The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets (25 page)

“Smarter than anyone in this room? What do you like him or something now? Are you going to enjoy this?”

“Fuck you Zack.”

“No Lilly, this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of on Heaven, Earth, or Limbo.”

“Zack, don’t you get what I’m saying? Kerberus isn’t evil. The evil ones are the people back on Earth who knew the difference between right and wrong. The people who had a chance to help others and a meaningful choice but who spent their lives just getting theirs: work, TV, food, shopping… work, TV –”

“What the hell does that have to do with Kerberus coming to rape you!!!”

“Everything! Listen Zack, I don’t want to be like those people. I don’t want to have to say that when it came time for me to make a sacrifice, to do something really hard, that I turned away.”

“Lilly, this is crazy. Absolutely crazy. I’m not going to tell you what to do. But for the love of God, please think about this rationally and come to your senses.”

They waited in silence in the dim torchlight. The hours passed on, and for a little while, Zack hoped that Kerberus would not come. But then, well after the torch had given its last, Zack heard the sound of heavy footsteps. Then, that familiar, rusty creak. However, when Kerberus entered Lilly’s cell, he found nothing but a cold dead body lying there.

“What a pity,” Kerberus said, walking out of the cell and back into the hall. “You do realize of course golligan lover, that she’s the lucky one.”

“Whatever you say General.”

“Haha. Yes, rather. Oh by the way golligan lover, what do you want on her tombstone? Maybe they can write that she died of a broken heart because her husband spent all of his nights laying with the beasts.”

“No,” Zack said, “just have it say this: ‘She put in more than she took out.’ ”

Kerberus stopped, and for a brief moment, was at a loss for words. He looked perplexed, as if there was something he wanted to ask, but just couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. Then, finally, came this: “
You idiot
. She’s not going to get a tombstone.”

“
You idiot
,” Zack said, “I know.”

Perhaps it was because it was very late, or perhaps it was because Kerberus had bullied Zack enough and truly thought that Zack had just lost his wife, but for whatever reason, Kerberus let this last retort stand without answer and walked down the hall and up the stairs in silence.

Later in the night, as Zack tried to douse the horrific visions crackling in his head – mostly of Klatu in the Arena – a very strange thing happened. Before his eyes, sleepless and staring, Lilly’s lifeless body diffused into a white cloud and floated up and out of her cell into the hallway.

“Lucky, are you seeing this?” Zack whispered.

“Yes, I am.”

“What is it?”

“Maybe it’s her body going back to Heaven?”

“That doesn’t make sense. The soldiers would find an empty cell tomorrow.”

“Wait, look!”

As if in answer, another cloud entered the hallway from the stairs, and as the first cloud passed it on its way up and out of the jail, the second cloud floated into Lilly’s cell, sunk to the ground, and slowly faded away to reveal Lilly’s unconscious body once more. Zack woke Father Kai immediately.

“That’s how we come and go from Limbo?!” he asked in utter disbelief.

“It is,” Father Kai answered.

“But
why
? I thought God just moved our souls back and forth.”

“Zack, the body is the soul.”

“No, that can’t be!” The thought rocked Zack to the center of his being because it meant that God had the power to destroy him completely, forever, any time he wanted. “The body is just atoms and molecules. We are more than that!”

“Yeah,” Lucky said. “What if our bodies are totally destroyed? Like tomorrow, when the coyotes eat them.”

“God will find them. He’s God.”

“That’s crazy!” Zack said, in his loudest whisper.

“Zack,” Father Kai said, “did you ever see a painting that truly moved you?”

“An analogy? Ok, we’ve got time, I’ll bite. Once in Madrid, I saw one that was truly haunting. It was a Goya, one of his black paintings. It’s named Zeus, or Saturn, something like that. It shows the God, whichever one it was, devouring his son. Both appear in flesh and blood. The father looks scared, angry, alone, pathetic, and powerful, all at the same time, while the son is just a half-eaten body, bleeding where his head and arms used to be.”

“Stunning,” Father Kai said. “I will have to see it for myself when we return to Heaven.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, now that you remember the painting, the passion with which it spoke to you, and the imprint that it left behind, I must ask you – would the painting lose any of its magic if I were to tell you how Goya mixed the paints and what specific brushstrokes he used to create each effect?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Well, then should the soul seem any less magical once you learn that God built it with atoms and molecules?”

The crowd’s energy in the Arena the next morning shocked Zack like the coal plant that Lilly had taken him to on Earth. Having never been much of an athlete, he had no idea until now what it actually felt like to be on a field in front of so many eyes and voices.

“HRASH OG! HRASH OG! HRASH OG!”

The Sorkians were drinking mugs of what was most likely beer of the barley variety and eating what appeared to be roasted golligans on sticks. Kerberus sat in the center of the crowd beneath a black canopy with another important looking man, who must have been the Governor. King Sork would not be there – the capital was too far away, and surely he had other, more important things to do. Slaves in chains fanned Kerberus and the other man and brought them water. Kosos was one of them.

“Do you think there’s anything more we could have done for her?” Zack asked Father Kai. “Was there any chance at all that God would have allowed me to take her back to Earth?”

Father Kai had a ready answer, but before he could furnish it, Zack felt a gentle twisting pain in his head that forced him to look downward; God was giving him a vision.

It was an American kitchen in the 1940s or 50s, and there was a fat man in a stained white undershirt that did not completely reach over his hairy gut, and a skinny woman with curly hair. The man was holding the woman’s
arm, and she was trying to get away, but his grip was too strong. He smiled. Then, laughing, he smacked her face, again and again, until it collapsed in tearful shame. Zack opened his eyes and looked up at Kosos. He would never be able to think of her as sexy again.

The guards led Zack, Father Kai, and Lucky to the center of the Arena and tied them to the three wooden posts that stood waiting there, by their wrists, above their heads. The other Makains were given free-range of the field and flocked together on their left, as far away as possible from the gate on their right.

Kerberus stood and hushed the crowd. “Good people of Sorkium. Before you stand the leaders of the Makain Church.”

The crowd released their boos.

“Be not troubled my good people. For today, none of their lies and heresies can save them!”

The crowd cheered.

“Now, as you know, King Sork is as generous as he is terrible and mighty. And I say, with all of you as my witnesses, that if any of these three charlatans wishes to confess and convert, I shall immediately release him with enough food and water to make safe passage back to his home.”

The crowd grew silent.

“Now…” he looked at the three of them, “… will you confess?”

“No!” Father Kai shouted. “Makaism is real, Hawaii is real, and God is real.”

Kerberus scowled. Then he turned back toward the crowd. “Very well. I leave it to you good Sorkians, who have
come today to sit in judgment of these heretics. What say you? Guilty or innocent? What is your verdict?”

“Guilty!” cried the cacophony.

“Makaio is real!” Lucky yelled back, struggling to break through the wall of noise. “And he will return. You will find that out sooner rather than later!”

But Kerberus was not going to let them make any long speeches. “Release the dog!”

The gate opened, and the largest coyote that they had yet seen emerged. Yawning, it sauntered into the Arena and gingerly stretched its legs, first the front, then the back – as if it knew that it was an entertainer putting on a show. The people’s cheers made it impossible for the Church leaders to preach any more lessons, and there was nothing else to do but try and break free. Zack pulled and pulled at the ropes, but it was useless.

Then the coyote approached. It went for Zack first, but it still looked sleepy. Maybe, just maybe, it was not in the mood for killing. One could hope. However, when it got within biting range, Zack could tell that this dog was never too tired for a little fun. He froze. Terror gripped his mind, and he completely forgot all the tips that Lucky had given him. He just wanted the dog to bite him as quickly as possible so that he could get out of there; his greatest fear was that there would be a second or two in between the first bite and the instant that he unplugged his consciousness.

The dog sniffed Zack’s face. The crowd drew in its collective breath and held it in anticipation. Zack could hear
the dog panting; he could feel its breath. Its yellow-green eyes were the size of tennis balls and nearly the same color. It licked Zack’s cheek, and the crowd, ground, and sky vibrated and spun. Then, unexpectedly, the dog stepped back and walked over to Father Kai. Had the guards trained it to toy with its victims like this? Could they really be so cruel?

“Makains!” Lucky cried. “Come to our aid! There are a dozen of you, and only one coyote!”

“There are women and children over here!” answered the no longer wealthy Lasintheus. “Do I want the beast to get you first? Hell yes, you self-righteous pieces of shit!”

Then there was a soft thud, and Zack looked over just in time to see Father Kai’s leg falling to the ground. He had kicked the dog directly in the face.

“I am sorry innocent creature,” Father Kai said, “but I must do what I may.”

The dog growled and moved in. Father Kai propelled his leg forward again, but this time the dog snatched it midair. Having no other defense, Father Kai discharged his second leg – and his second mistake. Now the dog had both legs clamped, and it whipped them back and forth violently, like a golden retriever playing tug-of-war with a sock. Several times, it yanked them all the way back, producing a hideous sound that reminded Zack of a rope being snapped. At last, Father Kai screamed. A large pool of blood began to collect on the ground, and its deep, rich color humbled the once seemingly vibrant red dirt.

Zack looked back at Lucky – he was free! How had he done it? Lucky wasted no time explaining, and before Zack could speak a word, he ran over, grabbed the rope around
Zack’s wrists, and bit down hard. Lucky chewed even more ferociously than the coyote, and blood trickled out of his mouth. He stopped for a second, spit out a tooth, and then went back to work. Zack had never felt less manly in his entire life.

Meanwhile, Father Kai’s screams turned into grinding, rattling, sputtering wheezes, and Zack shivered. Why didn’t he leave already?

“Go Father Kai!” Zack said, once he was free. “Go! You held out long enough! Look, we’re loose!”

“Carry on soldiers, carry on.” The head of the Makain Church went limp, and Zack and Lucky ran to the other Makains while the dog ate Father Kai’s remainders.

The reception was not warm. Lasintheus punched Zack in the face. Others spat on them. Then someone kicked Zack’s legs out from under him, and he caught a mouthful of Limbean dirt. He staggered to his feet, spit out the dirt, and looked up to see Lucky running toward the edge of the Arena where Kerberus sat.

“Makaio is real!” Zack’s oldest friend declared. “Hawaii is real! One day, Makaio will return, and it will be like the coming of the great flood! Lo, the righteous will rise in the waters of truth, and the wicked shall sink like silver! Makaism is your raft! Morality is your sail! God is your wind!”

Kerberus rose, and an archer stationed in the first row took aim.

Lucky dodged left. Then he dodged right. Then the coyote pounced on him from behind. “MAKAIO WILL RETURN!!!” Lucky screamed with his last breath.

Then, without any warning at all, Zack felt the weight of the entire universe converge on the left side of his
torso – they had released more dogs. Zack looked down, and blood sprayed his eyes, forcing them closed. Then he was back on the hilltop with Lilly, Lucky, Father Kai, Debbie, and God.