Subfrenzy (the Subfrenzied Series) (3 page)

The
house had been a lucky find by our realtor. It was close to where I worked, even closer to Lane's college. The average-sized yard was perfect for Jackie, a cocker spaniel-Labrador mix. We both had a bedroom and a bathroom, though we shared the room we decided would be our office. The basement had become our exercise room. Financial aid helped Lane live, while money her parents sent paid her share of the bills and rent. It was the deal they made when she had committed to becoming a psychologist. Four times a year, a light blue envelope came with a really nice check. 

“
You're really, really organized.” I moved from the gaming chair over to the sofa with her. The entire middle section was covered in file folders. 'General Information,' and 'Pain play + Psychology.' There were two kept together, stacked sideways. 'Dominant' and 'submissive.'

I
hesitated, seeing the recorder that had been covered by the folder. “That's not already running, is it?”

“
Not yet. Do you mind if I preserve our s/m talk?”

“
... Go for it. I trust you. I forgot what you're like in information-gathering mode.”

“
Sure you're okay?”

“
Yeah, I'm good. Start anytime you want.”

She
hit the button. “What does bdsm mean, for you?”

I
drank slowly to hide that I was already confused. “You mean, what do the acronyms stand for?”

“
Sure. How do you define 'bdsm?'”

“
Er, okay. It depends on how they're used. B/d together can mean bondage and discipline. D/s together can mean Dominant and submissive. But s/m can mean sadism and masochism, or sado-masochism. When I think 'bdsm,' I use bondage, domination, sado-masochism because that's what I'm looking for.”

“
To take pain, not inflict it?”

“
Yes, preferably.”

“
Not all submissives like taking pain, right? I mean, you do, but I've read about some who don't do anything with pain at all?”

“
There
are
some s/m relationships that are only based around sex. When I joined the sites and started talking to people, that's one of the things that surprised me. Not all the Dominants who wrote me wanted to inflict pain. Some liked to use verbal reprimands as a punishment. I can't be submissive for a Dom like that.”

“
Another thing I'm not sure about,” she checked her notes, “I don't understand the relationships. A Top pairs with a bottom, Dominants with their submissives. What does that mean, exactly?”

“
A Top and a Dominant are the ones who take control. How much control they take is up to the bottom or submissive. The difference lays in how much time and commitment they're willing to offer; whether they're meeting up simply to sate a need, or if they bond and start an s/m relationship together.”

“
Dominants and submissives meet for s/m sessions. What happens during one? Generally speaking.”

“
It's up to the people playing. If they're more into bondage, it's about how long the submissive can stay in the position, or positions. When it involves pain, how long their session lasts rests on what the submissive can endure and how much the dominant partner can inflict. With pleasure, I assume it's as much as their submissive can take?”

“
That makes sense. Psychologically, what you said before makes sense to me, too. When I think about giving control
away
, I don't understand anymore. It all gets jumbled in my head.”

“
I think that's because your first instinct is to keep your power. You're drawn to guys who won't ask for more before you offer it. Submissive personalities, mostly.”

“
You say that so casually.” She laughed. “You're right about me liking submissive men, you know. I've always liked men who want me to take control. It's exciting when they let me, that they like it.”

“
How interested in s/m
are
you?”

“
I have been without knowing it, apparently.” I saw the glint of inner dominance I'd felt in her the moment we met. “How much experience do you have? Is that rude to ask?”             

“
It's you, I don't care what you ask. I've never had a Dominant. I did have a Top, Rhys, for a few sessions.”

“
You saw him for-?”

“
An introduction to pain-play. Only pain, though. We didn't fu-- er, We didn't do anything more than that together.”

“
You only saw him to do s/m stuff? You guys never slept together?”

Her
phrasing made me grin. “I was a Senior in high-school. While part of me wanted to, I couldn't let the limit drop when the risk was already so high. The marks from our pain sessions were hard enough to hide. After he saw how much pain I could take, he didn't mind making it a limit. Sex with him would have been meaningless, anyway.”

“
Meaningless? Why?”

“
It would be boring. I didn't feel I'd learn anything from the experience except how to have sex.”

“
You were looking for, what?”

I remembered our first pain session, when Rhys stood in front of me to release ropes around my wrists. Submission had me lean my head against his thigh. Confusion struck when he grabbed my shoulder, making me kneel back and straight again.
He's not done yet
, I had assumed. But by the time our pain session had ended, I realized that submissive affection made him uncomfortable. Shields came down, refusing to let me consider him as a partner.

“
I want roughness from passion, the way I feel it. I want someone who can see sex marks on me and smile, not go distant from guilt.”

Lane grinned, glancing down at her notebook again.
“What's something new you want to experience with a Dom?”

“
Everything will be new with him,” I replied, confused.

“
... Rhys, and what he did with you?”

“
He was only interested in inflicting pain.
With a Dom who wants to do more than that, everything will be different. The way he inflicts pain won't be how Rhys did.”

“
How do you like taking pain?”

“
I'm okay with belts, floggers, straps, er... Answering that could take a while. I could give you a copy of my Checklist for your notes?”

“
That would be awesome.” I took an empty folder she handed me. “You said belts, floggers, and straps. Rhys used those on you?”

“
Yes, more than once.”

“
If a Dominant uses the same three things, it'll still feel different to you?”

“
The way a new Dom would inflict it, absolutely. Rhys was very focused, but only because he didn't want to leave permanent marks from what he used. For a new Dominant, I'd have to see how attentive they are, whether they have experience inflicting pain or if they're just playing. The safer I feel with them, the more I'll be willing to let them do.”

“
Do you like it in a disciplinary way, or-- I'm sorry I keep tripping over big questions.”

I had never thought about it before.
“
Taking pain in a disciplinary way happens to correct bad behavior. I don't want pain that way, but I expect it because I've never offered submission before. I'm going to make mistakes. Punishment pain is a way of reinforcing that I won't make the same mistake twice.”

“
Pain is something I, you know,” she smiled hesitantly, “try to avoid in life. You want it, and I don't know what that feels like.”

“
There
are
limits to what I'm willing to take, or do. Some of them won't break for anyone. Those are my hard limits. Once a Dominant and I agree to honor those, we'll see what's left that we both like doing.”

“
That's what an s/m Checklist is for?”

“
Yup.”

“
You said, “some of them won't break for anyone?' You have limits that
can
be ignored?”

“
If he wants something I'm indifferent to, say, liking to gag me? I'd learn to like it because he does, or I'd submit to it to make him happy. If he wants to restrain me, however, it depends on what position he wants me in and what he'll be using to do it. It also matters how long he wants me to stay that way. That's what I mean by 'limits,' ones that need trust to go away.”

Lane
laughed. “You would really let yourself be that vulnerable. With a stranger?”

“
I won't let myself be completely restrained for a first session.”

“
What about a second one?”

“
Probably not.”

“
That makes me a lot less worried for you.”
She replied, more sarcastic than not. I looked over to the clock when she did. “S
orry! It's almost eight-thirty. My questions didn't drive you up the wall?”

“
Not one bit. They were good,” I saw how many notes she had taken. “You asked good questions.”

She
pressed the button to stop recording. “Will you hate if we do this again?”

“
Nope. On the weekends, though, okay?”

“
No problem.” Lane grabbed her purse, phone, and keys while I shrugged into my leather jacket.              

“
I'll go over the club rules on the way. They're pretty easy, common sense stuff.”

“
Do people talk at
Rack's
, or is it all about the physical s/m stuff?”

“
They talk,” I reassured her. “There will be lots of conversations for you to join. The only rooms you need an invitation for are the ones downstairs. They're used for private events.”

“
I promise I'll be careful in there.
I read a few articles about predators who prey on submission.” She smiled brightly.
“You ready?”

“
After you,” I replied, locking the front door behind us.

-
Chapter 3
-

~
The Noise Inside My Head ~

A
s we got through the main club doors, I breathed in and smelled leather, disinfectant, different types of cologne and perfume.
God, it had been a long time...
but I couldn't lose myself in masochistic recklessness. Lane had never been to an s/m club before. She grabbed my hand and I jumped, though for a different reason than she did, when I heard the crack of a paddle against flesh.

Her
eyes were wide when she glanced away from a male submissive, bent over a short, wooden table for his punishment. Assless chaps looked good on him. He had the body to pull them off, his back and legs lean with hard muscle. The female Domme was a club Top, intimidating in shiny black leather. Her thigh-high boot heels were silver and sharp. The paddle fell again, slapping solidly and quickly over the right side of his toned ass. His shoulder-length brown hair covered his face, but I could hear how much he liked the pain. 

“
You okay?” I asked, feeling how tense she was.

“
Yeah.” She nodded. “Yup. I'm awed, a little confused, but only because I'm not sure I could take any of this. You like all of it, right?”

“
Not everything, no.” I heard the sharp snapping of a violet wand from somewhere in the club. “Electricity-play scares me a little. I don't want to be shocked for fun.”

“
That scares me more than just
a little.
”

“
It's one of the limits I told you about, the kind that won't break for anyone.”

“
What about things like this?” She stopped in front of a long display table.

A
feeling that was close to lust shivered through me when I looked at the array of floggers, paddles, and leather straps. “They would be good.”

“
Even that one?” She nudged a cat o'nine tails.

“
It's deceptive. See the fluffy red flowers on the soft tails?”

“
Yes?”

“
They don't really hurt.”

“
That doesn't excite you,” she said, studying me carefully.

“
Not really, but that one does,” I pointed to one of the coiled whips with a long, thin tail.

“
It's not deceptive, is it.”

“
It hurts. A lot.”

Lane
saw my hunger for pain and patted my arm. “
I can wander around if you want to go and talk to someone?”

“
Maybe. I might. Do
you
see anyone interesting, for more than conversation, even. There are plenty of unattached, submissive-minded men around.”

“
So long as I wouldn't have to inflict pain-? I probably won't find that here, tonight.”

“
You'll torment with pleasure instead of pain?”

“
I've done that,” she grinned wickedly. “I like when men beg to come. It makes me happy.”

“
Mistress Lane, hm?”

“
I'd like to know what taking that title feels like. School stuff comes first, though. That's a discussion group over there, right?”

“
Yup.”

“
You want to come with?”

Submissive
desire  prickled through my body and decided for me. “I'm going to look around some more. You go, though. Learn a lot.”

“
I will,” she replied, looking knowledge-high. “I'm acclimating.”

Two
female submissives had their arms and legs restrained to the two pillars in front of us. Friends, judging by the way they held hands and made eye-contact. The taller was blond with black highlights, her corset black to match. Her friend seemed more into the pain than putting on a show. She had arm sleeves of colorful tattoos, nipple piercings and a belly button ring. Her hair was long and dark blue, pulled into a simple ponytail. I groaned inside, hearing her moan when the whips wide tails wrapped around her side. They held hands harder as the two club Tops worked them over with long-tailed, black leather floggers. 

“
There you are,” she found me wandering around an hour later. “The group over there told me there's a demonstration with whips about to start. I want your take on that.”

“
Josh and Sandra. They've been club regulars for years. Josh likes using canes and single-tail whips.”

I
liked Sandra's short leather skirt and black stiletto ankle boots. She only had two X’s of black duct tape over her nipples. A strip of black leather was buckled around her neck. I saw a few people stand aside, ready to watch as she followed him to the Saint Andrew's cross. He used the leather restraints to secure her ankles and wrists to the upper and lower beams of the X-shaped frame.

“
Do you need a warmup?” he asked her.

“
I don't. Thank you, Master.”

“
Good slave.”

He
looked around to make sure no one was in his way. The whip cracked when he let it unfurl through the air. His eyes were light brown, the color of whiskey, holding an edge of dominance that woke my submissive side. There was genuine affection in his gaze as he studied her. She didn't break position or flinch, no matter what sound the whip made. That was how I wanted to trust my Dominant. Need rose and choked me, my body clenching down hard. 

“
He's not going to hit her that hard, is he?” Her shoulder pressed against mine as she instinctively moved closer.

I
put my arm around her, thankful for the distraction. “No. A whip shouldn't crack against someone's skin. That's just for effect. Josh wants her to know how much damage he can do.”

Sandra
stood straight as the end lightly flicked randomly over her sides. She breathed carefully when the whip struck her thighs a few times.

“
That's safe, being whipped like that?”

“
He stays away from her neck and face, her spine. Josh can have her out of those restraints in seconds if he needs to.”

“
It's really turning her on.”

“
She looks happy. I like that about her as a submissive.”

“
Geez. She really does look happy. How long is she going to be there?”

“
For as long as he has her there,” I replied, suddenly feeling dry-mouthed.

“
Huh,” I heard her say when Josh paused to kiss the top of Sandra's head.

“
Watch her hands,” I said. “When she lays her palms flat, he moves on to different places of her body.”

Her
pain threshold was being tested. She was tense, holding the position because she wanted to please him. Her back and sides were covered with thin red lines. A few crossed over her breasts, her hips, the outside of her thighs. I stared at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere except the display table. The straps and floggers were there, purposeless without someone to use them...

“
What do you think of
Rack's
?” I asked, happy to hear my voice wasn't wavering. “Do you like it here?”

“
People are so
friendly.
I've talked to a male Dominant with his male submissive. A Female Domme gave me her number so we can meet up sometime. Others, too, and they've been really informative.”

“
That's really cool. I'm glad it's been going well.”

“
Now, if only I could find someone to-”

Movement
to my right immediately caught my attention. A man with a long-tailed whip. He made it crack, but the end twisted around and almost struck his shoulder. I phased out, needing someone who could actually-- Another flash of movement immediately made me look back.
Why was he so much closer?

“
What the-” I threw my hand out in front of Lane and barely managed to get her behind me. Stinging pain radiated through my lower arm as the thin, hard, tail of a whip contracted around my wrist.              

Adrenaline
helped me stay calm and above fear before rage took over, waiting to be used.
I glared, focusing on the man in front of us.

“
Stop moving!” It burned like fire whenever he pulled.

“
Oh my god--!” But h
e listened long enough for me to relax my arm and break the tension. The end unwound from around my lower arm and slid harmlessly to the floor. “I'm so-”

“
Are you okay?” I looked for marks on her skin, half-blind from the swiftly dropping adrenaline rush.

“
Yeah,” Lane breathed out quickly. “Yeah. I'm okay.”

More
angry at myself, I buried the writhing aggression. I knew better than to pull back against a whip. The man was tall and thin, his hair more platinum than blond. He looked truly shell-shocked by what had happened.

“
I'm fine. So is she. And him.” I let the two hovering attendants see that he hadn't really hurt anyone.

“
I'm so sorry-”

“
Don't-!” I reached for his wrist and missed. With how quickly he had turned, I half-expected to see the whip fly outward again. My arms came up to cover my face and I tried to shield Lane with the side of my body. It bounced against the floor without striking outward.

“
Er... sorry again...”

“
Claire!” Lane put her hand on my shoulder, pushing her arm longwise over my stomach and chest. “Come outside and smoke with me?”

“
Yup. Let's do that
.”

Two
more attendants were hovering to see if things would resolve peacefully. They would.
We made our way outside, Lane not giving me much of a choice. It was definitely time for a cigarette.

“
Still want to hurt that guy?” she asked after I'd taken a few drags.

“
I was going to yell at him, not beat him.”

“
Sure you were.” We smoked in comfortable silence for a while. “Does your arm still hurt?”

“
Not at all,” I lied. “Did that scare you?”

“
When I saw it wrap around your arm, I was scared
for
you.”

“
I was scared for you, too.”

She
rolled her eyes at me when I held the door open for her. “I guess you
are
healed.”

“
Yup,” I lied. The whip mark would be gone in a couple days.

“
So... you don't mind another hour here? I've been getting a lot to write about.”

“
Take your time. There's no rush.” And going home would leave me desperately craving pain. I remembered how long, thin whips could
really
feel-             

“
Er, hi there. Sorry to-”

“
Samuel Druitt?” I blushed, realizing that I'd shrugged the club owner's hand off my shoulder. He wasn't much taller than me, though his auburn hair was spiked to give him an extra couple inches in height.

“
Sorry for startling you. I just wanted to apologize, personally, for what happened on the floor.”

“
Everyone was okay. I'm sorry if we disrupted the whip demonstration?”

“
You didn't.” His stormy gray eyes were calm, studying me professionally instead of sexually. “I've seen you play here before, with Rhys?”

“
That was years ago. You remember that?”

“
The two of you performed well together. For free.” Samuel smiled. “If you want a job here, I have an offer for you.”

“
What would I be expected to do?”

“
There are two open positions. An attendant, basically someone who mans the floor and monitors play. Or one of our s/m models, hired for performing in the club, on our site if you want to try and start a career-”

“
Just performing in the club, is that possible?” I interrupted carefully.

“
That's fine,” he said. “I pay half upfront and the other half after your part's done.”

“
How long are the job offers available?”

“
The attendants position should be filled soon. The other?” He looked at my arm and smiled. “Open-ended. I'm always looking to hire new submissives, especially the ones who like pain.”

“
I'll definitely consider it. Thank you.”

“
I mentioned Rhys for a reason...”

Remembering
him made me smile. “Has he been haunting the club for submissives?”