The Blueprint (28 page)

Kim handed the sleeping bundle back to Lily.  "You choose, Lily."

She welcomed the
baby back into her embrace, kissing her lightly on the forehead, before starting to hum.  She heard Kim laugh and smiled up at her.  "I think it's perfect for all the right reasons."

They hummed together for a minute and Kim said, "Me, too."

Jimmy looked back and forth at the women, flustered at his ignorance of the code being exchanged between them.  He never felt as lost as when these two communicated in their secret language.  "What?  What did I miss?"

Lily answered, "Kim came up with the name, Amanda.  We thought it would be perfect, if she had two love songs to go along with her name."  She started humming a different tune and Kim joined in.

"Words, ladies.  I need words."

Kim rolled her eyes.  "I can't believe you don't recognize the songs.  I'd sing them but I don't want to scare the baby.  The first one was "Amanda," by Boston.  Or if she goes by Mandy, she'll have a song by Barry
Manilow, too."

Jimmy'
s confusion hadn't abated with their explanation.  "And having a song is important?"  he asked, brows furrowed.

"Yes!"  The women answered together.

"Girls," Jimmy grumbled, shaking his head.  "I guess I'll have to buy those cassettes.  But, I'm not telling people why it was picked.  That's your job.  With all the crying I've done today and now talk of love songs, everybody is gonna think I've turned into a pansy."  Betraying his last statement, he nuzzled Amanda's cheek and in a sing-song voice said, "Isn't that right, Amanda?  Daddies have to be big and tough."  He was ushered out the door by muffled giggles.

When finally the last visitor
left for the night, the crushing strength of the exhaustion excitement had held at bay commanded their attention.  Kim would have to return home;  she was expected back at work tomorrow, but Jimmy had been given the week off.  Kim stayed to watch Amanda take her bottle, and procrastinated leaving until Jimmy all but carried her out the door, delivering her to her car. 

He returned to find Lily lying
half-awake in the dark with Amanda asleep in her bassinette only an arm's length away.  He whispered, "You know the nurses will take her for the night so you can get some rest."

Half asleep, she mumbled her reply,
"I need to keep her with me as long as I can."

Jimmy yielded and dep
osited himself in the recliner, preparing himself for a stiff neck and back in the morning.

The next three days passed in a blur of holding and feeding Amanda coupled with bursts of boisterous visits from Jimmy's extended family. 
He ran interference with the nursing staff and company while Lily cradled their baby, wholly possessed with her daughter's needs.   In their brief moments alone, he wondered how he could have ever doubted her capacity for loving their child.  Lily appeared so enthralled with her newborn that the outside world had fallen away.  Late at night, he could hear her whispering to Amanda while she took her bottle, another mother imparting unsolicited wisdom.  The same woman who he'd struggled to get more than two sentences out of at a time while they dated seemed to never run short of soft words for her baby.  

On the fourth a
nd last night in the hospital, Jimmy opened his eyes to find the bassinette empty and Lily deathly still with a sleeping baby in her arms.  He wondered if the lack of rest had finally caught up with her and she'd fallen asleep with her eyes open.  He watched her for another minute and when she still hadn't moved, he went to scoop Amanda up and place her safely in the crib. 

Lily gasped, "Not yet, please."

"Lily, you have to sleep."  He brushed the hair from her eyes and was struck by how cold she felt.  "You're gonna make yourself sick, darlin'.  We'll all still be here in the mornin'.  You can hold her again then and every day after that."  He returned Amanda to the crib and tucked an extra blanket around Lily, who shivered in the baby's absence.  He returned to his chair and debated whether or not he should summon a nurse.  By the time he'd decided to act, Lily released a heavy sigh and closed her eyes, giving up her fight with the inevitable.

Kim sped to the hospital, hoping to make it back before the final release papers were signed.  Amanda would go home today.  She'd grown attached to the infant she already thought of as a step-daughter.   And where before she hesitated to make herself part of important parental moments, now she gave herself permission to not miss a thing.  Days away from Amanda were torture, watching the clock trudge forward until quitting time signaled another race to the hospital where the healing powers of the baby's coos would sustain her until the next evening.  She was giddy with the knowledge that tonight was different.   Tomorrow was Saturday, and there would be a reprieve from the torture at last.

As she rushed t
o enter Lily's room, she collided with a well-dressed stranger as much in a hurry to leave as she was to arrive.  She found Jimmy slumped on the empty bed studying papers while his child lay squirming in her bassinette.  Kim knew instantly that something was off, but reached for Amanda first, who looked ready to remind her father of her presence and displeasure at being ignored.  The baby quieted when she received what she was about to request with force and accepted Kim's pinky as a pacifier. 

Rocking Amanda, Kim
asked, "Who was that man?  And where's Lily?"

Jimmy didn't look up. 
His tone hard, he answered, "That was my lawyer.  And Lily's gone."

Kim sat next to him on the
bed, peering over his shoulder at the papers he clutched, and waited for him to explain.  She didn't want to jump to conclusions, but the dread building in her gut supplied the answer before she asked, "Jimmy, what happened?"

"Lily asked me to run some errands
for her before she and Amanda were released.  She sent me out looking for some special diaper that could only be found across town.  When I got back she was gone, and my lawyer, Teddy Shriver, was waiting for me." He shoved the stack of papers back in their envelope.  His temper mounting, he continued, "Apparently the same day she went in to sign the papers Teddy had written up for me, Lily hired him to do some work for her."  He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.  Tapping the manila envelope, he finished, "This document gives me full custody of Amanda.  Lily terminated her parental rights.  It was dated and signed over two weeks ago."

He
reached for his daughter.  "There's a letter addressed to both of us from Lily in the envelope with the legal papers.  I'm not ready to read it.  But go ahead if you want."

I found a way to keep my promise.  If I stayed, I'd do more harm than good.  I can't change who I am, but I can make sure Amanda doesn't catch what I have.  This week with her is all that I dare take.  She deserves better.  She deserves the two of you.  I love you both.  Please, respect my choice.

Lily

Kim shook her head, her eyes wet with tears.

Jimmy took her hand.  "Let's go home."