The Art of the Pimp: One Man's Search for Love, Sex, and Money (37 page)

• • •

Dear Mr. Huf:

I see you on the TV with the girls and it so disgusting. Why you do that to girls? You are evil. The girls, the girls pretty, but they know nothing. Don’t understand nothing. You big fuckin skumbag. You do not do that more to girls. I say that now!

• • •

Mr. Hof:

I listened to you on the Mancow radio show yesterday. And you made me sick in my stomach! Mancow, he is a very nasty man. So you two go good together. I am sure God himself put you two together so the whole world could see what really criminals are like! You think God wants you to be a daddy of the whores? NO! NO! He does not! God is a good God, and he don’t want you do to that! Leave those girls alone! Let them free from where you keep them tied up! You stink!

• • •

Dear Bunny Ranch WhoreMaster:

I watched you on the TV show Bill O’ Really and I think you are a big dumb perverted fuck. Leave those girls alone! It is wrong, wrong and wrong to have sex for money — especially a lot of money. Don’t you have any moralities? I mean, c’mon, you know how fucked up you are. Plus you’re a fatso.

• • •

When I saw your owner — or shouid I say pimp? — on FOX TV with Sean Hannity I said to myself, “There goes Sean, a great American, with Dennis Hoff, a terrible American!” And I think that says it all! Sex is supposed to be a very special experience between a man and a woman, and they have to be in love for it to mean anything. Otherwise we are no different than dogs! Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs, but Mr. Hoff you are worse than a dog! Those girls should be in school or home having babies. Shame on you!

• • •

Dennis,

Your soul has been sucked out of you. You enslave your Hooker Monarch Slave Princesses and control using the OBEY sign. Your Red and Black watch you always wear are Satanic Fascist colors which give away that you are a Satanic Freemason and member of the Illuminati.

You are a General in the Monarch Mind Control Cult — ruining young women and those who refuse to submit are taken to a compound where the likes of Dick Cheney hunt them down like animals.

You aim is to draw people away from the Truth and to your New Age Sexuality cult. Only idiots have no clue that you are a part of a multi-layered organization rooted in satanism, sex and drugs.

Your satanic sex cult is now going mainstream thanks to the likes of O’Reilly, Hannity, and FM Morning Radio Shows across the country.

Your speaking at Oxford, Trinity College and the upcoming Sorbonne belies your evil 37th Freemason ranking. Your cryptic message is clear.

Your friends like Russell Brand promote drug use, while potty mouthed Margaret Cho’s stand up promotes bisexuality and gay marriage. None of this is funny, much less productive.

You care nothing of morals and corrupt women with the lure of money. Your BunnyRanch franchise is a domino that you want to place around the world to corrupt others and that is why you named your dog so aptly, Domino.

Soon everyone will know what the Illuminati are up to and start a revolution all over the world.

• • •

Mr. Hof,

I seen yous on the bill cunningham show n I just wanna say that you is messing with these womans lives. you be taking advantage of these young girls and that is just wrong. yous nuthin more than a street pimp not a bizzness man. just a white pimp. in your fancy car living your nice life while this girls making money for you. thats just wrong. you need to have a real job n get sum respect for these girls to live a real life too. smh

• • •

I consider myself an educated and liberated man, but when I saw your so-called “boss” Dennis Huft on the View the other day I was shocked. How a man who makes his living exploiting the sexuality of young females can be on a respected show like this and treated as some kind of “celebrity” is beyond me. Where is the shame? Where is the outrage? This is the type of person who society needs to shun, not celebrate! I hope you get a lot of mail from men and women who express the same feelings I do! I would love the opportunity to speak to the “Bunnies” of the Bunny Ranch and tell them to open their eyes, and ears, and minds and get out of the prostitution business! Right now! Can’t you see you are destroying your lives and your future? What are you going to tell your children and grandchildren when they ask what you did for a living when you were young? Please girls! Put this man and his evil business out of business! This is not the right way to make a living! You can do better!

T
HE YEAR AFTER THAT CRAZY
Virgin Drama, I ended up in bed with my old friend Heidi Fleiss. Heidi, for those of you who don’t remember, was arrested in 1993 for running a hugely successful call-girl ring in Los Angeles. One of her most famous clients was Charlie Sheen, who was carefree enough — or careless enough — to pay with personal checks. Heidi served almost two years in prison, and she used the time to write a terrific memoir,
Pandering
, going back to the early years, when as a girl of thirteen she was already making big money as head of a babysitting empire.

By the time I met her, thanks to our mutual friend Ron Jeremy, she was living in Pahrump, Nevada, her days as the infamous Hollywood Madam behind her. She’d just been released from prison, so this must have been around 1999. I liked her right away. I found her smart and attractive. I remember turning to her one night and saying, “Hey, we should grab a girl and do something crazy.”

And she said, “When I went to prison, I was two percent lesbian. I never really liked girls at all. But I was gay for the stay.” I thought that was a great line:
Gay for the stay
. The girls at the BunnyRanch have their own expression:
Gay for pay
.

Heidi told me she had this big bull dyke who kept all the other girls away from her, and she would rub her feet every night, and that as a result, for a brief period, Heidi thought she might be
three
percent gay, but it never turned into anything. As for us, yes, we were lovers, and she was great in the sack. She was on Howard Stern during this period and he asked her the question on everyone’s minds: “What the hell is your sex life with Dennis like anyway?”

Heidi took a moment and answered. “When he’s done with me, I don’t know whether to ask him to marry me or to call nine-one-one.”

From that day forward, every time I talked to Howard, he always began with a question of his own: “Anybody call nine-one-one on you lately?”

In any event, Heidi and I drifted apart, but we remained friends and even considered becoming business partners. She’s the one that talked me into going to southern Nevada, where I bought two other brothels, the Cherry Patch and Mabel’s Whorehouse. The idea was that we were really going to class them up and create a beautiful, palm-lined driveway like they have at the Beverly Hills Hotel, but then Heidi started talking about turning it into a stud farm — she wanted
male
hookers — and I didn’t like that idea. I kept reminding her that she’d been one of the great madams of all time and that she could do it again, but that it would never fly with guys. I was worried that the business would end up catering mostly to gays, and I didn’t think anybody was going to be able to handle that, not even
Nevada. It was just too damn risky. As a brothel owner, I have just five county commissioners holding my fate in their hands. If three of them decide to rescind my license, it’s all over. Now I’m not saying she was wrong — in fact, I think homosexual prostitution could turn out to be bigger than what I’ve got — but I didn’t think the timing was right.

For a while there, Heidi kind of lost her way. She developed a substance abuse problem, and that led to a stint on
Celebrity Rehab
in 2009. In my opinion, she really stole the show. And when it was over and she was clean, she went around telling everyone that we were getting married. The media just ate it up and I’m a fan of the media, so I didn’t complain. But I called Heidi to try to figure out what she’d been thinking. “Well,” she said, “I remember you telling me once that you could never be with a girl who had a substance abuse problem and I no longer have a substance abuse problem, so I thought you might not be so disapproving of me anymore. But mostly I just said it to have fun.”

Heidi. Smart girl. She knows how to use the press. You should have seen the headlines. The Hollywood Madam and the Cathouse King, a marriage made in heaven. Or hell. But it was nothing more than a publicity stunt. I love Heidi and we remain close to this day.

Heidi Fleiss

I was introduced to Dennis by Ron Jeremy in 1993 at a sex-related event in Toronto. Dennis was just starting out in the business and he was nobody at the time. I remember taking Ron aside and reprimanding him. “Why are you associating with that guy? He’s not in our league. You’re a legend in your field and I’m right there next to you, but that guy is nothing.” Looking back, I’m sort of embarrassed. Dennis is in a league of his own now. He’s the only pimp in history who has ever been invited to speak at Oxford University.

The funny thing about Dennis, though, is that he’s had all this success, but deep down he’s more interested in being famous than in being a pimp. He absolutely loves the camera. I’m not sure where that comes from exactly. Maybe he wasn’t loved enough as a child. But Dennis is very careful about his image. He likes people to think that he has life figured out, that it all boils down to fucking lots of girls and having fun, but in fact he is a lot more sensitive and complicated. He doesn’t want people to see that side of him; he must think it’s a sign of weakness.

I’ve seen it, though. I think one way to measure a man’s true worth is to see how he treats the women in his life, especially when things fall apart, and I’ve never met a man as decent as Dennis. Even when a woman breaks his heart — and I have seen that happen many, many times — he goes out of his way to treat her with decency and respect. Dennis will be with a girl for three or four years, and when it’s over he will send her $5,000 a month. He doesn’t just give these girls money, he buys them houses and cars and puts them through college — and in several cases he continues to help them even after they’ve married and had kids.

When I got in trouble with drugs, he was the first person to call to see what he could do to help. But whatever you do, don’t cross him. Dennis has a thing about loyalty. He has a favorite expression: To get motherfucked. That’s one thing he won’t tolerate. You motherfuck Dennis, it’s not like he even bothers to get even. It’s worse. You no longer exist.

At one point, Dennis and I talked about going into business together and in fact, one of the reasons I moved to Nevada was to pursue opportunities in the sex industry. It never worked out, though. We had different ideas about the future of prostitution. I thought male prostitutes were a good idea, Dennis didn’t.

We also have very different tastes. The girls who worked for me were generally very classy girls and lots of them had been on the covers of
Harper’s Bazaar
,
Marie Claire
,
Cosmopolitan
, and other national magazines. But Dennis has more of a
Hustler
approach — and clearly it works. I remember being in New York with him once, and he’d brought a couple of girls along, and they were sitting in the hotel lobby
at nine in the morning, drinking sodas. I said, “Dennis, that looks tacky.” He looked at them, realized I was right, and went over and told the girls to lose the sodas.