Sympathy for the Devil (19 page)

       Phoebe and I were finally getting our stuff together to move out. The end of the year. I don’t know how I’d done it but I’d passed with a first. So had Toni. I think the focus of work helped distract from the pain. West didn’t talk to me. He barely acknowledged me. If he happened to see me in the communal areas of halls, he simply got up and left the room. As if I’d hurt him. As if somehow I’d forced my friend into Ben’s arms. He really didn’t understand how he’d contributed to the situation. I’d told him. Warned him to let the past go. He hadn’t been able to, and now look.

       Toni accepted her relationship was over. She tried. Emails, letters, calls, text messages. West cut her dead. I didn’t need to tell her to leave Ben alone as well. With exams over, we decided we could live together. My parents owned a house they were willing to rent out on the cheap for me, Toni, Amy, and Phoebe. The four of us jumped at the chance.

       I packed away my books, most of which I intended to sell to buy a new pair of kitten heels from Nine West. I was half tempted to throw away the dress I’d worn when I’d stayed with Pierce that night at his flat. After examining it, I decided it was too gorgeous to be tainted by the memory of a twisted bastard. My mobile rang and without even looking at the screen I picked up, thinking it was Phoebe, who was already at the new gaffe sorting everything out. “Yello?”

       “Hello, Carina.”

       Dammit all to hell. “I’m cutting you off right now and getting your number barred.”

       “You may as well talk to me,” he said determinedly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

       “Don’t you threaten me!” I hissed. “I’ve got nothing else to say to you.”

       “Well, I’ll just stay right here until you change your mind.”

       That confused me. “What do you mean?”

       “I’m right outside your digs. And I’m not moving.”

       I glanced out my window to see him, mobile to ear, wearing a fitted T-shirt and dark jeans. A boiling rage erupted inside me. I snatched up my keys and stormed outside.

       “Are you trying to make me crazy?” I yelled at him. “Stop trying to unhinge me!”

       He looked down at me, and the rage evaporated in the wake of the sadness in his eyes. “All I want to do is talk.”

       “And where have I heard that before?” I mocked.

       “We’ll go somewhere public,” he offered. “Coffee shop, around the corner for half an hour.”

       “Fifteen minutes,” I snapped, and began to head in the direction of the café.

       “Um, Cari?”

       “Don’t talk to me until I have cutlery in front of me that I can use as weapons.”

       “Cari, you may want to do something about your state of dress,” he said softly. I looked down to see I was wearing only a bra and matching side-tie knickers with a shirt thrown over them. I wasn’t even wearing shoes.

       I took a deep breath and said, “I won’t be a moment.”

       I ran up to my room and threw off the shirt and the bra in favour of a bandeau top with a denim skirt and some flip-flops. I smoothed on lip balm and re-joined Pierce. We walked in silence, then I got a table and Pierce bought us two apple juices. We sat opposite one another. I tried not to stare at him and tried to tell myself that if I’d had any love for him it died the minute he revealed his true colours. I opened my bottle of juice and caught him staring at me. He sent me the smallest of smiles, and I knew I was kidding myself.

       The silence annoyed me, so I said irritably, “Aren’t you talking to the wrong person? If you want to win over Toni’s affections through me then you’d…”

       “Shut up,” he growled and I did. “You know full well that when I said ‘I love you,’ I was looking straight. At. You.”

       My cheeks flamed. “Oh.”

       “Yes, ‘oh.’ I may have felt a second-long groin pull towards Toni but that vanished the minute I met you.

       “Really?” I mocked. “So what were you doing at her place? Guiding Ben’s dick into her with light signals?”

       The people at the next table sniggered, and I lost the last vestige of my temper. “I’m sorry, is there something about my life that is fucking funny to you? Why don’t you come and sit right next to us so you can hear every detail of what’s kept me in tears every day for the last month? Come on!”

       “Cari,” Pierce said firmly, taking my hand and tugging my attention back to him. The couple moved to another table as my heart hammered in such rage I thought it would burst from my chest, pick up a lead pipe, and start beating the motherfuckers with it. Pierce’s fingers slid against mine and I realised we were still holding hands. I snatched mine away and looked to my apple juice. He didn’t attempt to touch me again as I struggled to control myself.

       “I was trying, in my own admittedly twisted way, to prove a point about her fidelity. Adele’s mahussive mouth did everything else.”

       “What a fantastic plot.” I sneered.

       “Devised it myself.”

       “If you ever think that you and I will have a civilised conversation again, you had better start being straight with me. Start telling the truth now.”

       He huffed. “Fine. After we stayed together at Kate’s, I haven’t…”

       “What?”

       “I haven’t slept with anyone else. I tried —believe me, I gave it a fucking good try to get you out of my head. Didn’t mean shit. I still didn’t have you.”

       I looked down at my wrists and could see the blood moving in my veins.
Liar,
I thought.
He’s making it up.
“I don’t believe you,” I said shortly.

       Pierce glanced at the ceiling, the corner of his mouth flicking upward sardonically. “A phrase guaranteed to haunt me.”

       “For Christ’s sake!” I snapped.

       “I’ve only ever lied to you twice,” he explained, and held up fingers as points. “Once to get your mobile number, which Kate Farrell gave to me, and the other was my reason for going to Edinburgh.”

       “So what you did to Toni doesn’t count?”

       “I never told you about it,” he said blithely, “which doesn’t constitute a lie. It’s an omission.”

       “Goddamn lawyer,” I murmured, almost in admiration. “But you still lied. You lied your arse off.”

       “We weren’t even seeing each other,” he reminded me, sadness in his eyes. Which was true. A hella hot fumble at Kate’s place, and sex whilst the best connection I’d ever had with anyone had happened between so much back biting, why would I have any rights to his fidelity or trust? Didn’t make it hurt any less.

       “Look, whatever you’ve heard, I don’t just sleep with anyone.” He raised an eyebrow and I relented. “Well, I don’t do it unless it means something. How could it mean anything to you when you were trying to mind-fuck my best friend?”

       “You know it did,” he told me, unwavering in his blue stare. “And you know I’ve never touched Toni. She told you, didn’t she?”

       I nodded, looking back down at the bottle.

       “Come on, you’ve never done anything you regret?”

       “Yup, and I’m looking at my regret.”

       “No you don’t,” he retorted. “You wouldn’t be here if you did.”

       “Fine.” I smirked. “You know so much about me, why am I here then?”

       He glanced up at me from under his lashes. “I was hoping you’d help me.”

       “Oh, I get it.” My voice dripped sarcasm. “Share my world, share my guilt? No way am I shovelling shit for you.”

       He breathed out slowly. “I’m asking for help.”

       “That’s big of you.” I said, unable to help being childish.

       His glance turned distinctly frosty. “I can’t get them back together on my own. I need you.”

       Hearing him say that sent a tremor through my fingers as I picked up my juice and took a sip. “I’m not sure I want them back together. West is a sheep and Toni is devastated.”

       “He’s not a sheep. I know him better than anyone, and I got into his head. But he’s lost without her. He barely knows what he’s doing with himself. I know he misses her like hell.”

       “He does or you do?” I tested, eyes narrowed.

       “I don’t feel that way about Toni,” he told me firmly. I shook my head and looked back down at the table, not able to shut my ears against what he was saying. He traced my chin with a few fingers, his thumb feather light over my bottom lip so I had to look at him. I willed my whole body not to shake at his touch. His hand fell away as he repeated, “West misses her.”

       “Good,” I said cruelly.

       “Cari…”

       My temper started to surface again. “What? What do you want me to say? I think he’s a complete dickhead. It took him four months to crush her. He treated her appallingly —no wonder she rushed back to Ben. If that’s how much his love is worth, there is dust on my law books worth more than that.”

       “Spin it around. Say it was you and me. Toni came to you and said that I had a terrible track record —which I do, fair enough. But what if she told you to be careful, watch out for who I talked to, stayed with, went out with... You’d believe her without a second thought, because of your patent trust issues, and she’s your best friend. No, don’t give me any moralising. You would. It’s how friendships work.”

       I laughed at that. “Oprah speaks. How the fuck do you even understand the meaning of the word friendship?”

       “I do,” he said gently, “because I’ve ruined the best friendship I’ve had and ever will. On two fronts.”

       I pretended I hadn’t heard that, and bit inelegantly on my thumbnail. In the back of my head, I knew he hated me doing that, and was only half surprised when his hand pressed on mine so I released my nail. He sighed and prompted, “Tell me about Toni and her ex. What really happened?”

       I looked up at him. “Come to think of it, James was exactly like you.”

       Pierce choked on his drink. “What?”

       “He was cold, and dismissive and he enjoyed having a pretty thing on his arm. He also loved making her feel about this big.” I held up my thumb and forefinger a few millimetres apart. I watched to gauge his reaction and saw the colour drain from his cheeks. He stared at the table, ripping the apple juice label to shreds. “His best mate was Ben, and he looked out for her. It turned into something more, he gave her back her confidence. Poor T, she just didn’t know how to break it off with James, not that he deserved the consideration.”

       “I bet he knew you didn’t like him.”

       I smiled tightly. “I made it clear what I thought of him. Anyway, James found out, all hell broke loose, Ben went off to do his gap year in India, James blamed me, and Toni copped all the flak from the rest of his mates for cheating.”

       “That’s not fair,” he said eventually.

       I shrugged, having accepted a long time ago that life was highly unfair. “I don’t see why you give a shit.”

       “It matters to you.”

       I snorted my disbelief that he truly cared. We were silent for a moment before Pierce said, “I’m not like that anymore.”

       “Like what?” I asked.

       “Like Toni’s ex. How I used to be.” He glanced up at me under lashes that women would sell their homes, husbands, and bodies to have. “I’m not like that with you. I’ve told you things no one knows.”