Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (43 page)

Austin passed away on October fourteenth. I remember that day clearly; as I know I will until the day I too leave this earth. I woke up in his bed where I had been sleeping since he’d been hospitalized because it smelled like him, and I saw the sun. It was so bright, spilling into his bedroom and warming me from head to toe—inside and out.

And I knew.

I knew he was gone.

I lifted myself from the bed and moved to the window where I looked out at the sky. It was the bluest sky I had ever seen embellished with the brightest sun. I knew Heaven above rejoiced in welcoming a soul as beautiful, and kind, as Austin Weir’s.

No one had had to tell me he was gone. I felt that in my soul. I knew.

A world where Austin no longer existed was a world where so much life had been lost, but he’d passed on his ways to me before he had gone.

It’s been almost four months.

I still cry and I still hurt. But I always remember that warm day when he took his last breath. It was an oddly beautiful day for October. It had been a perfect day.

His picture had been placed in the paper and his funeral had been scheduled. A kind woman named Beatrice, she kindly demanded we call her Bea, had contacted Gracie. She said she’d met Austin once, and he’d made a huge impression on her. Such a large impression, that she wanted to supply the flowers for his funeral as a celebration of his life. She said he’d only spoken with her for a few minutes, but his view on life was one she would forever hold dear to her heart.

The funeral had been beautiful.

The bouquets of flowers had been an utter mess. They were identical to the flowers Austin had bought for me once upon a time. One of every flower
, because life was too short to appreciate only one brand of beauty.

People cried and celebrated the life Austin had lived. It had been short, but the lives he clearly touched had been greater than the life of one who has been given a hundred years. Austin was a shooting star. He didn’t just flicker in the sky. He was the kind of stars people make wishes on. He was my star. Burning bright and fast.

Austin wanted to be cremated and he was.

His ashes had been spread three ways as per his instructions. Kaiden had a small urn that had been made into a necklace just the way that Austin had instructed. I don’t know what Gracie and Keith are going to do with the pieces of him they have, but I trust that Austin told them once upon a time, and they know.

When Gracie had given me the small urn with a piece of him inside, my heart had clenched so tight as I was taken back in time.

“This is one of my favorite places, Madison,” he looked down into my eyes. “I think this is the place I’d like to be if I could choose where my forever lived.” His hand caught my chin between his fingers. “I’d be right here—part of these mountains. Strong and imposing and yet filled with peace.” He lowered his lips to mine. “I’d stay here.”

So, this is where I stood right now. February was cold and the snow was deep. I asked my parents to come with me and they were sitting on the seat of the picnic table, waiting for me as I looked out over the icy lake where Austin and I had spent hours locked in each other’s arms—naked.

The wind was chilling and it blew the ends of my hair forward where it wasn’t being held down by my gray knit toque. The mountains, with their snow-covered mass, were exactly what Austin had said they were—imposing. Beautiful. Strong.

Peaceful . . .

My eyes misted and the salt burned as the cold air met with the wet sheen. “I miss you,” I pulled in a sharp breath and felt my body shudder on a sob. “I miss you so much, Austin. I’ve held on for four months even though I know this is where you wanted to be. I just couldn’t yet. I know you’ll forgive me, so I don’t have to ask. But I want you to know I’m ready now. I’ll never forget you or stop loving you. You were right when you told me you can’t stop loving someone when you’ve given them a piece of your heart,” I looked up at the sky. It was blue and bright, but February was cold. “I’ve accepted that I’ll always love you. But you wanted me to live. I know you did.” I pulled the envelope with the letter that I haven’t opened from my pocket where it rested beside the small urn. “I’m ready now for this, because I’m finally ready to start over.”

I tore the lip of the envelope and pulled out the paper.

Madison Avery

I love your name. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that, but I love it. Madison Avery . . . it’s beautiful. Still, as beautiful as it is, Madison Weir, is how I say it in my mind. I just thought you should know this. If I had the time, I would have put a ring on your finger. I would have married you. I would have made you mine.

I love your name. I love you.

I know you’re going to grieve, sweetheart, but don’t take too long. You have years ahead of you, but I know how fast years go. I lived twenty-one years . . . and they were perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing, sweetheart, about the life I lived and the people I loved. I lived.

I LIVED.

Promise me you’ll never stop living. Do something wild for me at least once a week, even if that wild thing you do is only ordering a different coffee you’ve never tasted or a food you’ve never tried. Do something wild. Live.

And, if you feel so inclined, my beautiful girl, share our story with the world. I read your journal, every word, and it gave me the peace I needed to set my soul free. Thank you for this, Madison. I needed it.

But within the pages of this journal are so many thoughts and views that can help so many see the beauty of life. You love writing, so share. Share our story.

But don’t forget that as you share our story, that yours is a story that is to be continued. Yours is not over, Madison. You have days left to be lived, so say goodbye to me now, remember me, but don’t live in the past. Love again, Madison.

And always remember, I loved you.

You were the best days. You were all my days.

Austin Weir.

I was crying openly now. I folded the letter and placed it back into my pocket and then I pulled out the piece of Austin I’d been given, the piece he’d left for me.

“I’ll always love you, Austin Weir,” I whispered to the wind curling through the mountains. And then I opened the urn and I tipped it sideways. I watched as his ash swirled in the wind until I couldn’t see it anymore. And then I released the breath I’d been holding as I said with a smile. “Goodbye Austin. I’ll see you again at the end of my days.”

“Hi Kaiden,” I said as I answered the persistently ringing cell phone that had been demanding my attention from where it sat on my kitchen counter. I ignored the first three times it rang as I had delivery men bringing in the furniture Mom and Dad ordered for my new apartment—in Calgary.

“You didn’t answer,” he announced what I already knew. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is fine. I was just a little caught up with the delivery men who were setting up the furniture in my new place.”

“Finally moved in, eh?” I heard his smile and I smiled in return. Kaiden called me twice a week without fail. I think he promised Austin he’d check in on me, so I didn’t complain. It was nice, actually. At first, it had hurt to hear Kaiden’s voice. But now, it was just comforting.

“Yes, finally moved in,” I repeated. “How are you? Are you staying safe on your wild and crazy backpacking trip in Europe?”

“Talking to you, aren’t I?”

“I suppose . . .” I frowned.

“Well, then I’m safe,” I heard his grin and I shook my head.

“You’re an odd cookie, you know that, Kaiden?”

“Yeah, I know.” He was quiet for a moment. “How’s the manuscript going?”

My breath caught as I thought of the book I began writing two months ago. It was the beginning of May and I was pretty much finished. I told Kaiden about the book I intended to write, and to my surprise, he cried and said he supported it fully.

“Almost done,” I whispered.

His voice was hoarse. “I can’t wait to read it.”

“As soon as you’re home—you can.”

“Yeah,”

“When will you be home?” I asked, knowing better than to tell him Raina missed him. But Raina missed him. I think he just needed to be alone after losing his brother. Kaiden called me twice a week, but he hadn’t spoken to Raina since the funeral. It was breaking her heart and pissing her off. Still, I knew better than to bring her up in conversation. When I did, it was the end of the conversation. Still, though, he called twice a week. Always.

“Don’t know, babe,” he sighed. “Gotta go.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Kaiden, be safe.”

“Keep living.” He returned, as per our usual goodbye. And then the line was dead.

A few days later, after hanging up from calling Mom and Dad on speaker to tell them I’d finished my very first book, I poured myself a glass of cheap red wine, and sat back in my new chair to feel a moment of reflection on all the life that I had lived in the last year.

Since knowing Austin, so much had changed. I had changed. I knew what I wanted from life and where I ached to go. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have the parents I had, who supported me and made the making of my dreams possible.

I applied for University where I was eager to get my Bachelors in English, but for the time being, I’d enrolled myself in night classes for creative writing. I met some great people and even made friends. I was living in Calgary, and working part-time in a coffee shop where I had tried absolutely everything on the menu. I still favored my regular caramel macchiato, but I had found a few unexpected gems.

Being that I lived in Calgary, Raina had become a constant in my life. I would even go so far as saying she’d become my best friend. She was wild and she kept me living the way Austin had wanted for me. The way he’d taught me to live.

So, it was fitting as I sat back and looked down into the screen of my laptop where the final lines of my book read.

I loved and I lost. The last year was a beautiful year filled with so much life; more life than many know in fifty years, because I knew Austin. So this is the story, the beautiful story, of how one man who possessed a heart of pure life, taught me to
live
.

An Excerpt from

Teach Me To Love
(Book Two—Teach Me)

Kaiden and Raina’s story.

Kaiden

The white painted door was the most intimidating thing I’ve looked at in a long time. The organ in my chest danced to a tune I would do just about anything to banish. I’m scared shitless.

But I found myself lifting my hand and knocking anyway. The sound was like an explosion in my ears. My brain hurt, and time slowed, as footsteps sounded on the other side of the door.