Super Sexual Orgasm: Discover the Ultimate Pleasure Spot: The Cul-De-Sac (11 page)

After you as the active partner have climaxed, take a few minutes to do a bonding exercise, then switch roles and repeat the exercise.

Romping Room

Hopefully you have done all the exercises in these chapters with a sense of fun and adventure. Now, I’m sure some of you may have been a tad too serious at times so I want to speak especially to you right now. In the next few exercises, I absolutely, imperatively, demand—no, command—that you loosen up. Get downright goofy if you want to take it that far, but by all means play, play, play. The spontaneity of sex play is the most releasing,

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most rejuvenating, most refreshing, experience in the world. I am going to give you some examples of fun and games that have worked for many of my clients. But feel free to feel the spirit and make up some wild, unbridled games of your own.

Get your rubber duckies and jump into the tub! The sensuous shower is a whole-body caress that takes place while you are both showering together. You are going to enjoy your body and your lover’s body along with the added excitement of the soothing water flow. And as an extra bargain, you get to be clean.

There are a number of ways to take your shower. Some couples just find it a hoot to be in the shower together. You can do any of your sensate focus caresses in turn or you can mutually caress each other. Use liquid soap or gel and caress any part of your lover’s body that makes you feel good. If you become aroused, just enjoy the feelings and let them take you wherever they go. Some people like to have intercourse in the shower. (Just be careful because some types of soap irritate the vagina or the penis.)

You can also make this a bath-time experience. You may want to create a mood in your bathroom with incense, candles, music—maybe even sip a little wine in the tub. But remember, all those elements are extras. The real treat is cuddled up right next to you.

It’s time for a sensual dinner. Prepare a number of foods that you feel are very special. It will help if they are also juicy, slightly goopy or messy. Think along the lines of fruits, melted cheeses, meat that can be pulled off the bone, custards, and

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whipped cream. Whatever drink you decide to have, use eleg-ant glassware to give your dinner a lovely quality. Have some flowers arranged and maybe some candles burning on a nearby table. Your food, however, will be spread out on a comfortable floor surface on an old sheet or tarp that will protect against any spillage.

Take off your clothes and prepare to observe the following ground rules: No feeding yourself, no talking, and no utensils. Before you start feeding each other, do some bonding exercises and then some sensate focus caresses. Now begin feeding each other. Eat with the goal of feeling every sensation as the food passes from your lover’s fingers to your lips and into your mouth. Put food on your body and offer it to your partner to lick or suck off. Kiss in between swallowing mouthfuls

of food and drink.

Finish your sensually sumptuous evening by washing each other off slowly with warm wet towels or perhaps by taking a shower or bath together. And then? Well…the rest of the evening is up to you.

Designing tattoos on each other with washable—sometimes even edible—finger paints can be a wonderful way to spend an afternoon with your lover. Try this exercise in the bathtub or any part of the house that you have protected with some sheets or toweling. You may also want to try this outdoors. I’ve known some people to do this at nude beaches in California. (Where else?)

Be outlandish in your designs. Spell out racy words and draw erotic designs on each other. Use this game as a gateway into the more animalistic, primal aspect of your sexuality. Moan, growl, and lightly chew or suck on your lover as you

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decorate. Put on some music with a great bass beat and parade around when you are done. Jungle love, here you come!

The Feeling is Mutual

Mutual orgasm, which is sometimes also called simultaneous orgasm, is an amazing feeling. It refers to a couple having an orgasm at the same time during intercourse. A lot of people pooh-pooh this idea, and discourage others from trying it. Too much pressure, they say, and too little success. Granted, when you are not in control of your body mutual orgasm is more a product of luck than anything else and it should not be prioritized as a goal. But when you are in control, as you are now thanks to SSO, mutual orgasm is easily accomplished and absolutely fabulous.

In my way of thinking, mutual orgasm is much more than simply two orgasms happening at the same time. The most important aspect of it is that each lover enjoys the partner’s orgasm as well as his or her own. Mutual orgasm is one of the most intimate experiences you can have with your lover. It is a celebration of all that is beautiful and sacred in the relationship you are building together. The union you create in that moment of mutual orgasm shoots right to the core of who you are as an individual and who you are as a couple as well.

In order to achieve such a mutually exalting experience, first start with some sensate focus caresses in order to relax and arouse each other. Then decide on a position to have intercourse, being sure to choose a position where you can look into each

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other’s eyes. Bring your bodies together in your position of choice, knowing that whoever is on top will control the speed of the thrusting. Start slowly, enjoying every slight motion, every swirl and sway of your hips and thighs. As you roll through slow, sensuous thrusts, peak together through levels 6, 7, and 8.

Keep your motions shared and mutual as you thrust together and then slide apart. Relax, breathe, and focus on the sensations in your genitals. Women, think of your vagina as caressing your partner’s penis. Men, think of your penis as licking the inside of your lover’s vagina.

Peak up to level 9 and plateau there. With practice you will find that you can develop the ability to either hold back slightly at this highest level of arousal or accelerate your excitement to match that of your partner. As your partner spills over into orgasm, follow his plunge by taking a deep breath, relaxing every muscle, opening your eyes, and looking deep into his. Two climaxes in one long, loving moment.

Simple Pleasures are the Best

In all the discussions of sexual pleasure I have had with you, I haven’t yet touched on the subject of kissing. Did I forget? No. Do I minimize it? Absolutely not. Then why am I only getting to it now? Because I like to save the best for last.

Kissing may be the most intimate, erotic experience you can share with your partner. Some of our most sensitive nerve endings are in our lips, so it is really no surprise that they feel and communicate with exquisite sensual precision. No wonder romance begins with a kiss.

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With sensual kissing, you kiss as you would do any other sensate focus caress. You move slowly, you relax your lips, and you kiss for your own pleasure even though you are aware of your lover’s sensitivities. As you stay in the here and now and focus on the kissing point of contact, notice the taste of your lover’s mouth, the velvety feel, the rough feel, the warmth, the coolness, your partner’s tongue, the motion and swirl of your partner’s lips.

Gaze into your lover’s eyes and feel your connection. You might graze your partner’s lips or tongue with your teeth—not to hurt but to add some variety to the interaction. Kiss softly, seriously, slyly, slowly, sensuously. Don’t think of where your kissing will lead. Just kiss.

Make time every day you are together to share your love through kissing. It may lead to lovemaking, but it is important to remember that kissing is a beautiful and fulfilling experience in and of itself. As long as you can share each other’s kisses deep from the soul you will have a loving, secure place in each other’s hearts.

APPENDIX A
‌

COMFORT

I
said in the very beginning of this book that super sexual orgasm is a pleasure
every
woman can experience. And I know this to be true. Yet I also know that a small percentage of women will, after following the entire program in this book quite carefully, still struggle to experience the thrills of a true super sexual orgasm. While
any
woman can benefit from the exercises in this appendix, and I encourage all wo-men to try them, this section has been included specifically for those women who need just a little more special help to fully realize their SSO goal.

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I have written this book because I am a sex therapist. But I am also a woman who struggled to experience sexual pleasure. I think it is important for women reading this book to understand that I am
not
one of the lucky women I mentioned earlier who have always had natural access to the cul-de-sac and its extraordinary orgasmic potential. Nor is SSO something I was able to easily learn. I have had to work very hard to discover all of the pleasures I have written about in this book. But these pleasures have changed my relationships with men and, even more important, my relationship with myself.

All of my experience, both personal and professional, has taught me that the greatest stumbling block on the path to super sexual orgasm is
comfort
—comfort with your own body and its many gifts. And this is where we will end our journey to super sexual orgasm.

No More Mysteries, No More Fears

The goal of this section is a simple one: I want to help you learn to accept, understand, and truly love your body. As I said before, there is more to SSO than learning to access the cul-de-sac. The more you love your body the more you will feel relaxed and at ease. And the more you feel relaxed and at ease, the easier it will be for you to achieve and embrace super sexual orgasm.

We are going to start at the surface and slowly work our way in to very intimate spaces. But I don’t want you

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to just follow my instructions. I want you to understand
why
each exercise and technique has been included, and
why
each is so important.

One of the reasons super sexual orgasm has remained a secret for so long is because female sexual anatomy is an area that too many women shy away from. For some women, the territory is too sacred. For others, it is too scary. But every woman needs to fully understand how her body brings her pleasure and how it can bring her a lot more. And that means committing yourself to fully embracing your beautiful body and fully embracing your stunning sexuality.

Look who’a There

Are you alone right now? Are you in a private, safe place? Good. Then take off your clothes and let’s get down to business with the following exercise.

I want you to stand in front of a mirror and observe your body. I don’t mean glance. Really look. Bore boles in yourself from your concentration. Take your time—at least fifteen to twenty minutes. Study the arch of your shoulder and your pinkie nail on your left foot. Get out a hand mirror or even a magnifying glass if you wish. And as you observe, I want you to be nonjudgmental about what you see. That’s really hard for many of us, I know. Whatever thoughts come into your mind, let them come, let them drift in and out: Just don’t hang on to them. Don’t get into a cycle of, “Aha! This thigh is why I’m

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never eating cookies again,” or “My butt is definitely way too big.” (We’ll do an exercise soon where you can think all those thoughts, so don’t think I’m cheating you of an opportunity to rag on yourself unmercifully like I know you do!) If you do have these feelings, just let them be right now. Don’t focus on them. They are there and you are having them, but do not dwell on them. Instead, try your best to discover what an extraordinary gift the human body is. At the end of looking at your body inch by inch, close by taking a few minutes to look at your body as a whole. All that you have taken in about yourself is integrated in this last look.

What we are getting into here in this very first exercise is reevaluating the way you see yourself. No doubt like so many women and men you have negative attitudes about what you find in your reflection. Part of this we get from our particular upbringing and background. Much comes from the larger culture around us that places so much emphasis on a stylized and idealized female body the majority of women will never attain, though some might at great cost, financial and otherwise.

This exercise is a great healer when it comes to giving you a love for your body. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you cannot genuinely find aspects of your physical self that you want to change. There are a number of excellent books and other resources available on skin care, health, exercise, and clothing selection. You are an adult and you have a high degree of choice about how you look. While physical appearance is given way too much importance in our culture, making yourself

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look additionally attractive certainly can boost selfesteem and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t make it an obsession. To be very honest with you, I was once overweight, flat-chested, had bad teeth—and my mother dressed me funny. When I got older, I made a decision to make some reasonable changes in my appearance and I’ve definitely felt better for it. But having made those changes I have reached a place of self-acceptance and personal comfort. Today, I do not look in the mirror and panic. When the fashion in models was Kate Moss, I did not say to myself “Barbara, you hippo!” Because Kate’s body is fine for her and mine is fine for me. And I’m sure if you could really see who you are in the mirror, you would find that your body is actually terrific for you too.

For the next twenty minutes I want you to place your hands all over your body and let yourself feel the way your body feels. We’re not doing any sensual stroking at this point. I just want you to make a comfortable touch connection with your body. Make sure you touch yourself everywhere. Your neck, your face, your stomach, your thighs, even the little spaces between your toes. Make a physical connection with every part of you, and hold that connection long enough to give yourself a clear memory of it. As you touch, let all thoughts come and go. There is no “goal” here, there is no “achievement level,” there is no doing this “better” than anyone else. Relax and touch. Reintroduce the thinking you to the body you. Again, finish up by looking at your body as a whole. Admire the miracle that is you.