The Bright Side (40 page)

“No! God, no. I don’t even remember you saying that. I wasn’t thinking straight on Sunday.” She paused for a moment. “And I’m sorry I said … you know. I’m sorry I wasn’t a bit more … sensitive.
”

I sighed and patted her knee. “That’s all right. I’m sorry I walked out on you.
”

“Don’t worry about it.
”

“It’s been a tough few days for all of us.” “Yeah.
”

“Yeah …
”

It was going fairly well at that point, I thought. I should have got up and left it at that, even though I’d only been in the room for two minutes. Instead, I did a bit of basking in the moment. That was when Gerry knocked on the door again
.

“Let
me
in,
Chrissy,”
he
whimpered.
“Please
…
please
…”
He
sounded
pathetic.
I’d
never
heard
him
sounding pathetic
before.
I
didn’t
care
for
it.
Chrissy
reacted
to
his intervention
by
jumping
to
her
feet
and
pointing
an
accusing
finger
at
me.
“You
said
he’d
gone!”
she
snarled. “He
did
go.
But
he
obviously
didn’t
go
very
far.
”

“
Please!
” Gerry begged. “Please let me in.” He knocked again, which made him sound even more wretched
.

“Let him in, Chrissy,” I said. “This is stupid.
”

“What’s the matter with you?” she said. “How can you be on his side in anything? I’m starting to worry about you, Mum, I really am.
”

I got to my feet. “Chrissy, let him in.
”

She folded her arms, as if that in itself provided another barrier to entry. “No. I will not.
”

“Right, then I will,” I said and stepped towards the door
.

Chrissy nipped around me and spread herself across it like a goalkeeper facing a penalty
.

“Don’t
you
dare,”
she
said.
“This
is
my
private
property.” “Chrissy,
you’re
being
ridiculous.
You’ll
have
to
talk
to
him
at some point.
”

“No,” she insisted. “Never again.” “
Please!
” Gerry called through the door
.

For
a
moment,
all
was
silence.
We
had
reached
a
stand-off. “All
right,”
I
said.
“Have
it
your
way.
But
if
you’re
not
going
to
let
your
father
in,
then
I’m
leaving.
”

“Fine by me,” she said in a childish tone and stepped aside
.

It had genuinely been my intention to leave, but now that she had left me an open goal, as such, I had a sudden change of heart. Instead of grabbing the handle, I flicked the lock. Gerry started to come in, but Chrissy had other ideas. She turned and put her shoulder to the door, trapping his foot in the frame. He yelped; she pushed harder. I grabbed her then and pulled her away, using more force than I meant to. As Gerry sprang through the door like a man being chased by wolves, she looked at me as if I’d slapped her. In the few minutes since I’d seen him, he seemed to have aged a decade. Even Chrissy was shocked; I could tell. She soon got over it though
.

“
Get
out,
both
of
you!
” she roared, and then she started to cry.

Frankly, I’d been surprised that she hadn’t started sooner, what with her track record. Still, it wasn’t easy to watch. Gerry moved stiffly towards her, as if his knees were giving him trouble. She danced backwards like Muhammad Ali
.

“I thought you let me in,” he said
.

She drew breath for another roar. This one was even more impressive: “
Get!
Oouuuttt!
”

I
imagined
my
hair
blowing
back,
like
in
a
cartoon.
Gerry
collapsed
onto
the
sofa
at
that
point,
not
because
he
was
trying
to
gain
a
territorial
foothold,
I
was
sure,
but
because
he
was
in
danger
of
collapsing
onto
the
ground.
He
put
his
hands
on
the
back
of
his
head
and
then
put
his
head
between
his
knees,
in
the
manner
of
someone
doing
his
best
not
to
faint
.

“I let you in,” I explained. “Chrissy … wasn’t ready to.” “Mum,” she said then, “I want you to leave. This minute
.

And take shithead with you.” She turned and marched off down the narrow corridor that led from the living room. A door slammed and a bolt slid home. Locking herself in the bathroom had been one of her favourite ploys as a teenager. It was obviously back in her arsenal
.

“Come on, Gerry,” I said. “This is pointless.
”

He spoke without looking up. “Go on. Say ‘I told you so’.” “All right. I told you so.
”

He dragged himself to his feet, still not willing to catch my eye and went out the way he’d come in not sixty seconds earlier. I followed and closed the door behind me
.

“I thought you’d gone,” I said to his back
.

He kept walking; shuffling rather. “I tried to. Only got as far as the front door.
”

“Why
did
you
come
back?
You
knew
she
wasn’t
going
to
–”
“I
just
couldn’t
believe
it,
that’s
all.
I
just
couldn’t
believe that
my
little
girl
would
treat
me
like
that.
I
believe
it
now.”
We
were
outside
before
he
turned
to
face
me.
Even
then,
he
spoke
to
my
shoulder
.

“I don’t suppose there’s any point in asking you to come home.
”

I shook my head. “No. There isn’t.
”

He barely reacted. “Thought not. So you’re going back to Melissa’s?
”

“For now, yeah.” “Okay then.
”

He stepped closer and bent down to hug me. I started to back away, then had a change of heart and let him do it. His nose burrowed into my left earhole
.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “About everything.” “I know you are.” It was all I could think to say. “I love you, Jackie.
”

“I know you do.
”

He swallowed and his nose burrowed in a little further. Then he ended the hug and backed away, looking at my knees now. “Give me a ring,” he said. “At some stage. When you feel like it again.
”

I nodded, but I’m not sure he even saw me. Then I got into the car and drove away
.

* * *

Back
at
Melissa’s,
the
story
didn’t
take
long
to
tell. “‘Shithead’
…”
she
said
thoughtfully
when
I’d
finished
.

“I’ve heard worse.
”

I shook my head. “It was the way she said it. She didn’t just cast it out there, like, in a temper. It’s obviously what she thinks of him, what she
really
thinks of him. She’s deadly serious about cutting him off.
”

“I’m
sure
she’ll
get
over
it,”
Melissa
said.
“And
besides,
it’s
his
problem,
not
yours.
You
have
to
concentrate
on getting
your
own
head
together.
”

“But what if it had been me? Would she turn away from me too? She would! Of course she would.
”

Melissa shook her head. “You’re being silly.
”

“I asked her as much in town the other day and she wouldn’t give me an answer.
”

There was a pause. Then she shook her head again and said, “You’re being silly” again
.

I found that I didn’t have much to say for the rest of the day. My only contribution at dinner was an occasional smile and, as soon as we had cleared up, I retired to a corner of the living room with a pile of Melissa’s magazines. While she and Colm seemed to understand that I wasn’t in the humour for talking, the point was utterly lost on Niall. He leaned over the side of my armchair as I read and found something to point out on almost every page I turned over. It probably would have been annoying even if his interruptions and observations had been funny or clever, but most of them were along the lines of “Look! A car!” After about ten minutes of it, I began to huff and puff quite audibly, hoping Melissa would take the hint and snatch her son away. She definitely heard me – I saw her glancing over at least twice – but still she failed to intervene. It was something of a relief when my mobile rang at around eight o’clock; I was seriously thinking of putting Niall to bed myself and that might not have gone down at all well
.

The caller was Eddie. I excused myself and took the phone into the kitchen
.

“Are you all right?” I asked him once I was settled on a stool. “Why are you whispering?
”

“I’m in a cubicle.” “You’re in a what?
”

“A cubicle. A … toilet.
”

He whispered the word so delicately that he briefly left me behind; I thought I’d misheard
.

“You’re calling me from a
toilet
?” I asked when I’d caught up
.

“Yeah.
”

“What, have you got a tummy bug for real now?
”

“No. No – I’m out with Margaret. I called her, did everything you said. It worked. She agreed to see me again.
”