Superhealing: Engaging Your Mind, Body, and Spirit to Create Optimal Health and Well-Being (ARC) (27 page)

The protection from heart disease occurred because these immi-

grants still maintained an Italian lifestyle, including very strong familial and social ties.

Researchers predicted that the rate of heart disease would in-

crease as the town’s citizens adopted a more Americanized lifestyle, and that is exactly what they found when they returned in the mid-1970s. During the 1980s, cholesterol education programs and other

public health measures lowered the incidence of heart disease na-

tional y. However, when researchers returned to Roseto yet again in 1985, they found that despite decreases in fat intake and the smoking rate among its inhabitants, the occurrence of heart disease continued to climb there. They concluded that the population’s assimilation of American-style conspicuous consumption and materialism had prevented the expected decline in heart disease.14

Japanese culture is also characterized by a high degree of social

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support. There is evidence that this may contribute to the low rate of heart disease in Japan and among Japanese Americans, who, as their Italian American counterparts in Roseto once did, still retain their traditional culture.

All this research suggesting that the coming together and break-

ing apart of social relationships have important physiological consequences in humans and other animals. Creating and sustaining sup-

portive and enduring relationships triggers reward pathways in our brains that allow love to motivate and delight us. They also suppress the pathways that make us more judgmental and likely to experience negative emotions.

It hurts most when we are rejected—both when we reject our-

selves and when others do it to us. In fact, social pain is relieved by the same drugs that relieve physical pain, because the pathways that cause physical and emotional pain overlap in our brains.15

So it should come as no surprise that healthy relationships are

a cornerstone of our well-being; they improve our lives significant-ly, not only emotional y but physical y as wel . Social bonding and soothing behaviors relieve the damaging effects of negative events and enhance our health. Healthy relationships buffer us from the

stresses of life and diminish the stress response and activity in the autonomic nervous system and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal

axis—the endocrine system that responds to stress, by releasing hormones that instruct our cel s to change their normal functioning and prepare to run or fight. 16 Our sense of connection to others helps to diminish our usual response to stress and to pain.17

ALTRUISM AND SELFLESS GIVING

My parents were deeply spiritual and religious people. Grow-

ing up with parents whose lives were integrated with their spiritual 186

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beliefs, which included helping others, I didn’t analyze the health benefits of volunteerism. But I did watch them live it and was often moved by their integrity, kindness, and consideration of others. They were very family oriented, and “family” extended beyond the nuclear unit. They taught me to see our family as part of the larger family of humanity. They never met a stranger, as they welcomed and treated

newcomers as if they’d known them for many years, and they opened

the doors of our home to everyone.

My parents frequently performed quiet random acts of kindness:

giving to children in our neighborhood and helping out neighbors and friends. My mother often cooked meals for homebound senior citizens, and my father gave his homegrown organic vegetables to many people.

My parents were my great examples of how to be kind and live a good, loving life. They set the example for my own spiritual path and growth.

I still vividly remember an incident while I was grocery shop-

ping with my father when I was seven years old. My father noticed a visibly distressed elderly woman who was crying and talking to the manager of the store. Though listening patiently, the manager did

not appear to be moved by this woman’s tears. I watched as my father approached them, exchanged a few words, opened his wallet, and

handed the woman several dol ars. I saw relief wash over her face.

She grasped Daddy’s hand and profusely thanked him. He smiled

gently and said, “You’re welcome, Ma’am” as he walked away.

We went about our business. Daddy didn’t say a word, but I want-

ed to know what had happened. On the way home, I asked, “Daddy

what was wrong with that lady?”

“She got off the bus and left her purse on it,” he explained. “She didn’t have a way to get home, so I gave her a few dol ars to make sure that she did and to get something to eat.” Back then a bus ride cost fifteen or twenty cents.

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As a young child, I was taken with not only his generosity but also his humility. It was no big deal to him, and he didn’t brag. He was very matter-of-fact about it. That was the first random act of kindness I clearly recall witnessing. I never forgot what Daddy did that day, or his humility. That one experience affected me deeply, and I’ve used it as a model and a guide for including altruism in my life.

Altruism is internal y -motivated behavior that is born from a concern for the welfare of others rather than the anticipation of a benefit or reward. Our health and well-being benefit from helping others, if we can give without stressing and wearing ourselves out. There can be consequences to giving too much. Giving is beneficial only up to the point that it becomes physical y and psychological y taxing. In other words, take care of yourself while you’re taking care of others.

Many volunteers report that they experience well-being, increased

energy, warmth, and pain reduction as well as increased optimism

and self-esteem. The afterglow that comes from performing altru-

istic acts, sometimes called “helper’s high,” can last from one hour to the rest of the entire day. There was a survey of 3,000 volunteers who regularly put in two hours per week, an average of eight hours a month, helping others. All of them had personal contact with the strangers they helped, and 71 percent of them reported feelings of well-being similar to the high described by long-distance runners.18

Volunteering and support groups both appear to stimulate chang-

es in our bodily functions similar to those researchers have observed occurring during meditation—that is, the relaxation response. Volunteering could well be considered a relaxation technique, since it disrupts self-focused thoughts and decreases the adrenal stress that occurs with the fight-or-flight response. Volunteering is beneficial in a variety of other ways, too: it improves our mood, distracts us from our problems and puts them into a broader perspective, creates 188

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enhanced meaning in life, increases our perception of our own ef-

fectiveness, and improves our social interactions. This all bears out the old adage that it’s better to give than to receive—especial y when it’s done selflessly.

I wasn’t surprised to discover that volunteering has all these health benefits. But the key to achieving them is to not seek the benefits but to give from your heart. There’s a broad spectrum of reasons for volunteering, from those that are selfless to those that are self-serving.

In one study, people who volunteered out of a desire to help others were found to live longer compared to those who volunteered for

self-oriented reasons and to nonvolunteers.19 Another study com-

pared a group of senior citizen volunteers who gave massages to infants with a control group engaged in self-massage, and it found that the volunteers experienced lower levels of stress hormones and less anxiety than the others.20

Perhaps these findings are reflective of the spiritual belief that becoming lovingly other-focused is the highest state of being.

GRATITUDE

One of the most powerful superhealing techniques in existence

is the expression of gratitude. Researchers give multiple definitions of
gratitude
in their studies. The word comes from the Latin
gratus
, meaning “agreeable” and “pleasing.” I use
gratitude
and
appreciation
interchangeably. But gratitude, by any definition, enhances our sense of well-being, lifting us up to a state of superhealing in which our spirit, mind, and body are aligned and functioning in a harmonious state. When our hearts are open and giving thanks, it’s as though the floodgates have opened.

Being grateful emphasizes the positive and releases the hold that

negative thought tends to have on the mind. Gratitude uplifts the

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spirit and is an expression of love. It improves physical and psychological health and increases participation in healthy activities. It makes life sweeter and easier.

By increasing our vitality, gratitude helps us to feel alive and

engaged. Our bodies transform in response. Like other positive

emotions, gratitude helps the heart to function more efficiently by creating harmony between the heartbeat and the nervous system.

Subsequently, all other bodily functions harmonize with this, and

we experience coherence. As noted earlier, coherence leads to im-

proved brain functioning, mental clarity, and creativity, among other enhanced functions.

Expressing gratitude makes us happier and more resistant to the

unpleasant emotions that fuel stress, such as envy, anger, resentment, and regret. If we do experience stress, gratitude blunts and buffers the impact of it. When we are grateful, we have greater peace of mind and are even better at problem solving and decision making.21

According to one study, expressing gratitude to others is good for both you and the person being thanked. It can powerful y uplift a relationship mired in negativity, shifting our focus from what is wrong to what is right in the relationship and leading to a more positive and healthier connection. We can sometimes become unconscious

of the full power and meaning of our relationships. In our busy, hec-tic lives, we often forget and overlook the significance of the people whose presence adds meaning to our lives. Expressing gratitude to

them plays a pivotal role in the development and sustaining of our relationships and supports behaviors that are inclusive.22

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a foundational aspect of all religions and spiritual practices. Although ancient scriptures implore us to forgive others, 190

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it is one of the hardest yet most rewarding of all human challenges.

Forgiveness is truly one of the most taxing aspects of superheal-

ing, but in order to achieve superhealing, we must forgive. Super-

healing and anger cannot occupy the same space. Type A person-

alities are usual y characterized as competitive and driven and as having a higher risk of heart attacks. But researchers say that this risk is a result of their hostility and unresolved anger rather than their personality traits.

We tend to believe that forgiveness supports the transgression

that has been committed against us. But forgiveness is not an en-

dorsement of wrongdoing; rather, it’s an act of releasing the pain and hurt it caused through love, the root of forgiveness—and it is not love of the other but of the self. We must forgive ourselves as well as others in order to be whole and healed. Let me explain.

Forgiveness provides physiological relief from entangled and

painful memories, releasing the ties that have bound us to the past and allowing us to move on. These old, unresolved wounds are the

energetic, emotional dams that prevent the unobstructed flow of

superhealing into our lives. We must forgive ourselves for our own transgressions. Forgiveness aids in the process of healing self-abuse and self-hatred. We must bring unhealed wounds out of the shadows. We cannot truly love ourselves without forgiveness. Once we

begin to forgive ourselves, we can forgive others.

We can often be more forgiving of others than of ourselves. Stil , how do we begin to forgive those who have caused us great pain? It isn’t easy, but it is imperative. When we open our hearts to the idea of forgiveness, the areas that we need to forgive the most are not usual y the wrongdoings that first come to mind, but the deeper hidden transgressions. Because they are so severe, they tend to surface gradual y.

Many of us have made our way through life avoiding and sup-

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pressing our pain rather than confronting it. Breakthroughs occur

after months or years of therapy, when painful memories come to the surface. When those wounds are healed, forgiving transformations

occur. We often feel less slighted, less inadequate, and more loving.

John (not his real name), a young man in his early twenties, was

prompted to see me because of a severe case of ulcers. His pain was minimal y improved by medication, and he refused to have surgery.

We approached his treatment from a superhealing perspective, and

over the course of several months, some of his symptoms lessened,

but there was no significant resolution of his condition.

He was extremely resistant to resolving his emotional issues and

wanted to focus entirely on healing his physical symptoms—that is, until one session during meditation, when memories of severe abuse by his father in his early childhood flooded his mind. He had not

been consciously aware of these incidents, although he knew he held a deep resentment and anger toward his father.