The Blueprint (5 page)

My stomach soured at hearing my name.   I’d be the sacrificial lamb she’d been searching the halls for.  If she couldn’t ca
tch Dani, I was second best.  With that awareness, I almost felt brave.  I could do this for my sister, for my friends.  Then I saw the wood paddle Ms. Sweaney handed a stranger and I went limp. 

“Come here, Lillian, and accept your punishment, twenty swats for my troubles, administered by the new night watchman, Hank.” 

Hank was huge.  His arms were the size of a grown man’s thighs and  his chest looked too thick to fit through a truck tire.  Smiling at his introduction, he flashed black front teeth in beet colored gums as Johnny escorted me to his lap.

Dani jumped up.
“Leave her alone!  Don’t touch her!”

Johnny pushed me at Hank and grabbe
d Dani.  He hooked her around the waist and carried her out of the room as she kicked and hollered.  The door slammed shut behind him and the last word I heard was her begging, “Please!” 

Hank shoved me face down across his legs and rested his beefy arm over my neck.  The room fell silent and M
s. Sweaney addressed her stunned audience, “Pay close attention, girls, or you’ll be next.” 

I know I cried.  I’m sure I screamed.  But I only remember counti
ng seven swats before I blacked out.  I woke up in my own bed with Jenny, Karen, and Amy staring down at me.  I could hear Kimmy's muffled weeping close by, and the pain pulsing through my backside was more horrible than anything I’d ever known.  My first thought as the world came back into focus was to know how much longer?  How much longer would I have to be afraid?  How much longer would I have to be strong?  How much longer until Daddy came for me? 

“Be still, Lily.  Hank hit you hard and you’ll be black and blue for a while,” Jenny warned.

Amy said, “I’m just glad he stopped at ten swats.  Ms. Sweaney wanted him to keep going to twenty, but when he noticed you’d fainted, he wouldn’t do it anymore.  He’s the one that brought you to bed.”

My throat was dry and my voice sounded weak.
“Where’s my sister?  What happened to her?” 

Jenny answered, “We haven’t seen her since Johnny dragged her out of the room.  Maybe together we can ask him about her, after we get ready for bed.  Do you think you can walk?”

I never appreciated how important my butt muscles were until I felt the agony of each step.  Amy took my arm to help and confided, “My parents used to beat me a lot, but depending on how badly bruised you are the worst of the pain should be gone in a couple of days.  It won’t leave a permanent mark like cigarettes do.  We’ll tell Mrs. Fox that you slipped and fell and that’s why you’re walking funny.  Nobody has to know the truth.”

Daddy never hit us, and Momma was too lazy to bother.  She saved up all her energy for railing at Daddy. 
After Dani and I were supposed to be asleep in bed, we’d listen at the door to their arguments.  Money seemed to be the thing that set her off the most often.  In her opinion, there was never enough.  Daddy would try to defend himself by pointing out that he was already working two jobs and was always on the lookout for something better.  She’d yell back that he had promised her a big house, a fancy car, and nice clothes before they got married, and had followed through with none of it.  She hated her life and it was all his fault.   Then she’d throw stuff at him, and he’d storm out.  Sometimes, after Daddy left, she’d come flying through our bedroom door and start bawling at us about how worthless our father was, and ended her fit by saying she hated us just as much and wished we had never been born.   

My friends were doing their best to ease my pain by helping me get ready for bed, but I knew the p
hysical beating I’d just experienced was nothing compared to the venom Momma hit me with at home.  I was more worried about my sister than I was about how long it’d be until I could walk normally again. 

Johnny wouldn’t answer our questions about Dani.  He wouldn’t even look at us.  My aching bottom kept me
awake most of the night so I knew Dani never slipped into my room.  She didn’t show up at breakfast either, and her friends hadn’t seen her since the incident in the activity room.  I wanted so badly to see Mrs. Jones and ask for her help, but running to her was what started this mess in the first place.  Thankfully, Ms. Sweaney said nothing to me during her morning inspection.  At school, my friends were quick to answer questions about my funny walk.   Most kids just laughed at me while the adults seemed uninterested.  Caught between pain and worry, the day passed in a blur.

Dani arrived at dinner that night looking
like the losing opponent of a boxing match.  Seeing her all beat up again reminded me of our first day here and what had happened in the showers.  My stomach knotted and tears rolled down my cheeks as my responsibility in her beating choked me.  

Dani grabbed my hand
hard under the table and commanded, “Stop that right now.  Don’t you see that’s what she wants?  When we give up, she wins.  Knowing she’d won would hurt worse than any beating she could give me.”  She lightened her grip and softened her tone.  “Are you hurt bad?”

“I’ll be okay.” 

She never offered any details of what happened to her that night and day she went missing.  But whatever occurred didn’t keep her from acting out more.  War had been declared between Ms. Sweaney and Dani.  Even though everyone had to know Dani couldn’t win, the other girls egged her on. 

I
n Ms. Sweaney’s earshot, Dani would fling insults, but leave the subject's identity secret. Scarecrow, Frankenstein, Dog Face were only a few of the nicknames assigned to Ms. Sweaney.  Dani would mention in the director’s presence how Dog Face was too ugly to marry, Scarecrow had the grace of a cow, and Frankenstein would always be alone.  Ms. Sweaney pretended not to notice the comments and snickers, but we knew Dani’s bullets hit their mark.  She’d always been good at being mean, but I’d never seen her take it so far.

Her rage toward
Ms. Sweaney ruled her.  It was all she thought about and all she talked about.  What started as an exciting game to see how much Dani could get away with fizzled when Ms. Sweaney ignored the insults as if she knew this was her best course of revenge.  And it worked.  Dani’s audience shrunk more each day and even her closest friends started to distance themselves. She was trapped under the weight of her hate and was quickly destroying the popularity she cared so much about. 

I begged her to stop.  I begged her to let it go.  S
he ignored my pleas with the stubborn response, “I won’t let her win.”

4

Spring arrived not a
moment too soon.  The mood inside the home had become unbearable, so much so that Ms. Sweaney allowed us the privilege of sitting out front after dinner and chores were completed.  Watching Dani sitting in the grass talking with a shrinking group of friends, I hoped Daddy would come for us soon, for her sake even more than mine.  Seven months had passed since he dropped us off on the front steps of the home.  I discussed him less and less with my friends, because even they were finding it difficult to imagine excuses for him.  His last words to me before we exited the car that day were, “I promise to come back for you when I can.”  He always said that it was easier to find work in the spring and summer.  I just needed to hold out a little bit longer.

With the warmer temperatures
, spirits rose and hemlines shrank.  We were invited to rummage through the donated clothes for “new” weather appropriate clothing.  That was the closest any of us were getting to real shopping so we couldn’t help but be excited.  Although the club had still not agreed on a name, we still followed the rule about wearing the same color on certain days.   Each of us had our colored shirt assignments and was ready for the treasure hunt.   The storage room looked like a department store had exploded.   Apparently the older girls, who “shopped” earlier in the day, went nuts.  In some places, the piles of scattered clothing were knee high.  It reminded me of looking for the prize at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks and all the popcorn left behind spilled and forgotten. Even so, our hard work and determination was rewarded as we left with our booty and big smiles twenty minutes later. 

The older girls knew tricks on how to make something that looked shabby appear stylish
, accessorizing with scarves, belts, or homemade jewelry.  The procession to school often felt like a runway.  The older girls strutted by with their heads held high, proud of the outfit they’d put together for themselves.  Dani also had a flare for fashion and her focus seemed to change away from Ms. Sweaney and back to her renewed popularity.  Ms. Sweaney’s criticism rolled off the girls’ backs.  They weren’t about to take advice from her on anything to do with style when it appeared her favorite accessory was starch. 

The director began
strictly enforcing the skirt length rule.  The girl’s skirts had to reach their knees before she’d let them continue on their way.  Everyone knew the rule, but it didn’t stop at least a handful of girls each morning from trying to sneak by.  Soon enough the girls smartened up, waiting until after inspections and they were out of sight to hike up their skirts.

I was wrong to assume
Dani had gotten over the activity room incident.  She’d only been waiting for the right time to take her next shot. 

Rushing through breakfast, all the girls started hanging out on the front steps of the home in the morning, enjoying the fresh air before they needed to line up for school.  There was only a few weeks of school left and we all felt the excitement of summer’s approach.  I saw Dani standing with a growing circle of f
riends; some looked nervous others looked annoyed.  Dani moved to the middle and strutted around showing off her outfit, a natural part of the morning fashion show.  A few girls walked away from the crowd, obviously angry about something.  Ms. Sweaney called us to line up and Dani rushed to the front.  It was then I noticed that her green pleated skirt just barely covered the curve of her backside.  I was still on the front steps and had a clear view of the anger on Ms. Sweaney’s face. 

Dani purred, “Good morning, Ms. Sweaney.”

“Danielle, the length of your skirt is indecent!  Fix it immediately or go inside and change!”

“The length of my skirt is perfect for this!”  Dani bent over
, flipped her skirt up, and shouted, “And if you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass!” She took off running, crossed the street, and turned the corner to school. 

Ms. Sweaney stood motionless watching Dani leave as the heat of her rage rose to her face like mercury in a thermometer.  After what seemed an eternity, the girls in front s
tarted the line moving again, all of us eager to get as far away as possible. 

Dani picked a fig
ht she couldn’t possibly win. I had always thought she was pretty smart about what battles to pick and with whom; not anymore.  She’d snapped.  I wish I could make her understand that I needed her safe, and she was hurting us both.  Ms. Sweaney held all the cards until Daddy came for us.  What was it about her that brought out the worst in Dani?  Daddy had left us with mean aunts and uncles who called us names and reminded us every minute of every day what a burden we were, but she never picked fights with them.  Even with our parents she’d smart off and show attitude, but not with this kind of hatred.  All I could figure was that something had passed between them during the time Dani was missing that she couldn’t let go.  

For as much as I disliked
school, I wished for time to slow down.  I wanted to delay the director’s fury as long as possible.  I was hoping Dani had a plan.  Surely, she didn’t think she could disrespect Ms. Sweaney like that in front of everyone and return to the home like nothing had happened.  Jenny, Karen, Amy, and I tried to think up possible defensive moves to help her, but the truth was we just weren’t any good at it.  We spent most of our time trying to stay out of trouble so it was hard for us to think in reverse.

Dani didn't show up for dinner. 
I asked her friend Sheila if she’d seen her.  “Nobody’s seen Dani since third period.  Rose said she thinks she saw Dani leave school early.  I’ll keep asking around for you.”

At lights out, there was still no sign of her.  I stayed awake as long as I could
, waiting for her to crawl into bed next to me and hoping I could convince her never to do anything like this again.  Exhaustion won that tug-of-war. I woke with a start as three girls hovered over me in the dark.  

Sheila, with her hand over my mouth, whisper
ed, “I found your sister. Come with me and I’ll take you to her.  Don’t make a sound.”

I did as I was
told and followed them through unfamiliar winding hallways to what I guessed was the basement.  It was dark and damp and the sound of things scurrying close by made me shudder.  Sheila flipped on a flashlight, leading the way across the concrete floor to a single door.  If there weren’t three big girls with me, I’d have never had the courage to leave the steps. 

Sheila whispered, “We know she’s in there because we heard her crying.  She won’t answer us.  Maybe she’ll talk to you.”

I walked to the door, listened, and heard muffled sobs.  “Dani, are you in there?  Dani, it’s Lily.  Dani, say something.”

Feet shuffle
d and the door jolted with the force of a body slamming into it.  “Lily, get me out of here!  I hate the dark!”  She sounded frantic.  Pounding on the door, she pleaded, “Lily, don’t leave me!  I’m so scared!  I keep hearing sounds like rats or something running across the floor, but I can’t see anything!  That bitch turned out the lights!  Please, don’t leave me here!” 

Sheila rushed over
and shined the light under the crack in the door.  “Is that better?  We can’t get you out.  The door is locked.  I tried to use a hairpin, but I can’t get it.  Maybe there’s a light switch.”

“Oh, shit!  Oh, shit!  There’s a whole nest of them.  Oh my God, they’re huge!  They’re everywhere!  Get me out of here!”  The fear and desperation
in her voice made my chest squeeze in on itself.

Sheila ordered
, “Dani, listen to me!  Get up high.  Is there a chair or something?”

“There’s a
big crate.”

“Good.  See if you can push it over to the door and climb on top.”

We could hear the slow progress of the crate being pushed across the floor and Dani's wild mumbling.  The box hit the door with a thud.  She panted, “I’m up.  I’m up.”

“Is there a light switch?”

“They had to use flashlights when they dragged me down here.  I don’t see any switches.”

Everyone went silent.  I could see Sheila and the other girls thinking hard about what to do next.  I couldn’t think at all.  Then Sheila spoke up, “Hey Dani,
listen.  Rose, Tara, and I are going to look for more lights.  We’ll leave your sister here with this flashlight until we get back.”  She mouthed, “
Keep her talking
.”

The moment they walked away, I knew Dani’s fear.  Instantly, the cold and
darkness pressed in on me, playing terrifying tricks with my mind. I tried imagining us lying safely together in bed upstairs, and commanded myself to speak.  “Dani, tell me what happened today?” 

“Okay.  Okay.”
  Dani’s breathing came fast and hard.  “It looks like the light is working.  It looks like those little monsters are afraid of the light.  Let me think.”  I waited for her to calm down and catch her breath.  “Ms. Sweaney...called up to school...and told the principal that Daddy had come back for a visit.  If it hadn’t been the principal telling me, I probably...wouldn’t have believed it.  He’d had no trouble with me, so I figured he wouldn’t lie and I did what I was told."  She took a break and her voice returned more steady.  "There was a car waiting out front of school with one of those Amazon women who works here waiting for me.  When I walked in the front door, Ms. Sweaney and two others grabbed me.  Together they dragged me down here and threw me in this room."  She exhaled a forced chuckle.  "At least the last time she locked me up, the room had a window.”

“Anyway, Ms. Sweaney talked to me through the door for a long time.  The same stuff she said last time
about how I was dirty, filthy, disgusting, and would end up a prostitute, a druggy, or both.  She went on and on about how she wouldn’t be bested by some unwanted juvenile delinquent like me, and that we were all spoiled and needed a dose of reality.  It was pretty much the same speech she gave me last time, but then things got really weird."  Dani sounded confused as her explanation continued.  "She said Momma didn’t want me because I was so ugly.  She said I was a curse on the family.  She said that God was punishing her for my father's sins.  I couldn’t see her face, but her voice got strange like she was remembering something and reciting it back, almost like she became somebody else for a minute.  She wasn’t making any sense, and I knew she wasn’t talking about me, Momma, or Daddy.  Before she left, I’d swear she was crying."  Dani's frustration came rushing back.  "Since then, I’ve been alone in the dark, just me and these damn rats!”

The mention of rats reminded me that I wasn’t alone
, either.  I needed to keep us both talking to forget about my four legged neighbors. I asked, “Why’d you do it, Dani?  Why does she get to you so bad?”

It took her a while to answer
, but she did so calmly. “She makes me crazy, Lily.  I’ve never met anyone who sets me off like she does.  I think it’s because she struts around pretending to be better than everyone else.  She’s always putting everyone down, trying to make us feel small.  Doesn’t she understand we already feel small?  Hell, I’m reminded everywhere I go that I’m not good enough because I live here.  You’d think she’d get it considering she was raised here too.  You can stop worrying; I’m done.  I’m not messing with her anymore.  There’s something not quite right about her.  She wins.  I can’t beat crazy.  I learned that with Momma.”

The shadows pressed heavy around us
as I struggled for words.  Before the dark grew claws, she changed the subject.  Her words turned hopeful like when we’d lay in bed together at the old house talking late at night.  I rested my head against the door, squeezed my eyes shut, and pretended I was curled up next to her with warm blankets tucked under my chin as she recited our favorite fairytale. “Someday, Lily, we are going to have our own place together.  I’ll get a job and work my way through college, while you finish up school.  Then I’ll have enough money to help you get through college too.   I’m not sure what career I want yet, but I do know someday I’ll be somebody important.  I’ll be a big shot and
nobody
will be able to touch us.” 

“
We’ll have enough money to walk into any store anywhere and buy what we want.   I’m going to buy myself a pair of high heels in every color of the rainbow and you, little sister, can have a different candy bar for every day of the week. How does that sound?"  

I gave no reply, but it sounded perfect.

Dani finished, "You and me, we’re going to be okay.  We’ve got each other and that’s just going to have to be enough.”

Losing myself in Dani’s story helped me relax a little.  Anytime she started talking about our future, life got better for a while.  If she could be hopeful while locked up with rats, then I figured I had no room to complain.  

My dream was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs behind me.  Sheila had returned carrying a bundle and another flashlight.  “Dani, it’s almost dawn and I don’t want us to get caught down here.  I brought you every lighter we could find and all the birthday candles from the kitchen.  There’s a ton of them so hopefully that’ll help for a while.” 

She started shoving the stuff under the crack in the door.  We waited until D
ani had everything.  When she told us to go and that she’d be okay, we could both hear the uneasiness in her voice.  Sheila walked me back to my room where I collapsed in bed, curled into a ball, and cried myself to sleep.