The Bright Side (53 page)

Only
then
did
I
take
a
proper
look
around
the
room.
It
was much
cleaner
than
the
kitchen.
No
crumbs,
no
dishes.
I guessed
that
Gerry
hadn’t
been
in
there
much,
if
at
all, during
the
week.
After
doing
a
quick
lap,
I
sat
down
on
the sofa
and
looked
out
through
the
front
window.
This
sofa
,
I thought.
That
window
.
I
got
up
again.
The
hall
floor
felt rubbery
and
unreal
under
my
feet,
but
I
made
it
down
into the
kitchen.
Sitting
at
the
scratched
and
wobbly
table
that
a week
ago
had
seemed
like
a
major
problem,
I
tried
to
focus. Where,
for
a
start,
was
I
going
to
sleep?
It
seemed
that
I
had no
choice
but
to
go
back
to
Nancy’s.
She
would
be
perfectly
welcoming,
I
knew.
And
yet
it
was
not
an
appealing
option. Even
if
she
managed
to
stay
off
the
topic
of
her
wedding
– which
I
wasn’t
at
all
sure
she
could
–
I
didn’t
particularly want
to
talk
to
her
about
the
mess
I
was
in.
Try
as
I
might,
I couldn’t
dismiss
the
feeling
that
she
had
blown
her
chance.
I wished
I
was
back
in
the
car
in
Ranelagh,
talking
to
the
kind old
lady.
Given
another
shot,
I’d
have
taken
her
up
on
her offer
of
a
chat
–
although
she
would
have
got
a
lot
more
than she
bargained
for
.

With a heavy heart, I reached into my bag for my phone, intending to call Nancy. As I started to dial, I noticed that I had missed a call while I was in the studio. This time I recognised the number as Eddie’s. I rang my voice-mail and listened to his message
.

“Hello,
Jackie,”
he
said.
Straight
away,
I
knew
that
things had
gone
well
with
Margaret.
His
voice
was
so
light
and bright,
so
full
of
life.
“I
hope
you’re
feeling
better,
although
I’m sure
you’re
not.”
He
darkened
a
little
then.
“I
mean
…
oh,
for
…
Good
man
Eddie.
You
know
what
I
mean.
I
hope.
Anyway.
Give me
a
call
if
you
feel
up
to
it.
See
ya.”

I stared at the oven, lost in thought.
Eddie
. Could I? He wasn’t the complete stranger that I had wondered about talking to, but he was close enough. And, I reminded myself, he had already told me his deepest and darkest. I had told him quite a bit of mine. Granted, he wasn’t exactly worldly- wise, but he could listen, after a fashion, and that was what I wanted most. I argued back and forth with myself like this for a few minutes, then went into my Missed Calls and dialled his number. He answered on the first ring
.

“Jackie?” “Hello, Eddie.
”

“Are you all right? You don’t sound all right.
”

I didn’t have the energy or even the will to lie. “No. I’m not all right.
”

“What’s up? I mean … is it something new?
”

“Eddie, I’d like to meet up with you. Tonight. Please.” There was a pause. “Of course. Where? What time?
”

I gave it some thought. Nowhere public, in case I lost it entirely. That didn’t leave us much choice
.

“Can I come round to yours?
”

“Oh,” he said. “Okay. I’ll get some buns in.
”

* * *

We’d
arranged
to
meet
at
seven-thirty,
which
left
me
with
a few
hours
to
kill.
Not
knowing
what
else
to
do
with
the
time, I
went
to
the
cinema
in
Coolock.
It
was
handy
for
Eddie’s address
in
Beaumont,
but
that
wasn’t
its
chief
attraction.
Its chief
attraction
was
that
it
would
allow
me
to
be
alone
in
the dark
for
a
while.
I
plumped,
more
or
less
at
random,
for
The Da
Vinci
Code
.
It
was
rubbish
–
at
least
the
first
half
was.
I
fell asleep
after
about
an
hour
and
had
to
be
shaken
back
to
life by
an
usher.
On
the
plus
side,
the
nap
did
wonders
for
my hangover
.

As
I
emerged
blinking
from
the
cinema,
I
realised
that
I hadn’t
eaten
since
morning
and
wandered
into
a
nearby
pizza joint.
I’d
almost
finished
my
double
pepperoni
with
extra
mushrooms
when
I
spotted
a
familiar
face
making
her
way
to a
table
in
the
corner.
It
was
Carmel
Quinn,
a
woman
who’d left
First
Premier
about
six
months
previously.
She
was
with two
other
women,
one
of
whom
I
presumed
to
be
her
sister; they
were
the
spit
of
each
other. I
hadn’t
had
many
dealings
with
Carmel
at
work,
but
I
guessed
that
she
would
remember
me;
I
remembered
her,
after
all.
Although
she
had always
struck
me
as
a
perfectly
nice
person,
I
didn’t
want
to talk
to
her.
I
didn’t
want
to
talk
to
anyone.
My
best
option,
I decided,
was
to
abandon
the
remainder
of
my
meal
and sneak
away.
It
was
a
simple
enough
plan
–
couldn’t
have been
simpler,
really
–
but
I
cocked
it
up
completely.
As
I pushed
back
my
chair,
I
somehow
managed
to
take
a
swipe at
my
water
glass,
which
shattered
on
the
ground,
attracting
the
attention
of
everyone
in
the
restaurant,
including
Carmel
.