The Bright Side (49 page)

During my walk on the beach – technically, during my sit in the car – I had contemplated telling Nancy about me and Tony. I’d decided not to during dinner, but the drunker I got, the harder it became to keep the words down. By the time we had moved back to the sofa, I had resorted to clamping my lips together like a child trying to get out of taking medicine
.

“Is your mouth all right?” Nancy asked as she sat down beside me
.

I nodded. “Toothache?
”

I unclamped. “Nothing. I’m fine.” “Okay. Will I put some music on?” “Sure.
”

She got up – a little unsteadily – and went to her CD rack, which, without being unkind, was mostly filled with albums that had come free with Sunday newspapers. “Christ, I really should get some new stuff. Kenny Rogers? No, wait … eh …
”

“Kenny Rogers will do grand.
”

She put the CD on and
returned to
the sofa. “I had a friend in New York once, Sally, who was seriously into Kenny Rogers.
”

“Yeah?
”

“Not the music. I mean … sexually. She never shut up about him. Made her husband grow a beard and all. But that didn’t last. He didn’t look like Kenny Rogers, he just looked homeless.
”

“Pity.
”

“She was a really sophisticated woman, very stylish, owned her own business, read high-falutin’ books, went to the opera a lot – opera! All that malarkey. But plain old country Kenny did something for her.
”

I took another wholly unnecessary sip of wine. “Strange.” “It
was
strange. But there’s no accounting for people and the things they see in one another.” She turned to face me
.

“What do you think Gerry saw in your one?
”

I didn’t think she had told me about Sally and Kenny Rogers because she wanted a jokey prelude to her question about Lisa; that just seemed to suddenly occur to her. Still, I felt slightly cornered
.

“Was it all about her looks?” Nancy prompted when I failed to answer
.

“I haven’t really thought about it.” “Come on, Jackie. You must have done.” “Looks, then,” I mumbled
.

Nothing more was said for a while. Kenny Rogers complained to Lucille about her poor timing
.

“Not that it matters, really,” Nancy said then. “Suppose not.
”

“But you’d like to think it was just looks.” “Would I?
”

“One, I should say.
One
would like to think it was just looks.” “What makes you say that?
”

“I mean, it’d be a whole other kettle of fish if it was a proper relationship, wouldn’t it? Better if it’s nothing more than … sex.
”

“I never thought it was a proper relationship,” I said. “I believed him from the start on that score.
”

“Yeah. You said. I’m not sure I would have. Not Gerry, don’t get me wrong, that’s up to you. But if I caught David playing away and he swore it was just the once, I’m not sure I’d be all that convinced.
”

I shrugged and put down my glass. The room was starting to spin. Kenny Rogers had moved on from Lucille to Ruby, but he still wasn’t having any luck
.

“Why are
you
so convinced?” Nancy asked. “Because.
”

“Was it his tone of voice or what?” “Yeah. It was his tone of voice.” “How did he sound? Was he –
”

“Plus … Plus … I think that sort of thing … can happen.” “What can?
”

“A … one-off. Mistake. A one-off mistake.” “Really?
”

“Maybe.
”

“You
sound
like
you’ve
forgiven
him
already.
Have
you?” My
confession
climbed
my
throat
again.
I
swallowed
it down
and
faked
a
smile.
“Ah,
I’m
too
sozzled
to
talk
about this
now,”
I
said.
“Have
you
thought
about
anywhere
nice
for
the
honeymoon?
”

* * *

I
awoke
next
morning
to
a
feeling
that
I
had
read
about
but
never
personally
experienced
–
complete
ignorance
regarding
my
current
whereabouts.
It
was
only
when
I hauled
myself
up
onto
my
elbows
and
saw
Nancy’s
framed
Casablanca
poster
that
the
answer
arrived.
I
heard
the
tinkle of
spoon
against
mug
coming
from
the
kitchen
and
realised
that
I
was
not
alone.
Another
realisation
followed
immediately:
I
had
been
drunk,
seriously,
properly
plastered for
the
first
time
since
my
arrest.
Why
now?
I
scolded
myself.
Aren’t
things
complicated
enough
?

“Hello?” I called out
.

Nancy appeared in the archway. “Jackie O. You’re alive.
”

I thought it over. It seemed to be the truth. “Barely. What time is it?
”

“Almost eleven. I didn’t want to wake you.
”

I placed a tentative hand against my brow. “Christ … my head.
”

“I’ll get you a Resolve.
”

I sat up properly and tried to reconstruct the evening. The last thing I remembered even semi-clearly was listening to Kenny Rogers. But that had been quite early
.

“What time did I go to bed?” I called, greatly resenting having to raise my voice
.

Nancy
came
back
into
the
room
bearing
a
glass,
whose contents
I
swallowed
in
two
noisy
gulps.
It
tasted
like
fizzy
bleach,
but
I
didn’t
care.
There
was
water
in
there
somewhere
and
that
was
the
main
thing
.

“Take a guess,” Nancy said. “Dunno. One? Two?
”

“You flatter yourself.” “Earlier? Midnight?” “Half past ten.” “What? No way!
”

“Half past ten. And you didn’t ‘go to bed’, you conked out. I had to get the pull-out fixed up
round
you, which was no mean task, I might add.
”

“Jesus. Sorry.
”

“Don’t worry about it. I needed the early night myself.
”

A horrible thought occurred to me. “Um … I was talking complete rubbish, I suppose, was I?
”

She wobbled her hand back and forth. “I’ve heard you in better form, let’s put it like that.
”

“Right. Did I say anything
really
embarrassing?” “Yes.
”

My toes curled. “What?
”

“You said we should go to Sligo for our honeymoon because that’s where you and Gerry went and you had a great time. I reminded you about six times that I’m
from
Sligo, but you didn’t seem to hear me.
”

“Oh. Anything else?
”

“You talked about Robert a lot. Gave out about him a lot, I mean. Nothing new there.
”

“Meaning what?
”

“Nothing. Nothing. Listen, Jackie … I want to apologise.
”

“For?
”

“For going on and on about David and the wedding.” “Oh. It’s all right.
”

“No, it’s not. You came over here for support and I let you down. But it was such a shock …
”

I shook my head, a move that I instantly regretted. “Forget about it.
”

“OK. If you’re sure. Now – do you want to go for a walk or something? Bit of fresh air.
”

“No.
Thanks.
I
should
really
get
back
over
to
Melissa’s.” “Oh.
Okay.
Whatever
you
like.
But
have
a
bit
of
tea
and
toast
first.
It
might
help.” “Thanks.
”

She retreated into the kitchen. I began the long and difficult task of getting off the floor
.

Tea and toast and fizzy bleach notwithstanding, my hangover worsened during the drive back to Ranelagh. My visit to Nancy’s started to seem like an episode with brackets around it; mentally, I was now back in the Baggot Street coffee shop, feeling stunned and panicked and miserable. I checked my phone along the way, but there were no missed calls from Robert. None from Chrissy, for that matter. Gerry had called three times
.

Melissa took a long time to answer my ring at the door. When she finally did emerge, she nodded sharply at me and turned on her heels
.

“You’re back,” she said quietly as she went down the hall to the kitchen
.

No
missed
calls
from
her
either
, I thought.

Niall poked his head out of the living room as I stepped inside
.

“Hello,” he said. “I missed you because you were GONE.
”

With that, he disappeared inside again, slamming the door behind him
.

“I missed you too!” I called out
.

I found Melissa furiously scrubbing a casserole dish in the sink
.

“Niall seems to be in good form,” I said. “Gave up on the singing, did he?
”

“Yup,” she said, to the casserole dish more than me. “No more episodes?
”

Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry I ever used that word. And the answer’s no. He’s been fine.
”

I sat on a stool. “And how are you?” “Fine.” More scrubbing
.

“So … I met Robert yesterday.” No response
.

“Melissa?
”

She half-turned. “What?
”

“I said, I met Robert yesterday.” She turned back. “And?
”

“It wasn’t good.
The
Sun
had it more or less right. And he blames Gerry for him getting into trouble. He’s talking like Chrissy now, never speaking to his dad again, that kind of thing. And, on top of it all, he’s back to his old self with me. He was so rude. I was very upset.
”