Sweetest Taboo (26 page)

My heart raced as I parked in the student lot and walked toward the campus. The students milled around me, uncaring, and I thought that I would probably still blend in fairly effectively. That didn’t change the fact that I was on campus at the same time as Tom. I knew he was here – I’d seen his truck in the faculty parking lot. He must be teaching another summer class, and with the limited number of students on campus…

Don’t think about it
, I told myself. After all, I knew where his classroom was – surely he had the same one – and I could avoid that side of campus. I wasn’t planning on going into any faculty areas, in any case, and I could duck behind a building if I saw him coming. All I needed was to find a place to sit, so I could watch the students walk by and find the girl I was looking for.

I scooted toward a bench at the entrance of the school and pulled out my journal, so I looked like I was busy. I looked down, reading my last passage, and watched the students walk by through the shade of my sunglasses. Some I recognized, some I didn’t; there were new freshmen and sophomores, who looked about ten years old to my newly mature eyes. I laughed to myself; when I was that age, I’d been looking at older men, and wishing I was old enough to date someone with facial hair.

When I was that age, I’d started building a plan to entice one of my coaches, so that I
could
date someone that old. And look how that had turned out.

I looked back at my journal, running my eyes over the notes I’d made. I had to get in touch with this girl, somehow, and talk some sense into her. She had to know what I’d gone through, and where she was heading, so she could keep herself out of trouble. I knew that I had deeper, more selfish reasons for my plan – the desire to keep Tom out of trouble, among them – but I was avoiding thinking about them. In fact, I had spent the entire night trying to keep my thoughts off Tom himself. The fact that he was seeing someone else, taking her home, maybe taking her to the places he’d taken me … I didn’t want him with another girl. He had promised me that I was the only one, and seeing him with someone else was more than I could handle. My mind had gone down that road for a few minutes, and I’d pulled it back. The idea was too painful for words, and obsessing about it wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

I caught my breath, realizing that I’d been daydreaming, and looked back up at the courtyard in front of me. I’d lost at least five minutes in my thoughts, and the area was beginning to clear. Had the girl walked by? Had I missed her? Was she even on campus this early? I stood as my eyes scanned the yard, searching desperately for a blonde head, but came up empty. The flow of students slowed to a trickle, and then stopped, and my shoulders sagged. It hadn’t been a good plan, but it had been the only one I had. I looked across the courtyard once again, hoping for a straggler, then paused and turned my eyes slowly back the way they’d come. Directly across from me, where the buildings began, a set of eyes peered through the blinds of one of the windows.

When the eyes noticed me looking in their direction, the blinds snapped shut.

I frowned, trying to remember what teacher used that classroom. I wasn’t familiar with it, but that didn’t mean anything; it could be anyone. My breath caught in my throat at that thought. It could be anyone. I was in an empty courtyard, open to anyone’s gaze, sitting by myself.

I turned and ran toward my car, my heart pounding in my chest.

***

Going back to campus was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I had no idea who’d been watching me through the blinds of the classroom, but I didn’t believe that I’d gone unnoticed. And, given my past with the school, I knew that a number of people would be interested in my presence there. I didn’t want to get caught, and I certainly didn’t want to get into any trouble. I drove back to campus in the afternoon, promising myself that this was the last time I would try. If I didn’t find her today, I told myself, I’d abandon the problem and go back to the East Coast.

I parked in the midst of a group of cars and glanced around. The first thing that caught my eye was the big blue truck in the corner. Tom was here, then, and probably waiting for his new girlfriend. I took a deep breath and bit down on my cheek. As much as I hated it, that truck would be the best – and easiest – place to find her. I pulled out my sunglasses and a large magazine, and settled down to wait.

When school got out, the parking lot flooded with students. I peeked over the magazine at the truck, keeping my eyes peeled for the petite blonde girl I’d seen with Tom. They’d driven by me when they left, and I thought that I could identify her fairly easily, given the time. I hoped that she would be alone, and that she would be careless; I had known to stay away from Tom’s truck, but she might not realize that she needed to do so.

I was so busy watching the truck and trying to stay hidden that I almost missed the girl entirely. I’d sneezed and looked down for a moment, then looked back up. When my gaze rose above the dashboard, I was looking at the entrance to the school, and saw her. She was very small and very pretty, with the fine, close-set features I would expect to see on a pixie. She looked very young.

Walking next to her was an older woman with the same face. Her mother, I thought, my heart sinking. Then I squared my shoulders. I would have to be subtler than I expected, but her mother should know that there was a teacher to avoid at the school, as well. I jumped out of the car and walked quickly toward them. When I got close enough, I held my hand out in greeting.

“Hi there,” I said brightly, hoping that I sounded sincere. “My name’s Isabel Cruz. I used to go to school here, and I was on campus the other day to see an old friend.” I looked up at the girl’s mother, then back to the girl herself. She was much smaller in person than I’d expected, and much cuter. My heart was pounding, and I gulped. Did Tom find her more attractive than me? Did he like her blonde hair, and her small, pixie-like size? Was he telling her that she was the one?

Did he love her?

The older woman was looking at me like I had lost my mind, and I pressed on. “The thing is,” I said to her, dropping my voice, “I noticed that your daughter got into Tom Stevens’ truck, and I … well, I …”

The woman frowned at me, her face closing. “Yes?” she asked quietly.

I felt my resolve slipping. How was I supposed to say this? “Well, I saw her getting into Tom’s truck,” I repeated, stuttering a bit. “And I wondered how well you knew him.”

The woman frowned at me again, but her daughter cut in. “I’ve known Mr. Stevens all my life,” she said, her voice high and bright. “He’s one of Daddy’s best friends. He was just giving me a ride home, not that it’s any of your business.” She shot me a dark glance, and I remembered the feeling of being fifteen and in love. The girl probably felt like she was the most important person in the world.

“Yes, he’s a family friend,” the woman continued, glancing at her daughter and back at me. “I don’t know why you’re asking, but my daughter’s right – he’s one of my husband’s best friends. We’ve known him for years. I work long hours at my job, and he gives my daughter a ride home when I can’t make it. He’s really quite understanding about it, and since he lost his own kids…”

“What?” I asked, shocked. “His kids? What happened to them?”

The woman looked closely at me, and her frown deepened. “Ms. Cruz, I don’t know who you are, or what your relationship is with Tom. I’m not sure that I–”

“Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” I broke in, seeing my opportunity. I would ask about Tom’s kids later. “You see, I think you need to be careful with your daughter, because–”

“Isabel?” My name cut through the air like a knife and drove directly into my heart. The last words died on my tongue, and I turned slowly to the left.

Tom was standing five feet from us, his face a mask of shock and dismay. His eyes were large and dark, and glassy with unshed tears. Behind the sadness, I saw a glimmer of hope.

“Tom,” I sighed. I’d been dreading this meeting, and realized how this must look. I was here talking to the girl he’d started a relationship with. I must represent a world of danger for him – the possibility of another investigation, the potential for discovery. He knew – as I did – that I could turn him in at any moment, or unveil his past to his friends and peers. Our last contact had been so unhappy, and my actions so harsh, that he must have thought that was why I was here. I released the air in my lungs, trying to decide what to do.

My body made the decision for me. I rushed toward him and threw my arms around him, seeking only the support and comfort he’d once given me. His arms came up around me in response to mine, and with them came a flood of memories. This was where I belonged, my body said. This was home, and the safest place in the world.

My brain disagreed, though, and I pulled back. This man was having a relationship with another underage girl, my mind told me, and I had to protect myself. I couldn’t fall into his trap again. He released me as quickly as the embrace began.

“Tom,” I said, my heart screaming, “it’s good to see you, but I have to talk to you. This girl–”

“Oh, you’ve met Christine,” he interrupted, his eyes moving toward the girl and her mother. “Then I’m sure you’ve also met her mother, Samantha.” He glanced back at me, his eyes pleading.

I firmed my mouth, ready to say the words that needed to be said. “Yes, I was just telling them–”

“She says that she knew you when she went to school here, Tom,” Samantha interrupted, coming to stand next to us. Her eyes moved from Tom to me and back again, asking silent questions. She raised one eyebrow in his direction. “Is there a problem here?”

Tom shook his head and laughed. “No, no problem at all. Samantha, may I introduce you to Isabel. She was one of the stars of my swim team, back when I coached. I’m sure she’s just come by to say hello.” He glanced at me again, raising his eyebrows, and I read the mistrust in his eyes. “Samantha and her husband are some of my oldest friends,” he said, his voice dropping. “I’ve known them since college. I often give Christine a ride home when Sam can’t make it on time.”

I turned back to Samantha, seeking the truth in this statement, and she nodded. My breathing slowed, and I nodded back. Could that be the truth? Could it be as simple as that – giving his friends’ daughter a ride home, and nothing more? I looked back at Tom, trying to read him as I once had, and saw his eyes grow clear and friendly. He must have seen me start to believe, because the corner of his mouth turned up and he laughed.

“I’m so sorry, I must have frightened you, coming on like that,” I said, turning back to Samantha and her daughter. “I had seen Christine and Tom together, and I thought I could pass a message along.” I stopped, my mind racing for an easy excuse. “I didn’t think I’d be able to see him, you see. I’m only in town for a short time.”

Samantha’s face cleared with the excuse, and she gave me a brilliant smile. “Well in that case, I suppose we’re all in luck. He’s right here, and you can give him your message yourself.” She turned back to Tom, shrugging. “I’m afraid we have to be going, though. I’m on my lunch break. Isabel, it was nice to meet you. Tom … give us a call tonight, and let us know that everything’s okay.” She gave me one last glance, then turned and headed toward her parked car, her daughter in tow. As they were walking away Christine turned back toward us, looking directly at me, and shifting her gaze to Tom. “Oh Mr. Stevens…I forgot to get my necklace from you after cheerleading practice today. Do you have it with you?” Tom stepped toward Christine, fishing her necklace out of his pocket. Christine reached forward to take it from him; in doing so I noticed his hand lingering on her wrist for what felt like an unnecessarily long pause. Tom noticed my piercing inquiry of their exchange and quickly withdrew his hand. As she turned away from Tom’s gaze, Christine looked directly at me with a satisfied grin on her face. With a flick of her blond ponytail, she trotted off to catch up with her mother.

I turned back to Tom, wondering how on earth he was going to explain what had just transpired.

Catching me off guard, and dismissing what I had just witnessed, Tom casually teased with a smile on his face, “so, you have a message for me? What on earth could that be?” His hand dropped to his side and flexed, as though he wanted to reach for me again but couldn’t bring himself to do so.

I looked down, embarrassed. “Well, the message wasn’t really for you. I saw you with Christine yesterday, and I–”

“You thought that I had moved on,” Tom finished, reading the truth in my silence.

I nodded miserably, hating the fact that it mattered so much, and after witnessing them together feeling as though my instincts were right.

Suddenly, Tom reached for me and I was in his arms again, pressed against his body and feeling the beat of his heart. “Oh Isabel, did you actually think I would do that?” he whispered, his mouth against my ear, his words sounding insincere. “I could never replace you. You’ve always been the only one for me.”

I leaned against him, finding strength in his presence, and dying to believe him. “It really seems like you’ve moved on and anyway that doesn’t matter because you’re still married, you have kids, and there’s no way it could have worked out between us,” I mumbled, the tears spilling down my face. Suddenly I realized what we were doing – holding each other, in broad daylight, in the middle of the school parking lot – and pulled back. “Don’t hold me like that,” I said, choking back the tears, “you’ll get us in trouble.”

He put his hands on my shoulders and held me still so that he could look into my eyes. “Isabel, I left my wife. I couldn’t stay with her any longer, knowing what I knew about myself and my feelings. This is what I wanted to tell you I was going to do in the last letter I had written to you. I’m separated now. I’ve been dreaming of you for a year and praying that you’d come back to me,” his mouth grinning as he paused for a moment, “let them see! You’re nineteen now, if my math is correct, and it’s perfectly legal for me to hug you in a parking lot.”