Taking Charge (33 page)

“He wasn’t trying to hurt me,” Robyn said suddenly,
as if waking up.

“What?” Cole asked.

“He touched me, it was disgusting, because I didn’t
want it…but it wasn’t rough. Not physically rough. He didn’t want
to hurt me,” Robyn repeated.

“You didn’t say this before,” Trudy said, making sure
Officer Doyle was noting it down.

“Because I didn’t realize it before. He touched me,
then he raped me, and then he left me, but don’t you see? In his
mind he wasn’t raping me. He didn’t want it to be violent; he
wanted to think it was real,” Robyn said.

“Putting a bag over someone’s head and forcing them
to have sex with you isn’t my idea of real,” Cole replied.

“No, but maybe that was the only way I would have sex
with him. It has to be Jason. He knew me, he had a crush on me, he
liked me, but he knew I would never date him. This is the only way
he would ever get to sleep with me and he didn’t want to hurt me.
Don’t you see?” Robyn asked them.

“Robyn, not all rapes are savage in the sense of
physically maiming someone, even when the attacker doesn’t know his
victim. A lot of rapes are committed because the attacker can’t
forge a relationship and can’t have sexual contact in the usual
way,” Trudy reminded her.

“I never thought of it before, I was just too caught
up in the fact that it had happened rather than exactly what
happened and how it happened,” Robyn continued.

“I have to tell you that Jason’s witness has provided
a full statement and it can be corroborated. He was on his phone to
his girlfriend at the time, we’ve checked telephone records,” Trudy
said.

“Why didn’t he come forward at the time?” Cole
asked.

“He’s spent the last nine years in South America. He
only returned home three months ago and Jason’s lawyer did another
sweep of the neighborhood.”

“It has to be him,” Robyn said, shaking her head.

“How long do you think you were in the woods before
you made it back to the side of the road and Brad Willis found
you?” Trudy inquired, looking at her file.

“I don’t know…twenty minutes? Maybe longer? I
couldn’t move for a while, because I was shaking and I was wet and
I didn’t know what to do. And then I realized that if I didn’t move
I would probably die from the cold, so I got dressed and I went
back to the road,” Robyn explained.

“Are we done now?” Cole asked, wiping at his
eyes.

“Just one more thing. We checked your medical records
in England, just procedure, and…” Trudy started.

“Why did you check my medical records?” Robyn asked,
the color draining from her face.

“It’s just procedure, Robyn. We wanted to see how the
counseling went, whether you have any ongoing physiological issues,
whether you…”

“You could have just asked me and I would have told
you. You didn’t need to go snooping into my medical records,” Robyn
said angrily.

“Would you like Cole to wait outside?” Trudy
suggested kindly.

“Sure, I can go,” Cole said, standing up.

“No. I don’t want you to go,” Robyn said, taking hold
of his hand.

“We need to ask some questions about…” Trudy
began.

“I know what you want to ask about,” Robyn
interrupted, looking up at Cole, tears spilling from her eyes.

“Robyn?” Cole asked. She could see the immediate
worry in his eyes.

“They want to ask me about the baby,” Robyn blurted
out.

He felt emotionally wrung out and now he was
listening to Lonestar. He wanted to kill Jason. He wanted to get
hold of his scrawny neck and squeeze the life right out of him. He
wanted to make him suffer the same way Robyn had suffered. The red
mist had descended when he’d found out about Bryn and Veronica, but
this feeling was on a completely different level than that. That
bastard hadn’t just violated her, he’d left her with his baby. How
did you ever get over that?

He looked at the beer bottle in his hand, gripping it
tightly until his knuckles turned white. Then he threw it, as hard
as he could, and watched it smash on the floor.

Robyn sat in the bath surrounded by bubbles and
almost scalding hot water, but she still felt cold. She always felt
cold whenever she had to speak or think about the rape. She didn’t
know whether it was a reflection of the time of year it happened or
a reflection of how she felt inside, probably a bit of both. She
had spent a lot of time feeling lukewarm inside and now, just when
she had started to think a thaw was really beginning, the past
wouldn’t let her truly defrost.

Cole knocked on the door.

“Can I come in? I‘ve got beer and pickles.”

She didn’t answer.

Cole opened the door and stepped in, holding the
drinks and a plate of gherkins.

“Hey,” he greeted.

Robyn’s head was just poking out from underneath the
foam.

“You put pickles on a plate? Don’t you take in
anything I tell you? They should only be eaten from the jar with a
fork,” Robyn snapped, looking at the food as if it were
contaminated.

“I’m sorry. I’ll go right back down and get the jar
and a fork,” Cole said, about to leave the bathroom.

“And you’ve been listening to Lonestar. Listening to
Lonestar will make you suicidal,” she continued.

“Yeah, and I smashed a beer bottle too. I’ve cleaned
up, but no going barefoot in the kitchen for a while,” Cole replied
with a sigh.

Robyn took a pickle from the plate and put it all in
her mouth in one go.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Do you?”

“Not if it’s going to upset you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have told you
when I told you about Jason in the first place,” Robyn began,
picking another pickle off the plate.

“I had trouble imagining how you must have felt after
the attack; I can’t begin to think how you must have felt to be
pregnant.”

“Terrified, angry, stupid. I didn’t tell anyone. I
started putting on weight and feeling sick, and I thought it was
maybe the change of food or climate or me eating for comfort
because I missed home. But no, the doctor does a test and I’m three
months gone,” Robyn said, swigging from the beer bottle.

“What did your mom say?”

“I didn’t tell anyone, Cole. I told the doctor there
and then that I wanted an abortion and if he didn’t get me one I
would find someone who would,” Robyn explained.

“And what did he say?”

“He said he wanted me to speak to my parents, that he
would like them to come in and see him, and that was all I heard. I
knew he wouldn’t agree to help me without involving my mom, so I
had to sort things out myself,” Robyn continued.

Cole offered her the plate of pickles.

“I had to do it and I had to do it real quick because
if I didn’t do it…maybe I wouldn’t be able to do it and what would
happen then? I wouldn’t have known what to do and so I figured if I
didn’t have the baby I could forget the rape. Didn’t work though,
did it? I never got rid of the rape and I aborted a child,” Robyn
spoke.

“What you did on your own was so brave. That’s one
Hell of a decision for a sixteen year old,” Cole told her, reaching
into the bubbles and taking hold of her hand.

“I’m not certain I made the right one.”

“I’m certain you made the right one for you at the
time,” Cole assured her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have told you,
right away, when you told me about Veronica and Bryn…” Robyn
said.

“I didn’t tell you what I did after my dad died right
away.”

“I’m ashamed of it and I don’t want anyone to know.
Not Dad or Pam, and especially not Sarah, not now,” Robyn said.

“Not now?”

“She’s pregnant but she hasn’t told Mickey yet, so
keep it zipped. I’m hoping for a full reconciliation and, despite
her reservations, if he doesn’t do the decent thing and propose,
I’m going to book a priest and a venue myself,” Robyn told him.

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow.”

“I understand you don’t want people to know. It’s
hard for you—it’s in the past and we’re moving on, but what if I
said there’s a possibility I could obtain DNA that would determine
who the father of your baby was?” Cole asked seriously.

“What?”

“Listen, it’s a long shot, but over here at least,
some clinics keep samples to determine DNA and prove
paternity.”

“But it was nine years ago,” Robyn said, her voice
shaking.

“I know, and I know the DNA they say they found on
you was Jason’s, but if the tissue was tested, we would know, maybe
not who it was right away, but definitely who it wasn’t,” Cole
explained.

“Can they really do that these days?” Robyn
asked.

“They can, if they took samples and if they still
have the information,” Cole told her.

Robyn swallowed. Memories of the day she entered the
clinic swollen and left bereft filled her head. It hadn’t been the
baby’s fault, but it wasn’t her time to be a mother. She had
nothing and nobody, and he had been a product of an awful assault
she couldn’t forget.

“Do it. I’ll get you the address,” Robyn agreed
determinedly.

“Hey, Dad. Are you awake?”

Eddie had more color in his cheeks than Robyn had
seen since she’d arrived back in Michigan. He screwed up his eyes
and then opened them wide, looking straight at her, a familiar
scowl on his face.

“What are you doing here? You’ve got broken ribs,
haven’t you? You should be resting, not poking your nose into what
I’m doing. Let your dad have a bit of peace,” Eddie said.

“You sound so much better. Nancy says you even ate
some food today. Pot pie, no less,” Robyn said, smiling.

“God damn, it was awful! Whatever the meat was made
from, it wasn’t a creature on this Earth. What animal does tofu
come from? Now, listen, never mind about what I’m eating, what’s
going on with Brad? He was here earlier, drunk out of his mind,
crying and wailing like a baby; Nancy had to take him home,” Eddie
told her.

“Oh, Dad he’s sore because I’m dating Cole. I tried
to tell him that we were never going to be more than friends, but
he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had to make it clear and he
didn’t like it,” Robyn explained.

“He’s had a hard ride in life, Robyn. He’s not the
big man he makes himself out to be. His pop’s tough on him, his mom
died, that Michelle left him. I tried to pick him back up, making
him the captain of the Panthers, but I don’t think it’s enough,”
Eddie told her.

“Dad, I don’t care for him that way. We’re friends,
that’s it,” Robyn insisted.

“Your aunt’s worried about you living with someone
you barely know,” Eddie continued.

“I can’t believe she’s been in here telling you this.
You’re recovering from a very serious operation, you need to rest
and concentrate on getting better,” Robyn said crossly.

“Buttercup, I’m bored out of my mind laying here. I
feel better, I want to get up and get moving. I want out of here, I
want to wear this fancy new coach jacket the team bought me,” Eddie
told her.

“Getting up and at ‘em is weeks away. The best thing
is to let things heal and take your time. If you do things too
quickly, it could all go wrong,” Robyn said.

“I think that’s what Pam thinks about you,” Eddie
replied.

“Well, she’s wrong. Trudy came today, I told her
everything all over again and I’m really healing this time,” Robyn
said firmly.

“And you’re in love with Cole? You know that after a
week?” Eddie asked.

“You want to talk about feelings?”

“It seems I have to lately.”

“Yes, I’m sure about Cole. I’m so sure, I’m going to
marry him,” Robyn announced, and she held her hand out to her dad
so he could look at her ring.

“You’re what! Are you freaking insane? You can’t
marry someone you’ve known a week! What are you trying to do? Kill
me?” Eddie blasted, his face reddening as he clutched at his
chest.

“No, Dad, I’m trying to make you realize that I’m all
grown up now and I can make my own decisions—even if you and Aunty
Pam don’t think much of them.”

“This is the craziest thing you’ve ever done! This is
even crazier than calling yourself Art and playing against Grand
Rapids! This is off the scale!”

“Nancy told me you were high school sweethearts. She
said you were the best guy she ever knew and that she knew even
back then you were her Mr. Right,” Robyn told him.

“She reads too many romance novels,” Eddie replied
with a sniff.

“I believe her. I believe she loves you
unconditionally and she knew that all those years ago, just like
that,” Robyn carried on.

“Has she been lending you books? Because I don’t
remember you ever having a liking for books. You read car
manuals—never books,” Eddie commented.

“I feel the same way about Cole. I can’t explain it,
I certainly don’t want to try and explain it to you because that
would be really weird, but I’m certain of him. One hundred percent
certain of him,” Robyn said.

“Knock knock! Hey, old goat, you awake? Where’s the
chips?” Max questioned as Cole opened the door and pushed the old
man into Eddie’s room.

“Can’t a man get any privacy around here? First she
comes and wakes me up and now you? Don’t any of you have anything
better to do?” Eddie barked at his friend.

“What do you think in this place? It’s wall to wall
bedpans and that’s the highlight,” Max announced.

“I just told Dad we’re getting married,” Robyn told
Cole.

“What? Getting married! We’ve only just met the guy!”
Max exclaimed in shock.

“That’s exactly what I said,” Eddie grumbled.

“Sir, I wanted to ask you for permission, but Robyn
said it was too soon, with the operation and everything, and…” Cole
began nervously, appearing to be searching for the right words to
say.