The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets (2 page)

While it is never easy for anyone to lose his or her parents, Zack took his parents’ deaths especially hard because of his atheism. Zack was a devout non-believer, and for as long as he could remember, he was convinced that there was no God, no afterlife, and no higher purpose to anything that happened on Earth. Zack thought like this because he was skeptical by nature. He was rarely sure of anything and
managed to survive by operating entirely on probabilities. People who were always certain annoyed Zack. Even at his job, he only liked to move money in very small amounts. This company is probably good, so let’s invest a little and see. The market is probably overvalued, so let’s sell just a little and wait. Zack saw this as a strength rather than a weakness and had always been very proud to tell people that he could not remember a Christmas when he believed in Santa Claus. Even when his mom first told him about God and Heaven when he was very young, Zack was faithless, and he pretended to believe purely for her benefit.

As Zack grew older, his misgivings only deepened, and he was constantly finding more and more reasons to doubt the existence of a just and benevolent God. For one thing, there was so much evil in the world: war, starvation, disease… genocide. How could God stand by and watch without doing anything? How could he allow these things to happen to children? While some people looked at the world and saw a beautiful watch that had to have an intelligent maker, Zack saw an ugly rock covered with bugs. To him, the idea that there was an all-powerful God who sat idly by, viewing the world’s endless parade of calamities without taking any action to halt them, like a naturalist watching a lion devour a baby zebra, was the most terrifying thought of all.

On top of all of that, there was all the suffering that religious belief added to the world. How many diseases raged on because religion impeded the science that would have discovered their cures? How many wars found their spark, fuel, and flames in religion? To Zack, religion was even a component in secular wars. Would soldiers in
any
conflict, he wondered, march to death so quickly if they did
not believe that there was a heaven waiting for them on the other side? To a believer, life is cheap, but to an atheist, life is absolutely precious – there is nothing else after it. Yes, to Zack, religious belief both denied and promoted the hideous nature of human existence.

While this logic certainly made Zack feel wise, it crippled his ability to deal with human loss. The conclusion was inescapable: he would never see his parents again.

As Zack continued looking at the picture, he began thinking about the argument that he had with his dad on the night that they finally found that elusive Chinese restaurant. It was one of those bizarre, heated, and improbable disputes – the kind that Zack knew was completely irrelevant to any practical issue in the real world – even as he argued it with so much passion that he felt like putting his fist through a wall. It was about civil disobedience and the Boston Tea Party, and whether the colonists acted wrongly by destroying the private property of the East India Tea Company. God only knows how this topic came up.

Zack argued that the colonists were wrong to attack an innocent third-party and should have protested the Tea Act by disobeying King George III in some other, more direct way. Zack’s father however, claimed that the tea company and the King were one and the same, and that since the company lived by the King’s unjust laws, it should die by them as well. Zack’s mother listened to this for three hours as the argument drifted to whether Americans were responsible for child laborers making clothes for Wal-Mart in foreign sweatshops, whether the Vietnam War – a war that Zack’s father had proudly served in – was necessary in order to promote democracy, the Bush v. Gore presidential
election, and finally, back to King George III. Unfortunately, the debate accomplished nothing besides ruining dinner and putting Zack and his father on non-speaking terms for the next three days. How stupid Zack had been. Now, sitting alone in his office, what wouldn’t he give to be able to go back, apologize to his father, and take those three days back?

When Zack finally remembered his computers, it was 3:59. Uh oh, he thought, do I have any last trades to make before the 4:00 bell?

2

E
arlier that day, in a small, messy, Brooklyn apartment, Lilly also created light, albeit much more reluctantly. The urban contemporary sounds of her radio-alarm were born into the universe from the red numbers 7:00, but Lilly quickly dismissed them without half a second’s conscious thought. They returned at 7:07, only to be reprimanded again, and this charade continued until 7:35, the last possible minute that Lilly could get up and still make it to court on time.

Lilly showered and dressed in a whirlwind – and was on the street reviewing legal briefs and dodging other commuters by 8:05. Even so, she would need to take a cab in order to be on time, and although she could not afford to be jetting around the city in cabs every day, today was important: Lilly was representing three clients, and at least two of them would be there watching.

Luckily, she caught a cab pretty quickly, and before she knew it, she was riding past the Planned Parenthood on Court Street, staring out the window at the three protesters who now stood before it with their heads bowed in silent
prayer. How ridiculous they were, she thought. At that very moment, thousands of real-living children were dying around the world of hunger and other preventable causes. Did the protesters pray for them too? Did they volunteer their time for causes like that, where their help was actually needed? Or did they only care about issues that allowed them to judge others?

Like Zack, Lilly was an atheist, although for somewhat different reasons. To Lilly, it seemed that religious people were somehow always more concerned with rubbing their beliefs in her face or telling her what she could or could not do with her own body than with doing any real good in the world. And somehow, all the important people in religion always seemed to be men: the prophets, the clergy, even God himself. A bearded magic man in the sky who had absolute power over Lilly, including the ability to read her thoughts at all times? She didn’t think so.

Beyond that, Lilly was also an atheist because she liked to cut through all of life’s bullshit. She wanted the evidence, and she wanted it to connect in neat, direct lines to the conclusions. Whenever someone told her that he or she didn’t believe in organized religion but believed in some kind of higher power, Lilly was always quick to ask why and where was the proof. Likewise, whenever someone told her that he or she was spiritual but not religious, she would immediately try to get to the bottom of whatever the hell it was that person was talking about. ‘Can you feel your spirit?’ she would ask. ‘Do you see dead people?’ If Lilly had a soul, she was not aware of it.

After Lilly hopped out of the cab, she ran into a convenience store and grabbed a coffee and a 5-hour Energy. Then
she headed up the courthouse steps, through security, and into the dim-yellow fluorescent light of the first floor hallway. She did not wait long: Betty Hill arrived at exactly 8:30.

Betty was sharp, collected, and responsible, and Lilly was sure that if anyone had ever given her any opportunities in life, she would have been the attorney today rather than the unemployed maid.

“So good to see you,” Betty said, offering her hand.

Lilly took it and they shook like family. Betty was wonderful. She was the type of client who made Lilly want to be perfect – the type of client who reminded her why she went to law school in the first place.

Maria Rodriguez arrived a little while later, but Lilly did not fault her one bit for keeping them waiting. Maria had three kids to get off to school, and she was raising them all by herself.

Then, finally, a few minutes behind Maria, came Preston King on behalf of his wife Hillary, the only one of the three plaintiffs in the case who had found a new job. There was no need for Preston to be there, but it boosted Lilly’s spirits nonetheless. This really was a good group of clients.

“Ok ladies,” Lilly started, “and gentleman.” She smiled at Preston. “Today the Court is going to hold a hearing on Liberty’s motion to dismiss. Now, as I was saying on the phone, this is not going to determine who wins the lawsuit or anything like that. This isn’t a trial, and I don’t need you to do anything. Today is just to determine whether the lawsuit can go forward in this Court.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing we can do to help?” Betty asked.

“No, you’ve done your job just by being here,” Lilly said. “When Liberty’s lawyer sees you, he’ll know you’re serious about this case and that they’ll have to make a real offer if they want to settle.”

“Ho Ho Ho! Did I hear the word
settle
?” It was Russell Trueheart, Liberty’s lawyer.

Lilly halted. In 6,000 years of recorded human history, from the Sumerians, to the Romans, to the Brooklynites of the present day, if ever there was a lawyer with an inappropriate last name, she thought, it was Russell Trueheart. She was pretty sure he had changed it from Hammerhead.

“Excuse me Russell, but I’m having a confidential meeting with my clients. I could report you to the Bar for sneaking up on us like that.”

“Oh, don’t worry Lillian, I only heard that one word. Besides, I already knew that you were desperate to settle. Your case is weak.”

“Our case is strong,” Lilly said forcefully, “and I’m going to do everything I can to get my clients justice.”

“All right, all right,” Trueheart said, making a stopping motion with his palms and revealing a very expensive looking silver watch and ring set, which no doubt impressed his clients, even though this was like the turkey getting excited because he heard there was going to be a Thanksgiving feast. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any offense. I know you’re a tough cookie and all – a killer attorney. But the facts and the law just aren’t with you on this one, and I know that your organization doesn’t have the resources to push it forward, what with the state cutting your funding and the layoffs and all… so I just think you’re barking up
the wrong tree. Tell me, did you think some more about my last offer?”

“No, we didn’t. That offer was insulting. $20,000 does not even begin to compensate my clients for what Liberty put them through. They’re entitled to at least $90,000, and that’s not even counting multiple damages, interest, and attorney’s fees.”

“Well, what’s your counter-offer?”

“I just told you, $90,000 plus.”

“Well, we’ll just have to see. I don’t think you’re being very reasonable about this, and I think I might just have to give your director a call over there at ‘Justice is Blind’ and see if she doesn’t have a little more sense. We go way back to law school you know.”

“The Director has my back.”

“You know Lillian, it’s a shame, it really is. I truly believe in the work that you good people do over there, and my firm donates pretty significantly to your cause every December.… It would be a shame if it turned out that you were wasting that money on pointless suits that didn’t go anywhere. It might force me to do some thinking.”

“Ok, well that’s your second ethics violation this morning Russell. Got any more before I call the Bar?” She pulled out her cell phone.

“Haha, you just try it Lillian, you just try it.” He looked at Betty and Maria. “Ma’am,” he said, nodding his head. Then he looked at Preston. “Sir.” Then he walked away.

“Don’t be intimidated,” Lilly said, “he’s just trying to bully us.”

When 9:00 rolled around, Lilly, her clients, Russell Trueheart, and at least a hundred other people were
patiently waiting in the courtroom, seated on those awful wooden benches that, by design, were so uncomfortable that no human being could ever even think of sleeping in them. Lilly looked around. No matter how many times she had been in these courtrooms, she could never get over the cheap wood paneling that assaulted the eye from every angle.

A few minutes later, a clerk appeared out of a hidden door behind the Judge’s bench. “Hear ye, hear ye!” he cried, with artificial grandeur.

Everyone stood, and the Judge followed the Clerk in and took his seat above.

Then, one by one, the attorneys came forward to make their arguments, and Lilly half-listened as she reviewed her own notes. One case was about a couple who bought a house infested with ants. Another involved a bakery worker who hurt his arm in one of the machines. Two others concerned stolen credit card numbers. The Judge hurried them through, but when noon arrived, he had not even heard half of the cases on the schedule, including Lilly’s.

“All rise!” the Clerk cried. “This Court is now out of session.”

The litigants broke into noisy chatter as they rushed for the door, and Lilly, Betty, Maria, and Preston left the courthouse and went to the sandwich shop around the corner. Lilly paid, and she and her clients took their food to the wobbly little table next to the soda cooler and strategized about their case, taking frequent detours to discuss Betty’s, Maria’s, and Preston’s children.

Then, just as they were finishing, Lilly got a birthday call from her mother, which she brought to the other side of
the shop to take care of as efficiently as possible. “Yes, yes, thank you Mom, I love you. No, don’t worry if the present comes late. I keep telling you, I’m a grown woman, you don’t have to buy me anything!” Lilly always hated people making a big deal over her birthday. Why, she wondered, did people need an entire day dedicated to celebrating themselves? Birthdays are the epitome of selfishness, she thought.