The Bridesmaid Pact (22 page)

‘I hope you’re right,’ said Caz. ‘But I think we should keep an eye on her. You know how determined she is once she’s put her mind on something.’

Just then the doorbell rang.

Joe was at the front door, looking embarrassed and proffering a bunch of red roses. I had neither seen nor heard from him since our last encounter. Dozens of things had gone through my mind since then, namely that he might turn out to be the same lying cheating bastard his brother was, but it was tinged with heady excitement too. It felt odd, certainly, to have kissed my husband’s brother, and a part of me felt guilty, but a bigger part of me felt that it had seemed right and natural.

‘Er, hi,’ he said, and thrust the flowers in my face.

‘Thanks,’ I said nervously. ‘They are lovely, but I don’t think I need to smell them at quite such close range.’

‘About the other night—’

‘Shouldn’t have happened,’ I said. ‘Sorry if I led you on.’

‘Oh god, no,’ he said. ‘It was my fault. I took advantage of you and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.’

‘Oh, right,’ I said, slightly bemused.

‘Well that’s that then,’ said Joe, and just as I was about to ask him in, he practically fled down the road.

He was right, this couldn’t go any further. It would make things way too complicated. But I felt a twinge of disappointment nonetheless.

‘What was all that about?’ said Caz when I came back into the lounge, holding the roses.

‘Do you know what?’ I said. ‘I really have no idea.’

Caz

‘Hallo stranger.’ Charlie hugged me, a couple of days later, as I made my way into the old factory turned photographic studio for a fledgling popstar’s photo shoot.

I felt ridiculously awkward. It had been weeks since we’d seen each other and while I hadn’t
exactly
been trying to avoid him, I hadn’t been answering his calls either.

‘A paranoid type of person might think you were avoiding me,’ said Charlie. ‘Lucky I’m not a paranoid type of person, eh?’

‘Sorry, been busy,’ I mumbled. ‘I’ve been at Mum’s sorting stuff out and not been home much.’

‘I know,’ said Charlie. ‘I’ve probably worn out your answering machine leaving you that many messages.’

‘Sorry,’ I said again. I edged away from him. I didn’t really want to be having this conversation or I might be forced to admit that yes, I had been avoiding him, and then have the awkwardness of coming up with a convincing lie as to why.

‘Sorry Charlie, got to go. I think I’m needed. Catch you later,’ I mumbled and then fled.

I busied myself discussing the kind of foundation the
lead singer of the boy band favoured. Turned out he was as clued up on the latest skin products as any diva.

‘I still think you’re avoiding me,’ Charlie breathed in my ear while we took a short break from shooting. The band couldn’t quite decide on the look they were going for and there were several heated arguments going on.

‘I give them till Christmas,’ said Charlie. ‘So are you going to tell me why you won’t see me, or do I have to guess?’

‘I’m not avoiding you,’ I said weakly. ‘It’s just been a funny time.’ I paused for a moment. ‘I didn’t tell you, did I? I’ve found my dad. Well, I’ve got his address and written him a letter. But I haven’t heard anything back yet.’

‘That’s fantastic,’ said Charlie, looking really pleased for me.

‘I hope so,’ I said, ‘but I’m really nervous. Suppose he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me?’

‘What makes you think that, you daft mare?’ said Charlie. ‘Your dad wrote you all those letters, didn’t he?’

‘So why hasn’t he written back?’ I said.

‘I don’t know, maybe he’s been away, maybe the post office has burnt down. There could be all sorts of reasons,’ said Charlie. ‘Never give up. That’s my motto.’

He gave me a wink.

‘Now to prove you’re
not
avoiding me, you’ll be free to come out for a drink tomorrow night, won’t you?’

‘What about Nadia?’ I said.

‘Ah—’ began Charlie, before he was called away to set up a shot.

I sat mulling it over while I watched Charlie at work. I really, really liked Charlie, both as a friend, and perhaps something more. Clearly my avoidance tactic hadn’t worked, so I was going to have to take the bull by the horns and
tell him we couldn’t see each other any more with Nadia on the scene. It was the only decent thing to do.

I’d just come in from work and my back was killing me. It had been a productive day, but my nerves were jangling from the contact with Charlie. Dammit, I’d forgotten just how necessary he was to my existence. Jeez, at this rate I was going to turn into Julia Roberts in
My Best Friend’s Wedding
.

I came into my tiny minimalist flat, dropped my bag on the black leather sofa, trying not to remember Charlie’s head leaning against mine the last time he’d been here, poured myself a glass of wine and headed for the bathroom. I deserved a long luxurious soak.

I hadn’t been there very long and was drifting off into a dangerously tempting daydream which involved me, Charlie and thoughts I really shouldn’t be having, when the doorbell rang. That was odd. I wasn’t expecting anyone and didn’t lead the kind of life where people just dropped in. I envied Sarah, Beth and Dorrie. They all lived so close to one another, they were frequent visitors in each other’s houses. It must be nice to have that sense of community. Yet another thing I’d screwed up.

I shut my eyes; it couldn’t be anyone important. They’d probably just go away if I left them.

The doorbell rang again, this time more persistently. Dammit, I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I leapt out of the bath, threw on my cosy bathrobe and shouted ‘Just coming,’ as my unseen visitor rang impatiently once again.

I flung open the door and there was a tallish, thin man with greying hair, an uncertain smile on his face, standing there, looking nervous as hell.

‘Who are you?’ I said, slightly more belligerently than I intended, but I felt slightly caught on the hop, standing there dripping wet.

‘Caroline, may I come in?’ he said shyly, with a strong Irish lilt.

Caroline? He called me
Caroline
? Could it possibly be—?

‘Who are you?’ I said again. My voice sounded far away and reedy. My heart was thumping in my chest, as I tried to rein in the hope that was flaring up inside me.

‘I got your letter,’ he said, the same uncertain smile playing on his lips, as if he wasn’t quite sure of my response.

‘Did you?’ I said. I was feeling slightly giddy with expectation, nerves jangling, mouth dry, feeling faintly sick. ‘You’re not—?’

‘I wasn’t sure after the way you spoke at the funeral whether you’d want to see me,’ he continued—What?
Dad
had been at Mum’s funeral? ‘So I was thrilled to get it. I’d have come before but your stepmother and I were on a cruise.’

I leant back against the door, pulling my dressing gown tightly around me, unable to take this in.

‘Dad?’ I croaked. ‘Is it really you?’

‘One and the same,’ he said huskily. ‘And how proud I am to finally meet my beautiful daughter.’

‘Do you want to come in?’ I stuttered, suddenly aware that I was semi-naked and dripping wet.

‘If you’d like me to,’ said Dad.

How weird it was to say that name. He looked nervous and vulnerable, and I instinctively knew I was going to like him. I dressed in double quick time and returned to the lounge to find Dad pacing up and down.

‘Be careful, you’ll wear the carpet out,’ I quipped.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Only I’m that nervous about seeing you.’

‘Me too,’ I admitted, still feeling shaky, ‘but in a good way.’

‘You’re sure?’ Dad said. ‘I could understand if you didn’t want to see me. In fact, all these years, I thought you wouldn’t. Your mam always sent my letters back.’

‘I only just found out about the letters,’ I said. ‘I’ve wanted to find you my whole life, but never had the nerve. And now you’re here.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Dad. ‘I was too young when I met your mam, not ready for the responsibility. I should have tried harder to stay in touch.’

‘It wasn’t all your fault,’ I said, touching his sleeve. ‘Mum was so bitter and angry she sent everyone away, but in a way I think she thought she was protecting me.’

There was a pause, then Dad looked at me with tears in his eyes and held his arms out. ‘It’s grand to see you at last, Caroline, and see what a beautiful woman you’ve grown into,’ he said, with a flash of the charm that Auntie Nora had mentioned.

‘Oh Dad, I’m so glad you came,’ I said, my tears flowing too. I flung my arms around him and hugged him like I wouldn’t let him go. And as he held me tight, for the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn’t alone in the world.

‘So he turned up just like that?’ Charlie whistled over his pint of beer, the next evening.

‘Yup,’ I said. ‘I was gobsmacked, I can tell you.’

‘And how was it?’ said Charlie. ‘What you expected?’

‘Strange,’ I said. ‘Nice. Brilliant, actually. He seems lovely.’

‘Are you going to see him again?’

‘Yes, but not just yet,’ I said. ‘He’s gone down to Cornwall
to see his wife’s family for a few days. He said he’d call me when he was back.’

‘Oh Caz, I’m thrilled for you.’ Charlie squeezed my arm. ‘You deserve a break.’

I was slightly taken aback, Charlie wasn’t usually this touchy feely.

‘The weird thing was, he was actually at the funeral,’ I said.

‘So why didn’t he say hello?’ Charlie asked.

‘Um, he heard my speech and thought I didn’t want to know.’ I was mortified when I realized Dad was the person I’d seen leaving the church and had apologized to him profusely. He kept telling me not to worry and that he was the one who was sorry.

‘Now, why doesn’t that surprise me, Caroline Riley sends away yet another person who’s on her side?’

I blushed. ‘Yeah, well, you know that’s my major sport.’

‘At which I’d say you were champion.’ Charlie’s dark, thoughtful eyes held mine for a moment, and I turned away embarrassed. I didn’t have to be reminded how often I’d done that to him.

‘Did he say why he hadn’t kept in contact?’ Charlie wanted to know.

‘He did try, hence all those letters I found,’ I said. ‘But Mum returned them all and then didn’t let him know where we’d moved to. It was only when she died and Auntie Nora got in touch, he found out where I was. Dad said he didn’t blame Mum, he feels terrible about the way he left her in the lurch. I guess he just wasn’t ready for the responsibility at the time.’

‘So how did he know about the funeral?’ Charlie said.

‘Get this: Mum told Father Miserecordie to contact him in the event of her death. I guess he would have told me
if I hadn’t sounded off so much, he must have thought I didn’t want to know my dad either. Bloody hell, I’ve made a mess of things.’

‘No you haven’t,’ said Charlie. ‘We’re still friends, aren’t we?’

‘I suppose,’ I said. ‘But you’ve got Nadia. You don’t need me.’

‘You can be incredibly dumb sometimes, Caz,’ Charlie said. ‘You’re talented, successful, funny and utterly gorgeous. There’s always going to be room in my life for you.’

He held my gaze for a few seconds and I blushed before looking away. Could he be – was he – flirting with me?

‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I said lightly, trying to deflect him.

‘Yes, but I mean it with you,’ said Charlie as he went up to the bar to get another round in.

Bloody hell. He
was
flirting with me. This had to stop.

‘Look Charlie,’ I said when he came back. ‘I think maybe we may have got things a bit wrong lately.’

‘You do?’ said Charlie. ‘I rather think we’ve got them right.’

‘I do,’ I said. ‘I’ve changed. I like you, really I do. But I’m not about to go jumping into bed with someone who’s in a relationship anytime soon. I just thought you should know that.’

‘Well, firstly, it’s highly presumptuous of you to assume I want you to jump in my bed—’ Oh god, mortification, he
doesn’t
fancy me, ‘—and secondly there’s something you need to know about Nadia—’

Just then my phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize.

‘Hi,’ I said.

‘Oh Caz, thank god, I can’t get hold of anyone else.’ It was Darren.

‘Darren, are you OK?’ I said. I was trying to concentrate on what Darren was saying, but part of me was distracted with wondering what Charlie meant.

‘Not really,’ he said. ‘Doris has disappeared taking her passport with her. She wrote me a note telling me not to follow her, and she’s not answering her phone.’

‘Wha-at?’ All thoughts of Charlie fled from my mind. ‘Where do you think she’s gone?’

‘I looked at what she’s been doing online and she appears to have bought a plane ticket to Zurich. I’ve got a horrible feeling she’s gone to that clinic in Switzerland. She’s been so down about her condition lately. I think she’s going to try and kill herself.’

‘Oh my god. I’ll be over right away,’ I said, and hung up. I looked at Charlie. ‘I have to go, Dorrie’s in trouble. What was it you were saying?’

‘Oh, just that Nadia’s ditched me and I was wondering when you were going to swallow your stupid pride and come out with me.’

I was stunned, this was more than I could bear.

‘Don’t tease me,’ I said. ‘It’s not kind.’

‘I’m not teasing,’ he said. ‘You know I’d never do that. So? What do you say?’

I looked at him, lovely Charlie, who’d always been there for me all these long and lonely years. How could I have been so dense as not to see it?

‘Um – wait for me?’ I said.

‘Caz, I’ve been waiting for you for fifteen years,’ said Charlie. ‘I think I can wait a bit longer.’

Doris

I was feeling so low after I heard that we’d lost the venue for the wedding. It seemed like a sign. And my symptoms, which had subsided a little of late, seemed to be coming back big time. I had a pounding headache and my left leg was constantly painful. I was certain the MS was getting worse. I ignored the logical solution which was to go to the consultant and find out what, if anything, he could do for me, and I couldn’t face the support group, because all I could think about was how dark and black my future was going to be. I had to do something to sort it out now.

So one day, at the end of August, while Darren was at work, I sat online and looked up everything I could about the Right to Die clinic in Zurich. I had to go and find out for myself what it was like. Auntie Sophie lived on the outskirts of Zurich. I’d tell Mum I was going to stay with her and use it as a base for my research.

Mum was delighted to see me when I came round with Woody. Every time I saw her, she was more and more like her old self. But of course that meant she was waking up to the fact that I was hiding something from her.

‘Dorrie, I want you to tell me the truth,’ she said. ‘I know something’s wrong, will you please tell me what it is.’

I’d been dreading this moment for months, and when it came to it, I just burst into tears. ‘Oh Mum,’ I said, ‘I didn’t know how to tell you.’

‘Tell me what, love?’ Mum said. ‘You and Darren aren’t splitting up, are you?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s much worse than that. I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’ said Mum. ‘It can’t be as bad as all that.’

As I looked at her, I felt my heart might break in two. I was going to cause her so much pain, but I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer.

‘Oh Mum,’ I said, ‘I’ve got MS too.’

Mum put her hand over her mouth and uttered a little moan. ‘Oh Dorrie, my poor, poor love. I’ve been that wrapped up in myself, I haven’t been thinking about you. I’m the one who should be sorry.’