Teenage Love Affair (25 page)

I
'd been restless all night. The nerves in my back and my belly flipped like crazy, and the thoughts running through my head about Malachi—and whether I was woman enough and strong enough to stand face-to-face with him and tell him that I loved him and wanted him back, drove me crazy.

I knew that my brother had said that sometimes boys needed time…but what the heck was “time”? Was it like that space nonsense that all the boys asked for?

True story and for real, for real, I was confused as hell about how I needed to get Malachi back. But one thing I knew for certain was that I had to have him and I had to have him now.

It was seven o'clock in the evening and I lay in the center of my bed, wondering if time was always this slow, and then I remembered, yeah, it was, especially when you wanted something or someone desperately but didn't know how to go and get it. I rolled over on my side and figured that if I lay there any longer I was going to cry, scream, or both, none of which I wanted to do. I had come a long way since Malachi and I had broken up—heck, I'd come a long way since my life began. I knew now what healthy was. I knew what love was and I knew love didn't hurt, it wasn't confusing, complicated, or any of those things. Love was easy, free, and it felt good, all the time. It's the things that people did in the name of love that caused the damage.

That's what I had done. I'd taken advantage of the love Malachi had for me and now I was paying for it. It killed me when Malachi wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't look at me, and when he said to me, “What is it going to take? For me to talk to you real crazy in order for you to leave me alone?” And that's when it clicked, when I'd gotten it. I needed to step to left and let life take its course. But now waiting and falling back, stepping to left and all of that had my heart weighing a ton and the butterflies in my stomach on fire. I needed to fight for him, and if he tossed me out—or told me to get out—then at least I would know that I tried one last time.

I rose from my bed and quickly freshened up. I showered, brushed my teeth, and pulled my hair back into a single ponytail. I threw on a pair of Juicy Couture skinny leg jeans, a hot-pink V-neck T-shirt with a rhinestone princess crown in the center, and hot-pink stilettos. I slid my wifey ring into my purse, grabbed the keys to my just-received car, and was out the door.

The usual ten-minute drive to Malachi's seemed to take forever. The cars were moving slow, and it seemed that I caught every red light there was. Maybe this was a sign that I needed to turn around and go home. But then, if I did that, my tomorrow would be filled with a bunch of what ifs and I was tired of “what if” holding up my life.

But then…suppose he had a girl at his crib? Then I would look real stalkerish. Okay, maybe I need to pull to the side of the street and call him. Not. If he sees my number he may not answer my call.

You know what, heck with it, seeing as I was already on his block and pulling up in front of his house. I had nothing to lose so I was going for broke. My feet felt like they weighed thousands of pounds as I nervously walked onto his porch and rang the bell. A few minutes later Matthew opened the door and a surprised look ran all over his face. He twisted his neck from side to side, as if he were on the lookout for someone. “What are you doing here? I know you ain't down with the get down.”

“Huh?” I said, taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you don't know?”

“Know what?”

“Never mind. I guess it's none of my business, anyway.”

“What's none of your business?” I swear this little boy was pissing me off. “What are you talking about?”

“My brother—”

My heart jumped. “What about him?”

“Man, he's downstairs gettin' it in with like three, four, maybe even five girls.”

I couldn't believe this. Now I was feeling stupid. “Are you serious?”

“Man, Zsa, they down there wildin' out. I think he broke up with you 'cause he was trying to get busy with the neighborhood. So I tell you what, don't even talk to that dude anymore. Come go in my room with me, my Spider-Man sheets got plenty of room, we can watch cartoons, some videos, eat some chips. What? What you need I got it all.”

“Matthew.” Ms. Karen called his name before I could decide if I wanted to clothesline this li'l boy or steal on him. “Who are you talking to?” She rushed to the door before he could answer her. “Zsa-Zsa”—she smiled with delight—“how are you?”

“I'm fine, Ms. Karen.” I gave her a hug and a kiss. “How are you?”

“I'm okay, sweetie.”

“I'm sorry I stopped by without calling, but I was hoping to talk to Malachi.”

“You want me to go and clear the girls out of his room, Ma?” Matthew snickered. “So it's no rumbling going on?”

Ms. Karen popped Matthew in the back of his head. “What I tell you about playing so much? Don't mind him, that's his daddy's side of the family coming out.”

“Watch it, Karen,” Mr. Askew said as he walked past her and out the front door to their car. “How are you, Zsa-Zsa?” he asked.

“I'm fine, thanks.”

“Take care.” He waved at me. “Come on, Matthew, in the car. And Karen, not too long, please.”

“Men,” Ms. Karen said. “I'll tell you.”

“You're telling me,” I said, more to myself than to her.

Ms. Karen smiled at me and said, “Zsa-Zsa, I'm going to share something with you. I hope you don't mind.”

“No, ma'am, not at all.”

“When I was your age, I had a thousand things going on in my life. My parents had a terrible marriage. They argued, fussed, and fought all the time, so it made it difficult for me to recognize love, real love anyway. So when real love came I abused it, ran over it, and I took the man who was my one true love for granted.”

Why are tears filling my eyes?

“I felt like,” Ms. Karen continued, “he loved me, where was he going? But there came a time when he got tired of me messing up and he left me alone.”

Tears were running down my cheeks.

“I was devastated,” she continued, “and I didn't know what to do, where to turn, or how to get him back, but I knew I had to have him. So I took a chance, showed up at his doorstep.” She paused and wiped the tears from my face.

“What happened?” I hunched my shoulders in defeat. “Did he turn you away and tell you to go home?”

“No.” She pointed to her husband and son blowing the horn for her in the car. “I married him.” She kissed me on the forehead. “Now I have to run.”

I hugged her and said, “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, honey,” she said. “You're welcome.”

I walked into the living room and locked the door behind me. For a moment I felt stuck in my spot. Wondering what Malachi was going to say to me, when he saw me stepping into his room. “Okay,” I said to myself, “just be calm, Zsa. Talk real slow and easy. No, just get to the point. You know what”—I sucked in a deep breath and then let it go—“I'ma just see what happens.”

The stairs leading to the basement creaked when I started walking down them.

“Who is that?” Malachi yelled from behind his closed door. I could hear his TV playing and the radio going as I stood there wondering if I should answer him or not. “Matt, if you come bustin' up in here again,” he said, “I'm body-slamming you.”

“It's not Matt,” I said, opening the door and standing in the doorway, “and I really don't want to be body-slammed.”

Malachi smiled, and then as if he'd just realized what he was doing, his look quickly faded into one that said he had better things to do. He picked up the remote and started channel surfing.

“You think I could like…” I nervously leaned from one foot to the next “…talk to you for a minute?”

Malachi didn't answer. He didn't even look at me. He continued to flip through the channels…but at least he didn't tell me to leave. “I'm sorry,” was the only thing I could think to say that would keep the tears trembling my voice at bay. “I'm sorry I didn't show you that I loved you the way that I should've. But I didn't know how to. I never meant to hurt you, and I never cheated on you with Ameen. Ever. I loved you…and I still do. I just had so much going on with my mother and my life that I was all over the place. But now I'm focused. I went to counseling with my mom, and we talked about everything in our life. What we liked, what we didn't like, what hurt, and what we needed to change.

“I got it now. Love doesn't hurt. It's peaceful and it's fun, and it's you.” I paused. My heart was on the verge of exploding. Honestly, I didn't know what hurt me more—that Malachi was continuously watching TV or that I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was done with me. I was certain that my story would definitely have a different ending from Ms. Karen's.

“I love you, Malachi,” I said, “and I'm here because there's no place I'd rather be than with you.”

Silence. Other than the TV and the radio there was dead silence, and the silence actually had more volume to it than the program and the song playing. I felt so stupid—there I was showing up at his door unannounced and he was treating me like garbage. “So…like”—I chewed the corner of my lip—“you don't have anything to say?”

“Yeah,” he said while waving his hand to the left, “you kinda blocking the TV, so you need to move over a little bit.”

I was stunned. I swear I was frozen in time. Was this really it? The end? Him playing me like crazy and me leaving with my heart split open on his floor? I wanted so badly to scream, “I got it now, okay?! You don't have to push me away! I promise I won't hurt you anymore. I promise…” But judging by the disinterested look on Malachi's face, the chance I had was long gone, and now all that was between us was stale air. I couldn't look at him anymore and there was no way I was going to burst out into tears standing there. I was on it, but not like that. I did have some pride. I turned around quickly and practically ran up the stairs. I could feel the tears sitting in my throat like a ticking time bomb ready to explode, so I needed to hurry home or at least make it to my car so that I could scream and cry in peace.

Once I reached the front door I thought for a moment I heard Malachi walking behind me, but when I looked and saw that it was his puppy, I hurried to my car and leaned against the door. Tears were everywhere, and the only thing I could think of was at least I didn't cry in front of him.

I held my head in my hands and cried myself into oblivion.

“You give up that easy?” poured over my shoulder.

My heart thundered in my chest. I wiped my face and looked up. It was Malachi leaning against the hood of my car.

“You wouldn't talk to me.” I wiped my eyes. “I couldn't keep standing there.”

“Come 'mere,” he said.

Reluctantly I walked over and stood before him. “What I'ma do with you?” he asked.

“Let me love you,” I said, and I knew it was bold and he could easily push me away, but I placed my hands around his neck. “And then you love me back.”

“And why should I do that?”

“Because I wrote you this note.”

“You wrote me a note?” he said, surprised. “And what did it say?”

“It said, ‘You wanna be my boyfriend, circle yes or no.'”

Malachi stared at me, and I could tell that a thousand things were running through his mind. “It really hurt to be without you, but I couldn't tolerate you taking me through changes behind some other dude,” he said.

“I never cheated on you with him.”

“I know, but I couldn't swing with the way you were handling things.”

“It won't happen again. I swear. I love you, Malachi.”

Malachi paused and studied my face again. “And I love you, Zsa.”

“So does this mean”—I pressed my lips against his—“that you gon' circle yes?”

“What difference does it make what I circle? Why is it so important to you?”

I sang against his lips. “It's a matter of extreme importance, my first teenage love affair.” I stopped singing. “And other than that, at least at this moment, nothing else matters.”

“I guess I don't have a choice then,” he said, “but to circle yes.”

My heart suddenly felt light, like all of what I'd gone through was worth arriving at this moment.

“Let's go inside,” Malachi said, giving me a peck on the lips.

“Wait,” I said, taking my cell phone out of my purse and flipping it open. “I just need to do one thing.” I quickly dialed Courtney's number.

“I can't do it, Zsa,” Courtney answered the phone somberly. “I have cried over losing Malachi enough. I think I'ma just go to church.”

“Courtney, we're together again.”

“Zsa, I know we had a secret fling in third grade, but when you're seventeen kissing under the kidney table no longer counts.”

I sighed. “Courtney, I'm talking about me and Malachi. We're back together.”

“JESUS!” Courtney shouted so loud that I had to take the phone from my ear. “There is a God. So we're back on again? You mean to tell me that little Shaquita will be born one day?”

“Yes, Courtney.” I laughed.

“Okay, okay,” he said, “so here's the new plan: Whatever you do don't mess this up!”

“Bye, Courtney,” I said, and I could hear him singing as I clicked off the line and me and Malachi walked inside.