Teenage Wasteland (I Zombie) (13 page)

Everyone in attendance nodded.

“What’s the plan then, Jingo?” Nicco asked.

“Meet here at midnight. Bring anything and everything that even remotely resembles a weapon. We’re going to need some extra might if we plan on taking him down ourselves.”

Nicco nodded and vanished as quickly as he came. Frenzy took a quick bow and made his own exit.

Which left myself and…

“My Queen.”

Mikko offered a coy smile and blushed. “My King,” she replied. “Do tell, what is your plan now?”

I plopped down next to Mikko. “To be honest, I don’t have one…outside of knocking down his door and tossing him to the curb.”

“You know he won’t go that easily, right?”

I nodded.

“We’ll need more strategy than that.”

“I’m all ears, doll face,” I said, using my best James Cagney impersonation.

Mikko laughed. “What was that?”

I could feel the warmth of a blush rise to my cheeks. “It was an old black and white film actor. My dad always imitated him to my mom. It was the only thing that could make my mom smile and laugh.”

Mikko placed a hand to my cheek. “You keep your past so close to the vest, Jingo. Why?”

“Some stones are better left unturned…or something like that. My family and my past are irrelevant. The only thing that matters now is you and my Asylum brothers and sisters.”

Mikko shook her head. “Is this where you stand up and rattle off some heart-warming, ‘hoorah’-inducing monologue to whip the troops into rallying behind you?”

I pulled Mikko’s head to my lips and kissed her on the cheek. I sent my gaze spiraling into the warm pools of her eyes and wished like hell that I could vanish into the glory of her pupils, swim in the gentle waters of her irises.

“Earth to Jingo. Where are you now?”

I kissed her warm lips. “In a very safe place.”

“You look trapped behind a fog.”

In a single word, I had it. A plan. Again, I pulled Mikko to me and planted a kiss on her lips. When I pulled away, the look on her face was confused pleasure. I took it as a compliment.

“What is it, Jingo?”

“You’re brilliant, Mikko.”

“Yeah, I know. But what did I do?”

“Fog!” I shouted, and kissed her again. “That’s the plan.” I stood and nearly jumped out the door. Before I took off, Mikko had me by the arm.

“What are you doing, Jingo?”

“We need to create a fog to serve as a distraction. Don’t worry, Mikko, I got this.”

Mikko stood and grabbed my arms. She twisted my body so I faced her. “You don’t have this all by yourself, Jingo. You need help…
my
help.”

She was right, and I knew it. I relied on the girl far more than I was ever willing to admit. With that in mind, I took in a deep breath and filled her in on my little escapade.

>^<

“Are you sure this’ll work, Frenzy?” I asked innocently.

Frenzy stood tall and faced me. “You’re kidding, right?”

I shook my head slowly. “Why would I kid about something this important?”

“Look, ‘Merican, I’ve been building these sorts of things since childhood. Me and my mates…”

I waved my hand in front of Frenzy’s face. “Not this again. Look, I understand…”

Frenzy slapped my hands away. “Sod off. I can make these sorts of traps in my sleep. Give me a half an hour and you’ll have everything you need for the distraction.”

I snatched a glimpse of my timepiece and said, “Can you make it twenty minutes?”

Frenzy reluctantly nodded. “You’re a bloody slave driver, you are.”

“Just get it done and bring it here the second it’s finished. Don’t show it off or even hint about its existence to anyone. If you can’t pull off that simple exercise, you’ll doom us to a lifetime of servitude to that bastard.”

Frenzy’s gaze bored holes into my eyes. When he spoke, his voice was void of its accent—all I needed to know he was speaking truth. “Jingo…we’re in my wheelhouse. Trust me. Okay?”

I nodded. There was no other option
but
to trust him. He’d earned that privilege, after all. “You’ve stood by my side more often than not through the Wasteland, Frenzy.”

“Oi, no time for sentiment, mate. The Toymaker’s got work to do.” While he still wore a twisted grin on his face, I slipped from his room and pulled the door shut behind me.

“Hello, Jingo.” The familiar voice of Kimico caught me off-guard.

I turned and offered her as pleasant a smile as I could muster. “Hi, Kim.”

“…ico,” she added, to correct my choice of short-forming her name.

“I stand corrected, Kimico.”

“Are you still planning on taking action tonight?”

A bolt of nerves jumped from synapse to synapse. Out of nowhere, paranoia threatened to destroy me. I couldn’t be sure if little nerdy Kimico was working as a double agent for Crowbar. I opted for a bit of crypticism.

“The whisper failed, Kimico. You know that.”

“Do I?”

“You do.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you do.”

We were caught in some odd acting exercise. I had to eject before her dark-as-night eyes managed to wrangle the truth from my lips. “I have to go. It was nice chatting with you.”

As I passed her, she turned her head and followed me. Either something was amiss, or Kimico’s freak flag waved a bit higher than I originally had assumed.

The second I turned the corner, I relaxed. Kimico did not follow. “What the hell was that about?” I whispered. The answer escaped me. That was pretty much my lot in life with girls. Confounded disillusionment.
Profoundly
confounded disillusionment. I’d hoped that, within the confines of the new world order, some sort of enlightenment would have fallen into my lap.

How wrong I was.

I double-tapped the door to my room, turned the handle, and swung it open. Mikko was curled up in bed, sleeping gently. The sight of her, in perfect peace, eased every concern from my heart and mind.

“We ready?” Nicco’s voice yanked me from my love-induced reverie. He was leaning against the far wall of the room, cleaning a camera lens.

“What are you doing in here?” I asked.

“Waiting for you. What do you think I’d be doing in here?”

I glanced to Mikko and back. Nicco shook his head and held up his arms.

“Not my style, man. On that front, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Since the Mengele Virus hit, I’ve been married to my camera.”

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“It’s all good, my friend. The apocalypse has wreaked some serious havoc on everyone. Trust is a precious commodity these days. I get it.”

I flopped onto the floor and leaned my head against the mattress. My body immediately begged to drift off into slumberland. Every muscle threatened to melt into the warp and weft of the hardwood floor.

“You know, Jingo, you haven’t bothered to fill anyone in on this magnificent plan of yours. If we don’t know, how can we help?”

“We’re going to smoke the son of a bitch out of his room. When he makes his escape, we bag and tag him.”

Nicco’s eyes went wide. “You’re gonna kill him?”

I jerked back to sitting. “Hell, no. I’m fine with killing the dead, but I draw the line at snuffing out the lives of the living.”

“Then what do you plan on doing with him?”

“He’s going the way of the heads.”

All concern melted from Nicco’s face. “Dude, that is almost poetic.” He offered up his palm, which I immediately smacked. “I am going to film the crap out of this.”

“I was hoping you would.”

“But what about Crowbar’s cronies? Aren’t you worried what they’ll do once he’s gone?”

“I’m fairly certain, once Crowbar has left the building, every kid in Asylum will finally wake up and stand with us. His mob will be nothing to jettison when Crowbar’s no longer whispering in their ears.”

“I like the way you work, Jingo.”

Another high five.

“Do you think we can count on Kubrick and Fay to help?” I asked.

“Are you kidding? From what I’ve heard, those two are already worshiping at the altar of Jingo.”

I shook my head. “I don’t need that level of adoration…or pressure. I just need them to help me bag the man.”

Nicco stood. “I’ll let ‘em know you need to have a chat.”

“Thanks, Nicco.”

Without a word, Nicco left the room. Mikko made a soft moan and turned over. Her eyes batted open. The second she saw me, a smile painted her lips. “Just what I want to see when I wake up. Why don’t you climb in bed with me for a bit?”

A flood of hormones washed through my system. This very moment might well have been the single biggest challenge I’ve faced in the apocalypse. My lesser brain begged me to slip under the covers and play a rousing game of Seven Minutes in Heaven with my girlfriend. I glanced at my watch. “Crap,” I whispered. “It’s too close to midnight for smooching.”

For the first time in my short life, I felt utterly cheated. But then, I had a rather important meeting with fate that couldn’t be avoided.

Mikko nodded. “Go figure. I just had to fall in love with the hero. It’s a lonely life, but someone has to do it.” She reached and arm toward me and wiggled her fingers.

I caught the hint and took hold. She pulled me down to the bed and giggled. Before we could lock lips, the door swung open and the film crew stepped inside.

“At your service, big guy.” Kubrick stuck out a hand for me to shake. The gesture was out of place, but I played along. “Nicco told us you needed our assistance.”

I nodded.

“We’re all yours,” Fay said with a nervous smile.

I filled them in on the plan, shocked when neither of them cringed at the idea of getting that close to madness.

“So who’s gonna have the barrel ready?” Kubrick asked.

Mikko stood; the covers slipped from her body to reveal a pair of Sailor Moon jammies. Had I not already been crazy in love with her, I would have fallen hard at that very moment. She stepped off the mattress and over to a corner of the room. She gave a sheet a yank to reveal a barrel strapped to a dolly. “
Voila
!”

Kubrick clapped. “Nice reveal.”

Mikko curtsied. “I’ve been practicing.”

The sound of the double-tap rap sounded from the other side of the door. I grabbed the handle and turned to see Frenzy grinning wide. He held out his hand to reveal an odd, steampunk-looking device.

“What the hell? You getting your Jules Verne on?” I asked, stifling a laugh.

“What do you think? It’s a clockwork heart to be plugged into my time-traveling car. Ready to head on over to Steamtown and fight crime with a corseted sex bomb?”

“Sounds good to me,” I answered…only to get slugged by Mikko.

I swallowed the pain and checked my watch. “We’ve got fifteen minutes before this goes down. Anyone have questions?”

Frenzy raised a lanky arm. “Aye. Who’s driving the rat bastard to the Wasteland?”

Everyone’s gaze instantly fell upon me. I nodded and sucked in a dry bit of air. “I’ll do it,” I replied. “It’s my plan, I may as well be the one to finish it off.”

Mikko grabbed my arm and turned me to face her. She shook her head fiercely. “No. No, no, no, no, no. I won’t let you drive him out there.”

“It’s okay, Meeks. It’ll only take me an hour or so. Besides, he’ll be trapped in the barrel, so there’s no way he’ll get to me.”

“It’s not him that I’d be worried about. You’ve been at the edge of the Wasteland. It’s a freakin’ cannibal holocaust out there.”

“We don’t know that for sure, Mikko,” I insisted.

Mikko huffed. “And we don’t
not
know it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll take Frenzy with me. He’s our best fighter.”

Frenzy’s eyes rounded and his jaw dropped open. “Oi, I’m not some lame-ass pawn in your game…oh, who am I kidding, sounds fekking awesome. I’m in.” He held out an uncharacteristic fist for me to bump. Under normal circumstances, I’d make a sarcastic joke about the act. Given what was going on, however, I figured it best to simply give in to the moment and bump away.

“We’re so gonna rock this Casbah,” Frenzy nearly squealed with delight.

ten | and action

Everything was set. The barrel, the smoke bomb, the cameras…the kids. We were ready to finally escape the tyranny known as Crowbar.

My watch read 11:58. My nerves said, “Oh crap!” I took in a few deep breaths to center myself. It didn’t work. I never understood why all the Namastites swore by breath. It only ever managed to make my heart pound harder.

11:59.

I nodded to Frenzy. He leaned down and ran a bit of flexible tubing under the door and stood upright. He turned a dial on the device and then pressed a button. Instantly, a puff of acrid smoke wafted from the tiny machine. It quickly dissipated, leaving me to wonder if the device had failed. Frenzy gave me a knowing glance and mouthed, “Hold onto your butts.”

The foul stench grew worse and an off-white smoke started to roll under the door. Frenzy ripped off his shirt, rolled it up, and stuffed it between the door and the carpet. The smoke ceased making its exit.

From the other side of the door, the sound of uncontrollable coughing spilled. After a moment, a desperate rattling shook the walls. The sound of Crowbar’s voice shortly followed.

“What the hell!” he shouted from the other side, and then pounded on the door.

Everyone steeled themselves for the grand exit. I caught a glimpse of Frenzy nodding his head. Mikko was ready to rock.

Without warning, the door to Crowbar’s room was flung open and the stumbling, bumbling man fell into the hallway. Beyond him, Butterfly lay, spread eagle, on his bed. There was no way to know if she was alive, dead, drugged, or in some post-coital coma. I didn’t care. Before Crowbar had a chance to react to what he saw, Kubrick and Fay jumped him. He pressed against the weight of the two kids, but the time spent inhaling Frenzy’s secret weapon was a bit too much for the barrel-chested man. In the tussle, Crowbar managed to toss Fay from him. Kubrick, on the other hand, was going nowhere.

Crowbar attempted to stand, but Kubrick’s weight prevented the action. I grabbed one of Crowbar’s arms and bent it behind him in a painful configuration. The man screamed in agony as I lifted the arm upward.