Surrender The Night (19 page)

The tears dropped faster, but before she could collapse in sobs upon the windowsill, she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She wiped her eyes on her gown sleeve and turned to watch as Ellie entered the loft.

When the moonlight sparkled on the tears in Ellie’s dark eyes, Katrina’s own dried. She took a step toward her friend. “What’s wrong?”

Her voice shaking with distress, Ellie replied, “Jack says he’ll not see me no more ’less I lie with him.”

Katrina went to her, and only then was she close enough to see the red marks on Ellie’s neck, and the ripped shoulder seam of her gown. “Did he harm you?” Katrina demanded.

Ellie put her finger to her mouth. ‘ ‘Shhh. Let’s not wake the
boys. He were ... a bit rough when I still wouldn’t give in. But he didn’t ... Oh Katrina, what am I to do?”

Why was it women who always suffered? Katrina wondered bitterly, even as she cradled Ellie in her arms. Men were takers, draining a woman dry until she rattled like a com husk, then leaving her for the
next juicy tidbit. Yet women were expected to be understanding, generous, and loyal, no matter how they were treated. Then again, maybe we deserve what we get, Katrina thought. As long as we tolerate such treatment, how can we expect better?

Feeling militant, Katrina led Ellie to her low bed and sat next to her. She lifted Ellie’s downcast chin and used the quilt to dry her friend’s lovely dark eyes. “If you want the advice of one who’s been in your position, I say run for your life. No matter how much it hurts now to let Jack go, I can assure you it will hurt more later if you let yourself be used by him.”

“But I love him,” Ellie sobbed.

Katrina’s eyes watered. How well she understood that anguish. Unhappiness lay in wait whichever way Ellie turned. She tamped down her own sympathy and asked sensibly, “But it’s not
your
feelings you question, is it? Perhaps you should ask yourself instead how he feels about you. Would a man who loved you offer you such a choice?’ ’

After a moment Ellie miserably shook her head. “But . . . I can’t just let him go. I
can’t!'
Ellie swallowed another heartfelt cry and cast an uneasy look at the thin partition. When no sound came, she relaxed.

Katrina heaved a sigh. “Then your fate is sealed. One night you won’t have strength to resist; You’ll know then the answer to all your questions. Will I enjoy lying with a man? Will he care for me more if I do? Can I win him that way? The reply to the first question is yes; the answer to the last two, alas, is no. I’d no
t have it so if given a choice, but women have even less influence over reality than men.”

Ellie peered at Katrina. In the dim moonlight, with her flaxen hair and pale gown eerily aglow, Katrina looked like a fairy from the stories of the old ones. “You speak as if you know.”

A short, bitter laugh was an eloquent response. “Oh, I do. That’s why you should heed my advice if you wish to avoid my mistakes.” Ellie watched, frowning, as Katrina absently rubbed her stomach. Katrina said nothing further. Instead she lay down on her own bed and pulled the thin quilt up to her chin.

“Think on my words, Ellie. And I’m here whenever you wish to talk.”

“As am I, Katrina.”

Katrina balled her hands into fists at the sympathy in Ellie’s voice. It was a very long time indeed before she slept.

The next evening Will visited while Katrina was giving the elder Tonkin children their lessons. He’d been by several times, but because he was busy at his mine office tending to minor injuries, they had spoken little. This night he set his hat on the peg by the door with the air of a man who intended to linger.

After smiling a greeting, Katrina turned back to Jimmy, who was being deliberately obtuse. He’d been difficult all along, but since she’d gotten the best of him on the square-root issue, he’d become impossible.

Right now he was deliberately transposing the list of figures she’d given him to add. Each time she corrected him, he nodded obediently—then wrote them down the same way. Katrina didn’t notice as Will leaned against the back of her chair and looked hungrily down at the shining hair she’d ruthlessly subdued into a bun.

When Jimmy’s eyes wandered from Will to her and back, and he ignored her strained but still patient directions, Katrina picked up the ruler and’whacked him across the knuckles. She smiled sweetly into the gaze that lit upon her face like an angry bee. “Since your fingers seem to be somewhat maladroit today, perhaps a little stimulus will help. If not, we’ll try bleeding next. Will, I’m sure, can tell you that it purges the spirit.”

“It’s not my spirit that needs purging,” Jimmy muttered, rubbing his knuckles. Then he smiled at her slyly. ‘ ‘But if you want to purge my urge, well, that’s a horse of a different color.”

Katrina flushed. Will sat down next to her, folded his arms, and cast Jimmy a half-amused, half-shaming look.

Katrina lifted her chin. “Indeed, you should be intimately familiar with horses of every shade, resembling one yourself.” When Jimmy cocked his head, Katrina concluded softly, “Or I should say resembling part of a horse. The hind part, shall we say?”

Jimmy’s siblings and Will burst into laughter. Jimmy reddened, then leaped to his feet. “I’ll not take no more lessons from you!” He slammed out the door.

When K
atrina sighed and bent her head, Will patted her shoulder. “He’ll be back. Just try a bit longer and you’ll get through to him.”

Ellie agreed. “Jimmy’s stubborn, but once he decides to learn, naught’ll stop him.”

Bryan, as usual, said nothing, but his gaze was worried as he looked at the closed door. When Jimmy didn’t return for supper, even Will and Ellie began to wear that worried look.

Finally John slammed down the dish of pilchards chopped up with onions and salt and bit off, “Where’s that boy got to thes time?” As if he didn’t expect an answer, he tossed a couple of oat cakes on his plate and passed the dish to Will, who sat next to him.

He got an answer anyway, from an unexpected source. Little Robert piped up, “He’s gone to be with the free traders at the pub in Truro, prob’ly.”

Everyone at the table froze, except Katrina. She started, for even she knew what
free
trader
meant. She’d heard tales of the smuggling rampant in Cornwall, but she’d seen no evidence of it in the Tonkin family. Until now.

There was a general clattering as everyone returned to their meal. But Robert, pleased that for once everyone was listening to him, went on. “An’ when I went with Jimmy to Truro to fetch supplies, I heerd Jack Hennessy offer to include Jimmy on his next run.”

Ellie choked, and Bryan had to slam her on the back to help her catch her breath. John’s fist smashed into the plank table so hard the dishes jumped. “I’ll not have any of my bairns actin’ so lawless, no matter how much money it earns. Jimmy’s not too old to whaale into sense.”

“Ais, that’s done a heap of good en the past,” Rachel
retorted. She turned to Will. “Will, what can we do weth the lad? I’ll ... not lose another of my boys ef I can help et.” All looked at Will.

He wiped his mouth on his coarse but clean and ironed napkin. “I’ll have a talking to him. But I fear Jimmy is the type who must learn from bitter experience.” Little was said after that, but after Katrina had helped El
lie and Rachel clean the kitchen, Will stood from his position by the fire next to John.

“I must be going, but I’d like a word with you first, Katrina.” Katrina followed him out the front door to the bench just outside the gate. From the comer of her eye she saw Ellie exit the cottage and hurry down the track in the direction of Truro.

After they were settled, Katrina and Will leaned back and lifted their faces to the cool breeze. The scents of hay and freshly turned turf mingled pleasantly with the aroma of the flowers lining the walk.

The silence was a comfortable one, but finally Katrina ' reflected aloud, “It’s been so long since I lived in the country that I’d forgotten how . . . reassuring it is. Nowhere else on earth does one feel the rhythms of life so keenly as upon a farm. Yesterday I saw a lamb being born.”

When her voice broke a little. Will gave her a moment, then asked, “And how did you feel about that?”

“Happy. Sad. But sure at last that I’ve done the right thing. Here, I’m useful. Here, I can heal.”

“Well, that answers one of my concerns. As for the other
...”

Will sounded so intense that she turned from the stars twinkling behind hazy clouds like merry, veiled eyes. His pale hair glimmered even under the quarter moon’s dim light. “Yes, Will?”

“Did you know that Jimmy has bragged to his friends of your beauty? Every young buck in the area is curious about you. Only John’s calculated warnings to certain of his wilder miners have kept them away this long.”

Katrina sighed and rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. ‘ ‘So even here, it begins. What did you tell John about me?”

‘ ‘That you were coming out of a bad time and needed a place to stay, as I’ve already told you. But he’s a sensible man, Katrina. He knows that any woman with your looks who’s looking for sanctuary is likely seeking it from a man. He’s also noticed that not once have you ventured off his land in these last two weeks. He’s drawn his own conclusions and will do what he can to shield you from the attentions you obviously don’t want. Though his task will not be easy.”

“Poor John. I don’t want to be a burden on him.”

“You’re not. After I’d treated one of his men the other day, he told me you’re like a daughter to him and Rachel. They already see the difference you’ve made in their children—”

‘‘Except for Jimmy.”

“Jimmy is too stubborn to know what’s good for him. He’s also quite intelligent. You’ll reach him eventually. But I didn’t bring all this up to distress you, Katrina. You can’t stay isolated here forever, and unless you want to be importuned by the lads for miles around, I’ve a suggestion to make.”

When he hesitated, Katrina folded her hands tightly in her lap, suspecting she wasn’t going to like his idea. Indeed, her heart sank at his words.

“Let me walk out with you. Everyone will leave you alone then.”

. Katrina knew how much the villagers admired him, and she was touched at his gallantry. But the mere idea of letting any man court her, e
ven such a gentle one as Will, was repugnant to her. She was shaking her head before the thought ended. “No, Will. It’s too soon. I’m . . . mindful of your kindness, but I’m just not ready for . . . involvement.”

“You only have to pretend, Katrina. I’d not push anything upon you, I assure you.”

At his injured tone she turned to him earnestly. “I know that.But I’ve learned the hard way what damage pretense can do. Maybe, in a year or so, we can speak of this again.”

“A year!” Will snapped his mouth closed so hard his teeth clicked, but his reply was even. ‘ ‘Very well, Katrina. But I’d be careful about leaving the farm alone. Some of the men hereabouts have unsavory reputations for a reason. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ve notes to write.”

With a curt nod Will rose and stomped off to his horse. A few seconds later Katrina heard the sounds of a whip and frantic hoofbeats. For Will to take his anger out on a dumb beast, he must be furious indeed. She dropped her head against the hard rim of the bench and closed her eyes. Now she’d hurt the one man she should be most grateful to. She didn’t want to face why she’d found that necessary, but she’d promised herself to be honest.

“Damn you, Devon Cavanaugh,” Katrina whispered. “You hold me even hundreds of miles away, even when you’ve probably forgotten me in the arms of another woman.”

She couldn’t let any man court her. Not now. Maybe not ever. Entanglement brought more pain than joy. And hate the knowledge though she did, Katrina felt from some deep, instinctive level that letting another man court her would be a betrayal of what she’d felt for Devon. Oh, she owed him nothing. He’d ruined what could have been beautiful as surely as if he’d escorted her to that brothel himself. She hated him almost as much as she missed him, and she despised herself for still longing for him despite everything. But while she couldn’t forget and put the past behind her, she had no future to offer anyone else. She liked Will Farrow too much to use him for her own protection and give naught in return.

A strange scraping sound startled her from her dreary thoughts. She sat up and peered into the darkness. She saw a figure wavering up the track, and when the moon caught the shimmering trails down a pretty face, Katrina leaped to her feet.

She ran to meet Ellie. “What’s amiss?” Katrina lifted Ellie’s chin when she trudged to a stop without a response. She jerked her chin away, but too late. A big handprint was vivid on Ellie’s cheek. Before the night was out, it would be a ghastly bruise, Katrina knew.

“Who’s done this to you?” Ellie just shook her head and began to cry again. “Come into the house so we can bathe your face.”

Ellie jerked away and gasped between sobs, “No . . . p-please. My da will want to . . . kill him. And Jack’s a big, strong man. Much b-bigger than Da.”

Katrina sighed, but gently led Ellie to the stream and wet her clean kerchief. As she seated them both on the bank and dabbed at Ellie’s cheek, she said grimly, “I suggest you tell me truly what happened, or I’ll fetch your father myself.”