Sudden Hope (8 page)

Jenny is sobbing and I feel bad for her. She wants to help me so badly. I know she does, but it isn’t her fault that she can’t. They showed me photographs and I couldn't tell who they were either. I grab her and hug her so tightly. I don’t want to let her go. The last thing I want is to have her blaming herself. It isn’t her fault.

“It’s okay, Jenny. I’m alright now and Chris will be too. The doctors said he’s doing better.” She nods and I wipe her tears away with my thumb.

“Now let’s eat, then we will call everyone to tell them I'm alive and kicking.” She laughs and I smile at her, that's what I want. The friend I need.

We eat our lunch and it feels like everything is normal. I know it isn’t and believe me I am not anywhere close to being normal, but it is as close to it as I am going to get.

“Jenny
, can you tell your mom ‘thank you for lunch’? I’m going to jump in the shower and clean up if you don't mind.” I really just need a minute to myself.

“Of course.
Oh yea, everything you will need is already in the bathroom, okay.” She hug’s me and walk’s out of the room.

I stand in the bathroom looking into the full-length mirror. My reflection doesn’t look like me anymore. My long brown hair is in a major need of a cut and the bags under my eyes are making my sky blue eyes look almost gray. I have always had high cheekbones, but the sunken look to my face has them looking even higher than usual. I must have lost ten pounds in the hospital and at one hundred and thirty five pounds and five feet seven
inches, I don’t need to lose any. The only real good thing I have going for me is my bra size, I swear.

A hot shower is just what I need.
Stepping in I just let the hot water run over me. There is nothing like the feeling of hot water, just to the point of burning, running all over you. Wrapping around you like a personally fit blanket made only for you. I let the water wash everything away. For just a moment I feel the hope come back to me. The hope that everything will be alright again.

T
he following morning I wake up smelling chocolate chip pancakes. Danny is sitting on the chair next to my bed and smiling at me with that sexy grin of his. “I brought you breakfast.” He points at a tray next to him. There are chocolate chip pancakes and a mountain of bacon. My stomach starts growling just from the smell.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Danny shoots up and flash’s that devilish smile I've seen him use but never on me.

“Well you are getting too skinny and I can’t have my girl looking unhealthy on our first official date.”

“Well Daniel, if I didn't know better I would say you just asked me out.”

“No I didn't ask. I insisted,” he shoots back.

“You think pretty highly of yourself, don't you
, Mr. Mancini?”

“Yep
, I do.” There is that grin again as he run’s his fingers through his hair. I grab a pillow and throw it at him.

“Get out of here
. I’ll see you later, what time is our date?” I can feel my cheeks turn red with heat.

“Six and be ready, and again that isn’t a question.” I throw another pillow and he laughs.

“I'll be ready, doll. See you then.” He walks out but not before flashing another one of those Danny grins that makes me melt.

I am finally having my first official date with Danny. Then I look in the mirror. I still look like a train wreck.
Why would he want to even be seen with me? Plus I need to go see Chris before I do anything. I need to make sure he is okay. I’m still not allowed to drive and because Jenny, along with everyone else, is treating me like an invalid, she drops me off at the main entrance to the hospital and goes to park the car.

I walk into Chris' room and it is just plain scary. I cannot believe how bad
of condition he is in. Sitting beside him I start crying. Reaching out to hold his hand, I start whispering to him. “Please be okay! I'm so sorry.” Chris starts to move. His eyes flutter, and his hand tightens around mine. I gasp at the mere thought that he is waking up because I am here, that it is my touch that has somehow triggered something inside of him to wake up. He starts to move again and I hit the nurse’s button on the remote.

His eyes pop open and he starts to struggle. The tubes in his throat catch him by surprise and he starts trying to rip them out. I grab his hands and try to pin him down but he is too strong for me. He is in shock. Thank God
the nurses come running in. I move into the corner of the room to stay out of the way. I watch as they remove the breathing tube and check all his vitals. He is calming down but I can see he is staring at me. He looks confused, lost.

I want to comfort him but I know that will just confuse him more. Then it hits me. What if he doesn’t remember, what if he doesn’t know what happened with Danny and me? I start to panic.
Suddenly I feel like I can’t breathe, I can’t think. I want to run but I know that will only confuse him even more. I speak above the noise of the nurses and doctors that are now rushing into the room.

“Chris, I’m going to go get your parents, okay!” It is definitely a statement and I don’t wait for an answer. I run from the room as fast as I can. I want to cry
as every emotion is racing through me. I am breathing heavily as I lean up against the wall. My hands are at my face covering my eyes because I don’t want anyone to see the emotion in them. What am I going to do? I didn’t even think of this. Danny is going to be picking me up for a date tonight, but again I cannot be with him, not until someone tells Chris, and I do not want that someone to be me. I owe it to him though. He saved my life, another question I do not have an answer to, from whom? And furthermore, why?

I straighten myself up, and head down to the cafeteria where I know Chris' parents are.
Immediatly I see them. Chris' father, usually a strong man, is sitting with dark circles around his eyes. His face is unshaven and drawn. I don't think he has eaten in the days his son has been here. He is stirring his coffee repeatedly while staring into nothingness.

Marcie, Chris' mom, has her long ash blond hair in a ponytail, pulled back at the base of her neck. She is wearing no make-up, usually she is done up like a model. She also
is just staring. They have a sadness in their eyes that I know all too well. I can’t help but feel bad. I am the reason their son is here, most likely anyway. I am sure I will find that out sooner or later. I run to them not knowing what else to do. Marcie's head dart’s up.

“What’s wrong, CC?” I can barely get the words out before they are at their feet.

“Chris,” I am excited to be the one to tell them. To let them know that their son is going to be okay. “He's awake!”

With that they are running, and a smile brakes across Marcie's face. She stops dead in her tracks and turns to me. “Thank you
, CC.” She has tears streaming down her face, but I know they are happy tears.

I sit down to try to process everything that is going on. Jenny must be freaking out. I'm sure she must be looking for me by now. I need to call Danny and let him know Chris is awake and I need to go see how Chris is, but the fear and selfishness that is consuming me will not let me move. What if he doesn’t remember? What if he does? Either option is a no win situation for me. At least he is okay and everything else can be dealt with later.

I walk up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I figure it will give me more time to think about everything. It is cold and the florescent lights are blinking at a rapid pace. It is starting to give me a headache. I want to get out of the corridor but I want to stay in it at the same time. Over all I just don’t want to face what is to come.

As I enter the hallway I see Jenny leaving Chris' room. She is sad and looks a little lost. I know Jenny all too well. This is a look I do not want an explanation for.

“Oh, CC.” She is looking at me with compassion, heartache. “You don't want to go in there. He doesn’t remember what happened, Hun. He only knows you were in there when he woke up. He believes you were meant to be there with him. That more than anything he woke up because you were there. He loves you.” She looks at the floor shaking her head. I know this is weighing heavy on her. She is friends with both of us and does not want to see either one of us hurt.

“Jenny, just go home, I'm going to be here for a while. I can’t leave him now. This is because of me and I can’t just leave him hurting like this.” I will always be Chris's friend and now is the time he needs me most.

“Are you sure, CC? Can you handle this right now?” I don’t know if I really can but I know I have to.

“Yes just go. I’ll call you later.”

Chapter Ten

I walk back into Chris’ room with the largest smile I can force on my lips. I am truly happy he is awake and okay, but butterflies dance in my stomach at the thought of him not being able to remember what happened at the Hideout. The thought of needing to explain that Danny and I are a couple or whatever we are, and he and I will never be. Chris snaps his head towards me the moment I walk through the door. Mr. and Mrs. Bruno, Chris' parents are standing next to the bed and are smiling. Mrs. Bruno kisses Chris on his forehead and winks.

“We’re going to go home and take showers, Honey. We haven't left so I'm sure we’re not looking our best.” She said with a chuckle. “Please be good while we’re gone.”

Chris holds my hand and his eyes are everything I knew they would be. He looks at me like I wish I can look back at him. Love is there. I want to cry, run or hide. I know I can’t. He needs me but I don’t know if I can be the one who can be there for him. I know I have to try
and that I have to be here even if I am not the one who should be.

“Hey babe, how are you feeling?” It is all I can say, all I know he wants at the moment.

“I'm okay now that you are here.” He really is sweet to me.

“Yes, Hun
, I'm here.” I am trying my best to look excited. “Umm, Chris do you remember anything that happened, anything at all?”

He shakes his head.
“Nothing, CC. The last thing I can slightly recall is school, and making plans to go to the Hideout. After that it all becomes a blur. I have flashes but nothing makes much sense.”

“Det
ective Abernathy came earlier while you were sleeping. He will probably need to talk to you soon.” I really don’t know what to say to him so I am trying to make small talk now. I know he doesn’t know about Danny and me and I am not about to tell him now.

The doctors come into the room and I am a little more than relieved to see them. I need to talk to Danny and straighten everything out.
As I stand up to leave, Chris grabs me. “Please don’t leave, CC. Stay with me.” The doctor looks from me to him and I have a strong feeling he knows I need to have some time.

“Christopher, Celeste needs to go home and rest and you need to rest too. You both have been through quite an ordeal and you need to recover.”

Chris' eyes widen, “What do you mean CC needs to rest?” His eyes frantically move from me to the doctor. “What is going on? Please you have to tell me, why does she need to rest?” He is shouting. Shit. No one has told him.

“Umm Chris, I was just released yesterday
. We were attacked together while walking down the street. I'm okay I swear, but the doctor is right, I need to go.”

Chris is so lost
. I can see it in his eyes. I lean over to hug him and he kisses me. I am caught by surprise. I do what I think is right. I kiss him back, probably not the best idea. He is in love with me and I am doing the worst thing on earth to him but I just don't know how to handle the situation. He is in shock and just found out I was hurt that night too. I have to go soo that I can straighten everything out. Before II do anything else, I need to think.

“Chris
, I have to go, the doctor is right. I need to rest.” I know if I tell him that, he will have to let me leave, as much as he wants me to stay he will want me to take care of myself more.

“Alright
, CC. Come back soon, please.” He is almost begging, how can I say no to him?

“I’ll be back soon.” I whisper as I walk out the door, “I promise.”

I can’t go to Jenny's. I do not want to deal with the questions that are going to follow. I don’t want to go to Danny's. I know that is a conversation that needs to be had, but how? How am I going to break his heart? More than anything I just want to be alone so I am going home.

“Just go out with James, Jenny. Enjoy the night and tomorrow we will get together. Okay, I promise.”
Right now I just want to be left alone, even though I know she wants to be here for me but I really need some time to myself. Luckily with the mention of James’ name she gets all giggly on me.

“Fine, but you better call me first thing in the morning
, CC.” She gives me that questioning look. Great. Not knowing what to say, I just nod.

“Listen I know you don't talk about it much, but if things get bad at home tonight call me, please. I don't care what time it is, just call me.”

I let out a sigh as I look up at my house. “I'll keep you on speed dial, okay.”

“Okay
,” She says with a sigh right back to me. Before I get out of her car I give her a hug.