The American Lover (24 page)

“I see,” I mumbled.

“What I'm trying to explain here, not very well, is that I’m trying my best to be as open and honest as I can about my hopes and plans for the potential future that I see for us.  So if I say I could see us having kids together one day, then that’s the truth.  And because I totally get how having kids is a huge deal for you, I should also clarify how that’s in the future, that I'm not actually ready for kids right at this moment. So can you see how that’s being as honest as I can be with you?” he tried to explain.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to jump you and force you to impregnate me right now this second,” I managed to joke. “And anyway, I’m not sure I’d want any kids of mine to have a Yank for a father.”

“But you wouldn’t rule out the possibility?” He looked at me hopefully.

“I have no idea what I think any more, Caleb. I’m hung-over, tired, confused, and I have a raging headache. I need some time and space to think,” I said wearily, as I massaged my temples.

“Take all the time you want. All I'm asking is that you seriously think about what I've said, instead of shutting me out and hiding yourself away. I know I'm pushing hard and asking a lot of you, but the rewards could really be worth it, couldn’t they?” he wheedled.

“I don't know anything, Caleb. I've had enough, and you’re just confusing me now.  No more talk about anything serious, not till I've had a chance to think and have more of my wits about me. Please, just go away and leave me alone.” I buried my face in the pillow.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t take the risk…could I?

“I just want us to talk, Faith…” he still continued.

“Enough! My brain is about to implode. Go book into your hotel, catch up on some sleep.  I seriously doubt you got much rest on that sofa last night, plus you must be jet lagged as well.”

“I didn't book a hotel, and now that I'm finally here with you, I'm not risking going anywhere in case you shut me out again,” he insisted stubbornly. “But I get that you’re not at your best right now, that you're ornery thanks to your self-inflicted hangover, so how about we just lie here and cuddle up together for a while?”

He didn't wait for my reply as he lay down behind me on the bed, wrapped his solid, comforting arms around me, then tucked my head under his chin in our usual way.

When did that happen, having ‘our’ way of doing things?

But I couldn’t deny it felt really,
really
nice cuddling up with Caleb like this, and besides, I just didn't have the strength to argue with this dogged man any longer.  

“You have to admit the way we fit together feels just about perfect, doesn’t it?” Caleb sighed contentedly as he relaxed against me, echoing my unspoken thoughts, which happened quite often, when I came to think about it.

“Oh, just shut up, and let my brain have some peace and quiet instead of listening to all your yawping.” I softened my words by pulling his arm more tightly around me.  I didn't have to see his face to know he was smiling, as I felt his fingers interlocking with mine.

“Yaaawping?” he mocked my English accent. “See, that’s another thing I like about you. Your cute accent.”

“You’re the one with the accent.  Bloody Yanks, telling us we have accents.  May I remind you what language it is you’re speaking?” I pointed out. “English. And I’m English. So
I
don't have the accent,
you
do.”

I felt the laughter rumbling through his body.

“Guess I have to concede that point. But you know you’ll have to get used to everyone telling you what a cute accent you have, when you come over to the States to take the job.”

“
If
I take the job,” I murmured, worn out both mentally and physically.  Then it occurred to me that despite my best intentions, it seemed Caleb had persuaded me to start reconsidering the possibility of going over there. I had to hand it to the man, he was sneakily worming his way in. “So, how long are you stopping over?”

“That all depends on you. First off, I have to know if I'm in with a chance of persuading you to give us a chance.” I felt him tensing up as he waited for my reply.

“You're a persistent sod, I’ll give you that, Caleb Mackenzie. However hard I try to get rid of you, you just won’t give up, will you?” I sighed. “Even when I vomit all over you.”

“Actually you missed me. It was the other guy’s shoes you ruined,” he chuckled. “Perfect aim. Nothing he didn't deserve.”

“So, not that I'm agreeing to anything yet, but if I did let you hang around for a while, what are your plans? What about work, when do you have to get back?”

“Never mind about work, that’s all taken care of for now. What I’d really like is to meet your family while I'm here. I think that would be an important first step, don't you?”

I turned to look at him.

“Seriously? You'd actually choose to put yourself through that ordeal?” I asked incredulously.

“Sure. And then I'd like for you to meet my family, when you come back to the States with me…”

“Whoa, hang on a minute here. I haven’t agreed to go to the States with you.”

“Not yet, but you have to, because I'm not giving up, and I'm not taking no for an answer. Otherwise, I guess I’ll just have to look into relocating over here instead.  And FYI, Harry agrees with me that you should come over and take the job.”

“Oh, does she now?”

“Yep.”

“What else did you two talk about?” I asked suspiciously.

“Oh, this and that,” he replied evasively, as he toyed with my hair.

I decided I'd definitely be having words with Harry later, to get to the bottom of things.

“Anyway, how are you feeling? Is your hangover lifting yet?” Caleb swiftly changed the subject.

“A bit. And er, I suppose I should thank you for taking care of me last night. Couldn’t have been much fun looking after a drunk who was hurling their guts out, especially when you’d just flown half way round the world to see them,” I apologised, realising rather shamefacedly that I’d been acting like an ungrateful brat.

“No worries, it was my pleasure, Faith, because looking after you and taking care of you is what I want to do from now on. And I can't really complain, because if you hadn't gotten yourself into such a drunken state, you might not have let me in,” he said, as we lay facing one another. “Then we wouldn’t be here now, talking like this. And you can't deny this feels good, just being together like this. Being with you feels right, because I know I can just be myself. That’s one of the reasons I know it’s more than just a physical attraction between us. Because we can just
be
together and it’s enough, more than enough. That’s what has me convinced we’re on the brink of something truly epic here Faith. All it needs is for you to take that leap with me.”

“I have a phobia, Caleb, which means I can't go leaping that way,” I whispered.

“Sure you can.  We can take the leap together, with me holding you tight all the way, and making sure we have a soft landing.” His eyes seemed to be pleading and begging me to give him a chance.

“I wouldn’t go making any rash promises, not until you’ve run the gauntlet of my sisters and my parents. That is, if you're foolish enough to go ahead and insist on meeting them,” I warned.

Could I possibly contemplate introducing Caleb to everyone? What on earth would they make of all this?

“I don't scare that easy,” he laughed breezily.

“I’ll remind you of that if and when the time comes,” I murmured, as I felt myself getting drowsy.

Then sleep, the perfect escape, washed over me.

I
figured it had to be a positive sign when Faith didn't throw me out of her place, even after she’d sobered up the following morning.

Looking after Faith while she puked her guts up was not exactly what I'd been planning on doing, but at least it gave me the opportunity to get myself through the front door, when otherwise I suspected there’d have been a good chance she’d have refused to let me in.

I was angry with her for getting herself in such a state, but it just proved how confused she was, as I knew she never usually drank much alcohol.

And I hated, really hated, what she’d done to her appearance. Heavy makeup, slutty clothes - it just wasn’t her, just as getting drunk wasn’t her. It made me all the more determined to get her to face up to whatever skewed logic it was that had her acting like this.

The previous night, just as Faith had finished throwing up and I’d put her to bed to sleep it off, there’d been an insistent ringing and knocking at the door, which I’d hoped wasn’t lover boy returning to try his luck again.

Luckily it wasn’t. Instead, I’d opened the door to find an attractive, tall brunette standing there in a short orange halter neck dress, hands on hips, radiating hostility.

“Who the hell are you? And where’s Faith?” Her chocolate brown eyes glared at me.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m taking care of Faith and she’s fine - well, kind of, now that she’s about finished puking her drunken guts up. I figure you must be her friend Harriet, from the upstairs apartment?” She’d nodded her affirmation. “Well, I’m Caleb Mackenzie, also a friend of Faith’s. How about you come on in and see for yourself how she is?”

“Thanks, I will. It’s just when Will came back, he was babbling on about some big, pushy Yank turning up on Faith’s doorstep, but he wasn’t making a whole lot of sense,” she’d explained, still frowning. She followed me through to the bedroom, where she’d seen Faith peacefully sleeping, and then obviously feeling more reassured, she followed me through to the little kitchen area.

“I guess she seems okay, still in one piece, so thanks for taking care of her.  I didn't know what to think when Will came back without Faith, and then started mouthing off about her - that was when I told him to sling his hook.  I did try to warn Faith about him, but she wouldn’t listen,” she’d sighed.

“I see,” I’d murmured, still mightily pissed about the guy thinking he could take advantage of Faith that way.

“Caleb - you’re that American guy she worked with, aren’t you?” Harriet had warmed up enough to me to throw a small smile my way.

“Yeah, I am,” I’d smiled back briefly, but then frowned. “Now do you mind telling me what the hell’s going on for Faith to be acting so out of character?.”

“We’ll get to that in a minute, but first do you mind telling me what you're doing here?” she’d countered. “Is it about this job she was offered in San Francisco?”

“Yeah. That, along with a whole lot of other unfinished business… between us… about us.”

“As in… you and her… together? That kind of unfinished business?” Harriet quickly pieced things together.

“Yep, you got it. But she’s running scared, and I'm guessing that’s maybe what’s brought some of this about.”

“I knew it!” she’d exclaimed. “Faith’s been acting weird ever since she got back, but every time I’ve asked her, she’s totally denied there was anything wrong. All she would say was that the job over there didn't work out.”

“That figures,” I’d sighed. “Look, truth is, I could’ve handled things a whole lot better than I did, but in my defence, since my divorce, this is new territory for me too. So I'm here to try and make amends, get things sorted, to try and work something out with her.”

“Wow - I'm impressed.  Did you really fly all this way just to try and convince our lovely, but seriously mixed up little Faith that you’re actually pretty keen on her?” Harriet had grinned at me.

“Yeah, I did, actually,” I’d admitted. “Although I'm not sure she’s going to allow herself to be convinced.”

“Well, Caleb, as long as you don't intend playing games with Faith, if you’re not going to mess her around, and if you are indeed serious about working things out with her, then I think you could very well turn out to be her saving grace, the very person she needs,”  Harriet had declared, as she’d studied me shrewdly. 

“I can assure you I have no intention of playing games or messing around with Faith, not after everything she’s been through. And you gotta admit, it’s a helluva long journey to make just to fool around on someone,” I’d pointed out.

“Fair enough, I suppose. Well then in that case, I suggest you don't give up until you get the silly, pig-headed, stubborn-as-a-mule girl to give you a chance,” Harry had advised with a cheeky wink.

“That’s my intention. And thanks for the vote of confidence, I appreciate it,” I’d smiled. “And you should know that I wouldn’t mess with Faith, because I totally get that she’s had a real shit couple of years.  I get that her world began and ended with Drew, and how devastating it was for her to lose him the way she did.”

“Yeah, they were a really sweet couple. Drew was a great guy. Uncomplicated, down to earth, kind hearted. So unfair when he was killed out of the blue like that, made no sense whatsoever.” Harriet shook her head sadly as she sighed. “Faith’s really struggled to find a way to get her life back on track ever since.”

“Yeah, I kinda worked that out for myself. And maybe that’s why I made such a stupid mess of things with her before, because I was scared of how to go about things, didn't want to make things worse for her, or me, come to that. I don't have that great of a track record either, thanks to a pretty ugly divorce.”

“You’re a right pair then, aren’t you? But at least it means you have some idea what’s going through her head. That whole self preservation by not taking risks thing - I think you’ll find Faith takes that to a whole new level.”

“Yeah well, I guess maybe it takes one to know one,” I’d murmured.

***

Thanks to my little brother kicking my sorry ass into gear, at least I'd arrived just in time to stop that fucker messing around with Faith. Any lingering doubts I'd had about whether or not I was doing the right thing in hot footing it over to London vanished the second I saw him mauling her. Clearly Faith hadn't been thinking straight to have gotten herself into such a vulnerable situation, and she was in urgent need of some plain talking, all of which vindicated my decision to come flying half way round the world to see her. 

So I could care less if I'd ruffled a few feathers at the office by ordering my PA to cancel my entire schedule for the week.  Once I’d made up my mind to go, all that mattered was getting over to London as soon possible, before it was too late. I’d let Faith slip through my fingers before, and I wasn’t about to make the same mistake again if I could help it, so all I could hope was that I hadn't left it too late by prevaricating too long.

Once we finally sat down together to thrash things out, I really had my work cut out to get her to face up to her feelings. I hated upsetting her with some harsh truths, but I figured it was the only way I was going to get through those thick defensive walls she’d thrown up around herself.

It wasn’t easy, but what kept me going was what my brother Seth had said, how it had to be the strength of Faith’s feelings that had gotten her so scared.
Who knew he could be so fucking wise?

And boy, I discovered how incredibly stubborn she could be, until I finally broke through her defenses by bringing up the subject of babies.

Shit, I’d even scared myself talking that way, but it was true, I could see Faith as the mother of my kids one day, even though I’d pushed away all thoughts of having a family since my divorce.

But just as I was getting through to her and making progress, stupid fucking jet lag meant I fell asleep as we cuddled up together on her bed.

Next thing I knew was waking up with a start, unable to work out where the hell I was for a few seconds.  My next reaction was panic, because Faith had disappeared again, and all I had for company was Stan, her big, fluffy, tabby cat, sharing the bed with me instead.

Then I found her note on the nightstand.

‘Gone to see Harry to apologise for last night. Back soon. F.x’

So she hadn't run out on me again. I heaved a huge sigh of relief as I stretched out and put my hands under my head. The cat also stirred and stretched, as he lazily opened one green eye to look at me.

“So, Stan, how am I going to get her to agree to come back to the States with me?” I scratched behind his ear, making him purr loudly. “I know she’s gonna come up with all sorts of obstacles for why she can't leave here, and I bet you're gonna be one of them, hmm?”

Stan meowed loudly when I paused from my attentions, then closed his eyes in bliss when I scratched under his chin instead to mollify him.

“She could come back for a vacation if she wanted, as well as having her family visit with her anytime. That’s one of the reasons I figure it’ll make sense to meet them while I'm here if I can, to try and get them onside. I also figure meeting her folks will show her I’m serious about wanting us to try to work something out.”

Suddenly, the cat’s ears pricked up at the sound of the front door opening, and he leapt off the bed, no doubt to go begging for more food from his human provider.

Cats. Eat till they’re sleepy, sleep till they’re hungry.

I got off the bed and followed him out to the kitchen where Faith had headed.

“Hi,” I smiled, as I stretched, yawned and ran my fingers through my hair.  “Sorry about crashing out like that.”

“You were out for the count, which is not surprising all things considered,” she smiled back, as she filled her electric kettle from the faucet. “Tea? Or would you prefer I make you some coffee?”

“Coffee, please, strong and black.  Think I need a good strong hit of caffeine to wake me up. So, how are you feeling now?” I inquired.

“Better, thanks.”

She did indeed look much better, fresh faced, wearing skinny jeans and a simple white top, her silky wheat colored hair hanging loose and natural. I wandered over and took her in my arms, bending down to kiss her soft cheek.

“I’m glad you're back, because I really miss you whenever you’re not around,” I whispered, as I nuzzled her soft, warm neck. She smelt really good, not perfumed, just clean and sweet and nice in her own special unique way.  Hard to explain, but she just smelt
right
to me.

“You’re all scratchy,” she laughed, as she ran her fingers over my stubbly chin.

“Sorry about that, didn't get round to shaving this morning,” I apologised.

“No worries, I rather like it actually,” she murmured, as her eyes started to go all dreamy. I’d noticed before how they seemed to turn a softer shade of blue when she got turned on, which was incredibly sensual. “In fact, I think it’s rather hot, if you must know.”

“Oh, is that so?”  I lifted her to sit on the kitchen worktop, and stood between her legs, as I felt myself immediately growing hard as rock.

“Uh-huh, very hot indeed.”

And just like that, the electricity was sizzling between us again.

I leaned back to pull off my T shirt, and then helped Faith pull off hers too.  I couldn’t wait to feel her fantastic breasts brushing against my skin again, so I reached round to unfasten her bra, threw it across the room, then pulled her up against my chest. Fuck, I nearly came on the spot when I felt her hardened nipples teasing against my chest.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your sexy little body, how good it feels against mine,” I breathed in her ear as I grabbed her hips and slid her towards me along the worktop until she was perfectly positioned with her hot core pressed up against my length. “I don't know how to explain it, but no one has ever made me feel the way you do.”

“Oh Caleb, this is madness, you know that, don't you? What the hell are we getting ourselves into? Wouldn’t it be easier, safer, not to let ourselves go down this path?” she whispered, as she pulled back to look into my eyes.

“Maybe it would, but it’s not happening, Faith. Admit it, you want me just as much as I want you, because you have feelings for me,” I murmured as I met her gaze, determined to get her to face up to things. “Admit that you missed me when you left. Admit that you like being with me. Admit that we have fun together. Admit that we could have a future together.” I punctuated each statement with a kiss, as I slowly kissed my way down from her eyes, down her neck, until I reached her nipple and sucked it into my mouth and then bit it.

“Fuck, Caleb!” Faith threw her head back as she took in a deep breath.

“Say it. Say you want to be with me. Admit you
do
care about me.” I sucked in her other nipple, and bit that one too, as I undid her jeans and slipped my hands inside to run them over her soft skin. “Just fucking say it, Faith!”

“Okay, maybe I might have feelings for you, Caleb. Now, for fuck’s sake will you just get on with doing me
please.”

She fumbled to pop the button on my fly, then slid her hand inside my boxers to grab my cock, running her hands up and down my length, gently squeezing and teasing my tip.