The Brainiacs (3 page)

CHAPTER 4

‘Okey-dokey!' Einstein smirked at the audience. ‘Will the smartest kid in the universe be from Geekatron…'

The brains in the audience booed.

‘Orrrrrrr…Clevoooooooooooooor!' Einstein shouted to deafening cheers.

How does he know it'll be one of those
planets?
Kip wondered.

‘I mean…Clevor, Geekatron or any other
faaaaaabulous
planet competing!' Einstein quickly added. ‘Now, let's begin Round One. The topic is Alien Cuisine.'

Kip relaxed a little. He'd read up on Alien Cuisine during his pre-mission study marathon. He'd even tasted some of it virtually using the Teach-A-Tronic!

‘Gorb, from Yorp. What do the aliens of the Nuck Galaxy make their birthday cakes with?'

Gorb straightened his monocles.‘Their first birthday cakes are made from pureed brains. But their eighteenth cakes have special maggoty flour too.'

‘Correct!' said Einstein. ‘I certainly won't be inviting myself to a Nuck birthday party any time soon.' He winked at the other Clevor aliens in the audience.

‘Kip Kirby, from Earth.What's the favourite food of Quort's Spitting Aliens?'

Kip was pretty sure Quort's aliens spat out food that wasn't tasty. They never ate brussel sprouts or liver quiche. In fact, their favourite food was…

‘Chocolate crackles!' Kip said, relieved.

‘Correctomundo,' Einstein said. ‘The young Earthling has plenty of brain energy, folks.'

That's a weird way of saying I'm smart,
Kip thought. Still Kip was pleased. Looking intelligent was the point of his mission!

It was Gorb's turn again.

‘What colour are the custards of Eron?' Einstein asked him.

‘Teal,' Gorb blurted. ‘No, wait – I mean transparent!'

‘Can't pay that, sorry,' Einstein said. ‘Your first answer was teal and that is incorrrrrrrrrrrrect.'

Gorb looked devastated. Kip could tell he was clever. But a moment of forgetfulness eliminated him.

Suddenly, there was a hiss. A thick purple fog filled the stage, surrounding Kip and Gorb. Kip couldn't see anything, but after a moment, he heard a surprised cry.

The fog dissolved into a shimmering purple powder. It sprinkled onto the floor of the stage. The only thing left of Kip's opponent was a single smashed monocle.

‘Right, kiddo,' said Einstein, turning to Kip. ‘If you answer this question correctly, you're through to the next round! What is the best way to prepare the six-legged Seppod?'

Easy!
thought Kip, trying not to look at the smashed monocle. ‘You roast it for 35.6 hours,' he said confidently.

‘Correct!' said Einstein. ‘Give the Earthling a round of applause, folks!'

Kip leapt off the stage. As winner of his first round, he'd soon have to face another brainy alien. But right now he was dying to catch up with Finbar in the audience.

‘Where do you think Gorb disappeared to?' Kip asked Finbar.

A pair of grown-up aliens with hundreds of googly eyes sat a few rows in front of Finbar. Gorb's parents, Kip guessed. They looked upset. Some of the Clevor aliens in the crowd were comforting them.

‘The rules did say that losing contestants would be separated until the quiz's over,' Finbar said. ‘But why?'

Kip and Finbar exchanged glances. It all seemed a little…
dramatic
. Could it be linked to the stink flare that had hit them on their way to Clevor?

Another pair of quiz contestants took the stage. One was bright green with a slimy frill for feet. The other was covered in soft fur.

‘The furry one is the contestant from Geekatron,' said Finbar, looking at the program on the screen.

The Clevor aliens in the audience had started whispering.

They're buzzing just seeing the Geekatron
contestant,
Kip thought.
Looks like the rivalry
is pretty serious.

The next round kicked off. The kid from Geekatron was obviously smart. Still, Kip couldn't help noticing that her questions were
easier
than the green alien's. But that didn't make sense. Einstein wouldn't want Geekatron to make the finals…would he?

It wasn't long before the green alien got a question wrong.There was another cloud of purple fog.When it dissolved, the green kid was gone.

Every muscle in Kip's body tightened. The disappearance wasn't a surprise this time. But just like last time, it felt sinister.

Isn't this bothering the other contestants?
Kip wondered, looking around. But from what he could tell, they were too wrapped up in the quiz.

Kip was desperate to know more about the disappearing kids. Where were they going? And more importantly, when would they come back?

CHAPTER 5

In between Kip's rounds, he and Finbar watched the quiz. A cyborg from the BG-4 Galaxy got a question wrong about alien nose hockey – and vanished. A blue kid from Cobalt missed an easy one on sausages – and vanished. A blobby alien lost his round on a technicality – and vanished.

Kip's turn came around faster and faster as more aliens were eliminated. He identified alien flags. He remembered the president of the planet Flemm (the name sounded like clearing your throat). But every round he won meant that another alien kid disappeared.

I'll see if I can find out from the Clevor
contestant what's going on,
he decided.

Then Kip realised something weird. He hadn't seen a single contestant from Clevor! He knew Clevor and Geekatron had to be kept apart. But Clevor's name wasn't on the list of competitors at all.

How can Clevor win if they're not competing?

A piercing siren sounded. It was time for lunch. Afterwards, there'd be the last few rounds, and then the Grand Final.

Kip and Finbar joined the swarm of brainy aliens and quiz contestants heading for the lobby.

Hovering tables were dotted around. Kip and Finbar sat near Geekatron's contestant. The Geek spoke their language perfectly. She introduced herself as Zut.

‘My questions are way too easy!' she complained. ‘There's no serious competition for me.'

‘What about Clevor?'Kip asked. ‘They're smart.'

‘Geekatron or Clevor has won the quiz every single year,' Zut agreed. ‘But our little moon Clevor only wins by cheating.'

Finbar raised his shaggy eyebrows. Clevor hated being called a moon. No wonder Geekatron were their rivals!

‘Clevor's contestant isn't competing in the early rounds of the quiz,' Zut continued. ‘He got a wildcard entry into the Grand Final. Guess they were too worried I'd beat him.'

‘Wow,' Kip said. ‘You must be furious.'

Furious enough to fire a stink missile?
he wondered to himself.

‘Clevor says we cheated in the first-ever quiz,' Zut said. ‘As if! We win because we're clever and we study hard. Clevor are the cheaters.'

‘Lunch is served,' interrupted a brainy Clevor waiter with a smile. He put down glasses of clear, frothy liquid. ‘Hope you lovely kids are enjoying your time here.' He nodded politely to the Geekatron alien and walked off.

Kip didn't understand. Everyone on Clevor seemed so friendly! They didn't seem to be faking it. Kip had been specially trained to recognise fakeness, and he had excellent Space Scout instincts.

Kip took a sip from his glass. Immediately, there was a flash of white light. Sparks leapt out of Kip's mouth.

‘It's an AwakeShake. It's all they drink on Clevor,' the Geekatron alien explained. ‘The explosion is supposed to make you more alert.'

Clevor might be friendly, but they are totally
obsessed with being smart,
Kip thought, forcing himself to swallow the liquid.
Ugh!
He didn't really want any more AwakeShake, but he had a few more sips to be polite.

He and Finbar headed back to the stage. Kip checked the board to see which alien he'd be facing next.

Next round
Earth v Geekatron

Oh no. He was about to go head-to-head with Zut!

When lunch was over, Kip climbed onto the stage. He sat down next to Zut. She grinned smugly. She seemed sure she was going to win.

‘This round, your questions are…' Einstein began dramatically.

Kip crossed every finger and toe. He hoped it was a subject he was good at.

‘…about the popular music of the Wiff Galaxy,' Einstein finished.

Phew! If it was alien maths, Kip would have been out. But he could sing ten hits from the Wiff Galaxy without even trying! He watched the intergalactic music-video channel on his SpaceCuff all the time.

Einstein asked Zut to recite the lyrics to ‘Moon Rock' by Spaceman Soup. Kip tried not to groan. It was a super-easy question. ‘Moon Rock' had been a massive intergalactic hit last year. Naturally, Zut was word-perfect.

‘Kip Kirby,' said Einstein. ‘Recite “Noise Bomb”, a minor hit by the Sylent Aliens.'

That's way harder than Zut's question
, Kip thought. Still, he wasn't stumped. He knew the Sylent Aliens had no mouths. They sang by blinking! Kip was pretty sure that ‘Noise Bomb' started with two long, slow blinks, followed by thirteen fast ones.

Two left eyes, then three right
, he coached himself, excitement rising. If he got this right, he'd be one step closer to beating Zut. But at that exact moment…

Something flew into Kip's eye.

Kip's eye started watering. It was unbearable, but he knew he mustn't blink. If he did, he'd muck up the song.

And then I'll be out of the quiz!
he thought.

CHAPTER 6

Kip's eyes filled with water as he struggled to hold them open. His eyelids ached with the strain. But even with all his energy focusing on it, he couldn't stop himself. He blinked!

The particle dislodged from his eye, but Kip's performance was ruined.

‘So sorry, Mr Kirby!' came Einstein's voice. He fiddled with his microphone. Kip noticed him push a red button on the handle. There was a hiss, and purple fog swirled around Kip.