know, and I didn’t want to blur any lines. I knew Sawyer didn’t want to just be friends, but for now, it was what made sense to me. It was all I could give. That didn’t stop me from missing him or from playing images of his lips on mine in my mind. Now that he was back in my life, I craved his presence like a pregnant woman craved pickles. It also didn’t stop him from haunting my dreams.

Every night I went to bed, I dreamed of him. I couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares that kept resurfacing. Nightmares of real things that happened long ago. Nightmares of pretend things that had never happened. Charles, SJ, and sometimes, Travis, were in the pretend nightmares, the ones that never really happened. They were strange, distorted and panic inducing. Each one of the guys would be in harm’s way, and I would have to choose who to save.

Sawyer had recently told me he loved me and that he always had. I knew he wasn’t lying. I could see it in his eyes. Sawyer loving me didn’t change anything, though. It never would. I kept telling myself that. It didn’t change the fact that I left him eight years ago, or that I had married Charles. It didn’t change the fact that I had loved Charles, which I still did. I always would. It didn’t change the fact that I had Charles’s child, and that he broke me when he died. Mostly, Sawyer’s love didn’t change the fact that I was tainted. It didn’t change the fact that he had been witness to exactly how. No one but Sawyer knew about the demons that I fought in my mind. So the other night on the dance floor, when I first thought about kissing him, I panicked because I couldn’t. For too many reasons to count, I just couldn’t.

Maybe I just needed time? Sawyer was the only one that I’d ever let see all of me, including the damaged me. I ruined all chances of us being together in second grade, when I first let him see it. I had been seven, and my mom’s current boyfriend snuck into my room in the middle of the night. He touched me, hit me, and told me if I screamed, he would kill me and then my mom. When he left my room, I waited for the sound of his snoring in the other room. As soon as I confirmed it, I snuck out the window and ran as fast as I could.

I knocked on SJ’s window. “What are you doing here?” He had asked me as he pulled me inside. I couldn’t talk. I just cried and he held me. We slept like that, in each other’s arms. In the morning, his Mom found us, and I was expecting her to yell, to be angry or upset, but she wasn’t. She almost looked relieved.

“Oh, good, y’all are up. I’m making a big breakfast! Come on now, let’s eat!” I remember staring at the plates of various dishes and having to wipe my drooling mouth. No one had ever taught me manners before I met the Prescotts, but I had always been reserved, so no one noticed. To adults, it seemed I was being polite when I was really just quiet.

Sawyer’s mom, Beth, took me home after breakfast. My mom, Missy, didn’t even realize I was gone. Beth told her that she would be more than happy to have me spend the night anytime. Missy automatically got upset.

“You can’t take her, Bitch! You can’t have her!” She had yelled at Beth.

I remember the look on Beth’s face. As a child, I remember thinking she was scared because Missy yelled at her. Now that I replay the memory in my mind, I can see that she was scared for me and not for herself. That face, her face, it has been haunting my dreams as well. It had haunted me right after I left Sawyer eight years ago. I suppressed it so deep and for so long that now it came back more powerful than ever.

A little after that first night, Missy OD’d and the State took me away. It was the best month of my life because they placed me with the Prescotts, Sawyer’s family. In that month Sawyer’s family and I went to the beach, the zoo and anywhere else we could cram in. We had family dinners every night and were read a story before bed. Then to my dismay, Missy got “sober” and came to pick me up. For the first few days she was normal, maybe even a little loving. I thought maybe it would be okay, that maybe my life would be better. Not even a week in, I found her passed out on the floor, and I knew I was back in hell.

Although I never told Beth or SJ’s dad, Peter, what happened to me, I could see in their eyes that they knew. After my month with the Prescotts, Missy was less hostile towards them. I would stay the night at SJ’s once or twice during the week and usually all weekend. I spent holidays with the Prescotts, too. Missy was more than happy to have me out of her hair and to be able to do what she pleased. As soon as she saw it that way, she had taken advantage of it. I wasn’t complaining. When I was 10, the Prescotts sat down with me. They told me they wanted to adopt me. I was so happy I wanted to cry, and I almost did. Then I realized that if I cried they would think I was weak, and maybe they wouldn’t want me anymore.

I was sure that it would happen, that they would adopt me. I was sure that my life was going to be better. The problem was they needed Missy to agree. Even though Missy OD’d more than once and was an all-around lousy person, there was no proof of anything against her. She took prescription drugs and had the proper forms for all of them from actual doctors. She had them diagnose her with things she didn’t have and medicate her. She actually convinced herself that she was ill, yet she was able to go out all night and do Lord knows what. She claimed her OD’s were accidents after a change of dosage. Although no one bought it, they couldn’t prove otherwise. This was when I realized that it was a broken system and that I was screwed.

I remember the night the Prescotts sat down with Missy to ask her if they could adopt me. They even offered to pay her ten grand.
Ten grand for me
? I remember thinking they were crazy. I wasn’t worth ten dollars, let alone ten grand. Missy had laughed and said that I was worth more than they would ever understand. They begged her and asked her what her price was. She said that they couldn’t afford me. The asked if twenty grand was enough. I remember thinking they were out of their minds. They begged Missy to see what was best for me, and I will never forget what Missy said. “If I cared what was best for her, I wouldn’t have had her.” I remember pausing and thinking hard about that. At ten years old, I didn’t even truly know what that meant, but I knew that it hurt me deep down. My own mother, who carried me and birthed me, didn’t think my life was worth anything. She didn’t think that the life she gave me was good for me. Pretty much, she just didn’t care what happened to me as long as I was with her? For what? How was I worth more than twenty grand? What didn’t I know?

After a lot of persuading, the Prescotts got Missy to agree on letting me stay with them more often. They took me in as much as they could without officially adopting me. On days when Missy was clean, she would show up at their house, mad that I wasn’t home, and drag me there. It had me grateful for when she was too drugged up to notice.

I never tried to talk to her, I never really said anything to her. I couldn’t attach to someone who was so selfish. I promised myself to never be so selfish. If I had to give the thing I wanted the most up so the one person I loved could be happy, I would. And so years later, I did. When it came time, I gave up SJ, even though he was all I ever wanted. I gave him up so he could have what he needed, what he wanted in life, and so that Stew would leave him alone. Now Stew wasn’t the problem. It was me. I was more broken, more than ever before, more damaged and less useful to him. If I couldn’t give him what he deserved before, what in the hell could I give him now? Friendship. I sighed. I could give him my friendship.

It was Thursday morning and I had to be at work in a little less than two hours. Jules had just come to get Charlotte a couple of minutes ago, because today her preschool was going to the pumpkin patch. Since Travis’s dad owned it, we had an in. He promised that she could ride a pony if she came early. Jules, who was a morning person, said she would come get her by six, and so she did. To my surprise, Charlotte didn’t mind waking up at the crack of dawn with the thought of riding a pony. Thinking of her wide smile this morning, I padded barefoot to my kitchen and sighed as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

I took a sip of my coffee and smiled. As my feet dragged against the tile in the kitchen, I stilled. The widow in my living room that led to the fire escape was open, and it hadn’t been minutes ago. I slowly and as quietly as I could, backed up into the corner of my kitchen and slid to the floor. I was grateful to see my phone on the kitchen counter right above me. I quickly grabbed it and sent a text. Before I thought about it, I had already texted SJ.
Someone is in my house, call 911
. I slowed my breathing and closed my eyes.

I don’t know why someone was in my apartment, but I knew they were, because the window was closed just moments ago. I know I hadn’t opened it. I took a slow, deep breath when my phone buzzed with a message from Sawyer.
Called the 911, Sheriff is headed over now. I am too. Hang tight, Pumpkin. Nothing will happen to you. I promise.
I smiled weakly and took a deep breath. Sawyer always knew how to make me feel stronger than I was. Just as I was starting to calm down, hoping that I was just hallucinating, I heard heavy footsteps down my hall. My whole body stilled and I refused to move, not even to peek around my kitchen to see who it was. I didn’t dare move. The footsteps stopped, and my breathing picked up with the rhythm of my heartbeat. I couldn’t decide if the footsteps stopping was good or bad. Did that mean they left or that they were nearby? Waiting for me to walk around the corner? Ha! Like Hell. Nope, I was just going to sit here pretty until the Sheriff or Sawyer arrived.

As if reading my mind, a pounding on my front door began, followed by Sawyer’s booming voice. “Meg, Open up.”

I decided that I would pay for a new door, but there was no way in hell that I was answering it. The sheriff could break it down, that was fine with me. This wasn’t my first time with this little game. I would get up to answer the door and boom, get snatched up and dragged into a room. No way. I had played this a couple of times as a child in my trailer. My mom’s boyfriends, especially Stew, liked to scare me, and no way was I giving anyone the satisfaction of terrifying me. This was too familiar, in too many ways. I heard Sawyer arguing with someone and then a slow, loud pounding on the door. Suddenly I heard the door hit the wall.

The Sheriff’s footsteps followed with his voice. “Wheatland Sheriff. Guns drawn. Megan, are you okay? Are you alone?”

I felt my voice tighten in my throat but decided that I needed to speak for everyone’s safety. I managed to squeak out, “Yeah, I’m in here.”

The Sheriff rounded the corner and looked at me. I thought I should probably stand up, but I couldn’t move. Instead, I just sat there staring at him. He looked around and then asked, “Are you okay? Is anyone else here?”

I shook my head. “Just me, whoever it was left, and my daughter’s gone for the day.” He nodded and then yelled over his shoulder. “Prescott. She’s in here, she’s okay.” He nodded at me and then holstered his gun. Prescott? Somehow Sawyer was cozy with the town Sheriff? Of course he was, he was Sawyer. He did charm his way around the festival the other day and made sure to include anyone important or job-related.

Sawyer rounded the corner, and as soon as his eyes connected with mine, he was on the floor in front of me. His large hands cupped my face as he whispered, “Meg, Pumpkin, are you okay?” I stared into his soft brown eyes and couldn’t help but swim in the pool of their warmth. I nodded weakly and then tried to stand. My legs felt more wobbly than they should, and I wasn’t sure if it was the fear or the other thing that Sawyer often stirred in me. The thing that I tried to avoid at all costs. The thing that could give me everything I ever wanted or take it. My feelings were starting to feel like a curse.

Sawyer steadied me against him and looked at me with his concerned look that stirred those feelings even more. I cleared my throat and shook his hold off me lightly. “Sorry, I’m . . . I’m fine.” I ignored his glare and looked over at the Sheriff.

I pointed to my window that was still open. I explained to him what happened and he took notes. SJ was still glaring at me. I rolled my lips in and crossed my arms. I was amazed at how well my body remembered him. It took no time for me to recognize his stares, his touches and his tone of voice. Even at the bar, when I wasn’t sure if it was him, my body knew. I had immediately reacted to him like a magnet reacting to its opposite.

The Sheriff looked around the apartment. The drawers in the living room and hallway had been gone through and were dumped out on the floor. I was shocked that I didn’t hear it, but I had been in the kitchen directly over the coffeehouse, and it tended to be loud in the mornings. Noises easily faded into the background. He also told me that he would look into this right away, and that it was best if I stayed somewhere else for a couple of days. An officer would keep an eye on the place while I was gone. He said it could have just been a bored teenager, but until they knew, it wasn’t safe for Charlotte and me to stay here.

I nodded and shook his hand. “Thank you so much for your time, Sheriff.”

He smiled weakly. “No problem, Ma’am, Charles played football with my son. He was a good man.” I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest again. It had been three years, and yet it still stung when someone said his name. The way Sawyer’s face slightly twisted told me that it stung him, too. The Sheriff nodded at SJ. “Prescott.”