THE ALL-PRO (10 page)

AKBAR:
And I’m back from the annual GFL rules committee meeting. Many changes are afoot.

TARAT:
I am not fond of the rules committee. Why do they keep changing such a perfect game?

DAN:
Tarat, if the rules committee didn’t change rules, there wouldn’t be a need for a committee, and hence, no jobs for them. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Akbar, what were the highlights?

AKBAR:
Well, Dan, there’s a few major issues. This is GFL Commissioner Rob Froese’s third year in charge. He’s really trying to put his stamp on things. He’s working on a major reorganization, trying to connect Tier Three to Tier Two the way Tier Two is connected to Tier One. They also approved on-field holographic replay for 2685, so not for this coming season but for the one after that. Once that’s implemented, the refs on the field can watch the play exactly as it happened in the same
place
it happened.

TARAT:
I hate replay.

DAN:
Smasher, instant replay makes the game more fair.

TARAT:
Life is full of variables and unfairness, Dan. Sentients should handle things as they come, not complain and try to change the past.

AKBAR:
Froese also implemented new rules on concussions. Players with concussions now have to get approved by a
league
doctor before they can play again, not just the
team
doctor.

TARAT:
Human brains are so fragile.

DAN:
It’s for the good of the players, Smasher.

TARAT:
A
real
football player knows how to play with pain.

DAN:
Pain? We’re not talking just
pain
here, Smasher. We’re talking about players’ health. Brain damage. Their very
lives
.

TARAT:
If you aren’t prepared to lay down your life for your team, you don’t belong in the game.

DAN:
Hard for me to argue with a Hall of Fame linebacker. I’m just a schlub with a microphone. Akbar, how about the big question? How about the salary cap?

AKBAR:
Froese finally got that one through. Next year, for the 2685 season, the salary cap goes into place.

TARAT:
A salary cap goes against the basic principles of free trade. If someone wants to pay a sentient to perform a service, he should be allowed to pay whatever the market will bear.

DAN:
Come on, Tarat. That means what it’s meant for decades — the teams with the most money lock up the best players. Teams like the To Pirates, Wabash Wolfpack, Hittoni Hullwalkers. They’ve always had more revenue and hence get the best talent, which means they win more games and more championships, which brings in more money, and the cycle continues. The rich get richer, the poor get relegated.

TARAT:
The Themala Dreadnaughts don’t spend as much as everyone else, yet they win games.

AKBAR:
True, but look at the Mars Planets. Last year they were the smallest market in Tier One. They’ve been promoted three times in the past twelve seasons and relegated just as many times. They always start the season strong, but their limited finances means they don’t have any roster depth. As soon as their starters get injured, they can’t compete. The Ionath Krakens could fall into that same trap. They have very little depth on defense.

TARAT:
And the Krakens already lost more defensive depth. Ionath backup defensive end Ban-A-Tarew was signed by the Orbiting Death, and backup right cornerback Standish retired due to pregnancy. But that is how it goes in the GFL. You lose players, you replace players. In the Quyth Concordia, Dan, we believe in survival of the fittest. There are no
rules
in evolution — sports and business should be the same way.

AKBAR:
Froese wants to make sure all teams in Tier One have the same amount of salary to share among their rosters. Starting in 2685, each team has a maximum of 128 megacredits per season to spend on player salaries.

DAN:
Woah
, that’s a chunk of change. What about Tier Two?

AKBAR:
A little less. They can spend a max of 110 megacredits. Froese set the Tier One minimum player salary at one-point-two megacredits.

TARAT:
One-point-two million? Some key players are making that right now.

DAN:
And that brings up the
huge
issue of players in the last year of their current deal. This is known as a
contract year
, and there are some stars that are looking at just that.

AKBAR:
Ryan Nossek, for example. He’s in the last year of a four-season deal with the Isis Ice Storm.

DAN:
And how about Frank Zimmer? The living legend is in a contract year, but he missed several games last season with his seventh concussion. After this season, will the To Pirates pay him the money given to the League’s other top quarterbacks?

TARAT:
Which, of course, brings the conversation back to a contract-year player making league minimum, Quentin Barnes of the Ionath Krakens.

AKBAR:
You have to wonder if Gredok the Splithead signing Barnes to league minimum is going to wind up biting Gredok in the ass, Dan. Barnes can’t be happy with that.

TARAT:
Especially when you consider that Don Pine makes five times as much for sitting on the bench. Even the backup quarterback, Yitzhak Goldman, makes more than Barnes.

DAN:
You’re kidding me.

TARAT:
I do not kid, Dan.

DAN:
But how did you find that out? Salaries are supposed to be confidential.

TARAT:
I have my sources.

AKBAR:
If Barnes plays well in the upcoming season, his free-agency drama is going to be a zoo.

DAN:
A zoo? What do you mean?

TARAT:
A zoo is a park-like area in which live animals are kept in cages or large enclosures for public exhibition, Dan.

DAN:
(audible sigh) Smasher, come on.

TARAT:
And I have other news as well. My sources tell me that Barnes is considering agent Danny Lundy.

DAN:
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be in the room when Danny Lundy starts talking contract with Gredok the Splithead! Tarat, do you think this means Barnes will sign long-term with Ionath, or is he as good as gone after this season?

TARAT:
It is unknown at this time. As I have said before, you Humans are obsessed with finances. Danny Lundy is known for negotiating large deals. Considering that the Mars Planets, the Bartel Water Bugs and the To Pirates have all said they are going to court Barnes, Lundy would have considerable leverage to get that big deal.

DAN:
He’ll be courted harder than a princess with a gigacredit dowry, Akbar. Let’s see what the fans think of this. Line three from Wilson 6, you’re on the Space.
Go!

CALLER:
Yeah, I agree that Barnes is a hot property. I think my Jang Atom Smashers will pick him up. If we keep Schweitzer as our QB, we’re gonna get relegated.

TARAT:
Schweitzer has to overcome his injury problems. He can’t run. He’s like a big spider snack out there, just waiting to get eaten.

AKBAR:
Can we not refer to players as food items?

TARAT:
But he is!

DAN:
Makes me glad I’m not a slow-footed quarterback, Tarat. Line two from Klipthik, you’re on the Space.
Go!

Excerpt from
Earth: Birthplace of Sentients
written by Zippy the Voracious From
Chapter One, The Breeding Ground

If you trace all lines back to ancestral species, no planet has produced more forms of sentient life than Earth.

Currently controlled by the Planetary Union, Earth is the evolutionary home of Humans. Over the last millennia, Humans have proven to be busy creatures, giving rise to at least four additional biological species as well as at least two artificial species.

“At least” may not sound very empirical, but there is good reason for this vague term. The Prawatt race was first discovered in 2424, but it took almost another century before scientists theorized that the Prawatt originated on Earth in 2015. While unproven, most exobiologists now agree that the Prawatt were created on Earth then subsequently exterminated. Because this process of creation and extinction likely happened once at the hands of Humanity, we must leave open the strong possibility that other races created on Earth remain as-yet unknown.

HUMAN “RACES”

Humanity’s phenotypical variations fill the galaxy. Sub-species abound. Humans typically range in adult size from 0.9 to 2.4 meters. The Empire Bureau of Species Interaction places the average height of an adult Human male at 1.8 meters, average weight at about 79 kilograms. Natural skin pigmentation ranges widely, including absolute white as well as shades of pink, blue, purple, tan, yellow, brown and black. If you factor in cosmetic pigmentation alteration, Human color variants number in the hundreds.

This text, however, focuses not on phenotypical Human variants, but rather distinct
species
descended from or created by Humanity. Two races fall under this definition:
Homo pondus
and
Homo aqus
.

HUMAN VARIANTS

Homo pondus

Known by the common name “HeavyG,”
Homo pondus
originated on Vosor 3, a world currently controlled by the League of Planets. Vosor 3’s high gravity makes it difficult for Humans to function for any length of time. Considering the mineral wealth on Vosor 3, workers were needed that could live on the surface without the artificial gravity found in that world’s urban centers. A genetic engineering program by League scientists produced
Homo pondus
, the largest of the Humanoid species.

The average
Homo pondus
male stands 1.9 meters tall and weighs 156 kilograms, significantly larger than the average Human.
Homo pondus
also differs phenotypically, with denser bones and muscle, longer arm length and shorter legs relative to the overall body than in Humans.

Because
Homo pondus
can live and work anywhere that Humans can, this minority can be found all over the galaxy.

Homo aqus

One of two species of sentient aquatic Earthlings,
Homo aqus
is also known by the common name of “Amphibs.” Because
Homo aqus
can breath in both air and water, it boasts the fastest-growing Humanoid population. Numbers continue to explode on Earth, Tower and other planets with large bodies of water.

The average
Homo aqus
male stands 1.85 meters tall and weighs 100 kilograms. They are more streamlined than
Homo sapiens,
with leaner muscle mass and longer bones.

Exobiologists also theorize that there may be sub-variants of
Homo aqus
. Considering the surface area covered by water on Earth and Tower alone, there are many undeveloped regions that have little or no competition. Theories abound of
Homo orca
, a variant of
Homo aqus
thought to be a brutal predator some 2.5 meters in length and weighing an estimated 200 kilograms.

EARTH-BASED NON-HUMAN BIOLOGICAL SENTIENTS

Delphinus albietz

The second aquatic Earthling species,
Delphinus albietz
, is better known as the “Dolphin.” The only remaining species of dolphin left on Earth,
Delphinus albietz
achieved early population growth due to being Earth’s first sentient aquatic species. There is much controversy surrounding the actions of that species following the genetic augmentation that gave rise to sentience, notably the genocide of all other large aquatic species on the planet.

The average
Delphinus albietz
male is 2.1 meters long and weighs 136 kilograms. Aside from the modifications to their brain composition and tongue muscles (which are adjusted for limited Human speech), they are largely unchanged from their ancestral form of
Delphinus capensis
. Mechanical prosthetics allow Dolphins to walk on land and survive indefinitely out of the water, enabling them to be part of other sentient cultures.

A strange controversy exists where some scientists claim that Dolphins are
not
truly sentient, but rather a more intelligent version of the animal they once were. Professor Allison Rynne, author of
Life in the Milky Way Galaxy
, is the leading proponent of this theory. Rynne says that Dolphins are no more sentient than chimpanzees or other primates that are “taught to wear clothes, use rudimentary communication skills and perform complicated tricks.” This stance, of course, meets with outrage from Dolphin groups. Professor Finny McGee, a leading Dolphin scientist, is well known for his quote: “If Rynne thinks I’m a trained animal, she can kiss my blow hole.”