Tethered (J + P series) (10 page)

I put in my earbuds and let my music ground me.  An hour later we departed for my Aunt's house.  Upon arrival, my mom announced to the family that I would love to babysit all the young ones so the adults could enjoy their Christmas.  How awesome, she really sucked at mind-reading because I just thought about how being in college should make me old enough to visit with the adults instead of the kids.  She did not see me as an adult, with my own ideas.  

Super. Sucky. Holiday.

On Thursday my grades arrived.  I got 2 A's, 2 B's and a C.  I was not happy with the C but it was in Math for Health Sciences.  We had a foreign teacher and he was impossible to understand.  He also liked to skip from point A to point F without explaining B, C, D, and E.  I was hoping that I would get a different teacher for that class for next semester.  I left the report card on the kitchen island so my parents could see it. 

I got ready for my date or not-date with Brian.  I set big bouncy waves into my hair, wore a cute v-neck sweater, and my jeans.  He picked me up at 4PM sharp.  He was dressed casual and he looked good.  College had not changed him one bit.  “Hey gorgeous!  Ready to go?” he said with a smile.

“Let's get outta' here.”

At Dick's Last Resort, the wait staff treated us as a couple.  They made us wrap our bodies around each other and drink shots using no hands just to humiliate us for fun.  We let them do it though and enjoyed the laughs it brought.  When we were full and laughed out, we grabbed out coats and walked along the pier.

“So, how many guys hearts am I breaking tonight by being out with you?” he teased.  He has not lost his touch.  I blushed instantly.  “None, believe it or not.”

“None?!  I find that hard to believe.” he looked truly shocked.

“I guess I am too busy studying to care.” which is only half true.

He nodded.

“Are you still going out with that girl from Junior-Senior year?” I asked.

“Nope, we broke up a week or two into college.  The long distance was too hard.”

“You know, I thought you were gonna' ask me out after Christmas our junior year.  But then you fell for the new girl while I was out sick.  That kinda sucked to come back to.”  I confessed. 

“I guess that's right, I never really realized the timing of it.”  Now he looked concerned.  He puts his arm around me and apologized.  “You never let on that it bothered you.  I mean, you still would flirt back with me.” he said.

“I know.  I know.” I muttered.  “I enjoyed our banter, Mr. Casanova, I still do.”

“Me too.” he bumped me with his hip playfully.  “Let's head back, I'm freezing.”

We hopped in his truck and he took me home.

“Call me next time you come to town and maybe we can hook up again.” and he grabbed me for a big hug.

“Thanks for a fun night Bri.” I replied.  “Laters, Babe.” he said with a wink.  We hugged, and then I turned to walk in the house. I really enjoyed myself but realized that there was no spark between us.  Just two friends enjoying each other's company.  Again, I wondered if the nuns would be contacting me about joining their order.  As I lay in bed that night, I couldn't help but think over all the potential chances at love that I managed to sabotage.  It's like my subconscious didn't want me to experience love.  Maybe it's afraid of getting hurt.  Whatever it was, I needed to get past this so I could feel love and happiness.

Chapter 18

January

My time at home officially ended this afternoon.  Chuck called last night and said he would pick me up at noon, and I was glad we would be back on campus a day early.  I rolled out of bed and pulled on my worn out jeans.  They actually seemed looser on me.  I guess my diligent dieting paid off.  Maybe my parents would notice.  I changed my shirt and brushed my hair before heading for breakfast. 

Both of my parents were sitting at the table.  I grabbed my cereal bowl and added some Golden Grahams and milk and joined them.

“Hey, what time are you heading' back?” my dad asked.

“I think Chuck is picking me up around lunchtime.” I mumbled.  The lack of caffeine in the morning was terribly hard to deal with.

I noticed my dad sliding my report card close to me.  He tapped the paper and looked intently at me.

“Not bad, but I don't want to see another one of
these
again.” he said in a low tone.  He was pointing at the C which seemed so visible on that stark paper.  “Do we understand each other?” he demanded.  His tone had changed to a more serious and stern tone.  “Your mother thinks you have been spending all your time partying.  I personally don't know and don't care.  But if I see this again...you are finished at that school.”

I gulped.  This news was old news.  I needed to get better grades next semester, no matter what.  I nodded my head and stood to clear away my dishes.  In my room, I started packing, I was anxious to get out of here.  I left all the Christmas outfits in their boxes on the floor of my room.  No use in having those clothes take up space in my tiny closet at college.
I secretly hoped my mom would see them and realize what terrible presents they were.  When Chuck showed up, I said a quick goodbye to my parents and did my best to not run to his car.

As we pulled away from the house, I felt the tight coil that was wrapped around my insides fall away and my breathing was more relaxed.  “How was your break?”  Chuck asked.

“Too long and just barely tolerable.  How about yours?”

Chuck threw a sideways smile at me, “a bit better than yours.  Do you know about the bash I am throwing tonight?”

“Yes, I heard about it.  In fact, most of campus has probably heard about it.”  I replied.

“Are you coming?  If not, you should.  It'll be a blast.  Bring some of your friends too.”

I was personally invited to one of Chuck's parties, I felt so honored.  His parties were supposedly epic.  Since I had nothing better to do with my evening, I agreed to go.  “Good girl!”

I couldn't help but chuckle. 

Three hours passed in the car so quickly.  It reminded me of how fast the trip to the amusement park would seem as a child.  I was so excited that the time would blink by in a second. “Thanks for the lift Chuck.  See ya' tonight!”  I said before heading up the dorm steps.

“See ya' babe.  And if I DON'T see you...you will be in big trouble with me!” he jokingly threatened.

It's so much quieter in the dorm since about half of the residents were not back from break yet.  I wondered how intimate Chuck's party would be with so few people around.  I needed to make some calls after unpacking to see if any of my gang was around to accompany me to the party.  Chuck lived across campus from my dorm and I did not want to hike across campus at night alone.

I opened the door to my room and did not expect what I saw.  One half of the room was stripped clean.  No posters, no comforter on my roommate's bed, no books, no clothes.  What the heck!  I threw down my bags, looked for a note and found an envelope tucked under my covers. 

It's from Gabby:

Perry,

I should have called you instead of writing this, but I am kind of ashamed.  I guess all my extracurricular activities with my guy friends distracted me from studying.  I flunked out and won't be coming back.  I wish it were different.  Tons of luck and I loved rooming with you.

Love,

Gabby

I was shocked.  I had never heard of someone leaving mid-way through the year.  I felt bad for Gabby.  The same thing could happen to me (though it would be my parents pulling the plug and not the university).  My next emotion was relief, no roommate meant I could stay up as late as I wanted and not worry about waking up my roommate.  Gabby was hardly around before, but now I really could stretch out and not worry about someone else.  My studying often brought late hours so it would be nice to not have to leave the room to study while someone else slept.

I began unpacking.  It was nice having clean clothes and some food to snack on again.  I opened the bag of food my mom had packed and find three cans of tuna, plain cheerios, and water.  Apparently she was hoping I would lose more weight before she had to see me again.  Awesome.  I put them away in the locker I had in my room and then put on some tunes, and relaxed in the bean bags under my loft.  I let the warm sun filter through my window and warm me like a cat nestled in a patch of sunlight for a nap.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

I was jolted awake by someone knocking on the door.  I staggered to the door and opened it. 

“NERD!” Jen.  “Hey lady!  Nice hair!”

“Quit ragging' me.  I must have fallen asleep in the beanbags.  What time is it?” I asked.

“5PM, let's go eat.  I want to hear all about break.” she begged.

“Fine.  Hey, who all is back?  Chuck is having a party tonight and invited us all.”

“CHUCK?!  As in 'You are beyond cool if you are invited to a party at Chuck's?'” she yelled in disbelief.

“Um, I guess, for me it's more 'Chuck, who drives me home, needs more warm bodies at his party.'” I giggled.

“Whatever dude, we are so there!  We can tell the others at dinner.” she said.

I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and followed Jen to the dining hall.

As we came around the corner with our trays, we spied familiar faces. Mags, Tim, Lauren, Ian, and Greg were sitting and chatting.  “Hey you guys!  So good to see you.  Did you have a good break?”  I asked everyone.

They all looked happy to see us too.  We spent the next 45 minutes catching up on Christmas presents, crazy holiday gatherings, and the plan for the upcoming semester.

Before we all departed, Greg pulled out an article from the local newspaper and shared it with me.  “Hey Perry, Disgrace is playing the music hall here on campus next month!  We should get tickets.”

“Disgrace?  Let me see.”  Lauren apparently likes them as well as she snatched the paper for a look.  They were a pretty big band and the tickets would sell out fast. 

“Absolutely.  Looks like tickets go on sale next week.  It says 'three tickets per buyer' and it's a lottery system.  That kinda sucks.” I remarked.

“So, maybe we get everyone to try and get tickets, but the ones with the best numbers buy for everyone.” Greg suggested.  We all liked Greg's plan and everyone agreed to enter the lottery for a chance at tickets next week.

We all put our trays away and headed out.  Greg and I started chatting some more and were catching up on how our holidays were.  Before I realized what had happened, I realized I mindlessly followed him to his room.

“Did you do OK with grades?  I know you were worrying about them.” he inquired as he unlocked his door.

“Yeah, not too bad.  I need to try and kick it into gear this semester though.  How about you?” I asked.

“A's and B's, no biggie.  Hey, whatcha' doin' tonight?” he asked as we both sat in the ancient cozy chairs in his room.

“Crap!  I totally forgot to tell everyone.  Do you know that guy Chuck who drives me home?” I asked.

“I have never met him but I heard he has killer parties, why?”

“Because my friends and I have officially been invited to one of his infamous parties TONIGHT.” I beamed.

“Rock on Perry!  I'm in.  When do we leave?”

“8:30.  Meet me at the front doors.  Is Jared due back by tonight?” I inquired, not that I was too anxious to see him, I just wondered if I needed to extend the invite to him as well.

“Hell if I know, and I could really care less.” he said under his breath.  Odd comment.  I wondered if they had a fallout, or maybe it's nothing.  “I'll be there.”

Greg was so laid back and easy to talk to, no weirdness between us.  I forget how much I missed hanging out in this room with him and Jared.  “God, it's been too long since I hung out like this.”

“Yeah, why is that?” he asked.

“I don't know, you and Jared have been hanging out with those two girls.  Are you guys dating them now or something?”  I couldn't help myself.

“Who?  Anna and Danielle?  No, apparently Jared and I had eyes for the same girl.  I was making my move but must have been too slow because before I knew it – Jared and Anna had kissed.  Guess that's why I am a little pissed at him right now. He knew how I felt.   I thought I was obvious with the moves I was making but...he landed her first.  Jerk.”  Greg actually sounded annoyed with Jared.

“When did this happen?  And does this mean they are boyfriend/girlfriend now?” I had to know.

“I don't know, like a week before we left for break.  And...I don't know.  I haven't talked to him since we left.” he replied.  Why do I keep holding pieces of my heart reserved for Jared?  Each time I heard something like this, one of those pieces would break. 

Greg noticed my silence and looked at me.  “I know you like him Perry.  We all know that.”  My jaw fell to the ground and I was about to pass out at this confession.  The room began wavering.

“Whoa kiddo.  No need to panic.  If it makes you feel any better, I am pretty sure he is clueless about your feelings for him.  Stupid dense head.  EVERYONE knows, but him.”  Greg may be right, he may not know.  I have to hope this is true; I would be humiliated if he knew. 

“I keep trying not to like him Greg.  But he flirts with me and then blows me off or goes with some random girl – it's such mixed signals that I love him one minute, and then he does something to make me hate him.”

“Perry, take my advice – steer clear of him, I'd hate to see you get hurt.”

I sighed, was Greg saying this because he was mad at Jared over the Anna situation or because Jared loves and leaves his girlfriends crying in the dust upon break-up.  Could I survive the heartache that came with loving and losing someone?  I hadn't experienced that pain yet and after seeing my friends endure it – I preferred to avoid as much pain as possible.  Greg came over and gave me a bear hug.  I needed to shake Jared out of my mind.  Maybe a cute guy would be at Chuck's party, and maybe he would be more than just a pretty face.  Tonight I would look stunning.  Chuck's parties drew mostly upper class so the pool of guys would be more mature and hopefully less wild than the freshman went crazy at these parties because Mommy and Daddy were not watching.

“I better get ready, so, see you later tonight?” I asked as I headed out the door.

“You bet, I wouldn't miss it. Later.” he said before heading back into his room.

On my trek back to the girl's side, I thought about my plan to eliminate Jared from my thoughts.  It's tricky because I couldn't just avoid him, Greg was my friend and they were roommates.  Jared was my friend too, but my mind and heart wanted more with him. Should I just cut him out 100%?  Did I need to help him land a girlfriend so my intentions with him were purely friendly?

I made it back to my room and saw Jen and Tara having an animated conversation.  “Hey girls, what's going on?  Everything alright?”

“Yeah, Tara finally broke up with her boyfriend.” Jen informed me.

“What?  You guys were dating for all of high school.  What happened?” I asked.