Take What You Want (67 page)

Two
weeks had passed since Danni moved out and Alex returned to the West
Coast. These were painful days that dissolved one into the other
with very little notice from Chase. His life had been dramatically
altered with Alex's presence in his life and irrevocably changed by
his absence.

Chase
and Danni were once again talking, but that's where it ended. They
were having long drawn-out phone conversations; working hard on
getting back what they once had together. But, Chase still wondered
if a relationship between them could work. So much had changed for
them, yet some aspects remained completely the same.

The two weeks felt more like
years, but Chase had Danni agreeing to a date with him and that was
progress. Right? He was going to take her to dinner in town,
followed by a movie, and if he was being totally honest with himself,
he also hoped she'd come home with him afterward … to stay.
Hope be damned, he was still a realist at his core, and he knew that
scenario was highly unlikely.

He loved Danni with all his
heart, wanted a future with her more than he could articulate, but he
also still loved Alex. Not a day had passed since Alex's departure
that he hadn't thought about the man who had opened him up to who he
really was – who he was meant to be.

Chase rolled his eyes at his
constant pining for Alex. He needed to get the hell over Alex and
focus on what really mattered, and that was Danni. Alex was gone and
it was unlikely he'd ever see the man again and that was probably for
the best. It didn't mean he didn't want to be with Alex, it just
meant he'd have to figure out a way to suppress the hunger he still
had for him.

Chase was driving to work
when he received a phone call from a moving company with a date and
time for them to pack-up all of Alex's belongings from the estate.
Chase agreed to the arrangements the company offered and tried not to
think about the reality of what this meant. In a few short days, all
evidence Alex had ever lived there would be gone. Was he prepared
for that? Would he be able to handle seeing the final remaining ties
keeping Alex connected to him taken away?

He rubbed at his eyes. He
didn't like this at all. The brief thought to call Alex shot through
his brain, but he forced himself to ignore it. As comforting as it
would be to simply hear the man's voice or the sound of his
breathing, Chase had to tamp it all down. He'd do his best to bury
it; along with the other skeletons of their time together: the
memories.

The one thing a moving
company could not pack-up and remove – no matter how much Chase
may want it on some days, were the memories he had of their time with
Alex. Fragmented pieces of those five months lingered all over the
property; floating around like ghosts riding the coastal breeze,
continually reminding him of what it was like to have had Alex in his
life.

Two days later, a large
white box truck arrived at the estate to pack-up Alex's remaining
belongings. As the property manager, Chase was required to be
present for this, ensuring minimal damage to the house. Watching
Alex's personal things put into boxes tore at his heart and made his
chest ache. This was like losing Alex all over again. A large part
of him wanted to ask the movers to stop what they were doing and get
the fuck off the property. Another part of him needed this closure,
because holding on to these things only made the absence of Alex
being there more obvious.

Chase's head began to spin.
He couldn't tolerate being inside the main house another second and
watch this chapter of his life closing. He stepped outside and
walked to the table beside the pool, dropping into a chair with a
heavy thud. His gaze settled on the glass-topped table. Tears began
to sting behind his lids. As his eyes began to blur with moisture,
he spotted something on the table. He leaned forward to see what it
it was and realized it was one of Alex's guitar picks. He lifted the
smooth, black pearl celluloid pick and held it between his thumb and
forefinger. Alex's stage name, Zander, was imprinted on the front in
a scrolling font. The name of his band was printed on the back.
Chase ran his thumb pad over Alex's name, wishing beyond reason the
man was attached to the pick and sitting beside him preparing to play
his guitar for him.

Christ!
What I wouldn't give to hear you play this very minute.

Chase closed his eyes
tightly. Behind him he could hear the movers beginning to haul out
the boxes to load into the truck. He wondered if they knew who's
personal stuff they were packing into boxes; wondered how they'd feel
if they knew he and Alex had been lovers.

Lovers.

His body still ached for
Alex's touch; his kiss, the heated submission of his body as Chase
pressed inside him. He wondered how long it would take before the
pain of his loss subsided and the need became a blur. Then again,
maybe this desire would never fade and Chase would be left to deal
with an aching need he had no way to sate. Only Alex could satisfy
that particular ache. Chase was certain of it.

When the last box was safely
loaded onto the truck, the foreman approached Chase at the table
looking for Chase's signature to confirm the removal of Alex's stuff.
Chase directed the man inside the house for a final walk-through to
check for damage and to ensure everything belonging to Alex had been
packed. He did his best to ignore the emptiness surrounding him and
the way the sound of their work boots and voice now echoed inside
some of the rooms.

It was done. Alex had been
eradicated from his life. And, fuck, if this didn't feel far worse
than he'd imagined. Chase signed the document and the movers drove
off the property, leaving a trail of dust in their wake and a searing
pain in Chase's heart. He stood in the kitchen for the briefest of
moments, because staying any longer would be torture. He could still
smell the faintest scent of Alex lingering in this room. He shivered
at the thought, then turned to leave; locking the door behind him.

He was too distraught to go
back to work. Instead he walked out the driveway and crossed the
street, taking the pathway between the dunes to the private beach
access. He sat in the sand and looked out over the ocean. It was
cloudy today and a heavy mist of fog hung over the empty beach. No
matter how he had dissected the last several months, he always came
back to the same thing. He wanted Danni as much as he wanted Alex –
in his life, and in his bed. Anything less would be settling for
half of himself and he wasn't sure he could do that.

-0-

Chase arrived at Jayson's
house to pick-up Danni for their date. Even after all his insistence
for Danni to stay with Allison, Danni continued to stay with Jayson
in one of his guest rooms. Jayson loved the company and on some
level, Chase was at least grateful he knew Danni was being well
looked after and safe.

They hadn't seen each other
alone since their break-up; only short brief visits with Jayson
nearby acting almost like a chaperone. Each time Danni's lingering
anger had kept them standing apart and not touching, even though
Chase would've loved to have given her a hug. Tonight was different,
though. It was a date, and Chase wanted to be sure they were heading
in the right direction; which to him meant they were moving closer to
having a real relationship – physically and emotionally.

Chase waited for Danni to
come downstairs in Jayson's kitchen. It felt like their first date
all over again, Chase thought. It came complete with frayed nerves
and sweaty palms; which Chase thought was funny; considering the
reality was they'd known each other for many years and lived a
thousand lifetimes in just the last few months.

“
Wanna
beer?” Jayson asked Chase.

Chase shook his head and
wiped his hands off on his thighs for the second time. “I
should probably wait for Danni to join me.”

“
Are
you sure?” Jayson asked. “It might calm your nerves.”

“
Am
I that obvious?” Chase asked.

“
Yeah,
just a bit.”

Chase rolled his hip on the
counter-top to face Jayson. “So, what's new with you?”
he asked. “Are you still seeing that guy on the Cape?”

“
No,
I broke that off right after Alex's party,” Jayson said. “I
figured if I could hook-up with Cooper the way I did and not feel an
ounce of guilt about it, then I shouldn't be wasting Ken's time.”

Chase felt something
constrict in his chest at the mention of Alex's name. Jayson must
have seen the change sweep over Chase, because his hand reached out
and squeezed Chase's forearm.

“
Hey,
I'm sorry,” Jayson said. “I didn't mean to talk about
Alex.”

“
It's
fine.”

“
Is
it?” Jayson asked. “I mean, are you okay with how things
are now?”

Chase swallowed hard. He
couldn't make eye contact with Jayson for fear the truth would be
etched all over his face. The truth being he was barely surviving
and the enormous empty space inside him felt dead without Alex. He'd
keep that to himself, because he doubted anyone would understand it
anyway.

“
Danni
and I are rebuilding what we had,” Chase finally said.

“
That
didn't answer my question,” Jayson said.

“
It's
the best answer I got for you right now,” Chase said.

“
You
ever need to talk, I'm here for you,” Jayson said.

“
Thanks,”
Chase said. “It's been a slow process and I'm not fully
through it, yet.”

“
I
understand,” Jayson said. “You loved him. It's not easy
to walk away from that.”

And, I still love him.

Chase ran his hand over his
face. “Hardest thing I've ever done, but for Danni I'll do
it.”

“
What
are you doing for me?” Danni asked, stepping into the brightly
lit kitchen.

Chase's breath caught at the
sight of her. She wore a short, black skirt and a soft,
cream-colored cardigan sweater with tiny pearl buttons down the
front, and high-heeled suede boots that came up to her knees. Her
long, dark hair swirled around her face framing it like a picture.
She easily took his breath away.

“
Christ,
you look good,” Chase said on a sigh.

Jayson smiled and started
toward the hallway leading to his bedroom. He stopped beside Danni
and kissed her temple, then whispered, “Tell him how you feel
about Alex,” Jayson said to her and stepped away. Her looked
at Chase over his shoulder and waved. “You kids have a great
time tonight,” he said.

Danni moved closer to Chase
and stopped in front of him. He inhaled deeply and filled his lungs
with her sweet scent; lilacs and vanilla, his head swirled with it,
and the emotion of the moment went straight to his dick. It had been
far too long since he'd held her; tasted her. He couldn't help
himself and reached for her hand, needing the contact like it was a
lifeline.

“
Baby,
you're beautiful,” he said.

She
smiled and he watched the long lashes of her eyes flutter with his
compliment. Her fingers squeezed his hand and his heart clenched.
He wanted this night to be perfect – for Danni and for him.
After everything they'd been through, they deserved this.

He
walked her to his truck; her slender hand still clasped in his. He
let go of her only long enough to help her inside the cab on the
passenger side, then ran around to the driver's side. He felt like a
teenager, heart racing and the beginning of an erection straining in
his pants. Danni always managed to pull that kind of reaction from
him – her
and
Alex.

Damn
it! He couldn't think about Alex. Not tonight. This evening had to
be about Danni. Still, it was difficult to look at Danni and not
think about the many ways he and Alex had pleasured her and how good
she felt pressed between them. Her softness was the perfect contrast
to the sharp, muscled planes of him and Alex.

Yes, it had been perfect.
All of it.

“
Are
you okay?” Danni asked Chase.

He glanced at her and forced
a smile onto his face. “I'm so happy you're sitting here with
me,” he said. She knew him too well though, and undoubtedly
was seeing straight through him this very minute. They made it
through dinner and outside to his truck before she made a second
attempt at talking about the big elephant wedged between them.