Ten Tiny Breaths (26 page)

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to cause you more
pain that you’ve had to endure.”

“Really? Leaving me a vague note the morning
after Storm’s attack—after we have sex for the first time—and then
disappearing for almost three weeks is your way of
not
causing me more pain?” My voice cracks and I grit my teeth. I hate
my voice.

His head bows forward against my belly as his
hands slide up to my hips before moving back down to my thighs
again. They feel so good. I don’t want them to feel good. Damn,
traitorous thighs.
Fight it, Kacey. Fight it
.

“Kacey, I was wrong.”

I swallow. “About?”

“About pushing you like I did. I thought if
you opened up about your past, I could somehow fix it for you. I
shouldn’t have kept pushing you like that.” I suck in a gasp as I
feel a set of warm lips trail my belly. He knows that’ll melt my
defenses. He’s not playing fair. Worse, in this moment I don’t want
him to play any other way. “I should have just focused on making
you happy. And I will. From now on, Kacey. I will. I will devote
every day for the rest of our lives to making you happy. I
promise.”

Will not buy it. Will not buy it
.
“You’ve said that before. And then you vanished.” I don’t like the
way my tone falters, like I’m about to cry.
One … two … three…
four…

Fuck. Useless.

He leans back on his heels and his hands
slide down my thighs again. He doesn’t meet my eyes though,
choosing instead to stare at the floor between us. When he speaks,
his jaw is set with a hint of anger. “Kacey, you’re not the only
one with issues. I’m fucked up, okay? There are things about my
past that I don’t know how to tell you. That I
can’t
tell
you.”

His admission catches me off guard.
Trent
with a dark past?
I’ve never once even contemplated that. Why
have I not contemplated that? I’ve been so wrapped up in my own
issues that I haven’t even thought of his, that’s why. But how dark
could anything from his past really be? With a shaky finger, I
reach out and gently push his chin up so his head tilts back, so
those beautiful blue irises can pull me in. He seems so
level-headed, so well-adjusted, so perfect.

“I’ve never once pushed you to divulge your
skeletons,” I say, my tone softer, without bitterness.

“I know. I know, Kace.” Trent’s grip on my
thighs tightens as he draws me closer to him. His fingertips slide
up to grasp my hips in their entirety, his thumbs sliding along my
pelvic bone, lighting a tiny spark of need mixed among these
emotional flames already burning bright. My hands instinctively
slide down to cover his.

He continues. “After that night, I … I
thought I pushed you too hard. I thought I caused what happened the
night Storm was attacked.”

I shudder with the reminder. My dark side. My
murderous side. “You didn’t cause that, Trent. That was me, finally
coming unhinged.”

“I know, babe. I know that now. But I had to
get away and think. I had to walk away for a while and—”

“You could have sent me a message.”

“I know. I fucked up. I’m sorry. I just
didn’t know how to explain why I ran off. I was scared.” One look
up shows me the tears welling in his eyes. All my rage
extinguishes, all my defenses shatter.

I can’t handle seeing Trent like this.

“No, it’s okay.” My hand strokes the back of
his head with nothing but compassion while my other one wipes the
tear away.
Who is this person talking
? She’s not the one who
ran around the apartment on a tirade, stalking the news, and ready
to mutilate Ken dolls.

“I’m so sorry, Kacey. I’ll stop pushing you.
No more talk of past. None. Just the future. Please? I need
you.”

Again, that
need
word. I can’t even
speak. I only nod.

But that’s enough for Trent. Strong fingers
flexed at my hips tug me down. I willingly drop to my knees. Trent
pulls me to him so our bodies hold tight against each other. Warm
hands find their way across my bare back to unclasp my bra. He
casts it aside and reaches forward to cup my breasts at the same
time that his mouth finally finds mine.

The feel of his lips sends a wave of
irrepressible hunger through my body in a shudder. Three weeks
without this. I don’t know how I survived. I reach down and fumble
with his shirt. I want it off. Now. I want my bare skin against
his. Now.

As if sensing the urgency, he breaks from my
mouth long enough to yank his shirt off over his head and then
dives back in, his chest pressing against mine as I slide close to
him. “Kace,” he whispers, his lips shifting greedily to my neck as
one hand moves up my inner thigh to slip under my panties. I gasp
as his deft fingers touch me. “I’m never letting you go again.
Never.”

My heart races as I rock back and forth
against his hand, as I whisper his name, as I fumble with his
zipper, letting the last three weeks disappear into the well of the
past.

“Did I do that?” I frown as my finger touches the
side of Trent’s face where a red welt has formed.

He winces. “Livie’s got a mean left
hook.”

“Seriously?” I prop myself up to get a better
look at it. And at Trent, in general. At his entire naked body,
lying on the carpeted floor of the dimly lit V.I.P. room. I don’t
hear the steady pulse of music in the club anymore. That must mean
the place is closing up. I don’t know how long we’ve been in here.
Ben hasn’t bothered us though. Not that I noticed anyway.

Trent starts to speak and stalls several
times. “When you left your place with that goon, Livie stormed out
and chased me around the commons, screaming at me that I broke your
heart. Then she hauled back and punched me, and told me I better go
and make you happy again. Forever.”

My head flops down on Trent’s bare chest as I
laugh. “I think my temper may finally be rubbing off on her.” I
replay her words in my head as I nuzzle against Trent, inhaling his
scent. “Forever’s a long time.”

Trent’s arms squeeze around me. “Forever’s
not long enough when it’s with you.”

***

“Do you think if I go out there right now,
Livie will hit me again?”

“Anything’s possible. But I do feel pretty
happy right about now,” I murmur, stretched out in bed.

Trent’s arms extend back to cradle his head,
a cocky grin curving his lips. “I sure hope so. I tried my best.
Five times last night, I think? If that didn’t fix you …”

I lift myself up and throw one leg over his
body to straddle him, arching my brow. “Oh, you fixed me last
night. Today’s a different story.”

Hungry eyes graze the length of my body and
then settle on my face with one raised brow. “Seriously?”

I shrug and then wink secretively.

He chuckles as his hands push through his
hair, sending it into wilder disarray. “I’ve heard redheads were
crazy, but man, no one warned me that you were sex fiends.”

I playfully flick his nose. With a roar, he
rolls and pins me down on my back, holding himself up to linger
over me, high enough to give me ample view of his entirety. With a
wry smile, I throw my legs around his waist and pull him down to
meet me.

***

The weeks fly by, and Trent stays. He stays
in our apartment most nights now. He’s usually at the club late in
the evening, sitting and watching me quietly with that intense,
teasing stare that makes my knees buckle because I know what’s
waiting for me when I get home. He stays, and he makes me happy.
Happier than I’ve been in a long time. In many ways, happier than
I’ve ever been. He makes me laugh. He makes me giggle. He makes me
feel
again. And each night, he takes my nightmares away. Not
all of them. But they’re not on daily repeat anymore. And when I do
wake up, drenched in sweat and gasping for air, Trent’s there to
hold me, and stroke my hair, to promise me that it’s over, and what
he and I have is real.

Each day, tiny pieces of Before Kacey fall
into place. Or maybe come out from hiding. Maybe Kacey Cleary has
been buried somewhere deep inside all this time, just waiting for
the right person to pull her from the deep, dark waters.

To save her from drowning.

I don’t notice the pieces at first, but Livie
sure does. I catch her watching me all the time—when I’m fixing
myself a sandwich, when I’m cleaning, when I’m shopping—a secret
smile touching her beautiful lips. When I ask her what’s up, she
just shakes her head and says, “Kacey’s back.” And she’s happy.

Storm and Dan are going strong. I think Storm
might be in love, though she won’t admit to it for fear of jinxing
it. I can tell that Dan is head over heels in love with her and
with Mia by the way he watches them, a tiny smile always touching
his lips. And Mia?

Well, one morning, Trent and I wake up to Mia
hovering over our bed with a gapped tooth grin and two quarters in
the palm of her hand. “Look, Trent! I sold my teeth last night!”
All I could do is laugh. Laugh and remind myself to get a lock for
the door so Mia doesn’t learn more than cuss words from me. She’s
the happiest kid I’ve ever seen because she’s surrounded by people
who love her.

True to Storm’s promise, I’m making more
money at Penny’s than I could ever dream of making elsewhere. My
bank statement grows considerably each week. Two more years of
this, and I’ll be able to pay for Livie’s first year at Princeton.
I’m still banking on that scholarship, which is a good possibility.
Livie’s so smart and so good. And so deserving.

Everything is perfect.

***

“Why do we have to be at Penny’s three hours
early?” I moan, pulling my jacket against my body as a light
December chill breezes through my body. There’s an unnaturally cool
weather front coming through Miami for this time of year, I hear.
It’s still balmy compared to Michigan but, all the same, the goose
bumps spike on my skin.

“Liquor license training. We do it every two
years. Anyone who serves needs to go through the course,” Storm
explains.

“Three hours of how to pour a drink?
Seriously?”

“Don’t worry,” she says as she bangs on
Penny’s back door. “They let you sample too.”

“Great. I’ll be slurring before our shift
starts,” I grumble with a quick nod to Nate as I pass through. It’s
dark and quiet inside. I’ve never been at Penny’s when it’s this
quiet. “Where is everyone? This is creeping me out.”

“By the bar,” Nate rumbles behind me, his
hand prodding me forward. I peer over my shoulder and his mouth
splits open to reveal gleaming white teeth. I
can’t believe I
used to be afraid of this giant teddy bear
.

We round the corner into the dimly lit main
club area.

“Surprise! Happy Birthday!”

I jump back and slam into Nate, who wraps his
trunk-of-an-arm loosely around me while his deep laughter
reverberates off the ceiling. Everyone’s there, standing on the
stage, under the spot lights. Trent, Livie, Dan, Cain, Ben. Even
Tanner.

And Mia! She’s off to the side, dancing
around in circles with Ginger and a bunch of other fully-clothed
dancers I don’t recognize.

“Are you surprised?” Storm giggles as she
grabs my arm and tugs me forward. “Livie told us you turn
twenty-one soon and we wanted to surprise you. Cain offered to
throw you a little party here.”

As if on cue, Cain wanders over and tosses
his arm over my shoulder. “Hope you’re okay with a birthday party
at Penny’s. We figured this would be a guaranteed surprise.”

I find myself struggling to speak, not sure
how to respond as I take in the people. “Of course I am. Thank
you.”

He hands me an envelope. “Twenty-one only
comes once, Sweetheart. You’re a hard worker and you take care of
my Storm. Here’s a little something from everyone. Enjoy the food,
the wine. Everything. Take the night off.” He pinches my cheek and
then turns to Storm. “Keep that little princess of yours away from
the stage, you hear me? Don’t want her getting any ideas.”

She rolls her eyes. “Of course, Cain.”

I shake my head as I watch him walk away.
He’s an odd duck. Hearing him say that, given this place is his
life, and he employs all these dancers to do just that—be on the
stage—his words are just plain weird.

That thought vanishes as I watch Trent find
his way over to me with a seductive grin and two champagne flutes
in his hands. “You know I don’t drink, Trent,” I say as I take
one.

“And you know I don’t drink, Kacey.”

We smile at each other as he curls his free
arm around my waist and pulls me into him, kissing my neck. “Has my
plan worked? Have I made you happy?” he whispers into my ear.

My breath hitches. It always does when
Trent’s near. “I can’t even begin to describe how much.”

His cool nose grazes my cheek. “Try.”

“Well …” I lean forward, pressing myself
against him. I don’t know how it’s possible, but those electric
sparks zap me every time I do like it’s the first time. “Better
yet, how about I show you when we get back home?”

I feel his response to my implication dig
into my stomach and I giggle, still in shock that this gorgeous,
sweet, devilish guy is all mine. He clinks his glass against mine.
“Here’s to the next eighty years,” he murmurs and then tips his
glass back and takes a sip.

“Eighty? God, you’re optimistic. I figured
you’re good for another ten, and then I’ll have to trade you in for
a younger model.”

He leans down and kisses my mouth and I taste
the champagne’s sweetness on his tongue. “Good luck with that. I’m
not going anywhere.”

***

My fingers weave together as I ride back with
Trent, the evening breeze nipping at my cheeks. As tempted as I am
to let my hands wander, I know better than to distract Trent while
he’s driving. I can wait until we get home, but just barely. Livie
and Mia are in Dan’s car, following behind us. Storm decided to
work. She promised we’d do a girls’ day tomorrow.