The Bridesmaid Pact (24 page)

Caz

The plane touched down at Zurich airport at 1 p.m., local time. We all looked at each other in mutual anxiety.

‘You don’t suppose,’ said Beth, ‘she’s already done it?’

‘Don’t even think about it,’ I said.

‘You know, I don’t think it is that likely,’ said Sarah. ‘All the cases I’ve ever read about euthanasia seem to imply that it’s not rushed. People take their time about it. And she’s not that ill yet, is she? Besides, why is she going to see her aunt if she means to top herself ?’

‘So where does this aunt live?’ said Beth.

‘It’s about an hour away I think,’ said Sarah, peering at her
Rough Guide to Switzerland
. ‘In the mountains by the looks of it.’

It seemed to take an age to get through passport control and we were all getting seriously grumpy with one another. Eventually we were through and greeted by signs welcoming us to Switzerland in German, Italian, French and English. The airport was bright and modern and not too frantic, in stark contrast to the shambolic busyness we’d left behind at Heathrow.

‘I’ve never been to Switzerland before,’ said Beth. ‘Isn’t it clean and shiny?’

‘I have,’ I said, ‘but it’s mainly been on boring photo shoots in Berne. Though I did once do a rather spectacular job looking across Lake Constance.’

I looked at Beth, she was looking very pale.

‘Are you feeling OK?’ I said.

‘I’m not actually,’ said Beth. ‘Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick, do you mind looking after my things?’

She raced off to the loo, and returned about ten minutes later looking somewhat better.

‘Do you feel any better?’ I said.

‘I think so,’ said Beth. ‘It’s probably just the food on the plane.’

Sarah gave me a knowing look.

‘What?’ I mouthed.

‘Nothing,’ she mouthed back.

We queued up for a taxi to take us to the hotel Sarah had booked.

‘What should we do?’ I said. ‘Look for Dorrie straight away?’

‘I think it’s a bit late now,’ said Sarah. ‘From what Dorrie’s mum said, this aunt is rather frail, and I don’t think we should just turn up.’

‘I’ll text Dorrie again,’ I said. ‘You never know, she might have turned her phone on.’

I’d just sent the text when the phone rang. To my disappointment, it wasn’t her.

‘Is that Caroline?’ A welcome Irish voice was on the other end.

‘Dad, yeah, hi,’ I said. ‘How was Cornwall?’

‘Grand,’ he said. ‘Only I’m on my way back to London and thought we could meet up again if you’d like.’

‘I’d love to, really I would,’ I said, ‘but actually I’m not in the country right now, and I’m not quite sure when I’m going to get back.’

‘Well I’ll be in town for a week, and your step mam and your brother and sister are with me. What do you say to a nice quiet meal, the five of us when you get back?’

‘I’d say that would be lovely, Dad,’ I said, treasuring the novelty of saying Dad out loud. ‘And I’ll introduce you to my new boyfriend.’

‘So are you going to meet them all?’ said Beth as we lay on our hotel beds.

‘Yes,’ I said slowly. ‘I can’t believe that after all these years of being on my own, it turns out I actually have a family. It’s going to take some getting used to.’

I stared up at the ceiling. It seemed so odd and unnatural for the three of us to be here without Doris.

‘Isn’t it weird without Dorrie?’ Beth said.

‘That’s just what I was thinking,’ I said.

‘Me too,’ said Sarah. ‘Do you know that character Sid in
Ice Age
? Dorrie’s like him – she’s the sticky stuff that binds us all together. We’re lost without her.’

‘You know, guys, I’ve been really crap to you both in the past,’ I said. ‘And I am really sorry. I was just so wound up in my own misery I couldn’t see how selfish and destructive I was being.’

‘I could have handled things a bit differently,’ said Sarah. ‘Not marrying Steve would have been a great start. I shouldn’t have put him above our friendship.’

‘And I shouldn’t have tried to take him from you,’ I said. ‘And Beth, I truly thought I was doing the right thing by you all those years ago. I’m sorry for the way I behaved
on your hen night, and all the grief I’ve caused you with Matt.’

‘It was my choice,’ said Beth. ‘And I thought I was doing the right thing at the time too and, despite everything, I still do. I couldn’t have known where it was going to end. And as for my hen night, I’m sorry too. I think I was probably a bit harsh on you. And Sarah, I know I’ve been a cow to you, this whole baby thing has been so stressful.’

‘Oh stop it,’ said Sarah. ‘Or I’m never going to stop crying.’

We were all sitting up by now, and enveloped ourselves in a communal hug.

‘I do hope Dorrie is OK,’ said Sarah. ‘What will we do if she’s not?’

Just then my mobile bleeped.

It was a text from Doris.
Don’t worry. Am fine. Want to be alone. Tell Darren I love him.

In your dreams, pal
, I texted back.
And tell him yourself
.

We rose early in the morning. I don’t think any of us had slept much. Beth looked particularly washed out.

‘My nerves are up the spout,’ she said. ‘I keep throwing up.’

‘Really?’ said Sarah. She looked at me and then at Beth.

‘Have you actually had a period since the miscarriage?’

‘No,’ said Beth. ‘I keep waiting for it to happen.’

‘Beth,’ said Sarah gently, ‘you had IVF. It is quite likely there were
two
babies.’

‘They did warn us that there could be,’ said Beth. ‘But they only saw one on the scan.’

‘Which was when?’

‘At eight weeks,’ said Beth. ‘And then I lost it.’

‘And that was what, a couple of weeks ago?’ said Sarah.
‘I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I reckon you could still be pregnant.’

‘No, no, don’t say that,’ said Beth. ‘I don’t think I could stand the stress.’

‘Well there’s one way of finding out,’ said Sarah. ‘I spotted a chemist’s on the way in last night. Anyone know the German for “How do I buy a pregnancy test”?’

Half an hour later, armed with said test despite Beth’s protestations, we marched her into the hotel lobby where Sarah insisted she did a test before we went on our way. I swear she’d have sat over Beth and watched her do it if Beth hadn’t made a fuss about going into the loo alone.

Sarah and I waited anxiously for ten minutes for Beth to come out. It seemed an age before she emerged white faced and slightly stunned from the loo. Damn.

‘Oh Beth, I’m sorry,’ I said and I really was. Though I’d never felt the need for children myself, I could understand the pain of losing something you longed for.

‘Caz, Sarah,’ Beth said in a dazed kind of way, ‘you don’t understand. There
were
two babies. I
am
pregnant.’ She sat down on one of the hotel chairs. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said, tears rolling down her cheeks. ‘I’m going to have a baby.’

Half an hour later, having phoned Matt with the happy news, we were on our way to see Dorrie’s aunt. We eventually found ourselves being driven down a sweeping drive, with fantastic views overlooking Lake Zurich, and the taxi driver deposited us in front of a magnificent house.

‘What is this place?’ said Beth. ‘I know Doris’s family is wealthy, but this looks like it belongs to a millionaire.’

‘This isn’t her house,’ said Sarah suddenly. ‘It’s some kind of care home.’

There was a sign saying something incomprehensible in German, but suddenly we realized that the majority of people going in and out of the impressively large building were either elderly or in wheelchairs. There was a café to one side of the building, which gave the place the air of a holiday home, but as we approached the front door we could see a reception desk.

‘Right, now what?’ I said. ‘I thought we were coming to Dorrie’s aunt’s house.’

‘We go to the desk and ask to see Frau Wiesen, I suppose,’ said Sarah. ‘I hope they speak English.’

We came into a clean, shiny interior. Staff in smart white uniforms glided serenely about. There was an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity.

‘You don’t suppose this is the clinic, do you?’ I said. ‘Doris and her aunt might have made a suicide pact.’

‘I don’t think it can be,’ said Sarah. ‘I know Switzerland has progressive attitudes, but even here, I’m sure they don’t gather old people in large groups and allow them to be bumped off and turned into Soylent Green.’

We approached the desk nervously.

A bit of schoolgirl German floated into my head, ‘Entschuldigung, bitte. Sprechen Sie Englisch?’

‘Naturally,’ the receptionist said, smiling. Of course she did. The whole world speaks English. ‘May I help you?’

‘We were wondering if it would be possible to speak to Frau Wiesen. We’re friends of her niece.’

‘Oh yes, her niece is with her now. They’re having breakfast in the lounge, through there.’

We walked into the lounge to find Doris sitting pouring coffee for an elderly lady in a wheelchair.

‘You’ve led us on a merry dance,’ I said.

‘Caz, Sarah, Beth,’ Doris looked white with shock. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

Doris

It had been restful staying with Auntie Sophie. The home she was in provided rooms to rent for visiting relatives and I’d found the atmosphere very calming.

‘How are you?’ I had asked her.

‘Well, I’ll not be running any marathons this year,’ she said.

‘There’s always the wheelchair event,’ I laughed.

That was the great thing about Auntie Sophie. She always made light of her condition. But then, she’d lived with it a long time. Even so, she was slightly worse than the last time I’d seen her.

‘How are you really?’ I said. ‘Doesn’t this ever get you down?’

‘Of course it does,’ she said. ‘It’s not what I’d have chosen, and I’m glad that Uncle Fritz died before I got to this state. But you know this isn’t a bad place to end my days. And there’s always someone worse off than me.’

‘So you’ve not thought of ending it all?’ I said.

‘Good heavens, no,’ Auntie Sophie said. ‘I’ve still got all my faculties, just. I can read, the nurses push me round these lovely gardens. I know all about their families and their lives.
For someone as nosy as me, living here is a dream. Besides, I was getting lonely at home.’

‘But what about the end?’ I said hesitantly. ‘What happens then? You know how bad it was for Dad. How can you bear it?’

‘I’m not sure that I will be able to bear it,’ she said. ‘But for me, this gift of life we have is so precious, I will fight to my last breath to keep it.’ She looked at me shrewdly. ‘Why all the questions? What’s going on, Doris?’

‘I’m ill,’ I said. ‘I’ve got MS too and I can’t bear the thought of Darren having to look after me. I saw what it did to Mum and Dad. I keep thinking the only rational thing to do is to go to that Right to Die clinic. I just don’t want to live half a life.’

‘That is your choice,’ Auntie Sophie said. ‘It’s not something I could ever do, but I can understand why you feel that way. But you’re young – you still have so much time ahead of you. Who knows how long you’ve got? Are you
really
sure this is what you want?’

‘No,’ I admitted. ‘I just don’t know what to do.’

‘Have you talked it over with Darren?’

‘He doesn’t want to talk about it,’ I said. ‘I don’t think it’s fair to burden him with my illness, but he’s insistent he wants to care for me.’

‘Well then maybe you should let him,’ said Auntie Sophie. ‘Not every man would react like that. You’re lucky to have him.’

‘I know,’ I said, ‘which is why I don’t want to put him through all this.’

‘But do you think by pushing him away you’ll stop him suffering? Whatever happens, he’s in this with you already. If you still feel the same when things get tougher, well then
you’ll have to think again. But
together
. So go home, marry Darren and be happy for as long as you’ve got. Look at me. You might have years before this happens.’

‘I might,’ I said.

Just then there was a commotion, and I saw three familiar faces bearing down on me.

‘Caz, Sarah, Beth,’ I said faintly. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

‘Well,
that’s
a nice greeting,’ said Sarah tartly, when I’d recovered from the shock. ‘You wouldn’t
believe
the effort we went to to find you.’

‘Glad to see you’ve not topped yourself,’ said Caz, her dark eyes mischievously bright.

‘You wouldn’t, would you?’ said Beth anxiously. She looked pale and wan. I hoped that wasn’t my fault.

Looking at their worried faces, I felt a pang of guilt. In my determination to seek out answers, I’d been really selfish.

‘Why on earth did you think I was going to top myself?’ I said.

‘Those leaflets I found,’ said Sarah.

‘The fact that Darren said you’d been looking at that Right to Die clinic online was a bit of a worry,’ said Caz.

‘And you
did
come to Switzerland,’ said Beth.

‘To visit my
aunt,
’ I said, ‘and to get some auntly advice from someone in my situation. I don’t even know where the Right to Die clinic is.’

‘Oh,’ they said sheepishly.

‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends, Doris?’ said Auntie Sophie, looking slightly bemused.

‘Sorry. Auntie, this is Caz, Sarah and Beth. For some reason they’ve got it into their heads I was going to that clinic.
They’re completely mad, but they’re my best friends in the whole world. And I’ve really really missed them.’

‘With friends like them, I think you should be grateful, and not give up on yourself just yet.’

‘I won’t,’ I promised.

‘Now, I’m a bit tired,’ said Auntie Sophie. ‘Why don’t you take your friends on a sightseeing tour? I’m sure you’ve got a lot of catching up to do.’

‘So you weren’t thinking about going to that Right to Die place?’ said Caz.

‘I did think about visiting it,’ I said. ‘But then I bottled it when I got here. It’s just that with everything that’s been going on, I freaked out a bit.’

‘A bit?’ said Sarah.

‘OK, a lot,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry, guys. You must have been really worried.’

‘Not as worried as Darren,’ Beth pointed out. ‘You should phone him.’

‘I know,’ I sighed. I had a lot of explaining to do.

‘Now, if no one minds, I need to sit down,’ said Beth. ‘I am not going to lose
this
baby.’

‘You what—?’ I said.

‘It’s been a busy few days,’ said Sarah. ‘You’ll be pleased to know you’ve got your wish and I will be seeing a lot more of Joe.’

‘And I’ve found my dad and seem to be going out with Charlie.’

‘Blimey, I leave you lot alone for five minutes and look what happens,’ I said. ‘Can’t be trusted, the lot of you. I should never have left you to your own devices. I’m glad I didn’t go to that clinic – I clearly need to sort you all out.’

We sat waiting in reception while Sarah called a taxi.

‘Doris Bradley, you had better not try and end it all now,’ Beth said. ‘I want you to be godmother.’

‘Bloody hell, this is a day of surprises,’ I said.

‘And there’s another one,’ Caz dug me in the ribs and I looked out of the window to see a taxi drawing up outside. Out leapt Darren holding Woody in his arms. I had never been so pleased to see them in my whole life. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I ran out and flung my arms around Darren, and hugged Woody close to me, feeling his lovely soft baby features and smelling his baby smell. Had it only been two days? I had missed them so much.

‘I couldn’t wait,’ he said. ‘I had to find out if you were OK. I know you asked me not to follow you, and I told the girls I wouldn’t, but I just couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, Dorrie. I had no idea how terrible you were feeling. I don’t want you to take this step, but if you do, I’ll be there, every bit of the way.’

‘I’m the one who should be sorry,’ I said. ‘I love you, Daz, more then anything in the whole world. And whatever the future holds, I know it will be all right so long as you’re by my side.’

‘I love you too,’ said Darren.

‘I know,’ I said. ‘Come on, let’s go home.’

‘Don’t you want to visit that clinic before we go?’ he asked.

‘Nope,’ I said, though I was thrilled that he was being so understanding about it. ‘We’ve got a wedding to plan.’