Sweet Trouble (11 page)

Now, as he stood in front of that house, he wondered if he had it to do all over again, would he be so generous? He wasn’t sure. They’d barely spoken in the past five years. He had Diane send her a gift at Christmas and flowers on her birthday. He called on Mother’s Day. Nothing more. Because he’d never forgiven her for telling him about Jesse and Drew.

No, not for telling him. He’d never forgiven her for being
happy
about the news.

But he had to deal with her now. He’d wanted to see Gabe again and the kid was staying in her house.

When Jesse had phoned and suggested he spend a little time with his son, he’d agreed. Not because he had any burning desire to get to know him, but because it furthered his plan. What he resented was the casual way she called the shots. Not for long, he told himself. Soon he would be in charge.

Reminding himself of that helped with the anger that continued to grow inside of him. He’d blown it at dinner, he knew that. And kissing Jesse had been a mistake. He’d found himself reacting, wanting her. After all this time, how was that possible?

He knew that instant passion had always been a part of his relationship with her. Apparently time hadn’t changed that.

He moved up the walkway and rang the bell, ignoring the memories of living there. The door opened immediately, as if his mother had been waiting for him.

She stood in the entryway, staring at him with an expression that was equal parts hope and pain. She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes.

“Oh, Matthew,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you so much.”

The words surprised him, as did her air of vulnerability.

“Come in, come in,” she said, motioning for him to enter the house. “How are you? You look great. Gabe’s very excited about your visit. He’s been talking about it since he got up this morning. He’s such a happy child. He wakes up excited about the new day.”

There was the sound of footsteps, then Gabe skidded around the corner, before coming to a stop and staring at Matt.

Matt stared back, not sure what to say or do. This was the part he hadn’t thought through. Actually dealing with a child.

“Ah, good morning,” he said.

Gabe blinked.

Matt felt like an idiot, something he didn’t appreciate and for which he blamed Jesse. Paula touched the boy’s head.

“Your dad is going to spend the morning with us. That will be fun.” She smiled at Matt. “We made sugar cookies yesterday. I thought we could frost them this morning. Gabe’s excited about that, aren’t you?”

The boy had his eyes, Matt thought. “I like sugar cookies,” he said, not knowing what else to say. “Do you?”

The kid nodded. Hadn’t Jesse said he was verbal? Shouldn’t he be talking?

Paula ushered them into the kitchen. The room looked different. Matt guessed she’d remodeled sometime in the past five years. He wondered what else was different in her life.

“Here we go,” she said, pointing to the cookies she’d spread out on the kitchen table. There were pastry bags filled with colored icing. Paula eyed his suit jacket. “You might want to leave that in the other room and roll up your sleeves. This is going to get messy.”

Fifteen minutes later, he knew she wasn’t kidding. What Gabe lacked in skill, he made up for in enthusiasm as he gushed icing all over the cookies, the table and himself. He grinned and laughed as the gooey frosting oozed everywhere.

Paula leaned over his shoulder. “Is that a dog? I think that’s a dog.”

Gabe beamed. “Uh-huh. With spots.”

Matt stared at the mess of green and orange icing. How was that a dog? It wasn’t close to anything. How had his mom figured it out?

Matt used the white icing bag to put stripes on a few of the cookies. He felt uncomfortable and out of place. Gabe kept looking at him, as if expecting something.

Paula handed the kid several round cookies. “We talked about putting numbers on these,” she said. “Gabe, why don’t you start. You do the first number and your dad will do the second.”

“Okay.” Gabe grabbed a bag of purple icing and drew a fairly steady straight line. “That’s a one.”

“Good for you,” Paula said, then looked at Matt. “Isn’t that good?”

Matt nodded. “It’s great,” he said, feeling stupid. Jesse had gone wild with the praise when the kid had tied his shoes. Evidently, that was the way to a child’s heart.

“Now you do two,” Gabe said.

“Sure.” Matt squeezed out a two on a cookie.

Paula clapped her hands. “That’s terrific. What’s next, Gabe?”

“Three,” he said and bent over the cookie. He concentrated so hard, his face turned red. Slowly, a shaky three emerged.

They worked their way up to ten. When they’d finished, Paula looked at him. “Gabe knows his letters, as well, and he’s learning to read.”

“Okay.” Matt didn’t know if that was impressive or not. At what age did kids start reading?

Paula helped Gabe to the sink and rinsed off the icing. Matt did the same in the guest bathroom, all the time wondering what the hell he was doing here. Sure, he had to spend time with his son because that was part of the plan, but nothing about it felt right or comfortable. Maybe he just wasn’t a kid person. That happened, right? He’d grown up without a father and he’d turned out fine. He’d—

As he dried his hands on a small towel, he unwillingly remembered a middle-school announcement about “Bring your dad to school” day. All the other kids had been talking about their dads, but he hadn’t had anything to say. He sat there, his stomach hurting, feeling more out of place than usual. He’d never told his mother. What was the point? She wouldn’t have been able to change anything.

But this kid thing was tough. Heath had been right to point out that if he won his lawsuit against Jesse, he was going to end up with a child. His son. There was no way he could handle that on his own.

When he walked back into the kitchen, Gabe was gone. Paula turned on him.

“Did you know Jesse was pregnant?” she demanded. “Did she tell you?”

“Where’s Gabe?”

“Up in his room, figuring out which toys he wants to show you. Not that you’ll even pretend to be interested. Did she tell you?”

He didn’t know which attack to deal with first. “She mentioned she was, but I never thought the kid was mine. She’d been sleeping with—” Other guys. With Drew. Except she said she hadn’t and Gabe was obviously his. “I never thought the baby was mine,” he repeated.

Paula glared at him. “How could you let her just walk away without finding out the truth? You were raised to take responsibility. What kind of man doesn’t bother to find out if his girlfriend is carrying his child?”

Matt stared at his mother. “Where is this all coming from? Last I knew, you hated Jesse.”

“I made a mistake about that,” she told him, her eyes bright with anger. “Which isn’t the point. Do you know what we both lost? What can never be recovered? Years, Matthew. Years of seeing your son, my grandson, growing up. Of being there when he was born. All the firsts are lost. All those precious moments and memories. It’s gone because you couldn’t be bothered to find out the truth.”

“Hey, wait a minute. You’re the one who told me she was sleeping with someone else. And you were pretty happy about that fact.”

“I was wrong,” Paula said, looking him in the eye. “I was wrong about a lot of things and I’ve certainly paid for my mistakes. But I never knew Jesse was pregnant. If I had, I would have gone after her. I would have insisted she stay until we could confirm paternity. We’re talking about your child, Matthew. Your son. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Before he could answer, Gabe ran back in the room carrying a large fire truck that was nearly as big as he was.

“Look!” he said, obviously proud and excited.

Matt looked at his mother, who glared at him. No help there.

“That’s a really, ah, big truck.”

Gabe nodded. “It’s my favorite. I can ride on it. Want to see?”

“Sure.”

Gabe set down the truck, straddled it, then pushed himself around with his feet. He headed into the family room.

“Go with him,” Paula said in a low, angry tone. “Do something.”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know him.”

“Whose fault is that?” she snapped.

“You could help.”

“I could, but I’m not going to. You created this problem, you fix it,” she said and turned away.

He followed Gabe into the family room where his son looked expectantly at him. Matt stood there, not sure what to do, furious at his mother and Jesse.

“Want to, ah, play a game?” Matt asked.

Gabe sighed heavily, then shook his head.

“Watch a movie?”

The boy rose and returned to the kitchen, where he ran straight to Paula, grabbed her around the legs and started to cry.

“I didn’t do anything,” Matt said when she glared at him.

“I know. And that’s the problem.” She stroked Gabe’s hair. “Matthew, you have a lot to learn about children.”

Feeling angry and confused, not to mention dismissed, he stalked out of the house and slammed the front door behind him.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he thought grimly, although he couldn’t say how it was supposed to be.

She nodded and tried to smile, but there were too many emotions rushing through her for her to pick just one and go with it.

She wanted to tell him she was only here because Paula had said his meeting with Gabe had been a disaster, but the truth was more uncomfortable. She was here because she’d missed him.

Seeing him the other night, being with him, talking and then kissing him, had opened too many doors to the past. She’d been caught up in what they’d once had together. Worse, she’d been unable to shake the passion he’d stirred in her. Passion that had disturbed her sleep with vivid sexual dreams and left her restless and aroused.

When she was seated, he leaned toward her. “Did she tell you how badly my meeting with Gabe went?”

Jesse sighed. “Shouldn’t we start with more neutral conversation? I could ask about your day. You could ask about mine.”

“If you’d like. How was your day?”

“Busy. The brownies are selling well, which is exciting for me, but I think it’s pissing off Nicole.”

“You’re still having trouble with her?”

“Trouble isn’t the right word. She’s distant and, I don’t know, angry maybe. It’s like we’re strangers.”

“Give her time.”

“But I want it fixed now.”

He surprised her by smiling. “You were never big on patience.”

“I had more of it than you did.”

“Low blow.”

Now it was her turn to smile. “It was the only thing I beat you at.”

“Not true.”

“Oh, please. You were smarter. And successful.”

“You had a great sense of humor.”

“True.”

His eyes crinkled. “You’re prettier than me.”

She wasn’t sure she would agree, but she appreciated the compliment. “If you say so.”

“I do. You still wear your hair long. It looks great.”

She tried not to fidget. He’d always liked her long hair and because of that, she’d been unable to cut it. Which made her a fool, but there it was.

“Thanks,” she said. “How was
your
day?”

“Good. We’re getting ready to launch a new game so we’re pretty busy. There’s going to be a big party. I know I’m getting old because I found myself thinking it was going to be loud and way too long.”

“You’re not old. You’re barely thirty.”

“A couple of guys on the team are in college. Compared to them, I’m practically an old man.”

The server appeared. Matt ordered several dishes for them to share, along with beer. When they were alone, Jesse said, “Tell me what happened with Gabe.”

Matt grimaced. “What did my mother say?”

“That you don’t have a lot of experience with children and that you’ll do better next time.”

“I doubt she was that kind.”

He was right. Paula had ranted, but Jesse wasn’t going to kick him when he was obviously down. “It’s what she meant.”

Matt stared at her. “I don’t know him, Jess. I’m not going to be an ass about it. What happened is done. We’re here now. I’ve got a kid and I don’t know anything about him. How do I change that?”

She desperately wanted to believe that he’d accepted their situation and was dealing with it, but she wasn’t sure. He’d been so angry before. Still, he was Gabe’s father and she wanted the two of them to figure out a relationship.

“Gabe is very easygoing,” she began. “He likes everybody. He’s got a great sense of humor, which is fun to watch develop. He likes doing things outside. In Spokane, we go for long walks in the summer. There’s a trail along the river that he enjoys. We play in the snow in winter.”

“Has he been skiing?”

“A sport you enjoy?” she asked.

Matt nodded.

And he wouldn’t even think twice about how much it would cost. “No, but I’m sure he could learn. He’s pretty athletic. He’s about average size for his age and he’s always been healthy.” Given the fact that she’d barely been able to afford basic health insurance for him, she’d been really lucky.

“My mom said he knew his letters.”

“A requirement for most kindergarten classes these days, so he’s ahead of that,” Jesse said. “He can count to twenty and he’s just starting to recognize words.” She stared at him. “Matt, he wants you in his life. That’s not a question. He’ll be interested in whatever you’re interested in. You could show him how to play a game on a computer or talk about your work. He’d listen. As for getting involved in his life, just be interactive. He likes board games and playing with his toys. Or just go for a walk and talk about what you see.”

“You make it sound easy.”

She wanted to say it
was
easy, but she had the advantage of familiarity. “It’ll take practice and time together. Next time you come over, we’ll all play a couple of games. Then there will be less pressure. You can just be yourself and get to know each other.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Their beers arrived, along with a plate of dumplings. As she scooped two onto her plate, she said, “So I’m guessing none of the women you’ve dated have had children.”

“No.” He frowned. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I didn’t ask. I go out. I don’t get involved.”

“How can you not get involved with someone you’re seeing?”

“I don’t do relationships. After three or four dates, I move on. I’m not interested in anything long-term.”

A twinge of guilt flickered inside her chest. “Why not?”

“I don’t see the point. I like variety. In my position, I can have anyone I want. Settling down isn’t very interesting.”

That was new, she thought. The Matt she’d known wanted someone he could care about. “Doesn’t it get boring, going from woman to woman?”

He picked up his beer. “Never.”

“And none of them try to make you stay longer?”

He grinned. “They try.”

“So you don’t ever invest yourself emotionally. It’s just about having fun and getting laid.”

“Pretty much.”

She’d done that before she met Matt and knew how empty it could be. “Don’t you want more?”

“No.”

She hated hearing that. Hated thinking she might have done this to him. “You used to be a nice guy. What happened?”

“Nice is a lot less fun. Come on, Jess. You didn’t think I’d stay that ignorant kid forever, did you?”

“You were never ignorant.” Inexperienced, maybe. Lacking in confidence. “I hoped you’d stay honorable.”

“Have I violated some moral code? The women I see are very clear on my terms. I’m not exclusive and I don’t do relationships. If they don’t like that, they don’t have to accept the invitation.”

It sounded fair, but Matt’s dating philosophy left her with a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d come back to Seattle for a lot of reasons, the biggest being to help Gabe connect with his father. She’d also secretly hoped to find something still alive between herself and Matt.

While the passion lived on, she wasn’t sure about the man across from her. Was that really him? Knowing what she did about his past and how he’d loved her, she wanted to say no. But it had been a long time. People changed.

“I need to use the restroom,” she said and slid out of the booth.

She walked into the bathroom and pulled out her cell phone. Paula picked up on the first ring.

“Can you do me a favor?” Jesse asked quietly. “Can you call back in five minutes and tell me Gabe has a fever?”

Paula knew where she was and whom she was with. Jesse expected a lot of questions. Instead the other woman just sighed, then said she would.

Jesse returned to the table. Matt talked more about the new game his company was launching. As she listened, Jesse wondered how she could be so attracted to him and so sad at the same time. Who was he, really? Was he this new and not-improved version of himself or did the other Matt still exist? How was she supposed to find out?

She didn’t have any answers when her phone rang.