Temptation (6 page)

By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I’ve opened so many gifts and said thank you more times than I can count. The best thing about all the gifts, is that my baby girl will have lots of new cute outfits. And shoes. And socks. This little girl has so many things already that I have no clue where I’m going to put all of this. Not to mention the tons of diapers and wipes. I feel so blessed having my family give me so much stuff and I’m so grateful for it all. I worried before that I wouldn’t have enough money to buy the things I knew I’d need, but now, I pretty much have it all. Malcolm had bought a crib a few weeks ago. I think it was his way of apologizing for not being there. I wonder if he’ll come home with something new since this week’s disappearance. I always feel bad asking him to buy things that I know we need. I think that’s another thing we need to work on. I know we’re both in this together, but at times I think he regrets asking me to marry him. Overall the baby shower went great. Well, if I ignore Tina’s snotty comments and acting like a snob. No one said anything to her, and I hope people didn’t take the things she said to heart.

I help mom clean up and I tune in to the sports on the TV that dad’s listening to. It makes me miss home more and more. I’ve enjoyed staying with them and I wish I knew what was going happen if or when Malcolm decides to come back. It’s also has made it harder on me knowing I’ll have to go back to the guest house. Sooner or later, Malcolm and I have to sit down and talk about things. Whether or not Malcolm is ready, this baby is coming. That’s something I cannot control. To be honest, I’m ready for her to be here. Wobbling around like a drunk duck is not fun. I swear I’m never doing this again. Ever.

I’m putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when we all hear the doorbell chime. I look at the clock wondering who in the world is ringing the doorbell at eight at night. I think maybe someone left something behind as I go to answer the door. I open it and the last person I expect to see is Malcolm.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea why he would come here. Malcolm looks just as exhausted as I do. His hair is all over the place, he has bags under his eyes, and he seriously needs to shave.

“We need to talk, Ava. I want you to come home.”

I look back at mom and she nods her head as if she’s encouraging me to talk to him. I walk outside and I shut the door. I don’t want my parents hearing anything he has to say. “What do you want to talk about?”

“It’s time to come home. I’m sorry for not being there for you. But I promise I’ll do better. Please, Ava. I miss you.”

“I don’t understand, Malcolm. You’re always gone. You’ve yet to go to a doctor’s appointment with me. You don’t even know what we’re having. How do you expect me to come back if you’re not in this with me?”

“I am. I really am. I … I’ve just had some things to take care of. I’ll do better. Please, Ava. Go get your things and I’ll drive you back.”

I shake my head, giving up. I know he won’t give me the answers I need or want to know. I don’t want to fight with him anymore. I nod at him and I walk inside. I pull mom aside and I tell her what’s going on. She seems happy that I’m going back with him. I know mom thinks that Malcolm wants to do the right thing by me and the baby. She’s told me before, but I haven’t really told her how he acts or stays gone all the time. When she would ask I would say he had something else to do. I always would tell her he had school to focus on or doing something for his mother. I would always come up with an excuse for him when he wasn’t there at an appointment. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her the truth. I knew mom would understand and give me advice. For whatever reason, I didn’t want Malcolm to seem like the bad guy. I still want to believe he wants to be in this with me. Maybe I’m naïve. But is it so wrong to want him in my life, or to want him to be in this with me?

I walk upstairs and I quickly pack my things. I look around my room one last time and I feel sad leaving again. I feel like my life has changed so much so quickly. Some days I don’t know how to handle all this change. All I can do is take one day at a time and hope that things will work out. I shut the door to my room and I tell mom and dad goodbye. I tell them I’ll be back in a few days to get the gifts from the shower and Malcolm and I get into this car and he drives us back to the guest house.

The ride home isn’t pleasant. I can tell Malcolm isn’t in the best of moods and I don’t have the energy to deal with him tonight. I don’t bother asking what’s wrong with him. The frown on his face says everything, and the way he’s leaning against the door tells me he’s just as exhausted as I am. When I watch his hands grip the steering wheel I can only hope he isn’t looking for an argument because I’d love to just go to bed. I turn away from him and stare out the window as we pass by the houses in the neighborhood. I can tell we are getting closer to Malcolm’s parents. The homes in this area are a lot nicer than where my parents live. Soon we’re pulling up at the house and we both get out and walk to the front door. We both don’t say anything and I rub my eyes as I wait for him to open the door. I drop my hand from my face when I feel him gently touching my shoulder.

“Ava, I’m sorry I haven’t been around. Say you forgive me?”

I can see that Malcolm is being sincere. I take his hand as I say, “I forgive you.”

He smiles at me and he leans down to kiss me. This is the first time in months that he has even touched me. We’ve barely had sex since we moved in, and to be honest, it wasn’t the best experience. But his kiss is nice and I realize I have missed him being affectionate. I let him kiss me and even though I don’t feel my body come alive for him or feel anything more than comfort, I kiss him back.

When he pulls away, he’s smiling again. He places some of the lose hair from my bun out of my face and he to turns open the door. He leads me inside and takes me to the bedroom. I don’t know what he thinks is going to happen. I really don’t want to have sex with him. I haven’t had the urge to do more than hold hands and kiss him since our first night together when he took my virginity and knocked me up. I don’t know if he realizes that I’m not into this or not, but he sighs loudly and goes into the bathroom. I feel bad, but then again, my body isn’t into Malcolm sexually. Even the times we did have sex after I moved in, I made myself do it. I think he knew, and that’s why he never pushed it. I want to say I’m just not ready for something like that with him, but I think it might be more than that.

I don’t dwell on the nagging thought in the back of my mind about it. I quickly change into my pajamas and I get into bed. I don’t even hear Malcolm come out of the bathroom or get into bed with me. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m out like a light.

A few days later, I take Malcolm’s car back to my parents to get all the baby shower gifts. I haven’t gotten enough money saved up to buy myself a car, but I’m determined to get one eventually. I hate having to rely on someone else for things like this. I hated to even ask Malcolm, but I knew I had to go get them. I didn’t want mom packing all of those things up and driving out to the guest house. I have yet to let either one of my parents come to the guest house. I don’t want them to see Malcolm’s parent’s house. It’s intimidating and overwhelming. And maybe a part of me feels bad that I’m living in a better looking house than my parents.

I pull up at the house and I get the usual greeting from both of them. No matter how long it’s been since I’ve last seen them, they always act like I’ve been gone a year. Dad being the amazing man that he is, helps me pack down the back seat with a lot of the gifts. I pop the trunk and go to put a bag of things in there when I see a huge duffle bag. I’ve never seen it before, and I’m curious if it’s Malcolm’s. Maybe it’s full of his clothes and other things since he was gone for the past week.

I open the bag, and I gasp at what I see inside. It’s a bag full of money. So much money, that I don’t even know if I can count it all. I have no idea what a bag of money is doing in the back of Malcolm’s car. Is this money his? And if so, where did he get all of this money from? Surely Tina wouldn’t let him ride around with this much money in the trunk. I quickly zip the bag closed when I see dad approach with his arms loaded with gifts. I toss the bag of things I had on top of it to try and hide it. I don’t know why I’m trying so hard to cover this up. But I have a really bad feeling about it.

After mom fixes us all a huge lunch, I say my goodbyes and head back to the guest house. I’m anxious to ask Malcolm about the money. I wonder if he’ll even tell me the truth about it or not. Most likely he will either lie, or will pick a fight with me about it and evade the question. That’s his normal thing to do. But I’m hoping since he came for me the other night and promised he would do better and be here for me, that he’ll confide in me.

When I get to the guest house, Malcolm is outside waiting for me. I get out of the car and I walk over to him.

“How are your parents?” he asks me.

“Fine. My dad helped me load the car with everything from the baby shower.”

He nods, and I can tell he’s not interested in hearing about my parents or what I got at the shower. He takes a drink of his beer and looks at me like he’s waiting for something. Okay, it’s now or never.

“Malcolm, I found a bag full of money in the trunk of the car. Where did you get all that money from?”

His eyes go wide and I can tell he is in shock. He watches me while taking another gulp of his beer and he slowly sets it down by his feet. He’s starting to worry me when he doesn’t respond for a few more minutes.

He takes a long breath, slowly letting it out as he says, “Who saw it?”

“No ... No one. Just me. Malcolm, what’s going on?” I’ve never seen him act this way before. I know he has secrets, but this feels wrong.

“Fuck, Ava. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand. My mother gave it to me. I didn’t want you to know she has been helping me out. How do you think I got that nice crib?”

This revelation confuses me. I had no idea he was asking his mother for anything. And why would he feel the need to hide that from me and keep the money in the trunk of his car? I don’t believe what he’s telling me, but I don’t say anything else about it. I just nod and walk to the car to help him unload everything.

A month later

I call Malcolm’s cell again hoping he picks up this time. I’ve been calling him for over an hour. He was supposed to be picking me up from the studio, but he has yet to show. I’m starting to get worried. What if something happened to him? When he doesn’t answer again, I give up and start to walk home. It’s not very far from the studio, but Malcolm knew how much pain I’ve been in for the past few days. My stomach feels tight, and if I didn’t know any better, I feel like I’m having menstrual cramps times a thousand. When they hit, like now, I have to lean over and put my hands on my knees to keep from falling over. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

Finally it passes and I start walking again. The whole time walking to the house, I wonder and worry why Malcolm left me stranded. Something major had to happen for him to do this. Surely he didn’t just forget about me? I don’t want to believe that he would do something like that.