The Boy in the Field (36 page)

“How bad is it?”

“It’s bad enough that I’m asking to help and he’s refusing to
accept it.” He dropped a key into your hand. “He needs you.”

You went back to the house. It was quiet and still. You walked
from room to room eventually finding Vapasi in the bedroom, propped up against
all the pillows and blankets. He looked at you in shock, his jaw dropping for a
second.

“
Para
—what are you doing here?”

“Ethan told me you—”

“
Vasa
.” He shook his head. “I told him not to tell
anyone.”

“I would have come home eventually. I would have found out.”

He shook his head. “No. You were never supposed to come home.”

“Why?”

“Because Ethan was supposed to make sure of it. He should have
given you money or a ticket for a boat. He wasn’t supposed to bring you back.”

“She had a right to know.”

You looked over your shoulder. Ethan was standing in the
doorway, still in Vapasi’s armour, the helmet under his arm.

“
Ja mara
!” Vapasi growled, leaning forwards.

You moved across the room and sat on the end of the bed. “He
says you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared into
the corner.

“Tell her,” Ethan urged.

“I will recover.” He gritted his teeth. “Leave me be.”

“I struck him in the back,” Ethan continued. “He has no
movement from the waist down.”

“
Bakavasa
!” Vapasi growled. “I don’t need your pity.”

You reached out to embrace but he shoved you away.

“Go away.”

You shook your head and tried again. Again, he shouted and
pushed, but this time, his voice broke and his arms fell limp at his sides,
leaving him defenceless against your third try. You pulled him close, stroking
his back between his shoulders and kissing him on the cheek.

“Get off of me,” he muttered. “Leave me.”

“No.”

He cried silently on your shoulder, his tears soaking into your
shirt. He wrapped his arms around you. You stroked his back, pretending not to
notice the sobs or the shake of his shoulders.

“This is your fault,” he hissed. “If you had kept your
drohi
mouth shut, I would still be able to walk.”

He pushed you by the shoulders again, turning his shoulder into
the shove for extra force. You stood, moving out of the way as Ethan stepped in
to put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. Vapasi lashed out at him too,
punching him in the hip. Both men snarled at one another. Ethan put his weight
on Vapasi’s upper arms, forcing him back into the pillows.

“Stop it!” Ethan hissed.

“Leave me!”

“If it’s what he wants, maybe we should just go.” You touched
Ethan’s elbow. “Come on.”

“That’s right,” Vapasi yelled from the bed. “Leave me!”

You pulled Ethan away, ushering him through the open door of
the bedroom.

“Go on! Go! Ethan’s always been everyone’s favourite. Why don’t
you just go off with him and have a happy life out in the clouds?”

Ethan stared at his feet as you pulled the door shut. “Please,
don’t give up on him.”

Choice:
244. Speak To Vapasi
or
245. Give Up
On Him

“He doesn’t need my help, Ethan. He doesn’t need anything from
me anymore. I’ve got nothing left to give.”

“He could die without you,
masuki
. Please.”

You shook your head and stepped away from him. “He said I’m not
welcome there anymore. Did he ask for me? Did he
say
he wanted me back?”

“No, but—”

“So I won’t help him.” You stared at the ground. “I’m sorry,
Ethan. You might be able to deal with him for a week or a month or even a year,
but I’m done. He’s not Noah anymore.”

Ethan sighed and took something wrapped in cloth from the pouch
at his belt. “He wants you to have this. He wants you to start again somewhere
else without him. He says he wants you to find someone who will love you the
way he should have loved you.”

You unfolded the cloth. Inside was a bundle of paper money,
your identity papers and a necklace that had once belonged to Adina. You tried
to hand it back to Ethan, but he wouldn’t accept.

“You’re right. He didn’t say he wanted you back.” Ethan took a
breath. “He
said
he never wanted to see you again. But he’s lying.”

Choice:
246. Go Back to Him
or
247. Take the Money

“Are you happy now?” Vapasi asked as he ushered you into the
changing room. He sat on the bench and took off his helmet.

“You didn’t need to do that to him.”

“You told me to let him live. You didn’t say I shouldn’t make
him suffer.”

You shook your head. “You’re a real piece of work, Vapasi.”

He unfastened the straps on his armour and laid the pieces on
top of his kit bag. “So you keep saying.” He looked across the room at you and
sighed. “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. I was just trying to look after
you.”

He held out his hand and beckoned for you to sit beside him. As
you sat, he slipped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you to his chest.
The soft kit beneath his armour was hot and damp and smelled unpleasant, but
you didn’t move away.

“I’ve been thinking…” he continued, “that maybe once all this
is behind us, we could get married. I’ve saved a bit of money and I’m owed time
off from work—”

“Are you proposing to me?”

He shrugged. “I suppose I am. What do you say?”

Choice:
248. Yes
or
249. No

You pushed past the peacekeepers and threw yourself on the
ground beside the medics, staring at Ethan. His face was covered with blood and
his chest was blue with bruises.

“Ethan!” You looked to the medic. “Is he alive?”

“Stay back,
laraki
. Let us work.”

You took a step back and stared as they leaned over him, wiping
at blood with cloths and pouring vials of liquid over his wounds. Two more
medics came into the cage with a stretcher and they loaded him on, carrying him
away at a brisk pace.

“Where are you taking him?” you called after them.

“Royal Medicium,” one of the guards nearby said. “That’s where
all the fighters go.”

* * *

He was unconscious when you were finally allowed into the room
to see him. His wounds had been dressed but what little skin you could see was
bruised or scraped. Half of his face was covered by bandages and the other half
was pale and blotchy.

You slipped your hand into his and sat at the bedside. You felt
like you ought to say something to him, but you had no idea what or if he would
even hear you. Several times, medics and their juniors came in, giving him more
treatment or taking measurements of his breathing and heart rate. They told you
a little of what to expect when he woke up – he would be groggy, confused and
maybe short-tempered – but they didn’t tell you how badly hurt he was.

It was late evening when his fingers finally twitched and you
saw his eyelid flutter. He groaned as he tried to sit up and then smiled when
he saw you.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he said, then snorted.
“Didn’t think I’d see anything.”

“Is it bad?”

He smiled and nodded. “There is quite a lot of pain. He broke
my arm. I’m sure you can tell better than me what’s bruised.” He looked over
your shoulder as a medic entered the room. “I expect he’s come to tell us
what’s wrong.”

The medic smiled and gave Ethan more pain relief. “How are you
feeling, sir?”

“Like I lost a fight with an angry magister,” Ethan replied.

The medic laughed. “That’s what I’d say you look like. It’s
quite a catalogue of injuries you have. You’ll live, but you’re going to have a
lot of scars.”

“Scars? Is that it?”

“Well, aside from the broken bones, which will heal—”

“Which bones?” Ethan asked.

The medic flicked through a notepad. “It says here… right
forearm, five ribs and three fingers on the right hand.” He looked up. “And
you’ve lost your left eye.”

You both turned to stare at the medic, neither of you speaking.
The medic’s face was straight and serious. Ethan’s hand moved to the bandaged
side of his head.

“You were lucky not to lose both,” he continued, gesturing to
Ethan’s face. “My guess would be that a blade sliced through the left and—”

“Stop,” you said, shuddering at the mental image he had
created. “Please.”

“My apologies,
laraki
.” He bowed his head. “As far as we
can tell, everything else will heal.”

“Thank you, medic.” Ethan forced himself to smile. He turned
towards you. “I suppose at least now I can be sure he won’t try to imitate me
again.”

“Ethan!” You shook your head. “How can you joke at a time like
this?”

“Because if I don’t joke, I will cry.” He squeezed your hand.
“And if I cry, we both know that you’ll cry.”

* * *

You never went back. The thought of confronting Vapasi
frightened you. Instead, you stayed with Ethan, moving across the sea to Esstia
with him once he was released from the medicium. He couldn’t stay in Serlora;
everyone believed he was a traitor to Kinel.

It took him a long time to adjust to life with one eye and to
accept that he couldn’t be a soldier anymore. Over time, his bones healed and
he began work as a radust artificer, studying to create the powerful stones
that gave so much strength to the Serloran military. His project was to create
a stone that would protect its user from harm – a defence in case Vapasi came
looking for you. You hoped he never would.

The End
(Back to start)

“I haven’t.” You smiled at him. “I just need you to wait out
here for a moment while I speak to him.”

Ethan nodded. “Take all the time you need.”

Vapasi’s eyes fixed on you the moment you opened the door. He
reminded you of a pouting child, upset at his parents for making him put away
his toys. You tried not to laugh as you imagined the tantrum he would throw
when you tried to help him take a bath; he wouldn’t be able to do it by
himself.

“What do you really want,
masuka
?” You sat down on the
bed again, touching his knee.

“I want you to go away.” He stared into his lap.

“Really? Ethan’s not here now. You can be honest with me.” You
squeezed his leg.

“You know I can’t feel that, right?”

You sighed and shuffled up the bed, laying your head on his
shoulder. “If you really want me to go, I will go.” You took his hand. “Ask me
again and I’ll leave and you never have to see me again.”

“You’re going to leave me anyway. You may as well go now.”

“Then you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

He sniffed. “You love me less each day,” he said. “Ever since
we ran away. It’s like I wasn’t the one you really wanted. Why would you stay
with me now? I have nothing to offer you.” He squeezed your hand. “You put all
of your dreams on hold for me. I’m never going to be able to repay you. I’m
never going to…”

“Hey.” You put your arm around his shoulder and ran your
fingers down his neck. “I don’t want anything from you, just—”

“Exactly.” He shook his head. “I used to think you wanted to
marry me. Maybe you’d want to start a family with me. And it’s too late now.”

“And what do you want?”

“I wanted all of that. But I kept putting it off, telling
myself that I’d ask when we had more money, or when I got promoted or when I
found out what happened to Ethan.”

“We have money now. You were promoted. You know what happened
to Ethan. And I’m right here.” You sat up and turned to face him, smiling.

He shook his head. “I’m not going to force you to live with
this. You’re free. Walk away from me.”

You sighed, then leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you.
When you’re ready to accept that, give me a call.”

* * *

Ethan stayed for three weeks, taking on Vapasi’s identity at
the Magistratum. A few of his colleagues commented on him being out of sorts,
but mostly put it down to the shock of finding and immediately losing his
brother again at the same time as his relationship with you broke down. In the
circumstances, most people thought he was coping rather well.

For the first week and a half, you slept on the floor of the
hallway while Ethan slept in the living room. Together, you and Ethan had to
take him to the bathroom, dress him and help him exercise. Vapasi hated having
to rely on you for assistance and his mood was unstable, sometimes just
resigning himself to the fact that you were going to help and sometimes
physically fighting you over it.

During the second week, he became melancholic. Whenever he saw
you, he would cry and shout at you to leave. He refused to speak to Ethan at
all, even threatening to hurt him if he came close enough. And then he broke
down.

You sat at the end of the bed, reading a book while he scowled,
refusing to accept help fastening his shirt. He had been trying for half an
hour but only secured two of the seven buttons. You didn't look up when his
breathing changed, catching and wavering. He hated you seeing him cry. Instead,
you put the book down and crossed the room, sitting on the bed with your back
to him. You said nothing, but reached out, pulling his hand away from the
shirt.

“I don't want you to do it for me,
kasabi
!” he yelled,
batting your hands away. “Touch me again and I’ll break your
drohi
fingers!”

You stood up and crossed the room to leave when he spoke again.

“Don’t leave me. Please. Don’t leave me.”

You looked over your shoulder as you heard him speak, the words
and tone in direct contrast with the swears he had been screaming at you a
second before. You went back to him and sat beside him on the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere, No—” You paused, halfway through his
name.

He looked up at you, his face calm. “Say it.”

“Noah.” You kissed him and repeated it. “Noah.”

“How am I supposed to make you happy?” he asked, leaning his
head against yours.

“Just let me help you.” You reached out and fastened the
buttons on his shirt, straightening the collar and smoothing down the hem.
“Isn’t that better?”

“I'm pathetic. I can't defend you. I can't work. I can't even
go to the toilet by myself!” He didn’t look up. “You shouldn't have to bear
this burden.”

“I don't have to. I want to.” You pulled his chin up. “We're
strong, you and I. We survive.” You kissed him. “I don't care if you need me to
dress you or feed you or take you to the toilet. You would do the same for me,
right?”

He put his hand to your face. “Of course.”

“I love you, Noah. We’ll get through this.”

Instruction:
250. Starting Over