Taken in Hand (11 page)

wants and expects from you. What about what
you
want?

Doesn’t that matter?” He smiled again. “No one is asking you

to march in any gay pride parades or anything like that, but

lying to yourself isn’t exactly healthy either. You told me that

first day we met that you didn’t have a girlfriend. Why is

that? You’re a very attractive man.”

Chad’s gaze flew back up to his face, and Adam

chuckled. “What? You don’t like me saying I find you

attractive? I do. I think you’re one of the most attractive men

I’ve ever met.”

Surprised at how warm that made him feel, he smiled.

“I-uh-I guess that’s okay. Flattering… and to answer your

question, I don’t know why I don’t have a girlfriend exactly.

Of course, I’ve dated a lot, but I work a lot of strange hours,

for one thing. It’s hard to fit a steady relationship in, you

know? Besides I haven’t found anyone I really like, I guess.”

“Because what you really like are men.”

The statement wasn’t loud or pushy or sarcastic. It

was just a quiet affirmation, because it wasn’t a question at

all. Chad opened his mouth to say something and put him in

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his place, but then he looked into Adam’s eyes. The

expression in them was so calm, so accepting. No mockery.

No judgment. Instead of the harsh answer that sprang to his

lips, he swallowed hard and simply said, “Yeah, maybe.”

Adam’s gaze dropped. “Is that something you’d like to

explore?”

Surprised, even a little shocked, Chad stood up

restlessly and paced to the window, looking out to see if he

could see any of the surveillance people around. Of course,

he couldn’t, if they were doing their jobs correctly, and he

knew he was only buying time before he answered. He was

hyper-aware of Adam waiting patiently for him to decide.

Finally, he found his voice and turned to answer. “No. No, I

can’t.”

Adam simply nodded. “All right.” Was that a look of

disappointment in Adam’s eyes? If it was, it was gone too

quickly for him to be sure. Adam stood up and stretched.

“This is a great deal for you to take in at once. Take some

time to think about it.”

“Yeah, okay, so I might go home for a while. Check on

my apartment and stuff. I’ll probably be late. I can use my

key to get back in later tonight. Maybe a break would help.

See you in the morning.”

“Afternoon more than likely. I leave quite early, and my

first class starts at ten. I’ll be on campus tomorrow until

around three. You can work from here all morning, if you

like. Or come and go as you please. It would help establish

our cover. Then I’ll see you when I get in around three

o’clock.”

“Okay, and…thanks for everything you did last night

and for talking to me about…all of this.”

The barest hint of a smile turned up the corners of his

mouth. “My pleasure, Chad. See you tomorrow.”

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On the ride home to his apartment, Chad went over

every word he and Adam had spoken to each other, as well

as every glance, every nuance of expression. He slammed his

hand down on the steering wheel. Why couldn’t he admit he

was attracted to the man? Adam had practically given him

an engraved invitation, damn it, and still Chad lied and told

him he wasn’t interested in exploring the attraction and not

just because of the kink aspect. Some of that actually

intrigued him. Snatches of memory from the night before

kept flickering through his brain as well. He didn’t even want

to think about what it meant that they were coming back

more frequently as the day wore on, giving him a painful

erection, not only with what had happened but how he’d

thought and reacted while it was coming down.

He didn’t want to think any more, either, that while

admitting to someone else he was probably gay, he had

admitted it to himself. The mere thought seeping into his

head almost made him swerve off the road. Not gay, really.

More like bi, though he hadn’t been interested in a woman in

far too long. At the moment it wasn’t any woman he’d been

with or knew springing to mind. All he could see in his head

was a pair of warm, brown eyes staring back at him.

Everything about Adam Morrison was attractive to

him, his eyes and the little bit of wave in his hair he

probably tried to straighten with a hairdryer. Chad had

noticed it though, at breakfast that morning. Even though

he’d been upset and shouting, he still noticed every detail of

Adam’s appearance. Especially his body and the way his ass

and his package filled those faded tight jeans.

Oh, God, I am so fucked.

Before he reached home his hands started shaking. He

nearly ran inside, seeking refuge from his thoughts. They

followed him, nagging at him as he checked everything

methodically. Everything was fine. No longer than he’d been

gone there was no reason for it not to be. He rummaged

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through the freezer for something to eat and found pizza

rolls. He popped those in the microwave to heat and grabbed

a can of cola. Plopped in front of the television to eat, he

flipped through the channels. Finding a sci-fi channel, he

settled down to watch, but after sitting through an entire

movie, he had no idea what it was about, unable to

concentrate.

The pizza rolls gave him indigestion, and he thought

about what Adam would say if he knew what he’d had for

lunch. The way Adam ate he probably wouldn’t approve of

frozen pizza rolls. At least Chad knew now what a fucking

frittata was. Adam probably wouldn’t approve of the cola

either. All he ever drank with meals was water.

Fuck!
Since when did Adam Morrison approving or

disapproving of what he ate or drank matter? Where did the

thought even come from?

He put his dish in the dishwasher and can in the

recycling bin. Looking for something to do, he wandered

restlessly back to the living room, craving something he

couldn’t put a name to. Why couldn’t he admit to Adam he

wanted to know what sex between two men would be like?

Would that have made it too real? Thinking about men,

browsing through websites kept it at a distance, easy to

mark it off as simply curiosity, a sinful thrill, telling himself

probably every man did the same thing. Not so easy looking

into Adam’s eyes or lying naked across his lap, his cock

squeezed between strong thigh muscles—
Fuck!
An erection,

immediate and big, had him shooting to his feet to adjust

himself.

He stomped into the bathroom, stripping off his

clothes, and got into the shower. Adjusting the temperature

as cold as he could stand it, he stood there waiting for the

damn hard-on to go down. It didn’t. All he could think about

was those rhythmic slaps on his ass, with his dick between

Adam’s strong thighs. Hand to his aching cock, he leaned his

forehead against the tiles. Adam’s voice in his head kept

saying wicked, embarrassing things to him, like “Sweet boy,

take the rest of your spanking…come for me, baby.” With a

groan, Chad shot off so hard he slumped against the wall

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and had to brace his feet to keep them from slipping out

from under him.

Cold water beat down on him for five more minutes

before he felt recovered enough to turn off the useless stream

and climb out of the shower. Dried off and sitting on the side

of the bed, he ran his hands through his damp hair. Maybe

he needed to experiment with being gay. Really face it for

once and find out the truth about himself. Maybe it was only

a fantasy and wouldn’t be anything he wanted if he actually

experienced it. A hand job or a blow job wouldn’t be so

awful, would it? He could go to one of those bars and pick

somebody up. See if they were interested in a one-off.

Actually, it would take some of the tension off him with

Adam.

Adam was helping with the investigation and anything

to do with him outside of the job was totally inappropriate.

Sure, what happened the night before had happened.

Nothing he could do about it, except not repeat the mistake

and not even think about how attractive he found the

professor to be. No, he had to find some anonymous man

and just explore this thing. Nobody had to know. No time

like the present.

Not stalling a minute longer, he pulling out a pair of

dark jeans and a T-shirt that had shrunk a little in the

wash. Too tight, it really clung to his body like a second skin.

He didn’t put on any underwear, feeling bold and only a little

embarrassed. Studying himself in the mirror, he thought he

looked okay and ran his hands through his hair to smooth it

down. Grabbing his car keys, he went out to his car before

he could think about this thing too hard and talk himself out

of it. He knew of a gay bar on the east side of town and

headed his car in that direction. He was doing this, and now

that it was actually going to happen, excitement built.

He reached the club in only a few minutes, and the

parking lot was only half full. Determinedly, he got out of the

car and went inside. The music was loud, and the room dark

enough it took a second or two for his eyes to adjust. He

went over to the bar and ordered a beer, with a shot chaser,

adrenaline pumping through his veins.

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His jeans got tight again at the idea of why he was

there. Damn, he needed a drink and another orgasm bad. He

downed three beers and more shots and pretty soon felt no

pain at all. He was cruised hard by several guys as the

evening wore on, but they didn’t feel right to him. He turned

them down. Into his fourth beer it dawned on him that the

reason none of the men were right was because none of them

were Adam.

Damn it. He slammed his mug down on the bar and a

soft voice beside him said, “Be careful or you’ll spill it. Beer’s

too expensive in this place to waste a drop.”

He turned to find a tall young guy sitting beside him.

Chad had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even

noticed him slipping onto the stool beside him. He was

probably a student, but looked to be old enough. He

wondered how old he was and wasn’t aware he’d said the

words out loud until the boy next to him laughed and said,

“I’m twenty-two. How old are you?”

“Old enough to know better,” he said softly. He looked

the young man up and down. He was about the right size,

and his hair was almost the right color, that soft shade of

brown. He angled his body toward him. The young man ran

his hand up Chad’s thigh, and Chad didn’t pull away. He

finished his shot and let his gaze roam over the guy,

wondering just how to approach him for sex. Where would

they go? Back to his car, maybe? He didn’t have to worry for

long.

The young man took his hand and pulled. “Let’s go to

the back room. I can give you what you need.”

Without a word, Chad slipped off the stool and

followed him to a dark room in the back. This guy was

making the decisions for him, making everything easier, and

already his cock was responding. With the other guy

directing things, it took some of the pressure off him, right?

Another couple had made it there before them, but that

didn’t seem to matter to his companion. He pushed Chad

against the wall and slid to his knees, his hands busy at the

zipper of Chad’s jeans. He pulled him out and deep-throated

him like a pro, and all Chad could do was grab onto his head

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and hold on for the ride. He threaded his fingers through the

man’s hair and leaned back against the wall, just letting the

sensations of the guy’s talented tongue and mouth take over

everything.

This was definitely the way to go, an anonymous blow

job with a talented tongue, no connections and no

relationship to be made. Hell, he didn’t even know the guy’s

name. He didn’t have to worry about some man calling him