Sugar Daddies (37 page)

I wanted the animal to like me.

Ridiculous, but true.

I wanted him to like me, so that she’d like me. Because he was important.

“Hey,” I said again. “Who’s a good boy?”

His eyes bored into me. I took a breath and a step forward, and this time I kept my hand out, even when he moved his head away. “Who’s a good boy? A friendly boy?” I kept my tone light. “Hey, boy, please don’t savage me, hey? Don’t trample me.”

I placed a hand on his neck and he was hot and sweaty, but soft. My heart thumped.

“Good boy.”

I patted him, as though I knew what I was doing. He didn’t move, just stared.

Please
, I willed.
Please, just like me. Please.

I took deep breaths, gentle steps, until I was close to his side. His ears kept flicking, his weight shifting on his feet.

“Good boy, Samson, that’s a good boy.”

He tossed his head again as I placed a hand on his face, and I pulled away but only a fraction.

“Please,” I whispered. “Please just give me a chance, boy.”

When I put my hand out again he stayed still, and my heart leapt in my chest. I placed my hand on his nose, and he snorted, snuffled. He snuffled me, his nose in my pockets. And then he butted me, like he’d butted Katie.

And I wasn’t scared.

“Good boy!” I said, and wished I had fucking mints. I wished I had a whole truckload of fucking mints.

He butted me again, and I rubbed his ears, and he didn’t mind.

I felt the connection, beast to man, man to beast. He’d taken my measure and I’d done alright. I’d passed whatever horsey paces he’d put me through.

“Good boy, Samson, that’s a good boy.”

I stroked the white stripe on his face and he didn’t flinch.

Didn’t move when I wrapped my arms around
his neck and gave the beast a hug, caring fuck all for my suit.

“That’s it,” I whispered. “Friends now.”

It felt seriously fucking good.

I was still petting the brute when I heard Katie’s footsteps on the path. I turned to face her with a smile, patting the horse like we were best fucking buddies.

My stomach was tight and tickly, and a little bit excited, and my heart was full of life.

“He likes me,” I said. “He actually fucking likes me!”

My eyes met hers, hoping for approval and joy and excitement to match mine, but there was nothing of the sort.

Katie’s eyes were puffy and sad. Her cheeks reddened from tears.

“What?” I said, dropping the horse hugs and heading straight for her. “What the hell happened?”

She struggled to speak at first, just took my arms and gripped them with tense fingers. She shook her head and another tear fell.

“Talk to me,” I said. “What is it?”

She took a gulp of air that sounded like a sob.

“It’s Jack,” she said. “The bank… the bank are repossessing, threatening to close the business…” Another tear, and a proper sob this time. “He’s selling the land, he’s got no choice. He’s got to sell it, the stables, the yard. All of it.”

“Ok,” I said. “It’s alright.”

But she was shaking her head. “It’s not alright,” she said. “My dream is over. It’s gone. It’s all fucking gone.”

And then she cried.

She really fucking cried.

She didn’t let me hold her, just brushed her tears aside and busied herself with Samson. I helped as best I could, helping her brush him down before putting his rug on, opening gates, holding a hosepipe while the water trough was filling, but I don’t believe she even noticed. Her thoughts were far away, eyes brimming with tears as they stared into the distance.

I could feel her dreams breaking.

And mine were in my throat, desperate to reach out and grab hers and hold the cracks together.

I watched Samson make his way back down the field, calling out to his horsey friends before he took off into a run, but for once Katie didn’t linger. She was already off, head collar in hand, trudging back across the yard towards the car.

I caught her up, but she said nothing, just hung the collar on its hook by Samson’s stable and gathered up the hosepipe.

“Home?” I said, and she nodded. She climbed up into the Range and clipped her belt, and her breath was shallow and ragged. I pulled away from the yard, keeping slow along the lane.

The silence was loud. Too loud.

“It’s that bad?” I said. “No room to negotiate? They won’t give him any leeway?”

She shook her head. “They’ve given him all they were willing to give. I was too late.”

“Too late?”

“I hoped I’d have enough money to pay six months’ rent up front. Jack needed the cash for the bank.”

“But that’s no longer an option?”

Her lip trembled a little. “I think it was always a longshot. Wishful thinking, both of us. He couldn’t make the business work on his own. I just hoped…” Her voice trailed off.

Wishful thinking, maybe, but the girl looked broken. She chewed on her knuckles as the car rumbled on, and the need in me boiled over, exploded. I pulled into a turning,
Haugh Wood
the sign read. A parking area virtually empty. I pulled up, turned off the engine, and Katie stared at me.

“What are we…?”

“It’s your dream?” I asked. “This place? This
particular
place? This yard?”

She nodded. “Stupid really.” She was breathy, her voice a wisp. “I have it all planned out, everything. I know where I’d put the field shelters, how I’d fix up the school, where I’d set up a proper jumping course. I know this place, I know the people. I’ve got a list of kids who want lessons, a list of kids who can’t afford it but want to help out anyway.” She met my eyes. “I wanted it so bad. I
want
it so bad.”

“What about other yards? You could rent somewhere else, no?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. I dunno. I guess. It’s all the unknown.” Her eyes welled up again. “This place just feels special to me. The place I had my first horse, the place Samson and I found our feet.” She pointed to a track at the far end of the parking area. “We hack through these woods all the time. I know every path, every hill, every turn. I love it here. I love everything about this place.”

I sighed, my hands on the steering wheel. “How much does he need? How much is he selling the land for?”

She laughed a sad little laugh. “Too much. I don’t even know, a couple of hundred grand. Too much to worry about.”

And I said it. I just fucking said it. “I could buy it.”

Silence. Then a laugh. More like a snort. “You what?”

“I’m serious,” I said. “I could buy it for you. A couple of hundred grand, I could do that. It could be an investment, the land wouldn’t lose its value. I have enough capital.”

Wide eyes stared at me. “Why would you buy it? You don’t even like horses.”

“No.” I turned to her. “I don’t like horses, but I’m here anyway. I don’t even like the outdoors, I don’t like mud, I don’t like the smell of animal shit, the thought of trekking through open fields really doesn’t turn me on. But I’m here. Because of you. Because I like
you
.”

“I like you, too,” she said. “But you can’t buy Jack’s land, that’s… that’s insane. I couldn’t pay you back. I have no idea when I could pay you back. Probably never.” I could see the thoughts piling up behind her eyes, her head shaking as she
worked through them.

“You wouldn’t need to. I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“Then why? Why would you?” She held up her hands. “And at the end of six months, what? What even happens? What if we call it quits and move on? What happens then, when you own my yard and you don’t want it anymore?”

“That wouldn’t happen.”

She raised her eyebrows. “How do you know? Anything could happen. And then you’d own a yard you never even wanted and I’d owe you everything.”

“Or you’d be happy, and I’d be happy, and Rick would be happy. We could be happy, Katie. How about that?”

She took a breath. “A couple of hundred grand for a few years, you said. The other week, in the car, what did you mean?”

I felt a shiver down my spine. “That doesn’t matter now. That has nothing to do with this.”

“It has everything to do with this,” she said. “You’re offering me a couple of hundred grand, just like that, you say it’s so I can be happy. So
we
can be happy. What does happy even look like to you, Carl? What do you want from me?”

I sighed, gripped the steering wheel. “It’s just an offer. You want the yard, I can buy it. That’s all.”

She shook her head. “People don’t just go around buying hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of gifts to be
happy
, Carl. In the car, you said a couple of years, you said it was an option. That’s what you wanted from me, that’s what you implied. Is that still what you want? Because if that’s on the table, if that’s really what this is about… a few years in exchange for the yard… I mean, I dunno… if that’s what it meant… maybe I could…”

I closed my eyes. “Don’t do this, Katie. It was a simple offer. This isn’t the right time for this.”

“For what?” I heard her shift in her seat. “What isn’t this the right time for?”

Six months, Carl. Just give it time, man. Chill the fuck
out.

Katie’s breath was loud. “I mean, if you want me to guarantee this…
arrangement
we have, for a couple of years… I could do that… I wouldn’t even mind…” I listened to her breathing, listened to her thinking. “But even at the current rate… two hundred grand… that’s like six years or something…” She sighed. “Anything could happen in six years. How do you know you’d even want that?
Do
you want that?”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to pay you to be in a relationship with us for six years, Katie.”

She laughed, but it was nervous. “I know, I mean, that would be stupid. Six years, that’s crazy. That’s like… silly, right?”

I opened my eyes. Looked at her. “I want you to be in a relationship with us because you
want
to be in a relationship with us. I hope that lasts six years. I hope it lasts longer. I hope it
lasts
, Katie.”

She was quiet. So quiet.

“I want…” I fought for the right words. “I want us, all three of us… to work… I want.” I sighed.

“Just say it,” she said. “You always just say it, right? Why not now?”

Because of Rick.

Because you’ll run.

Because I don’t want you to run.

She shrugged. “How can I know what you’re offering if you won’t tell me? I can’t think straight if I don’t know what I’m thinking about! This is… it hurts my brain… I just can’t…”

“Just think about the yard,” I said. “Do you want it, or not?”

“But it’s not about the yard, is it? You want something from me. You’ve always wanted something from me.”