Surviving Love (20 page)

I guide her in the kitchen as the hospice staff finish tending to Mrs. Fields. The sounds of the equipment and her body being transported from the apartment sound through the air, the noise is sickening. I hold Zoe tighter, swaying back and forth until the apartment is empty and the noises have ceased.
 

Several minutes go by before Zoe speaks. “I want to go home. I can’t be here anymore.”
 

“Okay, I’ll take you.”
 

She only nods then grabs her coat and laptop bag.
 

We walk to my car in silence. She’s sitting in the passenger seat staring off into space as I move around the windows, scraping the frost off the glass. When I’m done, I get into my car and
drive the short distance to her apartment. Zoe’s breathing becomes normal again, but every so often she will take a deep breath to suppress the onslaught of emotion trying to escape. I recognize all the signs—I’ve been doing them every day since Presley’s death.
 

I pull into the parking lot and shut off the engine, but Zoe just sits there, refusing to get out. Her body is shivering from the cold and heartache as a few tears leak from her eyes. I exit the car and swiftly walk to her side. Opening the door, I pull her out and lift her into my arms. She rests her body next to mine as I carry her into her apartment. I step in the door and set her down where she pulls off her boots and tosses her things on the floor next to the door.
 

“I’m going to take a shower. Thanks for…for…bringing me home and…” Her words trail off as she heads for the bathroom, shutting herself inside.
 

I stand in the entryway of her apartment, debating with myself. When it was me, I didn’t want anyone to be there for me. I didn’t want to hear the words spoken from my family that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to be by myself and fall apart. I’m debating with myself on whether to give this to Zoe. Should I leave her here alone to grieve? Or should I stay?
 

Before I can think about it too much, I remove my coat and boots then toss them on the floor next to Zoe’s stuff. I walk to the bathroom, hearing the shower sounding from the other side, however it’s the faint crying that captures my attention.
 

I start undressing myself, pulling my shirt over the back of my head, sliding my jeans and boxers down, and then slipping off my socks. I open the door and find Zoe in the shower, holding her face in her hands as her shoulders bob up and down. When I slide open the shower door and step in with her, her head snaps up then she falls apart as she falls into me. I catch her before she tumbles to the shower floor and hold her up against my body to allow her the time to simply cry.
 

Minutes pass before she is able to look up at me. I look back at her and feel her pain. It’s as familiar to me as an extension of my own body. I wipe her loose strands of hair away from her face, gently caressing her soft, wet skin with my palm.
 

“You stayed.” Her voice is hoarse from crying and barely audible.
 

“I couldn’t leave,” I whisper back.
 

“Thank you,” she whispers to me and releases her hands from around my waist, sliding them up my torso and to my chest. The look in her eyes is different now. She needs something, something to suppress the pain, and I know exactly what that something is. She stands on her tiptoes, attempting to press her lips to mine, but I turn my face so she kisses my cheek instead.
 

The disappointment floods back in her eyes. I can see the pain restoring in her eyes, too. However, I don’t want it to be there. I want to take her pain away.
 

I cup her cheek in my palms, raising her face with my hands. I want to do it. I want to press my lips to hers, but I can’t and I won’t. Presley is the only woman I should ever be kissing, so I stop myself then plant a kiss on her forehead instead. Zoe releases a deep breath.
 

The feeling of her naked, wet body pressed against mine makes me come alive. I want nothing more than to feel her from the inside. I want to take her pain away, and if I can’t kiss it away, then I will fuck it away.
 

When I glide my hands under her ass and lift her up, she instantly wraps her long legs
around my waist as I turn around and press her against the wall. Putting my hand between us, I begin to rub her clit. I slowly move my fingers around her swollen, sweet spot, feeling her ignite at my touch.
 

Zoe’s head falls back against the shower wall as I expertly extract her orgasm from her. When I recognize she’s close, I move my fingers faster and let her fall apart on my hand. Her body begins to quiver and my body begins to ache.
 

I trail my hand down between us again and grab my dick in my hand. I start to stroke it slowly, getting ready to put it inside of her. Zoe adjusts her hips just enough so I can slide my cock into her body.
 

It feels incredible the way we fit together. We connect in a way that I’ve never felt before, something that has been present from the moment I’ve laid eyes on her. The connection is intense yet scary and not something I need in my life. It’s currently everything I want, though.
 

Zoe’s body wraps around my cock tightly, sucking me deeper inside of her. Then I begin to move. Slow at first, savoring the feel of her warm, tight body fastened to mine. Zoe releases a moan from her throat and the sound is intoxicating, pushing me to drive harder and faster into her.
 

I push her hard into the wall as I begin to pick up the pace, fucking her as quickly as I can. Zoe leans forward, wrapping her lips around my earlobe and biting down. The twinge of pain sets me ablaze as I pull myself from her body and allow the beads to drip from my dick and onto the shower floor. I come so hard that my legs feel weak, and that, at any moment, I will fall down to the ground.
 

I slowly set Zoe down and we shut off the water then exit the shower. She hands me a towel then grabs one for herself and dries off while I do the same.
 

“Can you stay?” Zoe asks as she’s running a brush through her hair.
 

“Darcie and Reggie know I’m with you. They said they’d watch Mia until I get back, so yes, if you need me to stay, I will,” I reply, knowing how much I want to stay, though I’m feeling like it’s the wrong thing to do. I struggle with my affections toward this woman. I know I shouldn’t feel them…I can’t feel them because of Presley. I can’t lose her memory and if I allow the feelings I have for Zoe to move in, what will happen to my feelings for Presley?
 

Zoe takes my wet towel, tossing it to the floor and then tugs on my hand, pulling me from the bathroom. She leads me to the air mattress blown up in the middle of the room and lays me down. She then climbs on top of me, her knees on either side of my hips. Her hand strokes my dick, getting it hard with each deliberate movement.
 

“Drake, do that to me again,” she pleads. She sits up enough to place me inside of her. The slow onslaught of pleasure lights the fire in my body as I watch her take me into hers. She begins to move and I fall victim to this woman’s body as she rides me, sending me to a blissful world of peace.
 

Chapter 19
 

Zoe
 

Drake and I have another marathon of sex, similar to what we did the first night we were together, only this time my feelings toward him are different. I care for him deeply and I’m brave enough to admit to myself that I may love him. Nothing has proved this more than when he refused to leave me alone, knowing I was falling apart bit by bit. Drake stayed and held me.
 

He’s been my rock through this entire agonizing process, and I know he cares about me. I can feel it from him, but because of his past, he won’t allow himself to acknowledge that he has feelings for me. He’s scared and rightfully so, however I’m scared, too. I’ve never felt like this toward a man. I’ve never wanted to be with someone so much in my life. Not in the physical way, either; although that is earth shattering. No, I want to be with him in every emotional way possible. The feelings came on so strong. He’s like a beacon of light to an incoming ship, guiding me to him and eliciting feelings I never knew I could have.
 

We lie in silence after the third round of incredible sex and I can tell he’s tired, but I can’t sleep knowing what I know about him. I want him to be certain that it’s okay to feel something for someone else, and I want that someone else to be me. However, if I’m asking him to make a bold move, then I need to make those moves as well. I need to be open about my past in hopes that he feels that he can be open about his.
 

“Did my aunt ever tell you why I haven’t talked to my family in four years?” I ask, attempting to get the conversation started.
 

“No, she didn’t.” Drake rolls to his side and I roll to mine. I tuck my hands under my cheeks as I stare into his black eyes, falling completely in. We are lying very close. I can feel the heat we generate between us even though our bodies don’t touch.
 

“I have a history of being with men. I guess the technical term is promiscuous or nymphomaniac. It all started when I was fifteen; I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, so I had sex with my boyfriend. Then after two years of figuring out what to do with my body and what I could do to his body, I really started to enjoy having sex.” Drake’s face doesn’t change. He doesn’t cringe when I openly admit I’m a whore and how much I like having sex.
 

“When we broke up, I spent the next year or so having sex with a lot of guys. It didn’t matter if I was drunk or high or completely sober, I just loved the feeling of it. I love sex. A couple days after I graduated, my mother’s boyfriend decided that, since I was a whore, it was okay to tie me up and try to have sex with me,” Drake closes his eyes, expelling a deep breath, and when he reopens them, they are angry. “but I was able to fight him off me.
 

“That same day, I told my mother—Aunt Connie’s daughter, Rebecca—and my cousin, Sophia; but none of them believed me. Then, when Fred came home, he said I came onto him and he was the one who denied me. They chose to believe him and my mother banished me from her life. I was exiled from my family, just like that and not a single one of them showed any remorse. Sophia was my best friend for hell’s sake, and she wanted nothing to do with me. When it comes to Sophia, the part that kills me is that she acts so above me when she’s exactly the
same.” I look down at my hands, feeling the hurt of their betrayal in my heart. It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed these feelings to live inside of me. “Anyway, it’s been four years, and I’ve been on my own ever since.”
 

“What have you been doing since you left Wisconsin?” Drake’s hand brushes a loose strand of hair away from my eyes. I slightly lean into his hand, enjoying his delicate touch.
 

“I’ve been living from place to place. Once I got my car, I pulled out a map and let the fate of a dime dictate where I’d land next.”
 

“What?” Drake’s brows crinkle in confusion and the sight makes me smile. Finally, a smile.
 

“I will lay a map across the hood of my car and toss the dime. Wherever it lands is where I go next. It’s stupid, I know.” I cover my face with my hands, embarrassed by my vagabond way of living.
 

“Stop. It’s not stupid. It’s kind of cool. And that’s how you came to Sulfur Heights, from a toss of a dime?” I nod and he smiles. “So where have you lived?”
 

“All over, really. I tried to stay away from the Midwest, but I started running out of different states to live in and I had to get out of Louisiana.”
 

“Why?”
 

I lift my bangs, exposing the fresh scar Terrance gave me after he punched me in the head. “Terrance. He’s the closest I’ve ever come to having a relationship, and that was a mistake.” Drake’s jaw tightens as he closes his eyes, suppressing his anger. It makes me happy knowing he’s angry because someone tried to hurt me. This proves he cares for me. How deeply? Well, that’s yet to be determined.
 

Drake’s hand moves from his side and comes around to my waist. He pulls me close to his body, his forehead pressing against mine. He then leans up and kisses the scar on my head and I want so badly to kiss his lips, but I stay still. I hope he takes that leap and kisses me, though.
 

“I know how betrayal feels, more than you will ever know.” Drake pulls away and I know he’s thinking about telling me his story, yet he says nothing more.
 

The quietness is killing me, so I say something to break it. “I never told anyone that.”
 

Drake clears his throat then asks, “Did Mrs. Fields know what happened to you?”
 

“Yes, she did. And unlike them, she chose not to believe the lie,” I whisper, thinking about the conversation we had not so long ago.
 

I texted Rebecca when Aunt Connie took a turn for the worse. She never responded back. I dread to think of the reality for her if it wasn’t for Drake and me—my aunt would’ve had no one to care for her in the final months of her life. She would have been left alone.
 

An uneasy feeling settles over me when I suddenly realize living a life as a gypsy is the last thing I want. If I refuse to establish myself somewhere—anywhere—then, when the time comes, I will die alone.
 

Then, before I can stop them, the tears trickle down from my cheeks and fall onto his chest. Drake pulls my head back and I fall again into is black eyes. His hands come to my face as he wipes away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. We get lost yet again in each other’s bodies, but this time I’m not just having sex with him. I’m making love to him even though I can’t kiss him. I can still make love to him.