Surviving Regret (51 page)

“Hunter, you’re drunk. I’m not talking to you about anything. Now get out.” I pushed his shoulders back a little, letting him know I was serious but I didn’t let go of him for fear he would fall over.

“I’m not drunk.” He was slurring his words. He may not be drunk, but he was feeling pretty good. “I want you so fucking bad it hurts, CC.”

His words squeezed my heart so tight I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted him too, but not like this, not until he knew my secret.

“I can’t. It hurts me too, but I just can’t do it.”

I needed him to reassure me everything would be ok, that we would figure things out together. I gripped his shirt and pulled him close. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; he smelled manly and clean, with a hint of his cologne that I loved so much. His smell settled me. He lifted my chin with his fingers. He was shaking, or maybe that was me.

“Even if it’s for tonight. I just need to hold you.”

I took a deep breath. I could do this. We didn’t need to do anything and I doubt he would even remember come morning.

“Fine, but nothing is happening, Hunter.”

I pulled down the covers from my bed and crawled in. Hunter wrestled with something behind me. I prayed it was his shoes. I couldn’t have him cuddled next to me, skin-to-skin. Luck wasn’t on my side tonight. He got into bed wearing only his boxers.

“Hunter, put your clothes back on. I don’t need my parents walking in here, and seeing you practically naked, lying in my bed.”

“It’s fine, CC, just lay here with me.” Hunter said, his eyes half closed.

Huffing, I reached under my head, took one of my pillows and shoved it between us; Hunter looked down at the pillow, reached for it and threw it on the floor, then pulled my body so my back was against his chest.

“Stop fighting me,” he whispered.

His arm snaked around my waist and his hand spread out over my stomach. I tensed.

“Stop pushing.” I moved his hand down my body so it rested on my hip.

After a few minutes of complete stillness, I heard Hunter whisper, “I love you,” and then a second later he was lightly snoring. I was finally able to relax and fall asleep. I snuggled up to him a little closer, wanting to take advantage of this time.

The next morning, I woke up before Hunter even stirred. As soon as I opened my eyes, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I dressed and prepared for the worst day of my life.

Mom leaned against the kitchen island reading the paper and drinking her coffee. No one else was around.

“Morning, Mom.”

She took off her glasses and set them down on the island. “Morning, baby girl, you want something for breakfast?”

I took a deep breath, trying hard not to think of food. “No thanks, I was going to go for a walk. You want to come with me?”

“Sure.” She finished her coffee and followed me to the park.

“You want to tell me what’s going on with you and Hunter?” she asked.

No, but I had to do it.

It is probably better to start at the beginning—the fights with Mason, Hunter’s arguments and stress, Dom’s help. Mom listened, just as she always did.

“I wish things didn’t end like they did,” I said. “Mason, I think, finally got his head out of his ass about us, but it’s a little too late now.”

“It’s not too late if you don’t let it be. I know you love him,” Mom said.

I started crying and sunk onto a nearby bench. “Mom, he’s going to hate me for what I did. He is going to think I’m trapping him. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to tell him.”

She sat down next to me and hugged me to her side. “Tell me what’s going on, baby girl.”

I took a deep breath. I wiped the tears from my eyes and held her gaze.

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m pregnant.”

Mom blinked, letting the words sink in. Disappointment crossed over her face, and then realization as to what I just said hit her. She didn’t say anything for a while; I started shaking. Was she upset, mad? I needed her to say something, anything.

She took my hand, I sighed. Maybe things would be ok. I could deal with her being upset with me. I was upset with myself.

“MacKenzie,” she squeezed my hand. “You had such a bright future ahead of you. I’m not saying you can’t have that now, but it’s going to be a struggle.” A few tears fell from her eyes. “I didn’t want this to happen to you. I’m disappointed, but it has happened and now we have to deal with it. We, sweetie, not just you. Your whole family is here for you.”

The tears are flowing freely now. She wrapped me in her arms and shushed me.

“I take it you haven’t told anyone yet?” She asked, running her hands through my hair.

“Chloe, Hailey, and Dominic.”

“Dominic?” I knew she would be surprised.

“Yeah, he’s actually the one who bought me the test.”

Nodding at me, she said, “You need to tell Hunter. This isn’t something you can hide from him. If he doesn’t want any part of this, then it is what it is, but I don’t think that will happen. Your family is here for you, and before you even ask, yes, they are going to be upset over this, but no one will turn their backs on you or my little grandchild in there.” She said as she rubbed my stomach.

I wiped the final tears out of my eyes. “I love you, Mom.”

“Aww, I love you too, baby girl.” She said hugging me back. “Have you called the doctors or anything yet?”

“No. I have no idea what I need to do.”

She took my hand in hers and helped me up. “Well, first thing we need to do is call and make an appointment to see the ob-gyn. They will have you take a test in the office and will also do some bloodwork.”

I smiled. “Sounds good.”

Mom stopped walking and gave me another apologetic smile. “You are going to have to tell your brothers and your father. I’ll be there with you.”

“Well, Mason was pissed at me already, so I might as well add this to his list of reasons now. I just hope he doesn’t murder Hunter. I know Coop and Jackson will be upset with me. And Dad, ugh I don’t even want to think about it.”

“We will get through it as a family, sweetie.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Mom was able to pull some strings and got me an appointment for Monday morning to see the ob-gyn. They confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and did some bloodwork to confirm how far along I was. They told me I would have the results back in a day or so. Until then, I stayed clear of everyone.

Wednesday night, Mom and I decided to get some ice cream and sneak off to the bookstore to find some books on pregnancy. Chloe surprised us back at the house with a few things for me as well, and we went into the sitting room to talk about the wedding.

“Chloe, I’m going to look like a whale in your wedding. I really would just rather do something else special for you,” I said.

“Oh no, I need you there with me,” she said. “You are my maid of honor and you cannot back out on me. It’s not an option.”

“Come on, you really want to take pictures with Shamu standing next to you? I’ll probably be waddling like a duck, walking down the aisle.” I started laughing picturing it.

Mom joined in on laughing at me too, and Chloe was still glaring at me. “Just because you went and got knocked up doesn’t mean…”

Someone cleared their throat behind me.

Chloe and Mom turned their head, but I knew who it was, felt who it was.

“Hello, Hunter,” Mom said. “The boys aren’t here. I think they went to the movies.”

Hunter was still. “Can I talk to CC alone?”

“You ok?” Chloe asked.

My cheeks burned. I nodded. I folded my hands in my lap, and curled my legs Indian style on the couch.

They walked out. Hunter sat across from me. He didn’t say anything. I bit my lip.

This would be the end of us, the end of us all being a family—no more holidays, Sunday dinners, birthdays, graduations—no nothing if this didn’t go over well. My eyes darted down to the table. Between the wedding books, a pregnancy magazine peeked out.

His eyes followed mine. He scratched the scuff that was on his face. “Are they yours?”

My hands were sweating. I was shaking. “Yeah.”

His eyes went wide, “You’re pregnant?”

I nodded.

“Why didn’t you
tell
me?”

“Hunter, just listen to me for a minute, okay? You are twenty-two, and ready to graduate from college in a few months. I don't want this to stop you from making something of yourself. Just because this baby is ours doesn’t mean you have to be with us.” I stood up from the couch and started pacing. “I want to be with you, God knows I do. Don't get me wrong. I can raise this baby on my own. You didn’t ask for this, and I don’t want you to think I trapped you.”

“Are you done?” He asked, smirking.

“Yes.”

“CC, I love you more than you will ever know. I never stopped. I understand why you haven’t told me, why you didn’t come to me first. I’ve been an asshole.” He stood up, and came over to me, grabbed both of my hands with his, and pulled them between us. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know what to do. Our families are so close, and I felt like I was ruining it. I broke my promise to you that I wouldn’t break your heart. I need to make that up to you.”

“You don’t need to make anything up to me. Hunter, I ruined us. I told you I was protected. I thought I was. Remember when I was sick over Christmas break, and the doctor put me on antibiotics?”

“Yeah, when you had your ear infection.”

“Well, it counter-acted my birth control. I’m so sorry.” The tears pooled in my eyes. “I wasn’t thinking. I don’t want you to hate me; I swear I wouldn’t do something like this to trap you.”

“I know you wouldn’t do anything like that,” He said. “I love you. I want this with you, with our baby. I want to be a family. I want to take care of you both. You know everything happens for a reason, right? Please stop crying.”

I took a shuddering breath. “Yes, but I feel like I’m holding you back now, trapping you. I don’t want you to regret doing this with me.”

He reached up, cupped my face in his strong hands and used his thumbs to brush the tears away. “CC, I could never regret anything about you, ever.” Hunter dropped his hands to my hips and pulled me towards him. “You know I’m going to marry you one day, right?”

“Are you going to marry me just because I'm pregnant?” He couldn’t be serious. Just because I was having our baby didn’t mean I was expecting him to propose.

He kissed me. “No. Because I’m never letting you go again. You are it for me. I don’t give a shit if your brothers like it or not. I’m done trying to make everyone happy. I should have been done a long time ago. I’m going to make it up to you, I promise.” He kissed me again, lingering a little longer this time.

I reached up, and entwined my fingers behind his neck. “I love you, Hunter.”

“I love you too. I need to show you something. I should wait until it’s finished, but this is for you now too.”

He led me out to his truck. It was just starting to rain, but the sun was shining bright, and a rainbow spread over the field across the street.

He kissed me before opening the door to his truck. “You know I love kissing you in the rain. I just couldn’t help myself.”

We drove for about twenty minutes, and pulled up to a cute little neighborhood. The houses were beautiful, mostly two stories with nicely manicured lawns. Hunter turned into the driveway of one that was towards the end of the street.

“Who do you know who lives here?” I asked.

The house was two stories with tan siding, white trim and white shutters. It had a two-car garage and, with a little work, nice landscaping. The bushes needed to be trimmed and there were a few bare spots in the lawn.

“Come on, I’ll tell you when we go inside.”

He laced our fingers together and we walked up to the house. He reached in his pocket, pulled out his keys, and unlocked the door.

He ushered me inside. His hands rested around my belly. I tensed, but he gently rubbed my stomach.

“Welcome home, CC.” He said softly to me.

“What? This is yours?”

Shaking his head at me, he says, “No, this is ours.”

Was I missing something? How could this be his?

“I don’t understand. How can you buy a house? When did you have the time to even
look
for a house?”

He chuckled. “Well, when I turned twenty-one, my trust fund kicked in. I knew I was coming back to Jersey to live, so mom has been on the lookout for me. She found this around Christmas; I just signed the papers on Friday when I got back. It needs a lot of work but it’s not too bad. Come on, I’ll show you.”

In front of us was a staircase that led to the second floor. Off to the right, there was a living room with a fireplace and a bay window. When we walked past the stairs, there was the dining room with floor to ceiling windows and off the dining room was the kitchen. The kitchen was beautiful. It had dark granite countertops, black appliances, plenty of counter space and tons of cabinets. Next to the kitchen was a full bathroom with a stand up shower. It needed some fixing up and a good cleaning but was not too bad. There was a huge family room with sliding glass doors leading to a nice sized back yard with an in-ground swimming pool.