The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets (30 page)

“Yo. Where’s the beat?” she asked. The beat dropped. “Yeah yeah, that’s more like it.”

“She’s gonna rap?!” Zack said. Hilarious! he thought. What a funny little scene! The ants, the flowers, everything. Here he and Lilly were, in Heaven, with the option of doing anything they could possibly imagine, and all they wanted to do was get shitfaced and play with ants all day!

“This girl!” Zack said, pointing at Lilly and turning to God. “You gotta watch out for this girl! She’s trouble…
duuuuuude
.”

“Indeed,” said God, chuckling.

“
Heeeeyyy
,” said Lilly.

Zack laughed. Priceless! he thought. Sure, things had been tough for him and Lilly before, but all that was behind them now. They had each other, and they would be together in Heaven forever.

“Ok now shhhhh,” said God. “Angel is waiting for you; she wishes to perform.”

“Oh, sorry,” said Zack, noticing once again the ant in front of them and the beat in his ear.

“That’s all right,” Angel said. “You’re havin’ a good time today – ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. That’s what it’s all about. And you know what? I’m havin’ a good time too. This… this is special right here. You know why?”

Zack and Lilly were speechless.

“Cause,” Angel said, finding her way into the beat, “
I got me six legs and an exoskel
…” she paused and mugged at them, “… and
an iron-grip mandy that takes red ant bitches to hell!
” The rest of the music filled in, and Angel began sashaying back and forth across the air in front of them, bouncing with the beat. Then she let loose:

Yeah, yeah
.

On day six God created ev’ry creeping thing
But he didn’t give my crew no fucking wings
So we stay underground, spittin’ to our sounds
Smokin’ drugs, like thugs, we’re ill fuckin’ bugs

So don’t trip, don’t flip, when you see us in the whip
Boxin’ hot, in the lot, Formicidae love their pot
Don’t you know that we grow, peyote just for dough?
Weed’s our real need;
We smoke it, smoke it, smoke it, smoke it, smoke it, then we feed
.

Why?

Cause, I got me six legs and an exoskel
And an iron-grip mandy that takes red ant bitches to hell!

Yeah! Told y’all this was special. Yeah, yeah
.

Yeah, yeah
.

Now where there’s smoke, there’s also fire
And the Queen’s beauty drew the Devil’s ire
So he went to her sis, and said ‘hey look at this!’
A red coat, ain’t it dope, won't you take it and elope?
I’ll give you wings, six rings… tell you all the secret things

So turn she did, and they had kids, many mill–i–ins
But we had more, and brought mad war… like Thor,
To show that fuckin’ whore… just what a Mandy’s for…
Body segments on the floor! … Score! … Score!

Yeah, males, females, seeds, we destroyed ‘em all,
Made ‘em crawl…
Hung ‘em from the City wall,
Lol!… Lol!… That’s what happens when you fall!
It was awesome, it was awesome, it was awesome, it was fun,
And now their corpses shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel in the sun!

Cause, I got me six legs and an exoskel
And an iron-grip mandy that takes red ant bitches to hell!

Yeah, yeah
.

And that’s what it’s like, and that’s how it is
Cause those who join the Devil, must not live

I said those who join the Devil
must not live!

Haha. Yeah. Kill ‘em all! Slowly and painfully! Right God? All those turncoat bitches
.

The music continued playing, but Angel no longer seemed concerned with it.

Take ‘em to the
real
Hell
,
like in Dante and shit. You know, where we put the real troublemakers. Like a fuckin’… fuckin’… Bosch painting and shit man. None of this watered down, fake-ass shit like they’re used to
.

I’m talking about the furnace! I’m talking about fire and sulfur! The pit! The lake! Where they who worship the beast drink the wine of God’s wrath, poured, unmixed into the cup of his anger! Where the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever! Where they have no rest, day or night – they who worship the beast and its image and who receive the mark of its name!

“Whoa,” said Lilly.

“
Yeah, whoa’s right punk!
” snapped Angel.

Lilly’s jaw dropped.

Then there was a flash of smoke, and Angel was gone.

Lilly furrowed her brow and looked at God. “What’s the deal with that?”

“Yeah God, it kinda harshened my buzz,” said Zack. “Is that right Lilly? Can I say that? ‘Harshened my buzz?’ ”

“Relax my children,” God said. “It’s only entertainment. Good rap’s gotta have some explicit content, right? Try not to take everything so seriously all the time; here, have some more flowers.”

“ ‘K man,” said Lilly, taking them.

“
Totally
,” said Zack, in a California surfer voice… for some reason. Wow, this is crazy, he thought. He had avoided drugs all these years, but now he was finally trying them, in Heaven, with God… and loving every minute of it! Crazy,
crazy. What a day! He hadn’t had this much fun in forever. It was awesome; no it was beyond awesome, it was insane, insanely awesome, all of it – even if Angel’s lyrics had been a little shocking.

Nevertheless, there was still something bothering Zack in the back of his mind. Something he had to remember, or something he had to do. He had been thinking about it at some point before, but then it drifted away. Hmmmm. Better get it back now, before he lost it completely. What was it? A chore? Something he had to tell someone? A dream? Huh. It was on the tip of his tongue, and yet he was clueless. How annoying. If only he could remember, he could put it on his to-do list for tomorrow and then just sit back today and enjoy the rest of this amazing high. But he couldn’t; it was an empty spot in a place that did not exist – like a gap in a cavity, or a fissure in the wind.

What was it? What was it? The rap song? No, no. This was from before that. Hmmmm. Now that Zack thought about it, whatever it was had actually been eating at him for quite some time – almost forever – like it was a part of him. It was old, very old; the high was only bringing it to the surface now because it was proving to Zack that he was incapable of just relaxing and being happy. He looked at God – but his calm smile did not hold any answers. Then he felt dizzy and almost fell over. Perhaps he had eaten too many flowers; the ground and sky were somersaulting like the yin and yang. What was it? What was it?

And then he heard it: the soft creak of rope. That quiet, unassuming sound that in one unthinkable instant had stolen any true and lasting peace that Zack might ever have.
Suddenly, the high went away, the ants stopped singing, and God’s smile evaporated.

No, for Zack, there was no God and no Heaven, and there never would be. That was because he was there that day. He was there the day that the children on the playground circled in on Errol like jackals. Not only was he there, but he was one of them – one of the most vile, disgusting, evil creatures in the entire universe, more vicious than any dog on any planet – the untrained human child.

‘Meryl! Meryl! Meryl!’ they chanted.

‘Pussy!’ yelled one.

‘Faggot!’ called another.

And Zack did nothing. He just stood there with a weak smile, as if Errol was a complete stranger – as if he didn’t go over his house every day after school to play videogames, as if they didn’t ride bikes together in the woods, as if they didn’t fish, go frog-catching, or have sleepovers together. Why? Because Zack was a coward. And what did he do after school
that
day, the day of the verbal beating? Why, he went next door without a care in the world, up the back porch steps, through the screen-windowed door without knocking, up the dim stairs, down the thickly-carpeted hallway, and into the room that Errol had used as his portal into the next life.

Zack could never prove it, but he always knew why Errol had chosen to take his life on that particular day. It was because that was the day that Errol learned that he did not have even one friend in the world.

“Lilly, I don’t deserve to be in Heaven.”

“What are you –”

“Look,” Zack said, and he showed her the entire thing.

“Zack,” she said, after he finished, “you were just a kid.”

“Yes,” God said, “You did not know any better. Lessons like this one are the very purpose of life.”

“Maybe,” Zack said, “but now that I remember what I did, I’m not sure that I can ever be happy.”

“Zack,” God said, “Errol is in Heaven too. I did not tell you because the time was not right. But you can apologize to him in person, you can fix this.”

“Lilly, maybe I should. Maybe we should stay with God.”

“No Zack! He lied to us! He tried to control our minds! He promised he wouldn’t, and then he did it anyway.”

“God,” Zack said, “even if I apologized, I would still always know what I did… what I am.”

“I could take away the memory.”

Zack pondered this. “No, that’s not right either. Somehow, I think it’s important for me to remember.”

“Then keep the memory, Zack. There are no easy answers in life.”

“Lilly, I think we should stay.”

“No Zack. You can stay, but I’m leaving. God lied to us, and I’ve had enough of it.”

Lilly, what makes you think we even have an option? Didn’t you hear the rap? Jeez, if ever there was a time to be humble…

“I don’t live my life in fear Zack. Didn’t do it before God, not gonna do it now. He won’t hurt us, don’t worry. He knows he was wrong; he knows that hurting us now would be even more wrong.”

“But –”

“Come with me. Don’t you want to see the other worlds? Don’t you want to read from the book and learn what other
secrets God has kept from us? Don’t you want to have babies?”

Zack looked at Lilly and remembered just how deeply he loved her. He loved her ideals, her passion… her fierce, wild rage. He loved the way that she always tried to do good. He loved the way that she cared so much for others. He loved the way that she always knew what she believed in and was willing to fight for it. She was the most unique, unfathomable being on Heaven, Limbo, or any other planet in the mind of God. There was no other Lilly, there never could be. She was too much for any man, but he had to try.

“Zack,” she said, “I love you.”

“Ok Lilly, I’ll go… if God lets us.”

“Ha!” she said. “Do you see that? He’s coming with me!” The words dribbled over her chin. She grinned, eyes wide, with sick delight. “We reject you God. Leave us.”

A sad, failing, degraded look spread across God’s face. Zack had only seen such a look once before in his life. God stared for a few seconds. Then he left.

22

T
he walls of the ship reappeared, bringing with them a tall Caucasian man and a simple steel table with three chairs. The man had black hair and plain green military-style clothing. He was standing. “
Aloha
,” he said slyly. “Did you know that it means both hello
and
goodbye?”

Zack and Lilly laughed nervously.

“Please, let us sit.”

They did.

“It was once said on Earth that a time would come when all secrets would be revealed.
Nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, nothing is secret that will not become known
. For you, that time has arrived.”

As the man spoke, Zack began to feel a slight discomfort that he had not known since the early part of the march to Sorkium – he needed to use a restroom.

The man looked at Zack and smiled. “Now where
are
my manners?” He waved his hand through the air, and Zack’s need was gone.

Lilly looked at them quizzically.

“Just taking care of some bodily functions,” the man said, “no cause for alarm. And with that out of the way… please… let me introduce myself! I am very much like the being that was just on this ship, but also different… although this was not always so. Once, we were both very much like each other… and very much like you. We began on another world, and we advanced past the stage of your civilization many eons ago.”

“I
knew it! I knew it all along!
” Zack burst out. “That was
not
really God!”

“No, you are quite incorrect,” the man said. “There is no difference.”

“But –”

“Do not riddle me incessantly the way you did to God. I always speak the whole truth the first time, and I do not care to repeat myself.

“Now, as I was saying, our science advanced to the point where we could alter our physical bodies, including our brains, and this opened up a flood of new technological possibilities that your minds, in their current, embryonic state, could never even dream of. We conquered space. We conquered death. We built brains the size of planets and larger, each of them capable of holding on the head of a pin, more data and computing power than all of your planet’s computers put together.

“We mastered science completely and became capable of doing anything physically possible, including creating and manipulating life itself. Then, when there was nothing else about the physical universe to learn, we set out to master morality, emotion, and spirituality, which are much harder. We created millions of worlds and civilizations, including
yours, and we experimented. We gave Atlantis every technology that it could handle, only to crush it into oblivion. We sent gods and goddesses to ancient Greece to live, love, and fight among you. We sent prophets to the Middle and Far East. We sent monsters, ghosts, and little green men to frighten you. We sent disasters, miracles, and doctrines. We spoke to you in your dreams and answered your prayers.”