The Bondwoman's Narrative (26 page)

Mr Henry was a clergyman, and his naturally mild and genial disposition had been softened and tempered by the benignacy of
religion. Early in life he found a partner like himself wise, pious, and gentle, and the fruit of their union was two docile
children, a girl and a boy, named respectively Charley and Anna.

It would be a difficult matter to tell what station I filled in this lovely family. I was not considered a servant, neither
was I treated exactly as a guest, though with quite as much kindness and consideration. There was a pleasant familiarity in
their manner towards me that a visitor could scarcely have expected, mingled with a sort of reserve that continually reminded
me I was not one of them. How much I desired to be so it would be impossible to tell.

Mrs Henry one day desired to speak with me in the parlor. I felt a strange misgiving that some unpleasant communication awaited
me, and I was still more convinced of this when I saw the compassionate expression of her countenance. Tears spring to my
eyes unbidden.

“Hannah, my dear, be seated, and don’t weep” said Mrs Henry. “I have important news for you. The gentleman to whom we communicated
the fact of your late master’s death, and who it appears was his next of kin, and consequently his heir, states in this letter”
and she drew one from her pocket “that he shall be here next week
to establish his claim to you. He supposes that there will
be no difficulty in that, or in your removal hence.”

Much as I had feared and anticipated all this, the dread reality shocked me like a thunderbolt. I stood silent for a moment,
and then threw myself at her feet.

“Mrs Henry” I said “you can save me from this. I have an inexpressible desire to stay with you. You are so good, accomplished,
and Christian-like, could I only have the happiness to be your slave, your servant, or—”

“Hannah, dear” she said interrupting me “you must not talk in that way, neither should you kneel to mortal woman; now rise
and let us discuss this matter calmly.

She held out her hand so white and soft and beautiful.

“No; Mrs Henry” I continued “here let me kneel at your feet till you promise to pity and save me. My sphere is so humble,
and I am so forlorn and destitute, and you are by nature and position so far above me that you may not think how I feel in
view of this dreadful doom, but Oh: my dear good madam be mindful of what I have suffered, and of what I still must suffer,
thus transferred from one to another, and save me; for you can.[”]

“No; Hannah, I cannot” she said stifling the emotion that was choking her.

“Do not decide so soon” I replied. “Let me hope a moment. I do not ask you to buy me and then set me free. I do not require
any extra favors or advantages. Let me perform the menial service of your household—Let me go to the fields and labor there—let
me be a drudge, a scallion I care not—nay I would accept the situation with the greatest thankfulness—all I ask is to feel,
and know of a certainty that I have a home, that some one cares for me, and that I am beyond the gripe [grip] of these merciless
slave-traders and speculators.[”]

“Hannah: Hannah, tempt me not.”

“And why not, my dear Madam. Why not tempt you to accept the service of one who would be so faithful devoted, and zealous
to serve you every day—who would do her utmost in all possible things. You would never repent it, you could not repent it,
because we should both be happier.”

There was so much sympathy and such an affectionate tenderness in her looks that I was encouraged to press myself upon her.
I felt that everything which could render life valuable to me was at stake, no wonder then that I spoke with ardor, or forgot
the rules of good breeding in my earnestness to gain my point.

“You do not imagine” I continued. “You have no idea how good I will be, or how exactly I will conform myself to all your wishes.”

She lifted me from the floor, she embraced me, and compassionated over me. She wept, and our tears were mingled together.

“I must tell you my history, Hannah” she said “and then you will see how utterly impossible it is for me to do as you desire,
unless, indeed, I perjure my own soul. This house, this estate and these servants were all the property of my father. He was
a worldly-minded man, and a man of the world, but during the long lingering and painful illness of which he died his views
of property were materially changed. I was an only child, and consequently an heiress. I had married Mr Henry contrary to
his will, but face to face with death and eternity his anger relaxed, and he summoned me to his dying bed, to receive his
forgiveness, and last solemn counsel and benediction. He could only converse at intervals of great agony. Oh: it was a mournful
death-bed, a mournful death-bed.[”]

She paused overcome by strong emotion.

“I would not describe the scene if I could, and I could not if I would” she continued recovering herself by a strong effort
of self-control “but his last moments were embittered by remorse. He had been a trafficker in human flesh and blood, in the
lives and souls of men, and conscience arrayed them all against him. Like
the accusing spirit of Cesar summoning Brutus to
Philippi they charged him to meet and answer them at the bar of God.

“In those awful moments he exacted from me a solemn promise never on any occasion to sell or buy a servant, as then with the
realities of a judgement and eternity before him it appeared the greatest crime, he said, of which a human being could be
capable. He conjured me if I desired a death-bed of peace, and an immortality of blessedness to avoid the hedious traffic
in every form.”

“And you promised?”

“I promised, Hannah, promised by [a] dear dying parent in the presence of the ministers of religion, and with the awful solemnities
of the hour and scene pressing upon my soul. That oath I never can violate. My right hand may forget her cunning, or my tongue
cleave to the roof of my mouth, but such an engagement, made too at such time is of too sacred and solemn an import ever to
be broken.”

“Even so.”

“My father to show his sincerity, and right
as far as possible
the wrong he had practiced as much as possible, set apart a certain portion of his estate to lie with the interest accumulating
during my natural life, and then to be equally apportioned among the servants, who are all to be emancipated. And now dear
Hannah, do you wish me to break that vow?” she asked.

I could not say that I did, and yet my heart rose against the man, who in a slave-holding country could exact such a promise.
Since in a multitude of cases the greatest favor that a mild kindhearted man or woman can bestow on
the out cast servile race
members of the outcast servile race is to buy them. I almost felt that he had done me as a personal injury, an irreparable
wrong.

Perhaps she divined my thoughts. With a countenance sympathising, yet half-reproachful she inquired if there was no other
way
in which she could assist me, and thereby prove how much interest she felt in my forlorn condition.

I answered that I did not know.

“I have a friend and distant relative in North Carolina” she continued. “Their names are Wheeler, and they are considered
very kind and humane to their slaves. They are coming here this summer, and Mrs Wheeler informs me that she wishes to purchase
a maid-servant, providing she can find one whose capabilities and acquirements meet her approbation. If your prospective master
is a lenient man, and has no other views in regard to you I should think that you might probably be transferred to her.[”]

She looked towards me, and I saw that she waited for an answer. Just at that moment I felt that it mattered little where I
went, or what became of me. I was disheartened and disappointed, without hope in this world, and half-forgetful of my trust
in the next. I replied not with the patient, meek, and thankful spirit that I ought, but as my feelings for the time being
dictated, that I was hopeless, helpless and friendless, and that I had no further choice.

“Hannah” the word was uttered in such a sorrowful tone of reproach that I looked involuntarily towards the speaker. If her
voice had expressed much, more a great deal more of forbearing sympathy was shown in her countenance. I perceived in a moment
the injustice and unkindness of my remarks. I remembered her patient care of me, a stranger and a slave. Again I knelt at
her feet, and poured out in
long bitter language my feeling dictated all the fondness of my gratitude
language, rendered impassioned and burning by my strong feelings, all the ful[l]ness of my gratitude to her, my sensibility
to the kindnesses of her family, and my perfect conviction that I had no reason to expect any more.

“But you may expect more, Hannah” she replied. “You may expect any favor or kindness of me, with that one exception. And
after
all that is not much. You may be happier with some one else than you could have been with me. You know not the good things
Providence may have in store for you. You must not forget him, and His abounding grace.”

And thus she soothed, and comforted, and consoled me, and through her blessed influence I came to experience a better state
of mind.

In the passage leading to my room I met little Anna. As usual I was a great favorite with the children, and stretching out
her white beautiful arms towards me she clamed a kiss. My cheeks were wet with tears, which the affectionate child was not
slow in perceiving.

“I don’t see what makes everybody so unhappy” she said in her artless manner.

“Why, are they?” I replied.

“I guess so, you weep, and so does Lotty, and I can’t tell how many more.”

“Lotty weeps” I repeated.

She was the new-made bride, and should have been happy.

“To be sure she does” answered the simple child. “And then don’t you think she refuses to tell me what ails her, and when
I ask her, and coax her, and kiss her she only cries the more.”

“Have you told your mamma?” I inquired.

“No: Lotty said that I must not, that it would only make Mamma unhappy to hear it, and I don’t want to make her unhappy, you
know.”

It struck me that probably Charlotte had some other reason for wishing to conceal her tears from her mistress, though why
she should be so unhappy I could not divine. She was young, well-educated, and possessed of many advantages. Her mistress
was kind and indulgent, she was not required to do any menial service, but only to attend on the children. What multitudes
of people,
white and black, might have envied the situation in which she was miserable.

Alas; those that view slavery only as it relates to physical sufferings or the wants of nature, can have no conception of
its greatest evils.

Deliver me, Oh Lord.

D
AVID

And hurry, hurry, off they rode
As fast as fast can be;

B
URGHER

I have always thought that in a state of servitude marriage must be at best of doubtful advantage. It necessarily complicates
and involves the relation of master and slave, adds new ties to those already formed, and is at the bottom of many troubles
and afflictions that might otherwise be escaped. The slave, if he or she desires to be content, should
never think of
always remain in celibacy. If it was my purpose I could bring many reasons to substantiate this view, but plain, practical
common sense must teach every observer of mankind that any situation involving such responsibilities as marriage can only
be filled with profit, and honor, and advantage by the free.

The information conveyed by little Anna, light and trivial as it might have appeared to another, had real weight and importance
with me. Not that it is anything remarkable for the best-conditioned women to weep occasionally, but such frequent bursts
of sorrow attended with attempted concealment, at a time too, considered to be the happiest in a woman’s life, had an air
of
mystery sufficient to excite the conjectures of even a more curious person than myself.

I now recollected that I had observed something singular in the manner of Charlotte, especially for the few last days. On
several occasions I had caught her eyes lifted to my face with an intense expression of inquiry, and many times I had fancied
that she wished yet feared to ask me for a private interview. Then, too, I was aware that she generally spent the night in
some mysterious employment. I had seen lights gleaming
from the
through the windows of her apartment at unusual hours, I had remarked shadows passing and repassing by the moonlight in concealed
places. Simultaneously with this the servants became alarmed, and strange reports of an unearthly visitant were put in circulation.
Some averred that they had seen him breathing fire and smoke as he crept stealthily along the halls and through the passages.
Others declared that there were two, instead of one, and others again were of the opinion that the spirit had the power of
appearing single or double either.

At first Mr and Mrs Henry were disposed to treat the whole matter with silent contempt, but it soon became an affair of serious
difficulty. Not a servant could be persuaded to leave the house after dark on any emergency. Lights must be kept burning all
night in their various apartments lest “de ghost” should steal on them unaware, and an infant that had been sick a long time
actually died very sudden one night, and its mother preferred to lie with the cold stiff corpse
there
untill morning, to getting up and alarming the house.

For my own part, however, I seldom
never
gave way to imaginary terror. I found enough in the stern realities of life to disquiet and perplex, without going beyond
the boundaries of time to meet new sources of apprehension, and so I rested calmly in the assurance that whether spirit or
man, angel or devil, or neither, it was
nothing that could change my destiny, or affect in the least degree my happiness or
misery. I was accustomed to set [sit] up late; of that probably every person in the house was aware. Harassing anxiety is
not a friend to sleep. Then I preferred the still quiet of night for meditation. Two weeks had elapsed since my prospective
master was expected, and he came not. This rather contributed to increase than alleviate my uneasiness, as the worst reality
is always preferable to suspense.